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Transcript: The Find Cool Friends Strategy
[School bell ringing, upbeat music plays, banging, laughing, slide whistle, whistle blaring]
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created and written by Sinéad Fagan. Director: Ian Curtis.
[Energetic music plays, wheels rattling, footsteps running, basketball thumping]
At Midvale School, Aoife rides a scooter down a hallway with Conor and Clanger running behind her. She wears a red beret, a red scarf and a fringed jacket with her blue safety helmet and school uniform. Aoife rides into the gym, and in animation, a basketball bounces around her.
Aoife tells us, YOU MIGHT ASK WHY I'M SCOOTIN' INTO BASKETBALL TRY-OUTS IN SUCH A DOPE OUTFIT.
On the basketball court, Zara shouts, OI! MOVE!
[Crashing, grunting]
A girl with long red hair turns as Aoife rides into her.
Aoife shouts, WHOA!
[Aoife sighing]
Aoife tells us, HERE COMES THE REWIND.
In a flashback, Zara shouts, OI! MOVE!
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
In a house, Aoife walks down a carpeted staircase.
Aoife tells us, QUICK SUMMARY - ONE, MUM GOT A PROMOTION, TWO, WE MOVED TO MIDVALE…
An arrow points up, and a graphic of a house appears with the word “Midvale” bending over the top like a roof. In an animation, planets appear around Aoife.
Aoife tells us, AND C, SHE'S ASKING THE UNIVERSE FOR...
[Brid coughing]
Aoife’s mum, Brid, waves incense in the kitchen.
Brid says, LOVELY NEW FRIENDS FOR AOIFE.
Aoife tells us, I ALREADY HAVE FRIENDS BACK HOME.
[Thumping]
Brid picks up a candle and puts it down again.
Brid asks, YOU MEAN THE ONES WHO ALWAYS CALLED YOU "THAT TALL NERDY GIRL WHO PLAYS BASKETBALL?"
Brid follows Aoife, waving the incense.
Aoife says, THEY DID NOT.
Brid says, THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT IT SAID ON YOUR LEAVING CARD.
[Beeping, footsteps thumping]
Brid picks up a card. Inside, one side has signatures and the other side reads, “To Aoife, that tall, nerdy girl who plays basketball.” Aoife leaves the house and takes out the fringed jacket. The jacket has stars on the back and long fringe on the sleeves. She walks behind a Volkswagen van. Producer, Dominique Molloy. In Association with A.P.C. Kids. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt.
Aoife tells us, I SUPPOSE IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING ELSE. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. BUT FIRST DAY, NEW SCHOOL? I CAN BE ANYONE. I CAN BE NEW AOIFE.
[Train horn blaring, birds chirping, upbeat music continues]
Aoife walks out from the other side of the van wearing the red beret, neck scarf, and fringed jacket.
Aoife tells us, WITTY, BUSY, EFFORTLESSLY POPULAR. UPCYCLE AND FASHION-FORWARD.
Aoife smiles and poses.
Conor says, NEW AOIFE? YEAH, RIGHT.
[Whooshing, birds chirping]
Conor carries his knapsack past Aoife. Text reads, “Conor.” “Smug.” A brain graphic and a test graphic marked with 100 percent appear.
Aoife tells us, INTRODUCING CONOR, MY BROTHER - SMUG, GIANT BRAIN, KNOW-IT-ALL.
Aoife whispers to us, I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.
Conor says, YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN BE ANYTHING EXCEPT AN UNNATURALLY TALL DISASTER ZONE?
Aoife tells us, I MAY BE PRONE TO THE ODD FAIL.
[Upbeat music plays]
A polka dot star spins. In a flashback in Aoife’s bedroom, she stands beside her bed holding a blanket.
Brid asks, AOIFE, YOU MAKING YOUR BED?!
Aoife says, YES, DOIN' IT NOW!
A person sings, ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
[Grunting, thudding]
Aoife tangles herself in the blanket, stumbles out the door, and slides down the stairs.
Bird calls, AOIFE?
Aoife says, I'M OKAY!
[Upbeat music plays, toaster clicking]
In another flashback, Aoife dances in the kitchen wearing headphones. She scrolls on a piece of bread.
[Gasping]
Aoife runs to the toaster and pops out her smartphone. She bounces it between her hands, and it falls.
Aoife says, AH. DON'T.
In another flashback, in school, Aoife lies with her head on an open notebook. A drawing of a person’s bottom appears on the open page beside her head, with the word “Butts.”
A teacher says, BY CANCELLING DOWN AND DIVIDING THE NUMERATOR...
[Students laughing]
Aoife startles and sits up, with a person’s bottom drawn on her cheek. The other students point and laugh.
The teacher says, AOIFE O'NEILL, WHY IS THERE A BOTTOM ON YOUR CHEEK?
Aoife tells us, BUT THOSE DAYS ARE OVER! STARTING NOW.
[Shop bell dinging, upbeat music plays]
A sign over a shop entrance reads “Shoppy Shop Shop.” Inside, Aoife takes a drink from a shelf. She turns and sees someone crouching by a shelf in the next aisle.
Aoife tells us, EVEN THOUGH NEW AOIFE IS BUSY BEING COOL SHE STILL FINDS TIME TO HELP OUT OTHERS.
Aoife says, YOU OKAY THERE, LITTLE FELLA? GARDEN PEAS WILL HELP YOU GROW.
[Slide whistle]
Text reads, “Uh oh.”
Clanger stands up and faces Aoife.
Clanger says, YOU WHAT? I'M 14.
Conor appears at the end of Clanger’s aisle.
Aoife says, UH-OH.
[Creaking]
Graphics of a tape measure showing 110 centimetres to 200 centimetres, the bottom of two feet, and a shining sun appear.
Aoife tells us, HE'S GOING TO INSULT ME NOW. WHICH WILL IT BE? A - MY HEIGHT? B - MY GIGANTIC FEET? OR C - MY LACK OF SUN TAN?
Clanger holds a can.
Clanger says, YOU MASSIVE PASTY-FACED CLOWN-FOOTED WEIRDO!
Aoife tells us, AH, ALL THREE.
Conor asks, THOSE FOR SHOOTIN' AT PEOPLE?
Clanger replies, YEAH, DUH. THAT'S WHAT I DO.
[Peas rustling]
Conor picks up a box of peas from the shelf.
Conor says, I RECOMMEND DRY MARROWFATS, HARDER, MORE PAINFUL. TRUST ME. I SHOULD KNOW.
[Cartoonish footsteps running, zooming]
Conor gives the box to Clanger, then he and Aoife back away and leave. Text reads, “Out of here.”
[Upbeat music plays, students chattering]
At the school, aerial video footage shows students approaching the building. Aoife and Conor walk around a corner towards the school.
Conor says, AND LO, THEY LOOK UPON THE FIERY PITS OF HELL.
Aoife says, IT ACTUALLY LOOKS QUITE NICE.
Conor says, NO. WE'RE DOOMED. ESPECIALLY WITH NEW AOIFE'S STYLE CHOICES.
[Whooshing, clattering]
Behind them, Clanger blows a pea through a straw at a student.
Aoife turns and says, IT'S HIM!
[Whooshing]
Clanger shoots another pea.
Aoife says, THAT'S NOT VERY FRIENDLY. WE CAN'T STAND IDLY BY AND LET THIS HAPPEN.
Conor says, YES, WE CAN. IN FACT, LET'S... LET'S MAKE THAT A NEW AOIFE THING WHERE YOU DON'T STICK YOUR NOSE EVERYWHERE AND CREATE TOTAL CARNAGE.
Aoife says, OI, YOU! ANGRY BOY! STOP THAT!
Clanger walks towards Aoife and Conor.
Aoife says, UH-OH. RUN AWAY.
[Footsteps running]
Aoife runs, and Conor follows her.
Conor says, REALLY? THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION?
Aoife runs to a short-haired boy holding a scooter and grabs the scooter.
Aoife asks, CAN I BORROW THIS, PLEASE?
The short-haired boy says, OI!
Conor says, SORRY!
[Lively music plays]
Aoife rides the scooter into the school and through the library.
A red-haired librarian says, PUT YOUR HELMET ON!
[Footsteps pattering]
Conor runs past the librarian.
The librarian says, SHH!
[Footsteps clunking]
Clanger runs past the librarian.
The librarian says, SHH.
[Wheels rattling, paper rustling, footsteps pattering]
Aoife, wearing the helmet beneath her beret, rides through a crowded hallway, and a student drops a stack of paper. Aoife rides with Conor running behind her, and Clanger chasing them.
[Thudding, grunting, basketball thumping]
In the hallway, Conor looks over his shoulder and runs into Clanger. Aoife rides into the gym, looking over her shoulder.
Zara says, OI! MOVE!
Aoife says, WHOA!
[Crashing, the music stops]
Aoife crashes into the red-haired girl and they both fall on the floor.
Aoife tells us, AND THAT BRINGS US BACK HERE.
Aoife stands.
Zara says, YOU INJURED OUR ONLY NEW RECRUIT.
The red-haired girl stands and limps towards the doors.
The red-haired girl says, I'M OUT. MY KNEE. OW.
[Footsteps running]
The red-haired girl runs towards the doors.
The red-haired girl says, LATER, LOSERS!
Aoife looks at Zara, who shakes her head in response.
[Background chattering]
In the hallway, Clanger says, OH, HEY, IT'S... YOU, THE PEA GUY. GOOD CALL WITH THE MARROWFATS, BY THE WAY.
Conor stands.
Conor says, Y-YOU'RE WELCOME. JUST... ONE REQUEST. NOT MY FACE.
Clanger says, LET ME JUST FOCUS ON THESE GUYS FIRST.
[Whooshing, clanging]
Clanger blows peas at passing students.
Conor says, NOT ONE HIT. THAT'S NOT THE ACCURACY OF A SEASONED BULLY.
Clanger says, YEAH, GOOD SPOT, BRAINS. COME WITH ME.
In the gym, Zara says, WE WERE FINALLY GOING TO MAKE THE LEAGUE, THE DREAM TEAM.
Jim asks, WAS THAT THE LAST OVER?
[Newspaper rustling]
By the gym wall, Jim folds a newspaper. He has short curly brown hair and a beard, and wears a brown tracksuit, a headband, and wristbands.
Jim says, 'CAUSE THERE'S A (UNCLEAR) WITH MY NAME ON IT IN THE STAFF ROOM. ACTUALLY, IT'S GOT SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME ON IT. BUT IF I GET THERE QUICK.
Zara says, WE'RE DOWN A PLAYER NOW, JIM.
Jim says, OKAY, BRING IN THE WICKETS. THEN.
Nyla asks, WHO'S THE BLONDIE?
Aoife says, YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, ACTUALLY.
Aoife tells us, A BIT OF TRASH TALK.
[Nyla speaking indistinctly, whooshing, dinging]
In animation, Junior All-Star ribbons appear on each side of Aoife. The number two appears beside her. On the bleachers, Jessica and two other girls look at Aoife.
Aoife says, JUNIOR ALL-STAR TWO YEARS RUNNING.
Zara says, THIS IS CHARLOTTE – LIGHTNING FAST, GAME SMARTS, DEAD EYE.
[Camera shutter snapping, upbeat music plays]
Charlotte poses, narrowing her eyes.
Charlotte says, I DIDN'T KNOW RHINESTONES WERE MAKING A COMEBACK. IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'LL WAIT A BIT BEFORE I JUMP ONBOARD.
Aoife says, SOUNDS REASONABLE.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Zara says, AND NYLA, ROUGH, TOUGH, MAD SKILLS.
Nyla holds up her right hand with her thumb dislocated.
Aoife says, YIKES! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR THUMB?
[Cracking]
Nyla moves her thumb back into place.
Nyla says, GRR. DISLOCATED.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Zara says, I'M ZARA, MASTER STRATEGIST. 3 V 3'S OUR GAME. HEARD OF IT?
Aoife says, OF COURSE I HAVE.
Zara says, HERE'S A HANDY INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO I JUST THREW TOGETHER.
[Whooshing]
Zara holds out her smartphone. In the video, she wears a red Vipers uniform and walks down a school hallway. Text over a drawing of a basketball reads, “3 x 3.”
Zara says, WELCOME TO THE EXCITING WORLD OF 3 V 3 BASKETBALL. WANT TO SEE WHAT IT'S ABOUT?
[Basketball thumping, banging]
A basketball bounces off a nearby locker. Zara reaches for the ball and misses it. A question mark appears.
Zara says, THEN LET'S GO.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays]
Text reads, “2 teams of 4. 3 players on court. 1 x sub. 1 rim. 12 seconds.” In an animation, a basketball falls into a basketball hoop.
Zara says, HALF... A COURT. YOU GET 12 SECONDS TO SCORE.
[Banging, ball bouncing, ticking]
On the court, Zara throws the ball and hits the rim of the hoop. Text reads, “21.” Text around a clock graphic reads, “10 minutes.”
Zara says, FIRST TEAM TO 21 WINS. OR WITH THE MOST POINTS AFTER 10 MINUTES. FAST PACED.
[Whooshing, upbeat music continues]
Text reads, “Fast paced.” Nyla appears beside Zara, and text reads, “Demanding.”
Nyla says, DEMANDING.
[Tires screeching]
Charlotte runs into the video shot. Text reads, “Competitive.”
Charlotte says, SORRY.
[Footsteps thumping]
Jim appears, holding a tennis racquet.
Jim says, DON'T FORGET YOUR RACKET.
The team says, 3 V 3, JOIN US!
The video ends.
On the court, Zara says, IT MEANS IT'S FULL-ON, BASICALLY.
Aoife says, AGAIN, I KNOW.
Nyla says, IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN NOW WE'VE LOST OUR FOURTH PLAYER.
Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla huddle.
[Whispering, footsteps running, girls giggling]
Behind Aoife, a boy runs to a sign that reads, “We got game,” and spray-paints it, changing the text to “We are lame.”
[Energetic music plays]
Aoife glances around the gym, and a spotlight shines on Jessica.
Aoife tells us, MAIN CHARACTER, OBVS PERFECT FIT FOR THE NEW AOIFE.
Aoife says, OKAY, SO I'M GOING TO GO.
Zara says, SO, JUNIOR ALL STAR, WE'VE DECIDED YOU'RE IN. CONGRATS.
[Brakes screeching]
Charlotte says, YEAH, YOU'RE SO TALL. LIKE A MODEL.
Nyla says, OR A GIRAFFE.
Zara says, OUR QUALIFYING MATCH AGAINST LIONS IS COMING UP AND WE HAVE TO WIN TO MAKE THE LEAGUE.
[Background chattering]
Aoife tells us, OLD AOIFE LOVES BASKETBALL, SO DOES NEW AOIFE, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE.
Aoife says, I'VE DONE IT ALL, KID. I'M HANGING UP MY BOOTS.
[Scooter rattling]
Aoife rights the scooter and walks towards the gym doors.
[Upbeat music plays, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Coins clattering, upbeat music plays]
In a school bathroom, a boy puts coins on a sink and runs away. Clanger leans against the wall, and Conor stands facing him.
Conor asks, YOU DIDN'T PLAN TO HURT HIM?
Clanger says, I NEVER HURT ANYONE, JUST ACT A BIT ANGRY EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
Conor says, OH, I SEE. EVERYONE SEES THE RATHER HULKING PHYSIQUE AND ASSUMES. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU'RE NOT A BULLY, JUST DEEPLY MISUNDERSTOOD?
Clanger says, SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. AND THERE'S WHERE YOU COME IN.
[Background chattering, the music ends]
The polka dot star spins. In a room with couches and tables, Conor and Aoife walk together. Aoife looks at Jessica, then takes off her beret, scarf, and jacket.
Aoife tells us, OKAY, LET OPERATION 'MAKE COOL FRIENDS' COMMENCE. STEP ONE.
Aoife tells Conor, THIS IS WHERE WE PART.
Conor says, WHAT? YOU CAN'T ABANDON ME AGAIN. THANKS TO YOUR HASTY EXIT EARLIER, I NOW HAVE THE JOB OF BULLY'S HENCHMAN TO SOMEONE WHO CLAIMS HE'S NOT EVEN A BULLY.
Aoife says, SO JUST TELL HIM YOU WON'T DO IT.
Conor says, OH, GREAT IDEA. HE SEEMS SO REASONABLE.
Aoife says, THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY, IF YOU HANG OUT WITH A BULLY, THEN YOU WON'T GET BULLIED.
[Footsteps thumping]
Jessica and three girls walk towards the exit, and Aoife follows them. Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara block her way.
Zara says, HEY.
Aoife tells us, MISSION ABORT.
Aoife says, SO, BETTER GET TO CLASS.
[Upbeat music plays, students chattering]
Aoife walks past the team, and they follow her into a hallway and up a staircase.
Aoife says, LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.
Nyla says, WE WANT YOU. YOU HAVE MENTAL TOUGHNESS.
Aoife says, DO I?
Nyla says, YOU'RE A GANGLY KLUTZ, YOU NEED IT.
Aoife looks at the floor.
Zara says, LOOK, WE'RE NOT GOING TO BEG. YOU IN OR OUT?
[Whooshing]
Text reads, “Please. Please.”
Zara and Nyla say, PLEASE!
[Slide whistle, splatting]
The words splatter.
Zara looks up at the next floor and says, OH, JESS! HI.
Jessica talks to her friends by the railing.
Aoife says, WAIT. YOU KNOW HER?
Zara says, YEAH, WE'RE LIKE SO CLOSE.
Zara shouts, HI JESS! JESSICA! JESSICA!
Jessica glances down and then walks away from the railing.
Zara says, DON'T THINK SHE SAW ME.
Aoife looks at Zara.
[Upbeat music notes play]
In an animation, circles expand. In live action, Clanger and Conor stand outside the school by a bike rack.
Conor says, SO, WE JUST STAND HERE? NO VIOLENCE?
Clanger says, NONE NEEDED. HAVING A HENCHMAN JUST SELLS IT A BIT. TRY.
Conor says, GRR, YOU LITTLE RASCALS.
[Coins clattering, upbeat music plays quietly]
Clanger holds out an orange can, and two students put coins into it.
Clanger says, THANKS, GUYS, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
Conor asks, WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
Clanger says, I'M OPENING WITH 10 PERCENT.
Conor repeats, 10?
Clanger says, THAT'S GENEROUS, YOU'RE BASICALLY DOING NOTHING.
Conor says, AND YET, NOW I SEE YOUR OPERATION I CAN BRING SO MUCH MORE, REALLY HELP GROW YOUR INCOME.
Clanger says, CONTINUE.
Conor says, I COULD HELP YOU BECOME TOP TIER IN MY NEW ROLE AS BRAND MANAGER.
Clanger says, BRAND MANAGER? I MADE YOU PRETEND HENCHMAN.
Conor says, I COULD DIGITIZE YOUR LUNCH MONEY ACQUISITIONS. GIVE YOUR IMAGE AN OVERHAUL. FOR 50 PERCENT.
Clanger says, 30.
[Conor sighing, background chattering continues]
Conor says, THINK OF EVERYTHING WE COULD DO TOGETHER. FOR 45.
[Cash register cha-chinging]
In the school, the Midvale school crest spins over students in a hallway. Nyla opens a door, and Aoife and the team enter the hallway.
Nyla says, SHE USED TO PLAY WITH US, BAD ASS.
Aoife says, JESSICA PLAYS BASKETBALL?
Charlotte says, SHE DOESN'T PLAY IT, SHE OOZES IT WITH COMETS AT OAK HIGH.
Aoife says, AT A DIFFERENT SCHOOL?
Nyla says, HER DAD STARTED IT. HE'S ON THE BOARD THERE.
Zara says, THEY HAVE A PROPER BASKETBALL PROGRAM WITH A PRO COACH.
Charlotte says, BUT THAT'S ALL.
Zara says, JESS SAID PLAYING WITH US MIGHT HAMPER OUR DEVELOPMENT.
Nyla says, FEARLESS, SELFLESS WARRIOR.
Aoife tells us, SPORTY AND POPULAR? WE'RE DESTINED TO BE BESTOS.
In the classroom, Jessica turns around and looks behind her.
Charlotte says, I WISH WE HAD A COOL NAME LIKE 'COMETS' BUT IT'S SO HARD TO THINK OF ONE.
Aoife sits at a desk.
Aoife says, MIDVALE VIPERS?
[Whooshing]
Text reads, “Vipers.” Squiggly lines appear.
Charlotte says, YES. SLAY. POSTING IMMEDIATELY.
Aoife smiles at Charlotte.
Nyla says, ENEMY INCOMING, IT'S THE HEAD.
Mr. Holt enters the classroom.
Mr. Holt says, AGE MAY HAVE RAVAGED MY EYESIGHT, BUT I BELIEVE THERE ARE STUDENTS IN THIS CLASSROOM WHO SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
[Footsteps thumping, background chattering]
Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara leave the room.
Aoife tells us, I FEEL BAD BUT MUST KEEP FOCUSED ON FIND COOL FRIEND OBJECTIVE.
Aoife puts on her beret.
Mr. Holt says, SO, WHERE'S THE NEW GIRL? AO-FEE?
Aoife says, AOIFE?
Mr. Holt says, PLEASE TAKE OFF THAT RIDICULOUS HAT, ALFIE, THIS IS NOT FRENCH.
[Students giggling]
Mr. Holt says, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. AT LEAST SHE'S GOT RELATIVELY NORMAL EYEBROWS.
[Cap clicking, upbeat music plays]
Jessica frowns and touches her eyebrows. Aoife takes the cap off a marker and smiles. Later, Aoife appears with the black marker drawn over her eyebrows. She smiles.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS SO GOING TO WORK.
[The music stops, background chattering]
In the cafeteria, Aoife approaches a table where Jessica sits with her friends.
Aoife says, JESSICA, HEY.
Jessica says, HEY. IT'S ALFIE FROM FRANCE.
Aoife says, CLOSE, AOIFE FROM ENGLAND.
Jessica says, KILLER BROWS.
Zara says, JESSICA. HEY. NYLA, CHAR, SHOW JESS WHAT AOIFE HELPED US WITH.
[Rustling]
Nyla holds a white t-shirt with “Vipers” written across the chest. Beneath the word, a green snake slithers around three basketballs.
Aoife says, THAT WAS NOT MY IDEA.
Zara says, MODEST. YOU THOUGHT OF THE NAME.
Nyla says, I MADE THE SNAKE AND THE FANGS.
Charlotte says, I DID THE RHINESTONES. I JUST DECIDED TO GO WITH IT.
[Chiming, shirt rustling]
Nyla puts the shirt on Aoife.
Jessica says, LOOK AT YOU. ALMOST LIKE A PROPER LITTLE TEAM NOW. FAB. LOVE YA.
Jessica follows her friends away from the table.
Zara says, JUST IN TIME FOR OUR MATCH AGAINST LIONS. WE SHALL TAME THEM.
[Lion roaring]
Charlotte clenches her teeth and bends her fingers like claws.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS A MAJOR FAIL FOR NEW AOIFE.
Zara says, LET'S GO MAKE SOME MORE.
Charlotte says, YEAH.
Zara and Charlotte leave.
Nyla says, I'LL HANG WITH YOU.
On the other side of the room, Conor and Clanger hold lunch trays.
Clanger says, SO, WHY DO I NEED A DESIGNATED TABLE?
Conor says, IT CREATES AN AIR OF PRESTIGE.
Clanger says, THIS ONE.
Conor says, NEXT TO THE BINS? I THINK NOT. THAT ONE OVER THERE. NEATLY TUCKED AWAY FROM TEACHERS, NEXT TO THE CONDIMENTS, PRIME REAL ESTATE.
[Thumping]
Aoife puts her lunch tray on the table. Nyla stands behind her with her arms crossed.
Clanger says, THIS IS MY SEAT.
Aoife says, THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE HERE, YOU KNOW.
Conor says, COME ON, AOIFE, THIS IS HIS SEAT.
[Tray banging]
Aoife moves her tray to another table and walks back to Conor and Clanger.
Aoife says, RIGHT, I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS DAY. A - I'VE BEEN STALKED, B - HAD MY TASTEFUL BERET MOCKED, AND NOW THREE - FORCED TO WEAR THIS RIDICULOUS SNAKE T-SHIRT. SO TELL YOU WHAT? THE WINNER STAYS. AND I WARN YOU, IT'S GOING TO BE ME.
Aoife sits down and puts her hand out, with her elbow on the table.
Clanger says, YOU WANT TO ARM WRESTLE, DO YA?
Aoife says, NO, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Students gather around the table.
Nyla says, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO ARM WRESTLE?
Aoife says, YEAH. NO? NOT A CLUE.
Aoife tells us, WHAT HAVE I ACTUALLY JUST DONE?
Nyla says, YOU NEED TO FORCE HIS HAND DOWN, LEVERAGE HIS WEIGHT AGAINST HIM.
[Tense music plays, students chattering, Clanger chuckling]
Clanger and Aoife arm wrestle, and he pushes her arm towards the table.
Students chant, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL!
[Upbeat music plays, Clanger’s hand banging, cheering]
Aoife pushes Clanger's hand back up and forces it down to the table.
Nyla says, PERFECT HOOK TECHNIQUE.
Clanger stands, open-mouthed.
Conor says, RELAX. BARELY ANYONE SAW.
[Chanting continues]
Clanger leaves.
Nyla says, HER NAME IS AOIFE.
Students chant, ALFIE! ALFIE!
In animation, confetti falls around Aoife. Text around a graphic of two hands arm wrestling reads, “Champion. Midvale Arm Wrestling.”
Aoife tells us, EITHER I'M ASLEEP IN HOME EC AND WILL SURELY WAKE UP WITH DROOL ON MY CHIN, OR I'M ACTUALLY POPULAR.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops’, and a basketball falls into it.
[Shop bell jingling, footsteps thumping]
Conor leaves the shop holding a frozen dessert cone.
Conor says, OH, CLANGER, THERE YOU ARE.
Clanger says, YOU? I'VE LOST MY POWERS. WATCH. OI, YOU, PUCK YOUR MONEY NOW!
A boy rides a bicycle past Clanger.
The boy says, YEAH, WHATEVER, DOOF.
[Bicycle bell ringing, thumping]
Text reads, “Whatever doof.”
Clanger says, ALL THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR ANNOYING SISTER. YOU'RE FIRED.
Conor says, DON'T BE HASTY, I HAVE A PLAN.
Clanger takes the cone.
Clanger says, YOU'D BETTER. OR I'M GOING TO EAT ALL OF THIS EXCEPT FOR THE VERY LAST BIT, THEN PRETEND TO HAND IT BACK TO YOU, BUT THEN DROP IT ON THE GROUND.
Conor says, I CAN HELP YOU IMPROVE YOUR THREATS TOO.
[Background chattering, bird chirping]
Clanger says, THANKS BECAUSE I CAN NEVER THINK OF ANY GOOD ONES IN THE MOMENT.
Clanger tries the cone.
Clanger says, MM, ESPRESSO.
[Upbeat music plays]
At home, Aoife and Conor sit at a table. She writes in a notebook, and he types on a computer.
Aoife says, SO, YOU WANT ME TO HAVE ANOTHER ARM WRESTLE WITH CLANGER? AND LOSE?
Conor says, IDEALLY, YES.
Aoife says, UH, NO WAY.
Brid walks into the room.
Brid says, THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR.
Conor asks, IS IT A LARGE ANGRY BOY?
Brid says, IT'S FOR AOIFE. AND YOUR PHONE KEEPS PINGING. ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVEN'T PICKED UP SOMEONE ELSE'S BY ACCIDENT?
[Background television chattering]
Conor says, SHE MADE A FOOL OF THE PRETEND BULLY AT SCHOOL. NOW EVERYONE'S UNDER THE ILLUSION THAT SHE'S... COOL.
Brid asks, AOIFE, IS THIS TRUE?
Aoife says, YEAH, I BEAT HIM IN AN ARM WRESTLE.
Brid says, NO, I MEAN, YOU'RE ACTUALLY POPULAR?
Aoife nods and walks past Brid.
Brid says, NOT THAT IT MATTERS. YES!
[Chiming, door clicking, birds chirping, vehicle engines humming]
Brid pumps her fist victoriously. Aoife opens the front door, and her eyes widen. Jessica stands there with two girls behind her.
Aoife tells us, BE STILL. AM I DREAMING?
Jessica says, TALL GIRL. WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
Aoife says, AOIFE.
Jessica says, EVA?
Aoife says, AOIFE.
Jessica says, COMING OUT? MEE-FA?
Aoife says, UHH, YES. I MEAN, 'KAY.
[Bicycle wheel rattling, people chattering]
Outside, Aoife sits on the ground beside Jessica and her friends. Everyone but Aoife types on their smartphone.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS THE BEST FUN.
Aoife glances over her shoulder and notices the Vipers playing on a court in a park.
Aoife says, WE COULD... SHOOT HOOPS?
[Vipers squealing]
Jessica says, OH, NOT ON THOSE RINGS, MEE-FA, THEY'D RUIN MY SHOT. I KNOW IT'S JUST ME, YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT KIND OF THING.
Aoife says, OF COURSE I CARE ABOUT MY SHOT.
Jessica glances at Aoife and then back at her phone.
Jessica says, GOOD FOR YOU. HEH. IT'LL PAY OFF SOMEDAY. LISTEN, I NEED TO TOP UP MY TAN BEFORE TRAINING. SEE YOU LATER?
Aoife says, UH, YEAH. PLEASE. I MEAN, COOL.
[Thumping]
Jessica and her friends stand and walk away.
Jessica says, AWESOME. LOVE YA.
[Birds chirping, ball thumping, Vipers laughing]
Aoife looks back at the court where Charlotte passes the ball to Zara.
Nyla says, TWO IN ONE.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, CHARLOTTE!
[Squealing, thumping]
Aoife films the Vipers with her phone, and they stop playing.
Zara says, HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Aoife says, IT'S JUST, UH, YOUR ELBOW'S STICKIN' OUT. AND, CHAR, YOU'RE TRAVELLIN'.
[Background shouting]
Nyla says, LOOK. IF YOU KNOW SO MUCH, SHOW US.
Aoife says, I DON'T THINK SO.
Nyla says, JUST WHAT I THOUGHT. ALL TALK.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife’s smartphone is propped up on nearby playground equipment as she passes the ball to Charlotte on the court.
Aoife says, COME ON THEN! RIGHT, BEND YOUR KNEES AND SHOOT.
[Thumping, hoop rattling]
Charlotte sinks a basket.
Someone shouts, YA! GO AGAIN, GO AGAIN.
[Thumping, hoop rattling]
Aoife dribbles the ball. Nyla sinks a basket.
Aoife says, GET THROUGH, COME ON.
[Chattering, thumping]
Zara sinks a basket.
Zara says, GO!
Aoife says, COME ON, NYLA, YOU CAN DO IT. COME ON, CHARLOTTE. YOU'VE GOT THIS, YOU'VE GOT THIS, YOU'VE GOT THIS.
[Thumping]
Charlotte dribbles the ball and passes it to a teammate.
Aoife says, KEEP GOING. GO, GO, GO. YEAH!
Zara says, COME ON, CHARLOTTE.
[Thumping, cheering]
Charlotte sinks a basket, and everyone jumps excitedly.
Aoife tells us, I AM SO NOT HAVING FUN.
[Cheering, whooshing]
Aoife returns to the others and jumps excitedly. At school, Conor stands at the front of a classroom and Clanger sits on a table. On a projector screen, an Alpha Bully medal appears beside a drawing of Clanger.
Conor says, PROBLEM, WE NEED TO REINSTATE YOU AS... ALPHA BULLY.
Clanger says, BUT NOBODY'S SCARED OF ME ANYMORE.
[Chiming]
Text beside a drawing of Aoife reads, “Option A. Aoife.”
Conor says, SOLUTION - WE FIND SOMEONE WHO IS, OR AT LEAST IS HAPPY TO PRETEND TO BE. SEEING AS AOIFE HAS DECLINED…
[Buzzer blaring]
An X appears over Aoife’s drawing.
Conor says, WE GO TO OPTION B.
A muscular boy with tightly braided black hair stands with his arms crossed.
Conor says, SO, THIS IS JAMES. HE PLAYS RUGBY AND HE'S HAPPY TO APPEAR TO BE BULLIED BY YOU. WHICH I PROJECT WILL BOOST YOUR PROFILE BY AT LEAST 68 PERCENT.
[Whooshing]
On the screen, a drawing shows James sitting on the ground, crying, as Clanger stands beside him, smiling. A bar chart with 'before' and 'after' on the x-axis has bars that rise. The Y axis reads, “Your profile.”
Conor says, IN RETURN, HE ASKS FOR A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CARAMELIZED... ONION... RELISH.
Clanger looks at James.
James says, IT GOES NICE WITH CHEESE.
Clanger says, RIGHT. I FEEL LIKE I KNOW JAMES. HAVE I PRETEND BULLIED YOU BEFORE?
James flexes a bicep.
James says, YEAH, BACK IN INFANTS, BEFORE MY GROWTH SPURT.
Clanger says, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, YOU CAN GO.
[Footsteps pattering]
James leaves.
[Tense music plays]
Clanger stands and smiles at Conor.
Clanger says, OLD NEWS. I FEEL LIKE I NEED SOMEONE NEW. AND FRESH.
[Thumping]
Conor falls and lands in the hallway.
Conor says, UGH!
A brown-haired boy asks, WHOA. YOU ALL RIGHT?
Conor says, I-I-IT'S CLANGER. HE'S GONE CRAZY. I HEARD STORIES AT MY OLD SCHOOL, BUT HE'S SO MUCH WORSE.
The brown-haired boy says, YOU'RE JOKING.
[The brown-haired boy speaking indistinctly]
Conor says, GO, QUICK, TELL EVERYONE! NOBODY'S SAFE.
[Footsteps running]
The brown-haired boy runs away. Clanger leaves the classroom and smiles down at Conor.
Clanger says, GOOD WORK, BRAND MANAGER.
[Students chattering, chairs thumping]
Polka dots move across the screen. In the cafeteria, Clanger walks past a table and looks at two boys. They get up and leave their lunches on the table.
Clanger says, OH YEAH. I'M BACK.
[Thumping, chuckling]
Clanger happily nudges Conor. He takes a lunch tray from a passing student. Jessica enters the cafeteria, and Aoife walks behind her.
Aoife tells us, TOOK ME THREE HOURS LAST NIGHT TO PERFECT THIS WALK AND I NAILED IT.
[Clattering, students laughing, Clanger gasping]
Aoife walks into Clanger, and food spills on his shirt.
Jessica says, MEE-FA, YOU STUNG HIM AGAIN. QUICK, YOUR PHONE.
Aoife gives Jessica her phone.
Jessica says, DO SOMETHING TO MAKE FUN OF HIM.
[Camera shutter snapping, Clanger gasping, thumping, students laughing]
Aoife poses beside Clanger and points at his shirt. He turns and knocks against Conor as he walks away.
Jessica says, I'VE MADE IT YOUR PROFILE PIC. WHAT'S THIS?
[Girls squealing on video]
Jessica watches the video of Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara playing basketball at the park.
Jessica says, VIPERS? PLAYING BASKETBALL? OH, THIS IS HILARIOUS. LOOK AT THEM. MEE-FA, THEY ARE SO BAD.
Aoife says, I KNOW, LIKE, SO BAD. IT WOULD LITERALLY GO VIRAL.
Jessica says, GOOD IDEA.
Aoife says, NO! I MEAN, NAH. BEST NOT.
[Whooshing, background chattering]
Jessica types on the phone and then gives it back to Aoife.
Jessica says, YOU'RE NOT...REALLY THINKING OF PLAYING WITH THEM?
Aoife says, NAH, I'LL BE CHEERING ON THE OPPOSITION. GO LIONS.
[Jessica laughing]
Jessica says, YOU ARE SO FUNNY! YOU SHOULD TOTALLY JOIN MY TEAM.
[Text splattering]
Text reads, “Yes. Yes.”
Aoife tells us, YES! OKAY, BE CHILL.
Aoife says, COMETS? TOTALLY.
Jessica says, TOTALLY. AND I MEAN, YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO SIT ON THE BENCH, WHICH IS WAY BETTER THAN PLAYING WITH LOSERS.
Aoife says, ON THE BENCH?
Jessica says, SURE.
Aoife whispers to us, BUT NOT FOR LONG.
[Whistle blaring, upbeat music plays, thumping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball bounces across the title and knocks down the letters.
In the bathroom, Clanger wipes his sweater.
Clanger says, THIS NEEDS A WASH CYCLE, YOUR SISTER'S OUT OF CONTROL!
Conor says, I KNOW, SHE HAS TO BE STOPPED.
Clanger says, I HAD IT, I WAS BACK TO WHERE I WAS. NOW LOOK!
Conor says, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO, WE NEED TO CRUSH HER. CRUSH THE VERY ONE WHO ORCHESTRATED YOUR DOWNFALL.
Clanger says, YES! MEANING?
Conor says, DRY MARROWFATS.
[Bag rustling, background chattering]
Conor gives Clanger a bag of peas.
Conor says, FOR REAL.
Clanger says, WAIT, THAT'S YOUR OWN SISTER.
Conor says, SHE'LL GET OVER IT. I'LL... COLOUR CODE HER SOCK DRAWER OR SOMETHING.
Clanger says, SO, NO PRETENDIES?
Conor says, NO PRETENDIES. WE'RE ABOUT TO STEP THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS. READY?
Clanger nods.
[Upbeat music plays, school bell ringing, footsteps thumping]
The Midvale school crest spins. On a staircase landing, Aoife stands by a window and scrolls on her phone. Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla walk down the stairs to her.
Aoife says, LOOK, THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.
[Upbeat music plays, shouting on video, background chattering]
Zara holds out her smartphone and displays a video of the Vipers playing basketball in the park. Laughing emojis scroll on the side of the video.
Nyla asks, WHY WOULD YOU POST THIS?
Aoife says, WAIT. WHAT?
Aoife tells us, UH-OH.
Aoife says, I DIDN'T POST THAT.
Nyla says, IT'S YOUR ACCOUNT.
Aoife says, IT MUST'VE BEEN JESSICA.
Charlotte says, NUH-UH, SHE'S LIKE SUPER LOVELY.
Zara asks, DOES JESS EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE REALLY LIKE? COME ON, GIRLS.
Aoife says, I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE.
Nyla says, GET STUFFED.
Zara says, YOU THINK WE'RE PATHETIC. BUT AT LEAST WE PLAY. YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE THINKS THAT YOU WON'T, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE DYING TO.
Aoife says, NO, I'M NOT. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.
Zara says, YOU DO, JUST NOT WITH US.
Aoife says, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
Aoife tells us, IT'S... SORT OF TRUE.
Zara says, LOOK, I KNOW WE'RE NOT THE POPULAR KIDS, MORE LIKE MID-TABLE. NOBODY THINKS WE CAN QUALIFY FOR THE LEAGUE, BUT THERE'S A CHANCE, A SMALL CHANCE, THAT WE CAN GET A WIN AGAINST LIONS AND YOU COULD TOO IF YOU JUST GOT OVER YOURSELF.
Charlotte says, YOU'RE ONE OF US, AOIFE, EMBRACE IT. YOU'RE A SPORTY NERDY GIRL. WHO'S ALSO VERY PALE. WHICH IS WHERE WE ALL DIFFER. BUT THAT'S ALL.
Aoife says, LOOK, I JUST WANT TO TRY NEW THINGS.
Nyla says, WHAT, LIKE SCRIBBLING DEAD CATERPILLARS ON YOUR FACE?
[Footsteps thumping]
The Vipers walk down the stairs. Aoife touches the marker over her eyebrows.
[Upbeat music plays, television chattering in the background]
At home, Brid walks to the bottom of the stairs.
Brid says, AOIFE! IT'S YOUR COOL FRIEND.
Aoife says, UGH, NOT NOW. TELL 'EM I'M NOT—
Brid says, YOU HAVE FRIENDS. I HAD ALL THIS MUMMY GUILT ABOUT MOVING, BUT THIS JUST MAKES EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE.
[Door clicking, vehicle engines humming]
Aoife opens the front door, and Jessica stands outside.
Aoife says, OH, HEY.
Jessica says, MEE-FA! I'VE TALKED TO MY COACH, HE SAID YOU SHOULD MEET HIM.
Aoife says, WAIT, SERIOUSLY?
Aoife tells us, WHOOPS, DILEMMA.
[Tape rewinding]
In a flashback, Aoife and the Vipers stand on the staircase.
Aoife says, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.
Zara says, YOU DO, JUST NOT WITH US.
In the present, Jessica says, YEAH. BUT... WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING FUN FIRST.
At the school, Jessica and Aoife enter the gym. Jessica carries a rolled-up banner.
Students chanting, LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS!
Beside the bleachers, Conor gives Clanger a straw.
Conor says, WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL.
Clanger says, I DUNNO, I'M NOT A REAL BULLY. THIS COULD BE A SLIPPERY SLOPE.
Conor says, STAY STRONG. IT'S JUST THIS ONCE. HOLD. HOLD. NOW!
Clanger says, I CAN'T. IT'S NOT ME. YES, I LIKE A PRANK AND A GOOD MONEY-MAKING SCHEME, BUT THIS CROSSES THE LINE.
Conor says, IT'S FINE, WE'LL FIND ANOTHER WAY.
Students chanting, LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS!
Jessica says, WE'RE CHEERING FOR THE OPPOSITION.
Aoife tells us, HOW DO MEAN GIRLS THINK OF SUCH MEAN THINGS?
Jessica says, IT WAS LITERALLY YOUR IDEA.
Aoife says, UH... IT WAS?
[Tape rewinding]
In a flashback in the cafeteria, Aoife says, I'LL BE CHEERING ON THE OPPOSITION. GO LIONS.
In the present, Jessica unrolls her banner. Text beneath fangs reads, “Lions.”
Jessica says, GOOOOO LIONS.
[Chanting continues]
Jessica says, AND IT'S EVEN FUNNIER WITH MORE PEOPLE, SO I INVITED EVERYONE.
Aoife says, YOU INVITED OUR SCHOOL TO CHEER FOR THE OTHER TEAM?
Jessica says, I KNOW, IT'S THE KIND OF THING WE DO. COME ON. LET'S SIT, TEAMY.
[Chanting continues, solemn music plays]
Aoife looks at the three Lions players. She looks at the crowd holding Lions posters. Jim enters and stands beside Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla.
Aoife says, THAT'S IT. YOU'RE NOT MY TEAMY, YOU NEVER WILL BE. YOU THINK IT'S ALL ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE.
Jessica says, BECAUSE IT IS.
Aoife says, YEAH, WELL, KINDA. BUT MOSTLY IT'S ABOUT WHO YOU ARE. AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE.
[Chanting continues, solemn music plays]
Jessica asks, ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS, MEE-FA?
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife replies, MY NAME IS AOIFE.
Aoife tells us, SO, OKAY. LET'S DO A REPLAY.
[Whooshing]
Aoife tells us, I STARTED OFF LIKE NEW HOUSE, NEW SCHOOL. AND MY MUM WAS LIKE, "PLEASE GIFT US..."
In a flashback in the kitchen, Brid says, LOVELY NEW FRIENDS FOR AOIFE.
In another flashback, Brid says, YOU'RE ACTUALLY POPULAR? YES!
In a flashback, Aoife wears the beret, scarf, and fringed jacket. Text reads, “New Aoife.”
In the present, Aoife tells us, SO THEN I WAS LIKE, "HEY, I'M NEW AOIFE." SASSY, POPULAR, AND SURPRISINGLY GOOD AT ARM WRESTLING.
In a flashback, Aoife beats Clanger at arm wrestling.
In the present, Aoife tells us, AND THEN ZARA WAS LIKE...
In a flashback, Zara says, I'M ZARA.
In the present, Aoife tells us, I'M SUPER PUSHY. “JOIN US.”
In a flashback, Nyla and Zara say, PLEASE.
In the present, Aoife tells us, AND CHARLOTTE WAS ALL, "RHINESTONES ARE SO LAST SEASON."
In a flashback, Charlotte says, SLAY, POSTING IMMEDIATELY.
In the present, Aoife bends her finger.
Aoife tells us, AND NYLA WAS LIKE, "LOOK AT MY SCARY ZOMBIE FINGER."
[Cracking]
In a flashback, Nyla says, GRR. DISLOCATED.
[Aoife speaking indistinctly]
In a flashback, Jessica sits on the bleachers.
In the present, Aoife tells us, BUT I WANTED TO PART OF JESSICA'S GANG. AND JESS WAS LIKE, "OOH, MEE-FA. "I'M ACTUALLY A REALLY MEAN GIRL."
[Whooshing]
In a flashback, Aoife sits on the ground with Jessica and her friends.
In the present, Aoife tells us, SO I DISCOVERED THAT BEING PART OF THE COOL GANG WAS A BIT OF A LETDOWN.
[Popping]
In the flashback, Jessica and her friends disappear, and an animation of a basketball pops.
In the present, Aoife tells us, AND SO NOW I MADE A DECISION I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE.
Aoife raises her eyebrows and walks to the Vipers.
Aoife says, ZARA, YOU WERE RIGHT. I'M A SPORTY NERDY GIRL. WE ARE SPORTY GIRLS. WE SWEAT, WE PANT, SOMETIMES OUR BITS WOBBLE. BUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS WE PLAY. SO LET'S SHOW JESSICA THAT WE'RE NOT ALMOST A PROPER TEAM, WE ARE A TEAM.
Charlotte says, WHOA. EXCELLENT SPEECH.
Nyla says, BANGING. ZARA, DID YOU HEAR HER?
Zara says, YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY HEAR HER ASKING TO JOIN THE TEAM.
Aoife says, THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT I SAID IN MY SPEECH IF YOU JUST GO BACK OVER IT.
Zara says, REALLY? "I AM A SPORTY NERDY GIRL, WE ARE SPORTY GIRLS. WE SWEAT, WE PANT, SOMETIMES OUR BITS WOBBLE. WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS WE PLAY. SO LET'S SHOW JESSICA WE'RE NOT ALMOST A PROPER TEAM, WE ARE A TEAM."
Aoife stares at Zara with her mouth open.
Zara smiles and says, I HAVE AN IQ OF 148.
[Whooshing]
Text beside a drawing of a brain reads, “I.Q. 148.” Text reads, “Wow.”
Aoife says, WOW.
[Background chattering]
Jim says, HM. ACTUALLY, SHE DIDN'T EXPLICITLY SAY IT, DID SHE? DISAPPOINTING.
Aoife says, OKAY, LOOK. NEW AOIFE WAS KIND OF AN IDIOT, SO I'M GOING TO BE NEW NEW AOIFE, WHICH IS BASICALLY NEW OLD AOIFE.
Zara says, AND?
Aoife says, AND I'D LIKE TO JOIN THE TEAM AND PLAY IN THE LEAGUE.
[Zara inhaling deeply]
Zara says, OOOH. YOU'RE IN.
Zara and Aoife smile.
Aoife says, OH, THANKS.
Jim says, YES! SCRUM DOWN.
[Hands slapping]
Jim, Aoife, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla stand in a circle and pile their hands together.
Jim counts, ONE, TWO, THREE.
The team shouts, VIPERS!
[Upbeat rock music plays, coughing, gagging, whistle blowing, cheering, ball thumping, hoop rattling]
The Vipers approach the three Lions players. Jim gives the Vipers shirts, and they sniff them. The game starts, and Aoife passes the ball to Charlotte.
A person sings, WE COME TOGETHER. BREAK FREE AND UNDERSTAND…WE NOW GO HAND AND HAND. HANDS UP FOR THE NEW KIND OF REVOLUTION. GODSPEED...
[Ball thumping, sneakers squeaking, hoop rattling]
With six minutes and 47 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 6. Lions, 10.” Zara passes the ball to Aoife, and she scores.
[Applause, cheering, hoop rattling, whooshing, whistle blowing]
Zara scores, and then Aoife scores.
Jim stands and cheers, YEAH!
[Ball thumping, cheering]
Charlotte and Aoife high-five. The Lions sink a basket.
The person sings, OOH, OOH.
[Clicking]
With three minutes and 51 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers 18. Lions, 20.”
The person sings, REVOLUTION.
[Ball thumping, cheering, hoop rattling]
Zara scores.
The person sings, REVOLUTION.
[Hoop rattling, whistle blaring]
Aoife scores. With two minutes and 23 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers 20, Lions, 20.” Aoife spins the ball on her finger.
Aoife tells us, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I'M A BONAFIDE HOOPER. NOW TO FINISH THIS WIN IN STYLE.
Beside the bleachers, Conor and Clanger watch the game.
Conor says, IT'S A GOOD THING YOU BACKED OUT, YOU'D NEVER HAVE MADE THAT SHOT.
Clanger says, ARE YOU... WITH MY EYES SHUT.
[Rock music plays]
Aoife catches a pass and dribbles.
Conor says, OH YEAH, WELCOME TO CLANGER'S DREAM WHERE ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.
Clanger says, OH YEAH? WELL, WATCH THIS.
Clanger lifts the straw to his mouth.
The person sings, REVOLUTION.
[Clanger blowing, whooshing, boinging, thumping, gasping, students laughing]
In slow motion, in animation, the pea shoots across the court. Aoife jumps, and the pea hits the side of her head, spinning her. Aoife falls on the floor. Clanger and Conor watch, wide-eyed.
Clanger says, OOPS.
[Hoop banging, ball thumping, whistle blowing, cheering, applause, Charlotte laughing, thumping, whooshing]
Charlotte scores a basket. With one minute and 38 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 21. Lions, 20.” Nyla and Charlotte hug. Aoife lies on the floor with her pigtails spread above her head. Text reads, “Popular.”
Aoife tells us, IT'S OKAY, WE WON. WE MADE IT INTO THE LEAGUE AND I'M STILL POPULAR. AND I STILL HAVE THEIR RESPECT.
Jessica smiles and runs to Aoife. Conor walks beside her, holding a smartphone.
Conor says, DO SOMETHING TO MAKE FUN OF HER.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Jessica smiles and points at Jessica.
Jessica says, LOSER.
Aoife tells us, AND IT'S GONE.
[Stamping]
A “Fail” stamp covers the word “Popular.”
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net.
End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Conor, Arthur Kay. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Brid, Isy Suttie. Librarian, Charlotte Henderson. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Jessica, Bea Ward. Carl, Ivor Curtis. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created and written by Sinéad Fagan. Director: Ian Curtis.
[Energetic music plays, wheels rattling, footsteps running, basketball thumping]
At Midvale School, Aoife rides a scooter down a hallway with Conor and Clanger running behind her. She wears a red beret, a red scarf and a fringed jacket with her blue safety helmet and school uniform. Aoife rides into the gym, and in animation, a basketball bounces around her.
Aoife tells us, YOU MIGHT ASK WHY I'M SCOOTIN' INTO BASKETBALL TRY-OUTS IN SUCH A DOPE OUTFIT.
On the basketball court, Zara shouts, OI! MOVE!
[Crashing, grunting]
A girl with long red hair turns as Aoife rides into her.
Aoife shouts, WHOA!
[Aoife sighing]
Aoife tells us, HERE COMES THE REWIND.
In a flashback, Zara shouts, OI! MOVE!
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
In a house, Aoife walks down a carpeted staircase.
Aoife tells us, QUICK SUMMARY - ONE, MUM GOT A PROMOTION, TWO, WE MOVED TO MIDVALE…
An arrow points up, and a graphic of a house appears with the word “Midvale” bending over the top like a roof. In an animation, planets appear around Aoife.
Aoife tells us, AND C, SHE'S ASKING THE UNIVERSE FOR...
[Brid coughing]
Aoife’s mum, Brid, waves incense in the kitchen.
Brid says, LOVELY NEW FRIENDS FOR AOIFE.
Aoife tells us, I ALREADY HAVE FRIENDS BACK HOME.
[Thumping]
Brid picks up a candle and puts it down again.
Brid asks, YOU MEAN THE ONES WHO ALWAYS CALLED YOU "THAT TALL NERDY GIRL WHO PLAYS BASKETBALL?"
Brid follows Aoife, waving the incense.
Aoife says, THEY DID NOT.
Brid says, THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT IT SAID ON YOUR LEAVING CARD.
[Beeping, footsteps thumping]
Brid picks up a card. Inside, one side has signatures and the other side reads, “To Aoife, that tall, nerdy girl who plays basketball.” Aoife leaves the house and takes out the fringed jacket. The jacket has stars on the back and long fringe on the sleeves. She walks behind a Volkswagen van. Producer, Dominique Molloy. In Association with A.P.C. Kids. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt.
Aoife tells us, I SUPPOSE IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE KNOWN AS SOMETHING ELSE. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. BUT FIRST DAY, NEW SCHOOL? I CAN BE ANYONE. I CAN BE NEW AOIFE.
[Train horn blaring, birds chirping, upbeat music continues]
Aoife walks out from the other side of the van wearing the red beret, neck scarf, and fringed jacket.
Aoife tells us, WITTY, BUSY, EFFORTLESSLY POPULAR. UPCYCLE AND FASHION-FORWARD.
Aoife smiles and poses.
Conor says, NEW AOIFE? YEAH, RIGHT.
[Whooshing, birds chirping]
Conor carries his knapsack past Aoife. Text reads, “Conor.” “Smug.” A brain graphic and a test graphic marked with 100 percent appear.
Aoife tells us, INTRODUCING CONOR, MY BROTHER - SMUG, GIANT BRAIN, KNOW-IT-ALL.
Aoife whispers to us, I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.
Conor says, YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN BE ANYTHING EXCEPT AN UNNATURALLY TALL DISASTER ZONE?
Aoife tells us, I MAY BE PRONE TO THE ODD FAIL.
[Upbeat music plays]
A polka dot star spins. In a flashback in Aoife’s bedroom, she stands beside her bed holding a blanket.
Brid asks, AOIFE, YOU MAKING YOUR BED?!
Aoife says, YES, DOIN' IT NOW!
A person sings, ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
[Grunting, thudding]
Aoife tangles herself in the blanket, stumbles out the door, and slides down the stairs.
Bird calls, AOIFE?
Aoife says, I'M OKAY!
[Upbeat music plays, toaster clicking]
In another flashback, Aoife dances in the kitchen wearing headphones. She scrolls on a piece of bread.
[Gasping]
Aoife runs to the toaster and pops out her smartphone. She bounces it between her hands, and it falls.
Aoife says, AH. DON'T.
In another flashback, in school, Aoife lies with her head on an open notebook. A drawing of a person’s bottom appears on the open page beside her head, with the word “Butts.”
A teacher says, BY CANCELLING DOWN AND DIVIDING THE NUMERATOR...
[Students laughing]
Aoife startles and sits up, with a person’s bottom drawn on her cheek. The other students point and laugh.
The teacher says, AOIFE O'NEILL, WHY IS THERE A BOTTOM ON YOUR CHEEK?
Aoife tells us, BUT THOSE DAYS ARE OVER! STARTING NOW.
[Shop bell dinging, upbeat music plays]
A sign over a shop entrance reads “Shoppy Shop Shop.” Inside, Aoife takes a drink from a shelf. She turns and sees someone crouching by a shelf in the next aisle.
Aoife tells us, EVEN THOUGH NEW AOIFE IS BUSY BEING COOL SHE STILL FINDS TIME TO HELP OUT OTHERS.
Aoife says, YOU OKAY THERE, LITTLE FELLA? GARDEN PEAS WILL HELP YOU GROW.
[Slide whistle]
Text reads, “Uh oh.”
Clanger stands up and faces Aoife.
Clanger says, YOU WHAT? I'M 14.
Conor appears at the end of Clanger’s aisle.
Aoife says, UH-OH.
[Creaking]
Graphics of a tape measure showing 110 centimetres to 200 centimetres, the bottom of two feet, and a shining sun appear.
Aoife tells us, HE'S GOING TO INSULT ME NOW. WHICH WILL IT BE? A - MY HEIGHT? B - MY GIGANTIC FEET? OR C - MY LACK OF SUN TAN?
Clanger holds a can.
Clanger says, YOU MASSIVE PASTY-FACED CLOWN-FOOTED WEIRDO!
Aoife tells us, AH, ALL THREE.
Conor asks, THOSE FOR SHOOTIN' AT PEOPLE?
Clanger replies, YEAH, DUH. THAT'S WHAT I DO.
[Peas rustling]
Conor picks up a box of peas from the shelf.
Conor says, I RECOMMEND DRY MARROWFATS, HARDER, MORE PAINFUL. TRUST ME. I SHOULD KNOW.
[Cartoonish footsteps running, zooming]
Conor gives the box to Clanger, then he and Aoife back away and leave. Text reads, “Out of here.”
[Upbeat music plays, students chattering]
At the school, aerial video footage shows students approaching the building. Aoife and Conor walk around a corner towards the school.
Conor says, AND LO, THEY LOOK UPON THE FIERY PITS OF HELL.
Aoife says, IT ACTUALLY LOOKS QUITE NICE.
Conor says, NO. WE'RE DOOMED. ESPECIALLY WITH NEW AOIFE'S STYLE CHOICES.
[Whooshing, clattering]
Behind them, Clanger blows a pea through a straw at a student.
Aoife turns and says, IT'S HIM!
[Whooshing]
Clanger shoots another pea.
Aoife says, THAT'S NOT VERY FRIENDLY. WE CAN'T STAND IDLY BY AND LET THIS HAPPEN.
Conor says, YES, WE CAN. IN FACT, LET'S... LET'S MAKE THAT A NEW AOIFE THING WHERE YOU DON'T STICK YOUR NOSE EVERYWHERE AND CREATE TOTAL CARNAGE.
Aoife says, OI, YOU! ANGRY BOY! STOP THAT!
Clanger walks towards Aoife and Conor.
Aoife says, UH-OH. RUN AWAY.
[Footsteps running]
Aoife runs, and Conor follows her.
Conor says, REALLY? THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION?
Aoife runs to a short-haired boy holding a scooter and grabs the scooter.
Aoife asks, CAN I BORROW THIS, PLEASE?
The short-haired boy says, OI!
Conor says, SORRY!
[Lively music plays]
Aoife rides the scooter into the school and through the library.
A red-haired librarian says, PUT YOUR HELMET ON!
[Footsteps pattering]
Conor runs past the librarian.
The librarian says, SHH!
[Footsteps clunking]
Clanger runs past the librarian.
The librarian says, SHH.
[Wheels rattling, paper rustling, footsteps pattering]
Aoife, wearing the helmet beneath her beret, rides through a crowded hallway, and a student drops a stack of paper. Aoife rides with Conor running behind her, and Clanger chasing them.
[Thudding, grunting, basketball thumping]
In the hallway, Conor looks over his shoulder and runs into Clanger. Aoife rides into the gym, looking over her shoulder.
Zara says, OI! MOVE!
Aoife says, WHOA!
[Crashing, the music stops]
Aoife crashes into the red-haired girl and they both fall on the floor.
Aoife tells us, AND THAT BRINGS US BACK HERE.
Aoife stands.
Zara says, YOU INJURED OUR ONLY NEW RECRUIT.
The red-haired girl stands and limps towards the doors.
The red-haired girl says, I'M OUT. MY KNEE. OW.
[Footsteps running]
The red-haired girl runs towards the doors.
The red-haired girl says, LATER, LOSERS!
Aoife looks at Zara, who shakes her head in response.
[Background chattering]
In the hallway, Clanger says, OH, HEY, IT'S... YOU, THE PEA GUY. GOOD CALL WITH THE MARROWFATS, BY THE WAY.
Conor stands.
Conor says, Y-YOU'RE WELCOME. JUST... ONE REQUEST. NOT MY FACE.
Clanger says, LET ME JUST FOCUS ON THESE GUYS FIRST.
[Whooshing, clanging]
Clanger blows peas at passing students.
Conor says, NOT ONE HIT. THAT'S NOT THE ACCURACY OF A SEASONED BULLY.
Clanger says, YEAH, GOOD SPOT, BRAINS. COME WITH ME.
In the gym, Zara says, WE WERE FINALLY GOING TO MAKE THE LEAGUE, THE DREAM TEAM.
Jim asks, WAS THAT THE LAST OVER?
[Newspaper rustling]
By the gym wall, Jim folds a newspaper. He has short curly brown hair and a beard, and wears a brown tracksuit, a headband, and wristbands.
Jim says, 'CAUSE THERE'S A (UNCLEAR) WITH MY NAME ON IT IN THE STAFF ROOM. ACTUALLY, IT'S GOT SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME ON IT. BUT IF I GET THERE QUICK.
Zara says, WE'RE DOWN A PLAYER NOW, JIM.
Jim says, OKAY, BRING IN THE WICKETS. THEN.
Nyla asks, WHO'S THE BLONDIE?
Aoife says, YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, ACTUALLY.
Aoife tells us, A BIT OF TRASH TALK.
[Nyla speaking indistinctly, whooshing, dinging]
In animation, Junior All-Star ribbons appear on each side of Aoife. The number two appears beside her. On the bleachers, Jessica and two other girls look at Aoife.
Aoife says, JUNIOR ALL-STAR TWO YEARS RUNNING.
Zara says, THIS IS CHARLOTTE – LIGHTNING FAST, GAME SMARTS, DEAD EYE.
[Camera shutter snapping, upbeat music plays]
Charlotte poses, narrowing her eyes.
Charlotte says, I DIDN'T KNOW RHINESTONES WERE MAKING A COMEBACK. IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'LL WAIT A BIT BEFORE I JUMP ONBOARD.
Aoife says, SOUNDS REASONABLE.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Zara says, AND NYLA, ROUGH, TOUGH, MAD SKILLS.
Nyla holds up her right hand with her thumb dislocated.
Aoife says, YIKES! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR THUMB?
[Cracking]
Nyla moves her thumb back into place.
Nyla says, GRR. DISLOCATED.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Zara says, I'M ZARA, MASTER STRATEGIST. 3 V 3'S OUR GAME. HEARD OF IT?
Aoife says, OF COURSE I HAVE.
Zara says, HERE'S A HANDY INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO I JUST THREW TOGETHER.
[Whooshing]
Zara holds out her smartphone. In the video, she wears a red Vipers uniform and walks down a school hallway. Text over a drawing of a basketball reads, “3 x 3.”
Zara says, WELCOME TO THE EXCITING WORLD OF 3 V 3 BASKETBALL. WANT TO SEE WHAT IT'S ABOUT?
[Basketball thumping, banging]
A basketball bounces off a nearby locker. Zara reaches for the ball and misses it. A question mark appears.
Zara says, THEN LET'S GO.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays]
Text reads, “2 teams of 4. 3 players on court. 1 x sub. 1 rim. 12 seconds.” In an animation, a basketball falls into a basketball hoop.
Zara says, HALF... A COURT. YOU GET 12 SECONDS TO SCORE.
[Banging, ball bouncing, ticking]
On the court, Zara throws the ball and hits the rim of the hoop. Text reads, “21.” Text around a clock graphic reads, “10 minutes.”
Zara says, FIRST TEAM TO 21 WINS. OR WITH THE MOST POINTS AFTER 10 MINUTES. FAST PACED.
[Whooshing, upbeat music continues]
Text reads, “Fast paced.” Nyla appears beside Zara, and text reads, “Demanding.”
Nyla says, DEMANDING.
[Tires screeching]
Charlotte runs into the video shot. Text reads, “Competitive.”
Charlotte says, SORRY.
[Footsteps thumping]
Jim appears, holding a tennis racquet.
Jim says, DON'T FORGET YOUR RACKET.
The team says, 3 V 3, JOIN US!
The video ends.
On the court, Zara says, IT MEANS IT'S FULL-ON, BASICALLY.
Aoife says, AGAIN, I KNOW.
Nyla says, IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN NOW WE'VE LOST OUR FOURTH PLAYER.
Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla huddle.
[Whispering, footsteps running, girls giggling]
Behind Aoife, a boy runs to a sign that reads, “We got game,” and spray-paints it, changing the text to “We are lame.”
[Energetic music plays]
Aoife glances around the gym, and a spotlight shines on Jessica.
Aoife tells us, MAIN CHARACTER, OBVS PERFECT FIT FOR THE NEW AOIFE.
Aoife says, OKAY, SO I'M GOING TO GO.
Zara says, SO, JUNIOR ALL STAR, WE'VE DECIDED YOU'RE IN. CONGRATS.
[Brakes screeching]
Charlotte says, YEAH, YOU'RE SO TALL. LIKE A MODEL.
Nyla says, OR A GIRAFFE.
Zara says, OUR QUALIFYING MATCH AGAINST LIONS IS COMING UP AND WE HAVE TO WIN TO MAKE THE LEAGUE.
[Background chattering]
Aoife tells us, OLD AOIFE LOVES BASKETBALL, SO DOES NEW AOIFE, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO COMMIT SOCIAL SUICIDE.
Aoife says, I'VE DONE IT ALL, KID. I'M HANGING UP MY BOOTS.
[Scooter rattling]
Aoife rights the scooter and walks towards the gym doors.
[Upbeat music plays, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Coins clattering, upbeat music plays]
In a school bathroom, a boy puts coins on a sink and runs away. Clanger leans against the wall, and Conor stands facing him.
Conor asks, YOU DIDN'T PLAN TO HURT HIM?
Clanger says, I NEVER HURT ANYONE, JUST ACT A BIT ANGRY EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
Conor says, OH, I SEE. EVERYONE SEES THE RATHER HULKING PHYSIQUE AND ASSUMES. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU'RE NOT A BULLY, JUST DEEPLY MISUNDERSTOOD?
Clanger says, SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. AND THERE'S WHERE YOU COME IN.
[Background chattering, the music ends]
The polka dot star spins. In a room with couches and tables, Conor and Aoife walk together. Aoife looks at Jessica, then takes off her beret, scarf, and jacket.
Aoife tells us, OKAY, LET OPERATION 'MAKE COOL FRIENDS' COMMENCE. STEP ONE.
Aoife tells Conor, THIS IS WHERE WE PART.
Conor says, WHAT? YOU CAN'T ABANDON ME AGAIN. THANKS TO YOUR HASTY EXIT EARLIER, I NOW HAVE THE JOB OF BULLY'S HENCHMAN TO SOMEONE WHO CLAIMS HE'S NOT EVEN A BULLY.
Aoife says, SO JUST TELL HIM YOU WON'T DO IT.
Conor says, OH, GREAT IDEA. HE SEEMS SO REASONABLE.
Aoife says, THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY, IF YOU HANG OUT WITH A BULLY, THEN YOU WON'T GET BULLIED.
[Footsteps thumping]
Jessica and three girls walk towards the exit, and Aoife follows them. Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara block her way.
Zara says, HEY.
Aoife tells us, MISSION ABORT.
Aoife says, SO, BETTER GET TO CLASS.
[Upbeat music plays, students chattering]
Aoife walks past the team, and they follow her into a hallway and up a staircase.
Aoife says, LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.
Nyla says, WE WANT YOU. YOU HAVE MENTAL TOUGHNESS.
Aoife says, DO I?
Nyla says, YOU'RE A GANGLY KLUTZ, YOU NEED IT.
Aoife looks at the floor.
Zara says, LOOK, WE'RE NOT GOING TO BEG. YOU IN OR OUT?
[Whooshing]
Text reads, “Please. Please.”
Zara and Nyla say, PLEASE!
[Slide whistle, splatting]
The words splatter.
Zara looks up at the next floor and says, OH, JESS! HI.
Jessica talks to her friends by the railing.
Aoife says, WAIT. YOU KNOW HER?
Zara says, YEAH, WE'RE LIKE SO CLOSE.
Zara shouts, HI JESS! JESSICA! JESSICA!
Jessica glances down and then walks away from the railing.
Zara says, DON'T THINK SHE SAW ME.
Aoife looks at Zara.
[Upbeat music notes play]
In an animation, circles expand. In live action, Clanger and Conor stand outside the school by a bike rack.
Conor says, SO, WE JUST STAND HERE? NO VIOLENCE?
Clanger says, NONE NEEDED. HAVING A HENCHMAN JUST SELLS IT A BIT. TRY.
Conor says, GRR, YOU LITTLE RASCALS.
[Coins clattering, upbeat music plays quietly]
Clanger holds out an orange can, and two students put coins into it.
Clanger says, THANKS, GUYS, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
Conor asks, WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
Clanger says, I'M OPENING WITH 10 PERCENT.
Conor repeats, 10?
Clanger says, THAT'S GENEROUS, YOU'RE BASICALLY DOING NOTHING.
Conor says, AND YET, NOW I SEE YOUR OPERATION I CAN BRING SO MUCH MORE, REALLY HELP GROW YOUR INCOME.
Clanger says, CONTINUE.
Conor says, I COULD HELP YOU BECOME TOP TIER IN MY NEW ROLE AS BRAND MANAGER.
Clanger says, BRAND MANAGER? I MADE YOU PRETEND HENCHMAN.
Conor says, I COULD DIGITIZE YOUR LUNCH MONEY ACQUISITIONS. GIVE YOUR IMAGE AN OVERHAUL. FOR 50 PERCENT.
Clanger says, 30.
[Conor sighing, background chattering continues]
Conor says, THINK OF EVERYTHING WE COULD DO TOGETHER. FOR 45.
[Cash register cha-chinging]
In the school, the Midvale school crest spins over students in a hallway. Nyla opens a door, and Aoife and the team enter the hallway.
Nyla says, SHE USED TO PLAY WITH US, BAD ASS.
Aoife says, JESSICA PLAYS BASKETBALL?
Charlotte says, SHE DOESN'T PLAY IT, SHE OOZES IT WITH COMETS AT OAK HIGH.
Aoife says, AT A DIFFERENT SCHOOL?
Nyla says, HER DAD STARTED IT. HE'S ON THE BOARD THERE.
Zara says, THEY HAVE A PROPER BASKETBALL PROGRAM WITH A PRO COACH.
Charlotte says, BUT THAT'S ALL.
Zara says, JESS SAID PLAYING WITH US MIGHT HAMPER OUR DEVELOPMENT.
Nyla says, FEARLESS, SELFLESS WARRIOR.
Aoife tells us, SPORTY AND POPULAR? WE'RE DESTINED TO BE BESTOS.
In the classroom, Jessica turns around and looks behind her.
Charlotte says, I WISH WE HAD A COOL NAME LIKE 'COMETS' BUT IT'S SO HARD TO THINK OF ONE.
Aoife sits at a desk.
Aoife says, MIDVALE VIPERS?
[Whooshing]
Text reads, “Vipers.” Squiggly lines appear.
Charlotte says, YES. SLAY. POSTING IMMEDIATELY.
Aoife smiles at Charlotte.
Nyla says, ENEMY INCOMING, IT'S THE HEAD.
Mr. Holt enters the classroom.
Mr. Holt says, AGE MAY HAVE RAVAGED MY EYESIGHT, BUT I BELIEVE THERE ARE STUDENTS IN THIS CLASSROOM WHO SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
[Footsteps thumping, background chattering]
Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara leave the room.
Aoife tells us, I FEEL BAD BUT MUST KEEP FOCUSED ON FIND COOL FRIEND OBJECTIVE.
Aoife puts on her beret.
Mr. Holt says, SO, WHERE'S THE NEW GIRL? AO-FEE?
Aoife says, AOIFE?
Mr. Holt says, PLEASE TAKE OFF THAT RIDICULOUS HAT, ALFIE, THIS IS NOT FRENCH.
[Students giggling]
Mr. Holt says, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. AT LEAST SHE'S GOT RELATIVELY NORMAL EYEBROWS.
[Cap clicking, upbeat music plays]
Jessica frowns and touches her eyebrows. Aoife takes the cap off a marker and smiles. Later, Aoife appears with the black marker drawn over her eyebrows. She smiles.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS SO GOING TO WORK.
[The music stops, background chattering]
In the cafeteria, Aoife approaches a table where Jessica sits with her friends.
Aoife says, JESSICA, HEY.
Jessica says, HEY. IT'S ALFIE FROM FRANCE.
Aoife says, CLOSE, AOIFE FROM ENGLAND.
Jessica says, KILLER BROWS.
Zara says, JESSICA. HEY. NYLA, CHAR, SHOW JESS WHAT AOIFE HELPED US WITH.
[Rustling]
Nyla holds a white t-shirt with “Vipers” written across the chest. Beneath the word, a green snake slithers around three basketballs.
Aoife says, THAT WAS NOT MY IDEA.
Zara says, MODEST. YOU THOUGHT OF THE NAME.
Nyla says, I MADE THE SNAKE AND THE FANGS.
Charlotte says, I DID THE RHINESTONES. I JUST DECIDED TO GO WITH IT.
[Chiming, shirt rustling]
Nyla puts the shirt on Aoife.
Jessica says, LOOK AT YOU. ALMOST LIKE A PROPER LITTLE TEAM NOW. FAB. LOVE YA.
Jessica follows her friends away from the table.
Zara says, JUST IN TIME FOR OUR MATCH AGAINST LIONS. WE SHALL TAME THEM.
[Lion roaring]
Charlotte clenches her teeth and bends her fingers like claws.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS A MAJOR FAIL FOR NEW AOIFE.
Zara says, LET'S GO MAKE SOME MORE.
Charlotte says, YEAH.
Zara and Charlotte leave.
Nyla says, I'LL HANG WITH YOU.
On the other side of the room, Conor and Clanger hold lunch trays.
Clanger says, SO, WHY DO I NEED A DESIGNATED TABLE?
Conor says, IT CREATES AN AIR OF PRESTIGE.
Clanger says, THIS ONE.
Conor says, NEXT TO THE BINS? I THINK NOT. THAT ONE OVER THERE. NEATLY TUCKED AWAY FROM TEACHERS, NEXT TO THE CONDIMENTS, PRIME REAL ESTATE.
[Thumping]
Aoife puts her lunch tray on the table. Nyla stands behind her with her arms crossed.
Clanger says, THIS IS MY SEAT.
Aoife says, THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE HERE, YOU KNOW.
Conor says, COME ON, AOIFE, THIS IS HIS SEAT.
[Tray banging]
Aoife moves her tray to another table and walks back to Conor and Clanger.
Aoife says, RIGHT, I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS DAY. A - I'VE BEEN STALKED, B - HAD MY TASTEFUL BERET MOCKED, AND NOW THREE - FORCED TO WEAR THIS RIDICULOUS SNAKE T-SHIRT. SO TELL YOU WHAT? THE WINNER STAYS. AND I WARN YOU, IT'S GOING TO BE ME.
Aoife sits down and puts her hand out, with her elbow on the table.
Clanger says, YOU WANT TO ARM WRESTLE, DO YA?
Aoife says, NO, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Students gather around the table.
Nyla says, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO ARM WRESTLE?
Aoife says, YEAH. NO? NOT A CLUE.
Aoife tells us, WHAT HAVE I ACTUALLY JUST DONE?
Nyla says, YOU NEED TO FORCE HIS HAND DOWN, LEVERAGE HIS WEIGHT AGAINST HIM.
[Tense music plays, students chattering, Clanger chuckling]
Clanger and Aoife arm wrestle, and he pushes her arm towards the table.
Students chant, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL, TALL GIRL!
[Upbeat music plays, Clanger’s hand banging, cheering]
Aoife pushes Clanger's hand back up and forces it down to the table.
Nyla says, PERFECT HOOK TECHNIQUE.
Clanger stands, open-mouthed.
Conor says, RELAX. BARELY ANYONE SAW.
[Chanting continues]
Clanger leaves.
Nyla says, HER NAME IS AOIFE.
Students chant, ALFIE! ALFIE!
In animation, confetti falls around Aoife. Text around a graphic of two hands arm wrestling reads, “Champion. Midvale Arm Wrestling.”
Aoife tells us, EITHER I'M ASLEEP IN HOME EC AND WILL SURELY WAKE UP WITH DROOL ON MY CHIN, OR I'M ACTUALLY POPULAR.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops’, and a basketball falls into it.
[Shop bell jingling, footsteps thumping]
Conor leaves the shop holding a frozen dessert cone.
Conor says, OH, CLANGER, THERE YOU ARE.
Clanger says, YOU? I'VE LOST MY POWERS. WATCH. OI, YOU, PUCK YOUR MONEY NOW!
A boy rides a bicycle past Clanger.
The boy says, YEAH, WHATEVER, DOOF.
[Bicycle bell ringing, thumping]
Text reads, “Whatever doof.”
Clanger says, ALL THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR ANNOYING SISTER. YOU'RE FIRED.
Conor says, DON'T BE HASTY, I HAVE A PLAN.
Clanger takes the cone.
Clanger says, YOU'D BETTER. OR I'M GOING TO EAT ALL OF THIS EXCEPT FOR THE VERY LAST BIT, THEN PRETEND TO HAND IT BACK TO YOU, BUT THEN DROP IT ON THE GROUND.
Conor says, I CAN HELP YOU IMPROVE YOUR THREATS TOO.
[Background chattering, bird chirping]
Clanger says, THANKS BECAUSE I CAN NEVER THINK OF ANY GOOD ONES IN THE MOMENT.
Clanger tries the cone.
Clanger says, MM, ESPRESSO.
[Upbeat music plays]
At home, Aoife and Conor sit at a table. She writes in a notebook, and he types on a computer.
Aoife says, SO, YOU WANT ME TO HAVE ANOTHER ARM WRESTLE WITH CLANGER? AND LOSE?
Conor says, IDEALLY, YES.
Aoife says, UH, NO WAY.
Brid walks into the room.
Brid says, THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR.
Conor asks, IS IT A LARGE ANGRY BOY?
Brid says, IT'S FOR AOIFE. AND YOUR PHONE KEEPS PINGING. ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVEN'T PICKED UP SOMEONE ELSE'S BY ACCIDENT?
[Background television chattering]
Conor says, SHE MADE A FOOL OF THE PRETEND BULLY AT SCHOOL. NOW EVERYONE'S UNDER THE ILLUSION THAT SHE'S... COOL.
Brid asks, AOIFE, IS THIS TRUE?
Aoife says, YEAH, I BEAT HIM IN AN ARM WRESTLE.
Brid says, NO, I MEAN, YOU'RE ACTUALLY POPULAR?
Aoife nods and walks past Brid.
Brid says, NOT THAT IT MATTERS. YES!
[Chiming, door clicking, birds chirping, vehicle engines humming]
Brid pumps her fist victoriously. Aoife opens the front door, and her eyes widen. Jessica stands there with two girls behind her.
Aoife tells us, BE STILL. AM I DREAMING?
Jessica says, TALL GIRL. WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
Aoife says, AOIFE.
Jessica says, EVA?
Aoife says, AOIFE.
Jessica says, COMING OUT? MEE-FA?
Aoife says, UHH, YES. I MEAN, 'KAY.
[Bicycle wheel rattling, people chattering]
Outside, Aoife sits on the ground beside Jessica and her friends. Everyone but Aoife types on their smartphone.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS THE BEST FUN.
Aoife glances over her shoulder and notices the Vipers playing on a court in a park.
Aoife says, WE COULD... SHOOT HOOPS?
[Vipers squealing]
Jessica says, OH, NOT ON THOSE RINGS, MEE-FA, THEY'D RUIN MY SHOT. I KNOW IT'S JUST ME, YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT KIND OF THING.
Aoife says, OF COURSE I CARE ABOUT MY SHOT.
Jessica glances at Aoife and then back at her phone.
Jessica says, GOOD FOR YOU. HEH. IT'LL PAY OFF SOMEDAY. LISTEN, I NEED TO TOP UP MY TAN BEFORE TRAINING. SEE YOU LATER?
Aoife says, UH, YEAH. PLEASE. I MEAN, COOL.
[Thumping]
Jessica and her friends stand and walk away.
Jessica says, AWESOME. LOVE YA.
[Birds chirping, ball thumping, Vipers laughing]
Aoife looks back at the court where Charlotte passes the ball to Zara.
Nyla says, TWO IN ONE.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, CHARLOTTE!
[Squealing, thumping]
Aoife films the Vipers with her phone, and they stop playing.
Zara says, HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Aoife says, IT'S JUST, UH, YOUR ELBOW'S STICKIN' OUT. AND, CHAR, YOU'RE TRAVELLIN'.
[Background shouting]
Nyla says, LOOK. IF YOU KNOW SO MUCH, SHOW US.
Aoife says, I DON'T THINK SO.
Nyla says, JUST WHAT I THOUGHT. ALL TALK.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife’s smartphone is propped up on nearby playground equipment as she passes the ball to Charlotte on the court.
Aoife says, COME ON THEN! RIGHT, BEND YOUR KNEES AND SHOOT.
[Thumping, hoop rattling]
Charlotte sinks a basket.
Someone shouts, YA! GO AGAIN, GO AGAIN.
[Thumping, hoop rattling]
Aoife dribbles the ball. Nyla sinks a basket.
Aoife says, GET THROUGH, COME ON.
[Chattering, thumping]
Zara sinks a basket.
Zara says, GO!
Aoife says, COME ON, NYLA, YOU CAN DO IT. COME ON, CHARLOTTE. YOU'VE GOT THIS, YOU'VE GOT THIS, YOU'VE GOT THIS.
[Thumping]
Charlotte dribbles the ball and passes it to a teammate.
Aoife says, KEEP GOING. GO, GO, GO. YEAH!
Zara says, COME ON, CHARLOTTE.
[Thumping, cheering]
Charlotte sinks a basket, and everyone jumps excitedly.
Aoife tells us, I AM SO NOT HAVING FUN.
[Cheering, whooshing]
Aoife returns to the others and jumps excitedly. At school, Conor stands at the front of a classroom and Clanger sits on a table. On a projector screen, an Alpha Bully medal appears beside a drawing of Clanger.
Conor says, PROBLEM, WE NEED TO REINSTATE YOU AS... ALPHA BULLY.
Clanger says, BUT NOBODY'S SCARED OF ME ANYMORE.
[Chiming]
Text beside a drawing of Aoife reads, “Option A. Aoife.”
Conor says, SOLUTION - WE FIND SOMEONE WHO IS, OR AT LEAST IS HAPPY TO PRETEND TO BE. SEEING AS AOIFE HAS DECLINED…
[Buzzer blaring]
An X appears over Aoife’s drawing.
Conor says, WE GO TO OPTION B.
A muscular boy with tightly braided black hair stands with his arms crossed.
Conor says, SO, THIS IS JAMES. HE PLAYS RUGBY AND HE'S HAPPY TO APPEAR TO BE BULLIED BY YOU. WHICH I PROJECT WILL BOOST YOUR PROFILE BY AT LEAST 68 PERCENT.
[Whooshing]
On the screen, a drawing shows James sitting on the ground, crying, as Clanger stands beside him, smiling. A bar chart with 'before' and 'after' on the x-axis has bars that rise. The Y axis reads, “Your profile.”
Conor says, IN RETURN, HE ASKS FOR A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CARAMELIZED... ONION... RELISH.
Clanger looks at James.
James says, IT GOES NICE WITH CHEESE.
Clanger says, RIGHT. I FEEL LIKE I KNOW JAMES. HAVE I PRETEND BULLIED YOU BEFORE?
James flexes a bicep.
James says, YEAH, BACK IN INFANTS, BEFORE MY GROWTH SPURT.
Clanger says, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, YOU CAN GO.
[Footsteps pattering]
James leaves.
[Tense music plays]
Clanger stands and smiles at Conor.
Clanger says, OLD NEWS. I FEEL LIKE I NEED SOMEONE NEW. AND FRESH.
[Thumping]
Conor falls and lands in the hallway.
Conor says, UGH!
A brown-haired boy asks, WHOA. YOU ALL RIGHT?
Conor says, I-I-IT'S CLANGER. HE'S GONE CRAZY. I HEARD STORIES AT MY OLD SCHOOL, BUT HE'S SO MUCH WORSE.
The brown-haired boy says, YOU'RE JOKING.
[The brown-haired boy speaking indistinctly]
Conor says, GO, QUICK, TELL EVERYONE! NOBODY'S SAFE.
[Footsteps running]
The brown-haired boy runs away. Clanger leaves the classroom and smiles down at Conor.
Clanger says, GOOD WORK, BRAND MANAGER.
[Students chattering, chairs thumping]
Polka dots move across the screen. In the cafeteria, Clanger walks past a table and looks at two boys. They get up and leave their lunches on the table.
Clanger says, OH YEAH. I'M BACK.
[Thumping, chuckling]
Clanger happily nudges Conor. He takes a lunch tray from a passing student. Jessica enters the cafeteria, and Aoife walks behind her.
Aoife tells us, TOOK ME THREE HOURS LAST NIGHT TO PERFECT THIS WALK AND I NAILED IT.
[Clattering, students laughing, Clanger gasping]
Aoife walks into Clanger, and food spills on his shirt.
Jessica says, MEE-FA, YOU STUNG HIM AGAIN. QUICK, YOUR PHONE.
Aoife gives Jessica her phone.
Jessica says, DO SOMETHING TO MAKE FUN OF HIM.
[Camera shutter snapping, Clanger gasping, thumping, students laughing]
Aoife poses beside Clanger and points at his shirt. He turns and knocks against Conor as he walks away.
Jessica says, I'VE MADE IT YOUR PROFILE PIC. WHAT'S THIS?
[Girls squealing on video]
Jessica watches the video of Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara playing basketball at the park.
Jessica says, VIPERS? PLAYING BASKETBALL? OH, THIS IS HILARIOUS. LOOK AT THEM. MEE-FA, THEY ARE SO BAD.
Aoife says, I KNOW, LIKE, SO BAD. IT WOULD LITERALLY GO VIRAL.
Jessica says, GOOD IDEA.
Aoife says, NO! I MEAN, NAH. BEST NOT.
[Whooshing, background chattering]
Jessica types on the phone and then gives it back to Aoife.
Jessica says, YOU'RE NOT...REALLY THINKING OF PLAYING WITH THEM?
Aoife says, NAH, I'LL BE CHEERING ON THE OPPOSITION. GO LIONS.
[Jessica laughing]
Jessica says, YOU ARE SO FUNNY! YOU SHOULD TOTALLY JOIN MY TEAM.
[Text splattering]
Text reads, “Yes. Yes.”
Aoife tells us, YES! OKAY, BE CHILL.
Aoife says, COMETS? TOTALLY.
Jessica says, TOTALLY. AND I MEAN, YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO SIT ON THE BENCH, WHICH IS WAY BETTER THAN PLAYING WITH LOSERS.
Aoife says, ON THE BENCH?
Jessica says, SURE.
Aoife whispers to us, BUT NOT FOR LONG.
[Whistle blaring, upbeat music plays, thumping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball bounces across the title and knocks down the letters.
In the bathroom, Clanger wipes his sweater.
Clanger says, THIS NEEDS A WASH CYCLE, YOUR SISTER'S OUT OF CONTROL!
Conor says, I KNOW, SHE HAS TO BE STOPPED.
Clanger says, I HAD IT, I WAS BACK TO WHERE I WAS. NOW LOOK!
Conor says, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO, WE NEED TO CRUSH HER. CRUSH THE VERY ONE WHO ORCHESTRATED YOUR DOWNFALL.
Clanger says, YES! MEANING?
Conor says, DRY MARROWFATS.
[Bag rustling, background chattering]
Conor gives Clanger a bag of peas.
Conor says, FOR REAL.
Clanger says, WAIT, THAT'S YOUR OWN SISTER.
Conor says, SHE'LL GET OVER IT. I'LL... COLOUR CODE HER SOCK DRAWER OR SOMETHING.
Clanger says, SO, NO PRETENDIES?
Conor says, NO PRETENDIES. WE'RE ABOUT TO STEP THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS. READY?
Clanger nods.
[Upbeat music plays, school bell ringing, footsteps thumping]
The Midvale school crest spins. On a staircase landing, Aoife stands by a window and scrolls on her phone. Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla walk down the stairs to her.
Aoife says, LOOK, THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.
[Upbeat music plays, shouting on video, background chattering]
Zara holds out her smartphone and displays a video of the Vipers playing basketball in the park. Laughing emojis scroll on the side of the video.
Nyla asks, WHY WOULD YOU POST THIS?
Aoife says, WAIT. WHAT?
Aoife tells us, UH-OH.
Aoife says, I DIDN'T POST THAT.
Nyla says, IT'S YOUR ACCOUNT.
Aoife says, IT MUST'VE BEEN JESSICA.
Charlotte says, NUH-UH, SHE'S LIKE SUPER LOVELY.
Zara asks, DOES JESS EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE REALLY LIKE? COME ON, GIRLS.
Aoife says, I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE.
Nyla says, GET STUFFED.
Zara says, YOU THINK WE'RE PATHETIC. BUT AT LEAST WE PLAY. YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE THINKS THAT YOU WON'T, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE DYING TO.
Aoife says, NO, I'M NOT. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.
Zara says, YOU DO, JUST NOT WITH US.
Aoife says, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
Aoife tells us, IT'S... SORT OF TRUE.
Zara says, LOOK, I KNOW WE'RE NOT THE POPULAR KIDS, MORE LIKE MID-TABLE. NOBODY THINKS WE CAN QUALIFY FOR THE LEAGUE, BUT THERE'S A CHANCE, A SMALL CHANCE, THAT WE CAN GET A WIN AGAINST LIONS AND YOU COULD TOO IF YOU JUST GOT OVER YOURSELF.
Charlotte says, YOU'RE ONE OF US, AOIFE, EMBRACE IT. YOU'RE A SPORTY NERDY GIRL. WHO'S ALSO VERY PALE. WHICH IS WHERE WE ALL DIFFER. BUT THAT'S ALL.
Aoife says, LOOK, I JUST WANT TO TRY NEW THINGS.
Nyla says, WHAT, LIKE SCRIBBLING DEAD CATERPILLARS ON YOUR FACE?
[Footsteps thumping]
The Vipers walk down the stairs. Aoife touches the marker over her eyebrows.
[Upbeat music plays, television chattering in the background]
At home, Brid walks to the bottom of the stairs.
Brid says, AOIFE! IT'S YOUR COOL FRIEND.
Aoife says, UGH, NOT NOW. TELL 'EM I'M NOT—
Brid says, YOU HAVE FRIENDS. I HAD ALL THIS MUMMY GUILT ABOUT MOVING, BUT THIS JUST MAKES EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE.
[Door clicking, vehicle engines humming]
Aoife opens the front door, and Jessica stands outside.
Aoife says, OH, HEY.
Jessica says, MEE-FA! I'VE TALKED TO MY COACH, HE SAID YOU SHOULD MEET HIM.
Aoife says, WAIT, SERIOUSLY?
Aoife tells us, WHOOPS, DILEMMA.
[Tape rewinding]
In a flashback, Aoife and the Vipers stand on the staircase.
Aoife says, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.
Zara says, YOU DO, JUST NOT WITH US.
In the present, Jessica says, YEAH. BUT... WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING FUN FIRST.
At the school, Jessica and Aoife enter the gym. Jessica carries a rolled-up banner.
Students chanting, LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS!
Beside the bleachers, Conor gives Clanger a straw.
Conor says, WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL.
Clanger says, I DUNNO, I'M NOT A REAL BULLY. THIS COULD BE A SLIPPERY SLOPE.
Conor says, STAY STRONG. IT'S JUST THIS ONCE. HOLD. HOLD. NOW!
Clanger says, I CAN'T. IT'S NOT ME. YES, I LIKE A PRANK AND A GOOD MONEY-MAKING SCHEME, BUT THIS CROSSES THE LINE.
Conor says, IT'S FINE, WE'LL FIND ANOTHER WAY.
Students chanting, LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS! LIONS!
Jessica says, WE'RE CHEERING FOR THE OPPOSITION.
Aoife tells us, HOW DO MEAN GIRLS THINK OF SUCH MEAN THINGS?
Jessica says, IT WAS LITERALLY YOUR IDEA.
Aoife says, UH... IT WAS?
[Tape rewinding]
In a flashback in the cafeteria, Aoife says, I'LL BE CHEERING ON THE OPPOSITION. GO LIONS.
In the present, Jessica unrolls her banner. Text beneath fangs reads, “Lions.”
Jessica says, GOOOOO LIONS.
[Chanting continues]
Jessica says, AND IT'S EVEN FUNNIER WITH MORE PEOPLE, SO I INVITED EVERYONE.
Aoife says, YOU INVITED OUR SCHOOL TO CHEER FOR THE OTHER TEAM?
Jessica says, I KNOW, IT'S THE KIND OF THING WE DO. COME ON. LET'S SIT, TEAMY.
[Chanting continues, solemn music plays]
Aoife looks at the three Lions players. She looks at the crowd holding Lions posters. Jim enters and stands beside Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla.
Aoife says, THAT'S IT. YOU'RE NOT MY TEAMY, YOU NEVER WILL BE. YOU THINK IT'S ALL ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE.
Jessica says, BECAUSE IT IS.
Aoife says, YEAH, WELL, KINDA. BUT MOSTLY IT'S ABOUT WHO YOU ARE. AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE.
[Chanting continues, solemn music plays]
Jessica asks, ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS, MEE-FA?
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife replies, MY NAME IS AOIFE.
Aoife tells us, SO, OKAY. LET'S DO A REPLAY.
[Whooshing]
Aoife tells us, I STARTED OFF LIKE NEW HOUSE, NEW SCHOOL. AND MY MUM WAS LIKE, "PLEASE GIFT US..."
In a flashback in the kitchen, Brid says, LOVELY NEW FRIENDS FOR AOIFE.
In another flashback, Brid says, YOU'RE ACTUALLY POPULAR? YES!
In a flashback, Aoife wears the beret, scarf, and fringed jacket. Text reads, “New Aoife.”
In the present, Aoife tells us, SO THEN I WAS LIKE, "HEY, I'M NEW AOIFE." SASSY, POPULAR, AND SURPRISINGLY GOOD AT ARM WRESTLING.
In a flashback, Aoife beats Clanger at arm wrestling.
In the present, Aoife tells us, AND THEN ZARA WAS LIKE...
In a flashback, Zara says, I'M ZARA.
In the present, Aoife tells us, I'M SUPER PUSHY. “JOIN US.”
In a flashback, Nyla and Zara say, PLEASE.
In the present, Aoife tells us, AND CHARLOTTE WAS ALL, "RHINESTONES ARE SO LAST SEASON."
In a flashback, Charlotte says, SLAY, POSTING IMMEDIATELY.
In the present, Aoife bends her finger.
Aoife tells us, AND NYLA WAS LIKE, "LOOK AT MY SCARY ZOMBIE FINGER."
[Cracking]
In a flashback, Nyla says, GRR. DISLOCATED.
[Aoife speaking indistinctly]
In a flashback, Jessica sits on the bleachers.
In the present, Aoife tells us, BUT I WANTED TO PART OF JESSICA'S GANG. AND JESS WAS LIKE, "OOH, MEE-FA. "I'M ACTUALLY A REALLY MEAN GIRL."
[Whooshing]
In a flashback, Aoife sits on the ground with Jessica and her friends.
In the present, Aoife tells us, SO I DISCOVERED THAT BEING PART OF THE COOL GANG WAS A BIT OF A LETDOWN.
[Popping]
In the flashback, Jessica and her friends disappear, and an animation of a basketball pops.
In the present, Aoife tells us, AND SO NOW I MADE A DECISION I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE.
Aoife raises her eyebrows and walks to the Vipers.
Aoife says, ZARA, YOU WERE RIGHT. I'M A SPORTY NERDY GIRL. WE ARE SPORTY GIRLS. WE SWEAT, WE PANT, SOMETIMES OUR BITS WOBBLE. BUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS WE PLAY. SO LET'S SHOW JESSICA THAT WE'RE NOT ALMOST A PROPER TEAM, WE ARE A TEAM.
Charlotte says, WHOA. EXCELLENT SPEECH.
Nyla says, BANGING. ZARA, DID YOU HEAR HER?
Zara says, YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY HEAR HER ASKING TO JOIN THE TEAM.
Aoife says, THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT I SAID IN MY SPEECH IF YOU JUST GO BACK OVER IT.
Zara says, REALLY? "I AM A SPORTY NERDY GIRL, WE ARE SPORTY GIRLS. WE SWEAT, WE PANT, SOMETIMES OUR BITS WOBBLE. WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS WE PLAY. SO LET'S SHOW JESSICA WE'RE NOT ALMOST A PROPER TEAM, WE ARE A TEAM."
Aoife stares at Zara with her mouth open.
Zara smiles and says, I HAVE AN IQ OF 148.
[Whooshing]
Text beside a drawing of a brain reads, “I.Q. 148.” Text reads, “Wow.”
Aoife says, WOW.
[Background chattering]
Jim says, HM. ACTUALLY, SHE DIDN'T EXPLICITLY SAY IT, DID SHE? DISAPPOINTING.
Aoife says, OKAY, LOOK. NEW AOIFE WAS KIND OF AN IDIOT, SO I'M GOING TO BE NEW NEW AOIFE, WHICH IS BASICALLY NEW OLD AOIFE.
Zara says, AND?
Aoife says, AND I'D LIKE TO JOIN THE TEAM AND PLAY IN THE LEAGUE.
[Zara inhaling deeply]
Zara says, OOOH. YOU'RE IN.
Zara and Aoife smile.
Aoife says, OH, THANKS.
Jim says, YES! SCRUM DOWN.
[Hands slapping]
Jim, Aoife, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla stand in a circle and pile their hands together.
Jim counts, ONE, TWO, THREE.
The team shouts, VIPERS!
[Upbeat rock music plays, coughing, gagging, whistle blowing, cheering, ball thumping, hoop rattling]
The Vipers approach the three Lions players. Jim gives the Vipers shirts, and they sniff them. The game starts, and Aoife passes the ball to Charlotte.
A person sings, WE COME TOGETHER. BREAK FREE AND UNDERSTAND…WE NOW GO HAND AND HAND. HANDS UP FOR THE NEW KIND OF REVOLUTION. GODSPEED...
[Ball thumping, sneakers squeaking, hoop rattling]
With six minutes and 47 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 6. Lions, 10.” Zara passes the ball to Aoife, and she scores.
[Applause, cheering, hoop rattling, whooshing, whistle blowing]
Zara scores, and then Aoife scores.
Jim stands and cheers, YEAH!
[Ball thumping, cheering]
Charlotte and Aoife high-five. The Lions sink a basket.
The person sings, OOH, OOH.
[Clicking]
With three minutes and 51 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers 18. Lions, 20.”
The person sings, REVOLUTION.
[Ball thumping, cheering, hoop rattling]
Zara scores.
The person sings, REVOLUTION.
[Hoop rattling, whistle blaring]
Aoife scores. With two minutes and 23 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers 20, Lions, 20.” Aoife spins the ball on her finger.
Aoife tells us, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I'M A BONAFIDE HOOPER. NOW TO FINISH THIS WIN IN STYLE.
Beside the bleachers, Conor and Clanger watch the game.
Conor says, IT'S A GOOD THING YOU BACKED OUT, YOU'D NEVER HAVE MADE THAT SHOT.
Clanger says, ARE YOU... WITH MY EYES SHUT.
[Rock music plays]
Aoife catches a pass and dribbles.
Conor says, OH YEAH, WELCOME TO CLANGER'S DREAM WHERE ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.
Clanger says, OH YEAH? WELL, WATCH THIS.
Clanger lifts the straw to his mouth.
The person sings, REVOLUTION.
[Clanger blowing, whooshing, boinging, thumping, gasping, students laughing]
In slow motion, in animation, the pea shoots across the court. Aoife jumps, and the pea hits the side of her head, spinning her. Aoife falls on the floor. Clanger and Conor watch, wide-eyed.
Clanger says, OOPS.
[Hoop banging, ball thumping, whistle blowing, cheering, applause, Charlotte laughing, thumping, whooshing]
Charlotte scores a basket. With one minute and 38 seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 21. Lions, 20.” Nyla and Charlotte hug. Aoife lies on the floor with her pigtails spread above her head. Text reads, “Popular.”
Aoife tells us, IT'S OKAY, WE WON. WE MADE IT INTO THE LEAGUE AND I'M STILL POPULAR. AND I STILL HAVE THEIR RESPECT.
Jessica smiles and runs to Aoife. Conor walks beside her, holding a smartphone.
Conor says, DO SOMETHING TO MAKE FUN OF HER.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Jessica smiles and points at Jessica.
Jessica says, LOSER.
Aoife tells us, AND IT'S GONE.
[Stamping]
A “Fail” stamp covers the word “Popular.”
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net.
End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Conor, Arthur Kay. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Brid, Isy Suttie. Librarian, Charlotte Henderson. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Jessica, Bea Ward. Carl, Ivor Curtis. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
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