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Transcript: The Mute the Cute Defence
[School bell ringing, upbeat music plays, banging, laughing, slide whistle, whistle blaring]
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created by Sinéad Fagan.
[Jessica laughing, buzz saw whirring]
In the Midvale gymnasium, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla stand with their backs to a bearded photographer who stands by a large spotlight. Charlotte stands open-mouthed while Nyla has her arms crossed. In front of them, Jessica wears a Vipers uniform and sits on the bleachers, pointing at Aoife, who has her head stuck between two bars in a fence. A firefighter uses a buzz saw to cut the bleachers, and a second firefighter takes noise-cancelling headphones off Aoife’s head. Aoife wears a green body suit, a yellow and black headband, and has green face paint and green hair.
Aoife tells us, AS I WAS SAYING-- YES, I'M CURRENTLY BEING RESCUED LIKE A HELPLESS LITTLE KITTEN AND THERE'S A VERY GOOD--
[Buzz saw whirring]
The second firefighter puts the headphones back on Aoife’s head. Written by Sinéad Fagan and Chris Grady. Director Ian Curtis.
Aoife tells us, HERE COMES THE REWIND!
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
In Midvale School, Aoife walks up a staircase past students staring at their smartphone screens.
Aoife tells us, LOOK AT THIS LOT. DESPERATE TO KNOW WHO'S IN HOLT'S NEW PET PROJECT, THE MIDVALE MIRROR NEWSLETTER.
[Beeping, Clanger gasping]
At the top of the stairs, Aoife walks past Clanger. The headline of a Midvale Mirror article on his smartphone reads, “Fake Toilet Passes ‘Just Like Real Thing’ Say Teachers.” Producer, Dominique Molloy. In Association with A.P.C. Kids. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt.
Clanger says, YES!
Mr. Holt walks towards the stairs and looks at Clanger, who casually leans back against the wall.
Clanger mutters, WELL DONE, WELL DONE.
Jessica holds up her smartphone and smiles. The headline of a Midvale Mirror article featuring a photograph of Jessica holding a basketball reads, “Just Jess.”
Jessica says, FRONT PAGE. OBVS.
Aoife walks past Jessica.
Aoife says, IMAGINE CARING THAT MUCH ABOUT WHO'S ON A STUPID—
[Smartphone dinging]
Aoife looks at her smartphone.
Aoife says, WHAT!
Aoife displays her phone with the article about Jessica.
Aoife says, QUESTION. WHY IS JESSICA THE FACE OF MIDVALE BASKETBALL?
In the school library, Zara leans against a bookcase and looks at the smartphone screen. Nyla sits on the floor with her back against a bookcase, and Chair sits on a round red ottoman.
Charlotte says, QUESTION TWO. HOW ADORB IS THE LATEST FASHION TREND FROM TOKYO? CUTE LITTLE CATS IN ITTY-BITTY HATS!
[Meowing, upbeat music plays]
In a daydream, Charlotte smiles and wears a sparkling skirt, a tiara, and a shirt featuring a cat wearing a hat. Mugs, slippers, and shirts featuring cats wearing hats float around Charlotte.
A cat sings, I'M GONNA WIN, GONNA TAKE IN EVERYTHING. I'M GONNA WIN, THE DOLLARS ARE MINE.
[The music stops]
The daydream ends.
Aoife says, CHARLOTTE, FOCUS! BASKETBALL!
[Whooshing]
In an animation, a basketball passes behind Charlotte’s head. Charlotte turns her head.
Charlotte asks, WHERE?
[Footsteps tapping, librarian shushing]
A librarian with shoulder-length red hair points at a sign.
The librarian asks, MIGHT I DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO THE SIGN?
[Slide whistle, thumping]
The librarian walks away. A sign reads, “Library. Keep Quiet.”
Aoife says, JESS DIDN'T EVEN PLAY FOR THIS SCHOOL.
Zara says, NO, BUT SHE'S AWESOME! AND SUPER POPULAR WITH THE NEWSLETTER'S CORE DEMOGRAPHIC. EVERYONE!
Aoife says, WELL, EVERYONE'S WRONG. THE VIPERS ARE MIDVALE'S OFFICIAL TEAM.
Nyla says, BUT WE ALWAYS LOSE, SO NOBODY COMES TO OUR GAMES ANYMORE.
Aoife says, HMM. WE JUST NEED A REBRAND. WE'D BE AS POPULAR AS THEM IF WE HAD THE SAME AMOUNT OF COVERAGE. IMAGINE IT.
[Camera shutters snapping, upbeat music plays]
In a daydream, Aoife poses on a darkened basketball court, holding a basketball under one arm.
An announcer says, PLEASE WELCOME TO THE BASKETBALL HALL OF FAME, AOIFE O'NEILL!
[Snarling, rock music plays]
Aoife’s daydream ends. Nyla daydreams about the Vipers wearing blue face paint and holding their arms up with their fingers spread menacingly. Text on a screen behind them reads, “Crush Them.”
A robot voice says, CRUSH THEM!
[Dignified music plays]
Nyla’s daydream ends. Zara daydreams of standing in a basketball court with Grecian columns and a rusty basketball net. She stands with a basketball under her arm, and Charlotte, Nyla, and Aoife are lined up behind her.
Zara says, THE BASKETBALL HALL OF PERFECTION.
[Needle scratching a record, meowing, upbeat music plays]
Zara’s daydream ends, and Charlotte daydreams about the cats in hats.
The cat sings, THE DOLLARS ARE MINE, I'M GONNA WIN.
Aoife says, CHARLOTTE! FOCUS! WE NEED PRESS COVERAGE AT OUR NEXT GAME IF WE'RE GOING TO BE AS POPULAR AS THE COMETS.
Zara says, 11 A.M. ON THE TWENTY-FOURTH.
Aoife says, LOVE THAT WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE.
Charlotte says, I NEED THAT CAT DRESS.
[Aoife sighing, upbeat music notes play]
Aoife rolls her eyes. Text reads, “Out.”
The red-haired librarian shouts, THAT'S IT! OUT! SHH!
[Upbeat music plays, slide whistle, whooshing]
The Midvale school crest spins, and a Toilet Pass hangs on a string from the top of it. Text on the pass reads, “Official pass valid for one student. Do not attempt to photocopy.” In a hallway, Conor looks at a toilet pass as he walks beside Clanger.
Clanger says, THESE FAKE TOILET PASSES ARE MY BEST SCAM YET.
[Background students shouting, light music plays]
Conor asks, WASN'T IT MY IDEA?
Clanger says, OKAY, WELL, WHO WROTE THEM UP?
Conor says, ME!
Clanger says, OKAY, WELL, WHO SOLD THE MOST BY IGNORING YOUR STUPID "FIVE PER CLASSROOM?"
Conor says, WELL, HOPEFULLY NOT YOU BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A-- DISASTER.
[Background chattering]
Conor and Clanger turn a corner and stop. Mr. Holt stands beside the toilets with a group of students holding toilet passes. He turns and looks at Clanger and Conor.
Clanger points at Conor and says, IT WAS HIS IDEA.
In an empty classroom, Mr. Holt faces Clanger and Conor with his arms crossed.
Mr. Holt says, NEXT WEEK, MIDVALE WILL BE VISITED BY THE HEAD TEACHER OF THE PRESTIGIOUS JOHNSON SCHOOL, ALONG WITH A FEW SELECTED STUDENTS.
Clanger says, HE'S PAID THEM TO BEAT US UP!
Conor asks, DID THE SCHOOL BOARD APPROVE THAT?
[Background chattering]
Mr. Holt says, THEY HAVE A BUSINESS CLUB, WHICH THEY'RE KEEN TO SHOW OFF. AND NOW, SO DO I.
Conor asks, YOU WANT US TO REPRESENT MIDVALE?
Clanger asks, LIKE ON PURPOSE?
Mr. Holt says, BUSINESS IS ABOUT TAKING RISKS! AND YOU CLEARLY HAVE A KNACK FOR IT. YOU COULD USE THIS ROOM UNSUPERVISED TO COME UP WITH A NEW IDEA TO PITCH IN HERE AT THE END OF THE VISIT. QUESTIONS?
Clanger says, YEAH, HAVE YOU BEEN REPLACED BY ALIENS?
Conor says, WHO CARES! WELCOME TO OUR PLANET!
Mr. Holt whispers, PLANET.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing]
Mr. Holt smiles. Blue and grey polka dots move across the screen. Later, Jim walks down a staircase and then walks with Mr. Holt.
Jim says, OH, YOU LOOK HAPPY, SIR. IF A LITTLE BIT DASTARDLY.
Mr. Holt says, BECAUSE MY PLAN FOR THE PERFECT SCHOOL VISIT IS WORKING. USE THE NEWSLETTER TO MOTIVATE THE GOOD ONES AND INGENIOUS LIES TO HIDE THE BAD ONES.
Jim says, SUCH A SHAME I HAVE TO ATTEND THIS DISCO DANCE TEACHING SEMINAR IN WALES ON THE SAME DAY OF THE VISIT.
Mr. Holt says, YEAH, BUT YOU DO AND DON'T BE LATE. NOTHING CAN RUIN THIS NOW!
Mr. Holt smiles.
[Beeping, Mr. Holt groaning]
A headline in the school newsletter reads, “Poser Ruins Everything.” A photograph in the article shows Aoife lying on the basketball court floor. In his office, Mr. Holt sits at his desk.
Aoife says, I WAS JUST TRYING TO PAUSE FOR THE PRESS…
Aoife tells us, WHILE I WAS DRIBBLING.
Aoife, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla stand in front of Mr. Holt’s desk.
Zara asks, YOU OKAY, SIR?
Charlotte says, YOUR FACE AND YOUR TIE ARE THE SAME SHADE OF RED. BUT IT REALLY SUITS YOU.
[Mr. Holt sighing, hands thumping]
Mr. Holt moves his hands from his temples to his desk.
Mr. Holt says, THE HEAD TEACHER VISITING NEXT WEEK IS—
[Dramatic music plays]
Mr. Holt continues, MY BIG BROTHER.
Aoife tells us, I KNOW THAT LOOK. SIBLING RIVALRY.
Mr. Holt says, GOLDEN BOY READ ALL ABOUT THIS CLUMSY POSER.
Aoife says, IT ONLY HAPPENED EIGHT TIMES.
Mr. Holt says, AND HER EVEN MORE EASILY DISTRACTED TEAMMATE.
Charlotte pokes the nose on a picture of a cat wearing a hat on her bookbag.
Zara says, THAT'S JUST HOW CHARLOTTE GETS WHENEVER THE STUDIO SHE LIKES HAS A CUTE NEW FASHION LINE.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays, pigs squealing]
In a flashback, a woman with curly blonde hair walks across the school cafeteria wearing a t-shirt featuring two pigs wearing one-piece bathing suits. The two pigs fly towards Charlotte, who holds a lunch tray.
Charlotte says, PIGLETS IN SINGLETS!
[Rope whooshing]
In another flashback, Zara and Charlotte carry bags filled with gym equipment. In an animation, an antelope turns a skipping rope.
Charlotte says, ANTELOPES WITH SKIPPING ROBES!
[Bag thumping, Zara grunting, thumping, rope tapping the ground, skipping, slide whistle, whooshing, zooming]
Charlotte drops her bag and Zara trips over it. In another flashback, two students turn a skipping rope while Charlotte skips with another student. In an animation, a dog, a frog and a hog wear yellow clogs. Charlotte runs away from the skipping rope.
Charlotte says, DOGS, FROGS, AND HOGS WEARING CLOGS AND GOING FOR JOGS!
The flashback ends.
In the present, Mr. Holt says, HOW CHARMINGLY AWFUL AND IT'S GIVEN MY BIG BRO THE CONFIDENCE TO CHALLENGE THE VIPERS TO COMPETE WITH HIS SCHOOL'S TEAM FOR THIS!
[Trophy banging, dinging]
Mr. Holt puts a large, gleaming trophy on his desk.
Mr. Holt says, DURING HIS VISIT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
Aoife says, A CROWD AND A BIG TROPHY. BEST REBRAND EVER!
[Upbeat music plays]
In her daydream, Aoife poses with the basketball beside the Midvale Vipers logo.
Mr. Holt says, VICTORY IS ESSENTIAL. WE NEED STAR POWER. THAT'S WHY I'VE ARRANGED WITH JESSICA'S TEAM TO BRING HER OVER FOR THIS CRUCIAL MATCH.
[Nyla and Zara gasping]
Nyla and Zara smile at each other.
Aoife says, NO!
[Upbeat music plays, footsteps pattering, board thumping]
A banner on a fence reads, “Midvale School, ‘Adjusting Expectations’. Days per visit.” Mr. Holt puts a board with the number three in front of “Days per visit.” In the empty classroom, Conor paces in front of a whiteboard. Crossed out text on the whiteboard reads, “Computer games for dogs. Edible wigs.”
Conor says, IF WE'RE AS GOOD AS HOLT SAYS, WE'LL BE MILLIONAIRES BY YEAR TEN.
Clanger says, AND ZILLIONAIRES BY YEAR ELEVEN AND KUJABALLIONAIRES BY…
Conor says, THINK ABOUT IT. WHAT DO PEOPLE NEED? LIKE REALLY NEED?
Clanger says, FOR YOU TO SHUT UP AND LET ME THINK.
Conor says, OR BREAKFAST.
[Marker scratching]
Conor writes “Breakfast, umbrellas” on the whiteboard.
Conor says, AND UMBRELLAS.
Clanger says, YEAH, AND THINGS!
Conor says, THINGS! YEAH!
Conor writes on the whiteboard. Text reads, “Things, Lots of cash, eggs, robots.”
Clanger says, LOTS OF CASH! AND EGGS!
Conor says, WE'VE ALREADY DONE BREAKFAST.
Clanger says, NO, FOR THROWING. ROBOTS! PEOPLE NEED ROBOTS.
[Marker scratching]
Conor circles the first letter of each line on the whiteboard, spelling “Butler.”
Clanger stands and says, WHOA!
Conor says, WHOA.
Clanger says, ROBO-BUTLER.
[Clanging, whirring]
A mechanical arm appears on the whiteboard beside text that reads, “Robo Butler.”
[Thudding, upbeat music plays, loud student chattering, whirring]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The letters in the title fall. On a couch in the cafeteria, Jessica sits between Charlotte and Zara. Charlotte pets the cat wearing a hat on her bag. Aoife walks through the cafeteria, carrying a plate. Text in a thought bubble beside Aoife reads, “Nemesis.”
Aoife tells us, OKAY, SO JESS IS MY NEMESIS, WHICH ISN'T EASY TO SAY, BUT WE'RE BOTH BALLERS WHO LOVE TO WIN, SO MAYBE IT WON'T BE SO BAD.
Jessica says, HEY, IT'S THE CLUMSY POSER!
[Buzzer blaring, plate clattering]
Aoife puts her plate on a table and sits.
Aoife tells us, I WAS WRONG.
Jessica says, KIDDING OBVS! BUT YAY! BACK WITH THE VIPOS! SO EXCITING FOR YOU!
Aoife says, YOU KNOW THIS MEANS ONE OF US HAS TO DROP OUT, RIGHT?
[Chiming]
Zara and Jessica look at Charlotte.
Charlotte says, I'M GOING TO CALL YOU CAPTAIN MEOWVILLE.
[Meowing, happy music plays]
In her daydream, Charlotte smiles as Captain Meowville appears beside her, wearing a red beret.
The person sings, OH-AH-OH-AH…
[Background chattering]
In the cafeteria, Zara says, CHARLOTTE. SHE'LL BE LIKE THIS FOR DAYS. WON'T EVEN NOTICE.
[Hands slapping]
Aoife puts her hands on her lap.
Aoife says, OKAY! LET'S TALK PRESS STRATEGY.
Jessica says, SO, I'M DOING A PROMO PHOTOSHOOT TOMORROW. STYLING IT MYSELF.
Aoife asks, DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD BE THERE TOO?
Jessica says, OH, YOU'RE ALL SO BUSY THOUGH.
Aoife tells us, SO THOUGHTFUL.
Aoife says, BUT WE'LL MAKE TIME.
Zara says, I MEAN, THE VIPERS ARE MIDVALE'S OFFICIAL BASKETBALL TEAM.
Aoife nods. Nyla arrives and sits beside her.
Aoife says, EXACTLY. AND PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHO I-- WE AM.
Nyla says, GOOD SAVE.
Jessica says, WELL, OF COURSE THEY SHOULD! I'LL LET THE PHOTOGRAPHER KNOW AND THEN MESSAGE YOU ALL WHAT TO WEAR! YAY!
Aoife tells us, AND THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE.
Aoife tosses her hair over her shoulder. She picks up a French fry, throws it in the air, and falls as she leans back to catch it in her mouth.
[Slide whistle, thumping]
Aoife says, WHOA!
[Students and Jessica laughing]
Aoife says, I'M FINE!
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, glass squeaking, spraying]
The Midvale school crest spins as night turns to day. On the banner, Mr. Holt replaces the board to read, “Two days until visit.” In his office, he cleans his glass desk. He sprays deodorizer in the air and directly into his eye.
Mr. Holt shouts, AH!
[Vacuum whirring, banging, upbeat music continues, cabinet door slamming, door squeaking]
He dusts and vacuums the office. He hides a cloth in a cabinet as Clanger walks into the office.
Mr. Holt says, IT'S 7 A.M.
Conor says, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HOLD THE DOOR!
Conor enters the office, carrying a display stand that holds a large pad of paper.
Clanger says, I WAS BUSY!
Mr. Holt says, BOYS!
Conor asks, TOO BUSY TO HOLD THE DOOR?
Clanger replies, THAT'S RIGHT! I WAS TOO BUSY TO HOLD A DOOR.
[Stand clanking]
Conor puts the stand down, with the paper facing Mr. Holt. The paper features a drawing of a smiling, waving robot.
Conor says, THEN YOU NEED—
Conor and Clanger say, ROBO-BUTLER. THE ROBOT BUTLER.
At his desk, Mr. Holt says, I'M NOT SURE THAT I DO.
Conor says, IT HAS EVERYTHING YOU WANT. STORAGE, MUSIC, TOOTHBRUSH, GAMES.
[Paper rustling]
Clanger flips the page to a new drawing, featuring speakers at the bottom of the robot, glasses, and an arm launching potatoes.
Clanger says, X-RAY VISION.
Conor says, WAIT, CLANGER—
Clanger says, AN ARM THAT'S A POTATO LAUNCHER! CHAINSAW TEETH!
Conor says, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS! PLEASE DON'T JUDGE US ON THOSE LAST ONES.
Mr. Holt says, WHY NOT? I LOVED THEM!
Clanger says, HA! TOLD YOU!
Conor says, REALLY?
Mr. Holt smiles and nods.
[Cheerful music plays]
In the hallway, Mr. Holt says, I BELIEVE IN YOU, SO TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED TO BUILD IT. IN FACT, TAKE LONGER. I INSIST.
[Thumping]
Clanger smiles, nudges Conor, and runs. Conor narrows his eyes and looks at Mr. Holt. Polka dots move across the screen.
On a smartphone screen, Jessica says, SO, THIS LOOK USUALLY TAKES ME ABOUT HALF AN HOUR.
In her living room, Aoife braids one of her pigtails. Behind her, her mum, Brid, walks past and looks at the smartphone propped up against a fruit bowl on a coffee table.
Jessica says, IT MIGHT TAKE A LITTLE BIT LONGER FOR YOU GUYS, BUT DON'T WORRY. YOU CAN GET TO MY SPEED AT SOME POINT.
Brid asks, IS THAT EVIL JESSICA?
[Jessica speaking in her video]
Aoife says, THANK YOU! IT'S LIKE WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN SEE IT.
Brid says, I'VE HEARD SHE'S A MASTER MANIPULATOR WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT LOOKING BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE.
Aoife tells us, MY MUM'S A GREAT LISTENER.
Brid says, BUT IF SHE'S SO BAD, WHY ARE YOU COPYING HER?
On the smartphone, Jessica says, AND NOW, VIPERS, FOR A TRULY SPECIAL TOUCH TO REALLY MAKE IT STAND OUT.
In the living room, Aoife says, BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY FIERCE LOOK AND EVERYONE'S GONNA SEE US ROCKIN' IT.
Brid raises her eyebrows and walks away.
On the smartphone, Jessica says, PUT IT ALL OVER YOUR BODY SO YOU CAN REALLY STAND OUT. THIS IS GONNA MAKE YOU LOOK—
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing]
The Midvale school crest spins over aerial video footage of the students in the schoolyard. In the gymnasium, Mr. Holt holds the trophy. Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara stand beside him.
Aoife says, WHO'S READY FOR THE PHOT—
[Footsteps running]
Aoife arrives with green hair, green face paint, and is wearing a green shirt, the yellow and black headband, a skirt, and fingerless gloves.
Aoife says, OH, SHOOT.
Mr. Holt asks, WHY ARE YOU GREEN?
Jessica walks behind Charlotte.
Charlotte asks, DID YOU DRINK CHEWY MILK?
Jessica says, OH, NO! DID I SEND YOU THE WRONG LINK? SUPER SORZ.
Jessica crosses her arms. Nearby, Nyla and Charlotte look at each other.
Aoife says, MUST CONTAIN RAGE.
Mr. Holt says, NONE OF MY BROTHER'S STUDENTS ARE GREEN! NO PHOTO FOR YOU!
[Aoife groaning]
Mr. Holt says, OR YOU UNTIL YOU TAKE OFF THAT RIDICULOUS HAT.
[Zapping]
Charlotte wears a hat featuring Captain Meowville. Her mouth falls open.
Nyla says, JUST GET CHANGED. PROBLEM SOLVED.
Jessica says, THERE'S NO TIME. THE PHOTOGRAPHER'S WAITING. MAYBE YOU COULD BE OUR MASCOT?
[Flames whooshing]
In an animation, green flames rise around Aoife.
Aoife says, CAN'T CONTAIN RAGE!
[Whooshing]
Purple polka dots move across the screen. In the empty classroom, Clanger holds a potato.
Conor asks, WHY WOULD HOLT WANT A ROBOT THAT FIRES POTATOES?
Clanger replies, BECAUSE HE'S SUPER OLD AND FIRING THEM YOURSELF IS TIRING.
[Background chattering]
Conor asks, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT HE THOUGHT THAT YOUR IDEA WAS BETTER THAN MINE?
Clanger asks, WHAT'S WEIRD ABOUT THAT?
Conor replies, NOTHING. IT'S JUST--
Clanger says, LOOK! HOLT WANTS TO BEAT HIS BROTHER, RIGHT? SO, HE WANTS THE BEST IDEAS.
Conor says, BUT--CHAINSAW TEETH?
Clanger says, I SEE WHAT THIS IS. YOU'RE JEALOUS OF MY BRAIN!
[Conor chuckling]
Clanger asks, DID YOU JUST LAUGH AT ME?
Conor says, UH, NOT ON PURPOSE.
Clanger says, GOOD! NOW, LET'S TEST OUT MY NEW POTATO LAUNCHER WITH SOME TARGET PRACTICE.
[Horror music plays]
Clanger smiles.
[Upbeat music plays, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Camera shutter snapping, cheerful music plays]
In the gymnasium, the bearded photographer takes photographs of Jessica, Nyla, and Zara on the bleachers. Nyla holds a basketball, Zara has the trophy, and Jessica sits one bleacher up, smiling.
Jessica says, A BIT HIGHER, BOTH OF YOU.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Jessica says, HIGHER! KEEP GOING.
Zara lifts the trophy in front of her face. Nyla glances at Jessica and moves the ball in front of her face.
Jessica says, HIGHER.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Jessica says, PERFECT!
Aoife says, YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING?
Charlotte replies, HOLDING THE CUTEST BROLLY.
[Meowing, Aoife sighing]
Charlotte rests her face on her hands and stares at an orange umbrella featuring a smiling cat wearing a top hat. Aoife walks away.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Aoife crawls out from beneath a banner at the top of the bleachers.
Aoife says, OYE! JESSICA!
Jessica gets up and walks down to the photographer.
Zara says, DON'T ANNOY HER! THAT NEVER ENDS WELL FOR US!
Aoife says, YOU'RE HAPPY BEING FACELESS NOBODIES, ARE YA?
Nyla says, JESSICA'S IN VIPERS, OKAY? THAT'S AT LEAST-- NINE COOL POINTS FOR EACH OF US, SO YEAH, IT'S WORTH IT.
[Jessica clapping]
Jessica says, PLACES, EVERYONE! AOIFE, CAN YOU MOVE? GARY'S IN A RUSH. LOVE YA.
Jessica sits on the bleachers.
Aoife tells us, SHE'S HIJACKED THE VIPERS AND MADE IT ALL ABOUT HERSELF! THAT'S MY JOB.
Jessica says, YOU CAN EDIT HER OUT FROM THAT SIDE OF THE RAILINGS, RIGHT?
[Background shouting]
The photographer, Gary, nods.
Aoife says, OH, CAN YA? WELL, EDIT THIS.
[Bars creaking, Aoife grunting, slide whistle, popping, awkward laughing]
Aoife shoves her head between the two metal bars.
Aoife says, OW. TRY CUTTING ME OUT NOW!
Jessica says, OH, ME. ARE YOU STUCK?
Aoife says, NO.
[Students laughing, metal creaking]
Two boys behind Gary point and laugh at Aoife.
One of the pointing boys films Aoife on his smartphone.
The boy says, NO WAY!
Aoife tells us, YES, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED!
[Camera shutter snapping, beeping]
A school newspaper headline over a photograph of Aoife stuck between the bars reads, “Sssstuck Viper!” At home, Aoife sits at the dining room table beside Brid, who smiles at her smartphone.
Aoife tells us, WRONG AGAIN.
Brid says, AT LEAST IT'S NOT FRONT PAGE.
Aoife says, IT'S A DOUBLE-PAGER.
At a different table, Conor works on the robot.
Conor says, THERE'S ALREADY SEVERAL GIFS.
Brid says, YES, I'VE SENT ONE TO YOUR AUNTIE JAN. SHE WAS CRYING LAUGHING.
[Upbeat music plays]
In a GIF, Aoife, stuck between the bars, squeezes one eye shut. A graphic features hands holding prison bars and two eyes crying. Text reads, “A little help?”
Aoife says, WE NEED TO WIN THE TROPHY NOW. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE OUR IMAGE.
Conor asks, WHAT IMAGE? EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS YOU'RE A WALKING DISASTER ZONE.
[Whirring]
The wheeled base of the robot rolls off the table, and Conor catches it.
Conor says, OOPS!
Brid asks, DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT IN HERE?
Conor says, CLANGER WON'T STOP FIRING POTATOES AT ME. I NEED TO PROVE THAT MY IDEA IS BETTER THAN HIS.
[Light music plays]
Brid looks at her smartphone.
Brid asks, WHAT TIME DID HE SAY PITCH WAS AGAIN?
Conor says, END OF THE DAY. WHY?
Brid says, THERE'S A SCHEDULE HERE FOR THE VISIT. NO MENTION OF BUSINESS CLUB.
[Aoife laughing]
Aoife says, IT'S NOT EVEN REAL.
Conor says, OF COURSE, IT IS! WHY ELSE WOULD HOLT PUT US IN A ROOM WHERE WE DON'T SEE ANYONE OR DO ANYTHING EXCEPT-- OH!
Brid makes a face, and Aoife rolls her eyes.
[Upbeat music plays]
Later, in the empty classroom, Clanger asks, SO, HOLT'S BEEN TRICKING US?
Conor says, YEAH! HE WANTED US AWAY FROM HIS PRECIOUS VISIT.
Clanger says, I'M ACTUALLY IMPRESSED.
Conor says, WHAT? SO, YOU'RE NOT ANGRY?
Clanger says, I CAN BE BOTH.
Conor says, YEAH! WELL-- ME TOO! NO ONE OUTSMARTS ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
Clanger holds up half a sandwich.
Clanger asks, WHAT ABOUT WHEN I STOLE YOUR SANDWICHES?
Conor replies, YOU JUST TOOK THEM.
Clanger asks, PRETTY CLEVER, EH?
Conor replies, NOT AS CLEVER AS HOLT THINKS HE IS. BUT HE'S GONNA GET A NASTY SURPRISE.
Clanger bites into the sandwich and makes a face.
Clanger says, GERMAN TUNA!
[Clanger mumbling]
Clanger asks, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Conor says, NOW, HE'LL NEVER TAKE MY SANDWICHES AGAIN.
[Crunching, groaning]
Conor bites into a sandwich and makes a face.
[Squeaking, horn blaring, energetic music plays]
The Midvale crest spins. On the banner, Mr. Holt changes the number of days until the visit from two to one. He runs away.
[Students giggling]
In the gymnasium, students on the bleachers look at Nyla, Zara, and Charlotte.
Aoife whispers, VIPERS! IGNORE THEM AND LISTEN UP. ROUSING SPEECH INCOMING.
[Cheering, camera shutters snapping]
A golden microphone appears in front of Aoife.
Aoife asks, WHAT DO WE WANT?
Charlotte wears her Captain Meowville hat and a matching t-shirt. She holds her pink smartphone case.
Charlotte asks, A CUTE CATS IN LITTLE HATS ONESIE? AND MATCHING PYJAMAS? LIKE THIS?
[Background student chattering]
Charlotte turns her phone and points at the pyjamas on a website.
[Meowing, upbeat music plays]
In Charlotte’s daydream, Captain Meowville and other cats wear hats and pyjamas.
The person sings, I'M GONNA WIN, THE DOLLARS ARE MINE. I'M GONNA WIN, CUZ I…
[The music ends]
The daydream ends. In the gymnasium, Charlotte points at the pyjama website.
Aoife suggests, MAYBE SIT THIS ONE OUT, CHAR.
Zara says, I WANT PEOPLE TO STOP LAUGHING AT US.
Nyla says, BECAUSE OF YOU!
[Background chattering]
Aoife says, THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS WE WANT A TROPHY, BUT RESPECT WORKS AS WELL. NOW, HOW ARE WE GONNA GET THOSE THINGS?
Zara and Nyla smile and say, JESSICA!
Aoife says, NO! PRACTICE! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU LOT? AND WHERE IS JESSICA ANYWAY?
Nyla and Zara shrug.
[Dramatic music plays]
In his office, Mr. Holt sits on the floor with his arms around his knees.
Mr. Holt says, SHE'S PULLED OUT OF THE GAME!
Zara says, BUT WE CAN'T WIN WITHOUT JESS!
Aoife tells us, THAT'S ANNOYINGLY TRUE.
Mr. Holt says, I'M WELL AWARE. BUT APPARENTLY, THE VIPERS' BRAND HAS BECOME "TOO CRINGE" FOR HER TO ASSOCIATE WITH.
[Whooshing]
Text reads, “Too cringe.”
Aoife tells us, THIS IS A DISASTER. BUT A GOOD TIME FOR A ROUND-UP!
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
In a flashback, Aoife poses with the basketball.
Aoife tells us, SO, I WANTED TO PUT THE VIPERS BACK ON THE MAP, BUT CHARLOTTE WAS ALL—
In a flashback, Charlotte smiles with cats wearing hats and pyjamas dancing beside her.
Charlotte says, CUTE LITTLE CATS IN ITTY-BITTY HATS!
Aoife tells us, AND SO, MR. HOLT WAS LIKE, "WE NEED--"
Text reads, “Jessica.”
Mr. Holt says, JESSICA!
Nyla and Zara smile at each other.
Aoife tells us, AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "YAY! JESSICA! SHE'S AMAZING!"
In a flashback, Jessica smiles and crosses her arms. Aoife wears the green face paint, and green flames rise behind her.
Aoife tells us, BUT I WAS LIKE, "NO, SHE'S EVIL."
[Whooshing, upbeat music continues]
In a flashback, Aoife nods with her head between the bars. The firefighter uses the buzzsaw. A smartphone displays the “A little help” GIF.
Aoife tells us, AND I GOT KIDNAPPED BY A FENCE, WHICH DID PUT SOME OF US BACK ON THE MAP. SADLY. BUT NOT CHARLOTTE.
[Aoife gasping, cat meowing, chiming]
In the present, Aoife looks at Charlotte, who stares down at a spinning animation of Captain Meowville on her plastic clogs.
Aoife says, THAT'S IT! WE CAN BEAT YOUR BROTHER'S TEAM!
[Banging, the music stops]
Mr. Holt stands.
Mr. Holt asks, YOU CAN GET JESSICA BACK?
Aoife says, EVEN BETTER!
[Zapping, upbeat music plays]
In Charlotte’s bedroom, Nyla, Aoife, and Zara sit facing Charlotte, who sits on the bed. Glittering text on the back of Charlotte’s pink hooded bathrobe reads, “I love cat naps.”
Aoife says, THIS OPERATION MUTE THE CUTE.
Zara asks, IS THERE A HANDOUT OR SOMETHING? I REALLY LIKE TO FEEL A PAGE.
Aoife says, WE'RE ECO-FRIENDLY. BUT WE NEED CHARLOTTE BACK IN THE VIPERS. BUT THERE'S A PROBLEM.
Nyla says, YEAH, WE'RE SURROUNDED BY IT.
Charlotte looks at a poster of a cat wearing a hat.
Aoife says, BUT NOT FOR LONG! IF WE'RE TO HIDE EVERY TRACE OF THIS CUTE NEW CRAZE, THEN CHARLOTTE CAN FOCUS ON BASKETBALL.
Charlotte says, THIS SEEMS A BIT O-T-T.
Aoife says, NYLA, JUST NOW.
[Rattling]
Nyla takes a cat keychain out of Charlotte’s pocket.
Charlotte says, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
Aoife says, THE MISSION IS THIS. WE NEED TO MUTE THAT CUTE.
Zara says, WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING MORE SNAPPY? CAT CLEANSE.
Nyla says, KITTY KILL.
Aoife says, FOCUS! IF WE'RE TO WIN, THERE CAN BE NO TRACE OF THIS CRAZE ANYWHERE NEAR CHARLOTTE. ARE WE CLEAR?
[Whooshing, rattling]
Nyla takes a second cat keychain out of Charlotte’s pocket.
Charlotte says, MR. PURRFECT!
Aoife says, MUTED! LET'S GET TO WORK.
[Upbeat music plays, sticker peeling]
At school, Nyla removes cat stickers from Charlotte’s locker as Charlotte watches with her bottom lip sticking out. In Charlotte’s bedroom, Nyla puts a basketball poster over the poster of the cat wearing the hat.
A person sings, I'M A FACE IN A CROWD, THEY'VE NOT SEEN BEFORE.
[Toy squeaking, upbeat music continues]
Nyla puts cats wearing hats pillows, toys, and clothes into a bag featuring a cat wearing a hat. Charlotte shakes her head.
The person sings, I SEE YOU PASSING ME BY.
[Rustling]
In a parking lot, a woman with bobbed black hair puts a cat wearing hats sun blocker in her car windshield.
Mr. Holt says, OH, REALLY?
[Supplies clattering]
At school, Charlotte and Zara sit on a couch. On a table in front of them, a basketball-themed pencil case, pencils, an eraser, and a bag accessory are spread out beside a cat-themed pencil case, pencils, a ruler, and erasers. Zara pushes the cat-themed supplies off the table and gives Charlotte the basketball-themed supplies. Zara shakes her head and looks at the floor.
The person sings, BUT I'M NOT GONNA FADE AWAY, AT LEAST NOT TODAY.
[Ball thumping]
In the gymnasium, Nyla, Aoife, and Zara face Charlotte. Zara bounces a basketball to Charlotte.
A Viper says, GO, CHAR.
The person sings, TWO DRINKS TOO MANY BUT I'M LIVING AT THE…
[Banging, cheering, shrieking, whooshing, upbeat music plays, Mr. Holt exhaling heavily]
Charlotte sinks a basket. The team hugs and jumps excitedly. Text reads, “Cuteness muted.” The Midvale school crest spins over aerial video footage of the students in the schoolyard. On the banner, Mr. Holt changes the board to Zero “days until visit.” He runs into the school hallway and hurries past students.
Mr. Holt says, STRAIGHTEN THAT TIE. COVER THOSE TEETH. STOP SMILING WEIRDLY. YOU NEED TO GET 50 PERCENT CLEVERER BY THE END OF THE DAY.
[Footsteps running]
Jim says, GOOD NEWS!
Jim disco dances in the hallway.
Mr. Holt says, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Jim says, I LEARNED TO DISCO DANCE ONLINE, SO NOW I CAN BE HERE FOR THE VISIT.
[Siren blaring]
Mr. Holt shouts, IF THAT IS A RINGTONE, IT IS BANNED!
[Siren blaring, whirring, upbeat music plays]
A small robot drives to Mr. Holt and stops.
A robot says, EXTERMINATE. (UNCLEAR).
[The music ends]
Mr. Holt brings the robot to Clanger and Conor in the empty classroom.
Clanger says, ROBO! YOU FOUND HIM.
Conor says, DON'T WORRY. THE NEXT ONE WILL BE MUCH BETTER BEHAVED.
Mr. Holt says, THE NEXT ONE?
Conor says, OH, BIGGER, BETTER.
[Whirring]
Beneath a sheet, red eyes flash.
Beneath the sheet, Robo-butler says, ROBO-BUTLER.
Clanger says, FULLY OPERATIONAL FLAMETHROWER.
[Background chattering, thumping]
Mr. Holt puts the robot on the table.
Mr. Holt says, NO, NO. THIS ENDS NOW.
Conor says, BUT WE'VE ALREADY TAKEN ORDERS. BUSINESS CLUB IS A SUCCESS!
Mr. Holt says, THERE IS NO BUSINESS CLUB!
Clanger says, OH, WE KNOW.
Conor says, WE KNOW EVERYTHING.
Mr. Holt says, YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT.
Clanger bounces excitedly.
Clanger says, LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS.
Conor says, BUT I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS.
Mr. Holt says, DEAL!
[Rustling]
Clanger jumps past Mr. Holt, into the hallway.
Clanger cheers, FREE CRISPS.
Mr. Holt says, BUT ONLY IF THIS VISIT GOES SMOOTHLY.
Conor says, UNDERSTOOD!
In the hallway, Clanger shouts, FREE CRISPS! FREE CRISPS.
[Light music plays]
Conor says, ONE OF US DOES.
In a hallway, Aoife puts a “censored” sticker over a poster with Captain Meowville. Jessica arrives, narrowing her eyes and playing with the end of her braid.
Aoife says, NOT SO CRINGE NOW, ARE WE?
Jessica says, AWE! IT'S SO SWEET THAT YOU THINK THAT. GOOD LUCK IN THE GAME THOUGH. YOU'LL NEED IT.
Aoife tells us, NYLA SAID NOT TO ANNOY HER BUT—
Aoife says, WE'LL ALSO NEED A MASCOT IF YOU FANCY IT. YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE TO DRESS UP AS A SSSNAKE.
[Footsteps pattering]
Jessica crosses her arms and watches as Aoife walks away. Jessica smiles.
[Upbeat music plays]
The Midvale school crest spins over the school.
[Classical music plays, sighing]
In his office, Mr. Holt and his brother sit across from each other at a table with a globe between them. Mr. Holt’s brother wipes dust off the table and sighs.
Mr. Holt asks, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF OUR MATHS CLUB?
[Mr. Holt’s brother inhales deeply]
Mr. Holt’s brother says, HMM. NOT GOOD AT-- MATHS.
Mr. Holt says, I WAS EQUALLY UNIMPRESSED BY YOURS.
Behind Mr. Holt, four students look at the floor.
Mr. Holt says, NO OFFENCE.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops,’ and a basketball falls into it.
[Background chattering]
In the school cafeteria, Aoife, Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara enter wearing their Vipers uniforms.
Aoife says, IN A FEW MINUTES, THE WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE CHANTING OUR NAMES.
Charlotte says, BUT WHAT IF THEY CHANT ABOUT CUTE LITTLE CATS AND—
Zara puts noise-cancelling headphones over Charlotte’s ears.
Zara says, CUTENESS MUTENESS. WE'VE GOT THIS.
Jessica says, HEY, VIPOS! BIG NEWS. AOIFE ASKED ME TO FIND A MASCOT, SO I DID.
Aoife says, HEY, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
Nyla asks, WHAT DID YOU SAY?
[Tape rewinding]
In a flashback, Aoife says, WE'LL ALSO NEED A MASCOT IF YOU FANCY IT.
[Background chattering]
In the present, Aoife says, OH, WHAT DID I SAY?
Zara says, UH-OH.
Jessica says, YOU'RE PLAYING THE CHEETAHS, RIGHT?
Aoife nods.
Jessica calls, OH, MR. SHNUZZLY!
[Upbeat music plays, chiming, cats meowing, popping]
Someone wears a cheetah costume. In an animation, flowers cover Charlotte’s eyes, and a heart grows behind her. In a daydream, Charlotte chases Mr. Shnuzzly. Text reads, “Cheetahs.” The daydream ends.
Charlotte says, I COULD WEAR YOU TO PARTIES!
Nyla and Zara pull Charlotte backwards.
Aoife says, THIS COULD BE A PROBLEM.
Aoife holds her hand in front of Charlotte’s eyes.
[Energetic music plays, crowd cheering, ball thumping]
In a daydream, in an animation, flowers cover Charlotte’s eyes, and a heart grows behind her as she stares at Mr. Shnuzzly. In reality, the Vipers play the Cheetahs in the gymnasium.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, WAKE UP!
[Cheering, thumping]
A Cheetahs player sinks a basket. Charlotte stares at Mr. Shnuzzly with flowers over her eyes.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, SNAP OUT OF IT.
[Banging, cheering]
Another Cheetahs player sinks a basket. On the bleachers, Mr. Holt’s brother lifts his arms victoriously as Mr. Holt shuts his eyes.
Mr. Holt’s brother cheers, HOO HOO.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, WAKE UP!
[Banging, groaning, cheering, applause, popping]
Another Cheetahs player sinks a basket. On the bleachers, Mr. Holt’s brother claps as Mr. Holt rests his head against his hand. The scoreboard reads, “Seven fifty-one. Vipers zero, Cheetahs, 5.” The clock counts down two seconds. In an animation, hearts appear around Mr. Shnuzzly.
Jim says, OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[Whooshing, cheering, applause]
The Cheetahs score another basket.
Mr. Holt’s brother says, NOT GOOD AT BASKETBALL.
Mr. Shnuzzly dances on the court, and Charlotte follows him.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE!
[Cheering, applause]
The Cheetahs score another point.
Nyla says, CHAR, SUB UP, NOW!
[Cracking]
Charlotte stares at Mr. Shnuzzly. Nyla’s ankle twists, and she falls.
Nyla says, AH!
Jim shouts, TIME OUT! SAVE US!
[Whistle blowing]
A referee says, TIME OUT, VIPERS.
[Nyla wincing]
Jim, Zara, and Aoife gather around Nyla, who holds her ankle on the floor.
Aoife says, CAN'T (UNCLEAR) NOW. WE'RE ALREADY DOWN A PLAYER.
Nyla asks, MAYBE JESSICA COULD HELP?
[Background chattering]
Aoife looks at Mr. Shnuzzly.
Aoife says, NO, I CAN FIX THIS.
Aoife walks to Mr. Shnuzzly.
Aoife asks, MR. SHNUZZLY, WOULD YOU LIKE A SNACK FROM OUR HOSPITALITY ROOM?
Mr. Shnuzzly gives two thumbs up.
Aoife says, KEEP HER HERE.
[Charlotte grunting]
Zara holds Charlotte’s shoulders as Mr. Shnuzzly follows Aoife.
Mr. Holt says, WHERE IS SHE GOING? DEAL WITH THAT CAT AND GET YOUR SISTER BACK, OR NO CRISPS!
Clanger says, HE CAN'T DO THAT!
Conor says, YES, HE CAN. I'LL EXPLAIN ON THE WAY. AGAIN.
[Footsteps thumping, background chattering, panting, footsteps thumping, door creaking, slamming, banging]
Conor and Clanger walk down the bleachers. In a hallway, Aoife walks Mr. Shnuzzly to a dark room. He walks inside, and she slams the door and locks it. A sign on the door reads, “Caretakers Storage Cupboard.”
Aoife says, HERE WE ARE! JUST INSIDE. SORRY! THERE'S NO (UNCLEAR).
[Banging]
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT!
[Whistle blowing]
Aoife enters the gymnasium and gives two thumbs up.
[Thumping, soft music plays, Charlotte sighing, whooshing, sneaker squeaking, thunking]
Charlotte catches the ball and looks around the room. Jim and Nyla watch from a bench. Charlotte throws the ball and sinks a basket.
Mr. Holt cheers, YES!
[Cheering, upbeat music plays, giggling, ball dribbling]
Charlotte scores more baskets. By the bench, Jim celebrates.
Jim says, YA! YA!
[Ball thumping]
Charlotte dribbles around Cheetah players and shoots a basket.
Charlotte shouts, YES!
[Crowd cheering]
Mr. Holt raises his arms and spins.
Mr. Holt says, YES! YES! IN YOUR FACE!
[Clearing his throat, patting]
Mr. Holt sits beside his brother and pats his knee.
Mr. Holt says, TERRIFIC GAME. SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
Aoife tells us, NOW, THAT IS HOW YOU SAVE THE DAY.
[Giggling, hands slapping]
Charlotte and Aoife high-five.
Aoife says, OH, YEAH!
[Footsteps thumping]
Clanger and Conor walk in a hallway.
Clanger says, WAIT! SO WE ONLY GET THE CRISPS IF WE HELP HOLT?
Conor says, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT NOW!
[Banging]
Conor and Clanger stop in front of the caretaker’s cupboard.
Conor says, LOOKS LIKE AOIFE DID THE JOB FOR US THOUGH.
Clanger says, HELP HOLT?
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT! I MEAN IT!
[Conor sighing]
Conor says, FREE CRISPS. YOUR CHOICE.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT!
[Banging]
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT!
Clanger says, NO WAY!
[Energetic music plays]
Clanger unlocks the door, and Mr. Shnuzzly runs down the hallway.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, GAH!
[Ball thumping]
In the gymnasium, Aoife shouts, CHARLOTTE!
[Cheering, clapping]
Charlotte scores another basket, and Mr. Holt stands and applauds. On the court, Aoife catches a pass and sinks a basket.
[Cheering, energetic music continues, Mr. Holt laughing, thumping, basket rattling]
The Vipers hug. The scoreboard reads, “Five-sixteen. Vipers, 7. Cheetahs, 11.” Mr. Holt dances. Zara passes the ball to Charlotte, and she scores. Aoife scores.
Mr. Holt cheers, BOO-YA!
[Hands slapping]
Aoife and Zara high-five.
Mr. Holt sings, BALL IN THE HOOP! BALL IN THE HOOP!
The crowd chants, VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS!
[Cheering]
Charlotte sinks a basket. With four minutes and fifteen seconds left, the score reads, “Vipers, 10. Cheetahs, 11.”
Mr. Holt cheers, YES! (UNCLEAR)! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
The crowd chants, VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS!
[Cheering, ball thumping]
A Viper scores another basket.
Mr. Holt cheers, YES! YES! SMASH THEM! SMASH THEM!
[Thumping]
Mr. Holt kicks the basketball.
Mr. Holt cheers, YES!
The crowd and Mr. Holt chant, VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS!
[Clicking]
The score is tied with three minutes and forty-two seconds left.
Mr. Holt says, SMASH THEM! OH, DON'T GET SALTY, HOLTY!
Aoife says, WE'VE DONE IT! THE REBRAND'S COMPLETE! CHARLOTTE, YOU READY?
[Cheering, the music stops]
Charlotte looks past Aoife, and her mouth falls open.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, YOU LOCKED ME IN THE CUPBOARD!
[Aoife sighing]
Aoife says, FEAR FACTOR. 20 GAZILLION.
Zara says, RUN, AOIFE!
[Dramatic music plays, Mr. Shnuzzly growling]
Mr. Shnuzzly chases Aoife in circles around the court, and Charlotte chases Mr. Shnuzzly with outstretched arms.
Nyla says, DON'T LOOK IT IN THE EYES!
[Mr. Shnuzzly grunting, panting]
Mr. Shnuzzly stops running.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, THIS IS TOO HOT!
[Charlotte screaming]
Mr. Shnuzzly removes the head of the costume, revealing his long, wavy hair and beard.
Charlotte says, YOU'RE NOT CUTE!
[Mr. Shnuzzly growling, smacking, crashing, slide whistle, gasping]
Mr. Shnuzzly points at Aoife and walks towards her. Charlotte trips him, and he stumbles, knocking Aoife down.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, AH!
[Crowd gasping]
Aoife lies pinned beneath the mascot.
Aoife says, AH!
[Footsteps thumping]
Jessica walks to Mr. Holt, wearing her Vipers uniform.
Jessica says, I THOUGHT SOMETHING LIKE THIS MIGHT HAPPEN, SO I CAME PREPARED. I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
[Dramatic music plays, Aoife groaning]
Aoife turns her head to the side.
[Upbeat music plays]
The Midvale school crest spins. The headline in the school newspaper reads, “Super Jess Saves Hapless Vipers.” A photograph shows Jess posing with the trophy, with one foot on Aoife as she lies on the gymnasium floor. At school, Zara, Nyla, Charlotte, and Aoife look at their smartphones.
Nyla says, AT LEAST WE MADE THE FRONT PAGE.
[Background chattering]
Aoife says, NO, WE MADE THE FRONT PAGE AND WE GOT OUR FIRST TROPHY!
Zara says, WHICH JESS SAYS WE CAN VISIT WHENEVER WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.
Charlotte says, I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT SO OBSESSED OVER SUCH A SILLY THING.
Aoife says, IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE BACK TO NORMAL NOW.
[Gasping]
Nyla asks, ARE THOSE DUCKLINGS WITH CUFFLINKS?
Charlotte looks around.
Charlotte asks, WHERE?
Nyla and Zara laugh.
Aoife says, NEARLY.
Mr. Holt says, MORNING, VIPERS. WONDERFUL DAY, ISN'T IT?
[Breathing deeply]
Mr. Holt says, JUST WONDERFUL.
He walks away.
Aoife says, EVERYTHING WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST!
Zara asks, WORTH GETTING YOUR HEAD STUCK IN A FENCE FOR?
[Upbeat music plays]
In the GIF, Aoife closes one eye. Text reads, “A little help?”
Aoife says, I THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT.
Aoife shakes her head and tells us, NO.
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net.
End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Jessica, Bea Ward. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Librarian, Charlotte Henderson. Conor, Arthur Kay. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Brid, Isy Suttie. Mr. Holt’s Brother, Noel White. Mr. Schnuzzly, Stevie Hurst. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created by Sinéad Fagan.
[Jessica laughing, buzz saw whirring]
In the Midvale gymnasium, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla stand with their backs to a bearded photographer who stands by a large spotlight. Charlotte stands open-mouthed while Nyla has her arms crossed. In front of them, Jessica wears a Vipers uniform and sits on the bleachers, pointing at Aoife, who has her head stuck between two bars in a fence. A firefighter uses a buzz saw to cut the bleachers, and a second firefighter takes noise-cancelling headphones off Aoife’s head. Aoife wears a green body suit, a yellow and black headband, and has green face paint and green hair.
Aoife tells us, AS I WAS SAYING-- YES, I'M CURRENTLY BEING RESCUED LIKE A HELPLESS LITTLE KITTEN AND THERE'S A VERY GOOD--
[Buzz saw whirring]
The second firefighter puts the headphones back on Aoife’s head. Written by Sinéad Fagan and Chris Grady. Director Ian Curtis.
Aoife tells us, HERE COMES THE REWIND!
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
In Midvale School, Aoife walks up a staircase past students staring at their smartphone screens.
Aoife tells us, LOOK AT THIS LOT. DESPERATE TO KNOW WHO'S IN HOLT'S NEW PET PROJECT, THE MIDVALE MIRROR NEWSLETTER.
[Beeping, Clanger gasping]
At the top of the stairs, Aoife walks past Clanger. The headline of a Midvale Mirror article on his smartphone reads, “Fake Toilet Passes ‘Just Like Real Thing’ Say Teachers.” Producer, Dominique Molloy. In Association with A.P.C. Kids. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt.
Clanger says, YES!
Mr. Holt walks towards the stairs and looks at Clanger, who casually leans back against the wall.
Clanger mutters, WELL DONE, WELL DONE.
Jessica holds up her smartphone and smiles. The headline of a Midvale Mirror article featuring a photograph of Jessica holding a basketball reads, “Just Jess.”
Jessica says, FRONT PAGE. OBVS.
Aoife walks past Jessica.
Aoife says, IMAGINE CARING THAT MUCH ABOUT WHO'S ON A STUPID—
[Smartphone dinging]
Aoife looks at her smartphone.
Aoife says, WHAT!
Aoife displays her phone with the article about Jessica.
Aoife says, QUESTION. WHY IS JESSICA THE FACE OF MIDVALE BASKETBALL?
In the school library, Zara leans against a bookcase and looks at the smartphone screen. Nyla sits on the floor with her back against a bookcase, and Chair sits on a round red ottoman.
Charlotte says, QUESTION TWO. HOW ADORB IS THE LATEST FASHION TREND FROM TOKYO? CUTE LITTLE CATS IN ITTY-BITTY HATS!
[Meowing, upbeat music plays]
In a daydream, Charlotte smiles and wears a sparkling skirt, a tiara, and a shirt featuring a cat wearing a hat. Mugs, slippers, and shirts featuring cats wearing hats float around Charlotte.
A cat sings, I'M GONNA WIN, GONNA TAKE IN EVERYTHING. I'M GONNA WIN, THE DOLLARS ARE MINE.
[The music stops]
The daydream ends.
Aoife says, CHARLOTTE, FOCUS! BASKETBALL!
[Whooshing]
In an animation, a basketball passes behind Charlotte’s head. Charlotte turns her head.
Charlotte asks, WHERE?
[Footsteps tapping, librarian shushing]
A librarian with shoulder-length red hair points at a sign.
The librarian asks, MIGHT I DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO THE SIGN?
[Slide whistle, thumping]
The librarian walks away. A sign reads, “Library. Keep Quiet.”
Aoife says, JESS DIDN'T EVEN PLAY FOR THIS SCHOOL.
Zara says, NO, BUT SHE'S AWESOME! AND SUPER POPULAR WITH THE NEWSLETTER'S CORE DEMOGRAPHIC. EVERYONE!
Aoife says, WELL, EVERYONE'S WRONG. THE VIPERS ARE MIDVALE'S OFFICIAL TEAM.
Nyla says, BUT WE ALWAYS LOSE, SO NOBODY COMES TO OUR GAMES ANYMORE.
Aoife says, HMM. WE JUST NEED A REBRAND. WE'D BE AS POPULAR AS THEM IF WE HAD THE SAME AMOUNT OF COVERAGE. IMAGINE IT.
[Camera shutters snapping, upbeat music plays]
In a daydream, Aoife poses on a darkened basketball court, holding a basketball under one arm.
An announcer says, PLEASE WELCOME TO THE BASKETBALL HALL OF FAME, AOIFE O'NEILL!
[Snarling, rock music plays]
Aoife’s daydream ends. Nyla daydreams about the Vipers wearing blue face paint and holding their arms up with their fingers spread menacingly. Text on a screen behind them reads, “Crush Them.”
A robot voice says, CRUSH THEM!
[Dignified music plays]
Nyla’s daydream ends. Zara daydreams of standing in a basketball court with Grecian columns and a rusty basketball net. She stands with a basketball under her arm, and Charlotte, Nyla, and Aoife are lined up behind her.
Zara says, THE BASKETBALL HALL OF PERFECTION.
[Needle scratching a record, meowing, upbeat music plays]
Zara’s daydream ends, and Charlotte daydreams about the cats in hats.
The cat sings, THE DOLLARS ARE MINE, I'M GONNA WIN.
Aoife says, CHARLOTTE! FOCUS! WE NEED PRESS COVERAGE AT OUR NEXT GAME IF WE'RE GOING TO BE AS POPULAR AS THE COMETS.
Zara says, 11 A.M. ON THE TWENTY-FOURTH.
Aoife says, LOVE THAT WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE.
Charlotte says, I NEED THAT CAT DRESS.
[Aoife sighing, upbeat music notes play]
Aoife rolls her eyes. Text reads, “Out.”
The red-haired librarian shouts, THAT'S IT! OUT! SHH!
[Upbeat music plays, slide whistle, whooshing]
The Midvale school crest spins, and a Toilet Pass hangs on a string from the top of it. Text on the pass reads, “Official pass valid for one student. Do not attempt to photocopy.” In a hallway, Conor looks at a toilet pass as he walks beside Clanger.
Clanger says, THESE FAKE TOILET PASSES ARE MY BEST SCAM YET.
[Background students shouting, light music plays]
Conor asks, WASN'T IT MY IDEA?
Clanger says, OKAY, WELL, WHO WROTE THEM UP?
Conor says, ME!
Clanger says, OKAY, WELL, WHO SOLD THE MOST BY IGNORING YOUR STUPID "FIVE PER CLASSROOM?"
Conor says, WELL, HOPEFULLY NOT YOU BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A-- DISASTER.
[Background chattering]
Conor and Clanger turn a corner and stop. Mr. Holt stands beside the toilets with a group of students holding toilet passes. He turns and looks at Clanger and Conor.
Clanger points at Conor and says, IT WAS HIS IDEA.
In an empty classroom, Mr. Holt faces Clanger and Conor with his arms crossed.
Mr. Holt says, NEXT WEEK, MIDVALE WILL BE VISITED BY THE HEAD TEACHER OF THE PRESTIGIOUS JOHNSON SCHOOL, ALONG WITH A FEW SELECTED STUDENTS.
Clanger says, HE'S PAID THEM TO BEAT US UP!
Conor asks, DID THE SCHOOL BOARD APPROVE THAT?
[Background chattering]
Mr. Holt says, THEY HAVE A BUSINESS CLUB, WHICH THEY'RE KEEN TO SHOW OFF. AND NOW, SO DO I.
Conor asks, YOU WANT US TO REPRESENT MIDVALE?
Clanger asks, LIKE ON PURPOSE?
Mr. Holt says, BUSINESS IS ABOUT TAKING RISKS! AND YOU CLEARLY HAVE A KNACK FOR IT. YOU COULD USE THIS ROOM UNSUPERVISED TO COME UP WITH A NEW IDEA TO PITCH IN HERE AT THE END OF THE VISIT. QUESTIONS?
Clanger says, YEAH, HAVE YOU BEEN REPLACED BY ALIENS?
Conor says, WHO CARES! WELCOME TO OUR PLANET!
Mr. Holt whispers, PLANET.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing]
Mr. Holt smiles. Blue and grey polka dots move across the screen. Later, Jim walks down a staircase and then walks with Mr. Holt.
Jim says, OH, YOU LOOK HAPPY, SIR. IF A LITTLE BIT DASTARDLY.
Mr. Holt says, BECAUSE MY PLAN FOR THE PERFECT SCHOOL VISIT IS WORKING. USE THE NEWSLETTER TO MOTIVATE THE GOOD ONES AND INGENIOUS LIES TO HIDE THE BAD ONES.
Jim says, SUCH A SHAME I HAVE TO ATTEND THIS DISCO DANCE TEACHING SEMINAR IN WALES ON THE SAME DAY OF THE VISIT.
Mr. Holt says, YEAH, BUT YOU DO AND DON'T BE LATE. NOTHING CAN RUIN THIS NOW!
Mr. Holt smiles.
[Beeping, Mr. Holt groaning]
A headline in the school newsletter reads, “Poser Ruins Everything.” A photograph in the article shows Aoife lying on the basketball court floor. In his office, Mr. Holt sits at his desk.
Aoife says, I WAS JUST TRYING TO PAUSE FOR THE PRESS…
Aoife tells us, WHILE I WAS DRIBBLING.
Aoife, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla stand in front of Mr. Holt’s desk.
Zara asks, YOU OKAY, SIR?
Charlotte says, YOUR FACE AND YOUR TIE ARE THE SAME SHADE OF RED. BUT IT REALLY SUITS YOU.
[Mr. Holt sighing, hands thumping]
Mr. Holt moves his hands from his temples to his desk.
Mr. Holt says, THE HEAD TEACHER VISITING NEXT WEEK IS—
[Dramatic music plays]
Mr. Holt continues, MY BIG BROTHER.
Aoife tells us, I KNOW THAT LOOK. SIBLING RIVALRY.
Mr. Holt says, GOLDEN BOY READ ALL ABOUT THIS CLUMSY POSER.
Aoife says, IT ONLY HAPPENED EIGHT TIMES.
Mr. Holt says, AND HER EVEN MORE EASILY DISTRACTED TEAMMATE.
Charlotte pokes the nose on a picture of a cat wearing a hat on her bookbag.
Zara says, THAT'S JUST HOW CHARLOTTE GETS WHENEVER THE STUDIO SHE LIKES HAS A CUTE NEW FASHION LINE.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays, pigs squealing]
In a flashback, a woman with curly blonde hair walks across the school cafeteria wearing a t-shirt featuring two pigs wearing one-piece bathing suits. The two pigs fly towards Charlotte, who holds a lunch tray.
Charlotte says, PIGLETS IN SINGLETS!
[Rope whooshing]
In another flashback, Zara and Charlotte carry bags filled with gym equipment. In an animation, an antelope turns a skipping rope.
Charlotte says, ANTELOPES WITH SKIPPING ROBES!
[Bag thumping, Zara grunting, thumping, rope tapping the ground, skipping, slide whistle, whooshing, zooming]
Charlotte drops her bag and Zara trips over it. In another flashback, two students turn a skipping rope while Charlotte skips with another student. In an animation, a dog, a frog and a hog wear yellow clogs. Charlotte runs away from the skipping rope.
Charlotte says, DOGS, FROGS, AND HOGS WEARING CLOGS AND GOING FOR JOGS!
The flashback ends.
In the present, Mr. Holt says, HOW CHARMINGLY AWFUL AND IT'S GIVEN MY BIG BRO THE CONFIDENCE TO CHALLENGE THE VIPERS TO COMPETE WITH HIS SCHOOL'S TEAM FOR THIS!
[Trophy banging, dinging]
Mr. Holt puts a large, gleaming trophy on his desk.
Mr. Holt says, DURING HIS VISIT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
Aoife says, A CROWD AND A BIG TROPHY. BEST REBRAND EVER!
[Upbeat music plays]
In her daydream, Aoife poses with the basketball beside the Midvale Vipers logo.
Mr. Holt says, VICTORY IS ESSENTIAL. WE NEED STAR POWER. THAT'S WHY I'VE ARRANGED WITH JESSICA'S TEAM TO BRING HER OVER FOR THIS CRUCIAL MATCH.
[Nyla and Zara gasping]
Nyla and Zara smile at each other.
Aoife says, NO!
[Upbeat music plays, footsteps pattering, board thumping]
A banner on a fence reads, “Midvale School, ‘Adjusting Expectations’. Days per visit.” Mr. Holt puts a board with the number three in front of “Days per visit.” In the empty classroom, Conor paces in front of a whiteboard. Crossed out text on the whiteboard reads, “Computer games for dogs. Edible wigs.”
Conor says, IF WE'RE AS GOOD AS HOLT SAYS, WE'LL BE MILLIONAIRES BY YEAR TEN.
Clanger says, AND ZILLIONAIRES BY YEAR ELEVEN AND KUJABALLIONAIRES BY…
Conor says, THINK ABOUT IT. WHAT DO PEOPLE NEED? LIKE REALLY NEED?
Clanger says, FOR YOU TO SHUT UP AND LET ME THINK.
Conor says, OR BREAKFAST.
[Marker scratching]
Conor writes “Breakfast, umbrellas” on the whiteboard.
Conor says, AND UMBRELLAS.
Clanger says, YEAH, AND THINGS!
Conor says, THINGS! YEAH!
Conor writes on the whiteboard. Text reads, “Things, Lots of cash, eggs, robots.”
Clanger says, LOTS OF CASH! AND EGGS!
Conor says, WE'VE ALREADY DONE BREAKFAST.
Clanger says, NO, FOR THROWING. ROBOTS! PEOPLE NEED ROBOTS.
[Marker scratching]
Conor circles the first letter of each line on the whiteboard, spelling “Butler.”
Clanger stands and says, WHOA!
Conor says, WHOA.
Clanger says, ROBO-BUTLER.
[Clanging, whirring]
A mechanical arm appears on the whiteboard beside text that reads, “Robo Butler.”
[Thudding, upbeat music plays, loud student chattering, whirring]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The letters in the title fall. On a couch in the cafeteria, Jessica sits between Charlotte and Zara. Charlotte pets the cat wearing a hat on her bag. Aoife walks through the cafeteria, carrying a plate. Text in a thought bubble beside Aoife reads, “Nemesis.”
Aoife tells us, OKAY, SO JESS IS MY NEMESIS, WHICH ISN'T EASY TO SAY, BUT WE'RE BOTH BALLERS WHO LOVE TO WIN, SO MAYBE IT WON'T BE SO BAD.
Jessica says, HEY, IT'S THE CLUMSY POSER!
[Buzzer blaring, plate clattering]
Aoife puts her plate on a table and sits.
Aoife tells us, I WAS WRONG.
Jessica says, KIDDING OBVS! BUT YAY! BACK WITH THE VIPOS! SO EXCITING FOR YOU!
Aoife says, YOU KNOW THIS MEANS ONE OF US HAS TO DROP OUT, RIGHT?
[Chiming]
Zara and Jessica look at Charlotte.
Charlotte says, I'M GOING TO CALL YOU CAPTAIN MEOWVILLE.
[Meowing, happy music plays]
In her daydream, Charlotte smiles as Captain Meowville appears beside her, wearing a red beret.
The person sings, OH-AH-OH-AH…
[Background chattering]
In the cafeteria, Zara says, CHARLOTTE. SHE'LL BE LIKE THIS FOR DAYS. WON'T EVEN NOTICE.
[Hands slapping]
Aoife puts her hands on her lap.
Aoife says, OKAY! LET'S TALK PRESS STRATEGY.
Jessica says, SO, I'M DOING A PROMO PHOTOSHOOT TOMORROW. STYLING IT MYSELF.
Aoife asks, DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD BE THERE TOO?
Jessica says, OH, YOU'RE ALL SO BUSY THOUGH.
Aoife tells us, SO THOUGHTFUL.
Aoife says, BUT WE'LL MAKE TIME.
Zara says, I MEAN, THE VIPERS ARE MIDVALE'S OFFICIAL BASKETBALL TEAM.
Aoife nods. Nyla arrives and sits beside her.
Aoife says, EXACTLY. AND PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHO I-- WE AM.
Nyla says, GOOD SAVE.
Jessica says, WELL, OF COURSE THEY SHOULD! I'LL LET THE PHOTOGRAPHER KNOW AND THEN MESSAGE YOU ALL WHAT TO WEAR! YAY!
Aoife tells us, AND THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE.
Aoife tosses her hair over her shoulder. She picks up a French fry, throws it in the air, and falls as she leans back to catch it in her mouth.
[Slide whistle, thumping]
Aoife says, WHOA!
[Students and Jessica laughing]
Aoife says, I'M FINE!
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, glass squeaking, spraying]
The Midvale school crest spins as night turns to day. On the banner, Mr. Holt replaces the board to read, “Two days until visit.” In his office, he cleans his glass desk. He sprays deodorizer in the air and directly into his eye.
Mr. Holt shouts, AH!
[Vacuum whirring, banging, upbeat music continues, cabinet door slamming, door squeaking]
He dusts and vacuums the office. He hides a cloth in a cabinet as Clanger walks into the office.
Mr. Holt says, IT'S 7 A.M.
Conor says, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HOLD THE DOOR!
Conor enters the office, carrying a display stand that holds a large pad of paper.
Clanger says, I WAS BUSY!
Mr. Holt says, BOYS!
Conor asks, TOO BUSY TO HOLD THE DOOR?
Clanger replies, THAT'S RIGHT! I WAS TOO BUSY TO HOLD A DOOR.
[Stand clanking]
Conor puts the stand down, with the paper facing Mr. Holt. The paper features a drawing of a smiling, waving robot.
Conor says, THEN YOU NEED—
Conor and Clanger say, ROBO-BUTLER. THE ROBOT BUTLER.
At his desk, Mr. Holt says, I'M NOT SURE THAT I DO.
Conor says, IT HAS EVERYTHING YOU WANT. STORAGE, MUSIC, TOOTHBRUSH, GAMES.
[Paper rustling]
Clanger flips the page to a new drawing, featuring speakers at the bottom of the robot, glasses, and an arm launching potatoes.
Clanger says, X-RAY VISION.
Conor says, WAIT, CLANGER—
Clanger says, AN ARM THAT'S A POTATO LAUNCHER! CHAINSAW TEETH!
Conor says, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS! PLEASE DON'T JUDGE US ON THOSE LAST ONES.
Mr. Holt says, WHY NOT? I LOVED THEM!
Clanger says, HA! TOLD YOU!
Conor says, REALLY?
Mr. Holt smiles and nods.
[Cheerful music plays]
In the hallway, Mr. Holt says, I BELIEVE IN YOU, SO TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED TO BUILD IT. IN FACT, TAKE LONGER. I INSIST.
[Thumping]
Clanger smiles, nudges Conor, and runs. Conor narrows his eyes and looks at Mr. Holt. Polka dots move across the screen.
On a smartphone screen, Jessica says, SO, THIS LOOK USUALLY TAKES ME ABOUT HALF AN HOUR.
In her living room, Aoife braids one of her pigtails. Behind her, her mum, Brid, walks past and looks at the smartphone propped up against a fruit bowl on a coffee table.
Jessica says, IT MIGHT TAKE A LITTLE BIT LONGER FOR YOU GUYS, BUT DON'T WORRY. YOU CAN GET TO MY SPEED AT SOME POINT.
Brid asks, IS THAT EVIL JESSICA?
[Jessica speaking in her video]
Aoife says, THANK YOU! IT'S LIKE WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN SEE IT.
Brid says, I'VE HEARD SHE'S A MASTER MANIPULATOR WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT LOOKING BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE.
Aoife tells us, MY MUM'S A GREAT LISTENER.
Brid says, BUT IF SHE'S SO BAD, WHY ARE YOU COPYING HER?
On the smartphone, Jessica says, AND NOW, VIPERS, FOR A TRULY SPECIAL TOUCH TO REALLY MAKE IT STAND OUT.
In the living room, Aoife says, BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY FIERCE LOOK AND EVERYONE'S GONNA SEE US ROCKIN' IT.
Brid raises her eyebrows and walks away.
On the smartphone, Jessica says, PUT IT ALL OVER YOUR BODY SO YOU CAN REALLY STAND OUT. THIS IS GONNA MAKE YOU LOOK—
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing]
The Midvale school crest spins over aerial video footage of the students in the schoolyard. In the gymnasium, Mr. Holt holds the trophy. Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara stand beside him.
Aoife says, WHO'S READY FOR THE PHOT—
[Footsteps running]
Aoife arrives with green hair, green face paint, and is wearing a green shirt, the yellow and black headband, a skirt, and fingerless gloves.
Aoife says, OH, SHOOT.
Mr. Holt asks, WHY ARE YOU GREEN?
Jessica walks behind Charlotte.
Charlotte asks, DID YOU DRINK CHEWY MILK?
Jessica says, OH, NO! DID I SEND YOU THE WRONG LINK? SUPER SORZ.
Jessica crosses her arms. Nearby, Nyla and Charlotte look at each other.
Aoife says, MUST CONTAIN RAGE.
Mr. Holt says, NONE OF MY BROTHER'S STUDENTS ARE GREEN! NO PHOTO FOR YOU!
[Aoife groaning]
Mr. Holt says, OR YOU UNTIL YOU TAKE OFF THAT RIDICULOUS HAT.
[Zapping]
Charlotte wears a hat featuring Captain Meowville. Her mouth falls open.
Nyla says, JUST GET CHANGED. PROBLEM SOLVED.
Jessica says, THERE'S NO TIME. THE PHOTOGRAPHER'S WAITING. MAYBE YOU COULD BE OUR MASCOT?
[Flames whooshing]
In an animation, green flames rise around Aoife.
Aoife says, CAN'T CONTAIN RAGE!
[Whooshing]
Purple polka dots move across the screen. In the empty classroom, Clanger holds a potato.
Conor asks, WHY WOULD HOLT WANT A ROBOT THAT FIRES POTATOES?
Clanger replies, BECAUSE HE'S SUPER OLD AND FIRING THEM YOURSELF IS TIRING.
[Background chattering]
Conor asks, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT HE THOUGHT THAT YOUR IDEA WAS BETTER THAN MINE?
Clanger asks, WHAT'S WEIRD ABOUT THAT?
Conor replies, NOTHING. IT'S JUST--
Clanger says, LOOK! HOLT WANTS TO BEAT HIS BROTHER, RIGHT? SO, HE WANTS THE BEST IDEAS.
Conor says, BUT--CHAINSAW TEETH?
Clanger says, I SEE WHAT THIS IS. YOU'RE JEALOUS OF MY BRAIN!
[Conor chuckling]
Clanger asks, DID YOU JUST LAUGH AT ME?
Conor says, UH, NOT ON PURPOSE.
Clanger says, GOOD! NOW, LET'S TEST OUT MY NEW POTATO LAUNCHER WITH SOME TARGET PRACTICE.
[Horror music plays]
Clanger smiles.
[Upbeat music plays, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Camera shutter snapping, cheerful music plays]
In the gymnasium, the bearded photographer takes photographs of Jessica, Nyla, and Zara on the bleachers. Nyla holds a basketball, Zara has the trophy, and Jessica sits one bleacher up, smiling.
Jessica says, A BIT HIGHER, BOTH OF YOU.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Jessica says, HIGHER! KEEP GOING.
Zara lifts the trophy in front of her face. Nyla glances at Jessica and moves the ball in front of her face.
Jessica says, HIGHER.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Jessica says, PERFECT!
Aoife says, YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING?
Charlotte replies, HOLDING THE CUTEST BROLLY.
[Meowing, Aoife sighing]
Charlotte rests her face on her hands and stares at an orange umbrella featuring a smiling cat wearing a top hat. Aoife walks away.
[Camera shutter snapping]
Aoife crawls out from beneath a banner at the top of the bleachers.
Aoife says, OYE! JESSICA!
Jessica gets up and walks down to the photographer.
Zara says, DON'T ANNOY HER! THAT NEVER ENDS WELL FOR US!
Aoife says, YOU'RE HAPPY BEING FACELESS NOBODIES, ARE YA?
Nyla says, JESSICA'S IN VIPERS, OKAY? THAT'S AT LEAST-- NINE COOL POINTS FOR EACH OF US, SO YEAH, IT'S WORTH IT.
[Jessica clapping]
Jessica says, PLACES, EVERYONE! AOIFE, CAN YOU MOVE? GARY'S IN A RUSH. LOVE YA.
Jessica sits on the bleachers.
Aoife tells us, SHE'S HIJACKED THE VIPERS AND MADE IT ALL ABOUT HERSELF! THAT'S MY JOB.
Jessica says, YOU CAN EDIT HER OUT FROM THAT SIDE OF THE RAILINGS, RIGHT?
[Background shouting]
The photographer, Gary, nods.
Aoife says, OH, CAN YA? WELL, EDIT THIS.
[Bars creaking, Aoife grunting, slide whistle, popping, awkward laughing]
Aoife shoves her head between the two metal bars.
Aoife says, OW. TRY CUTTING ME OUT NOW!
Jessica says, OH, ME. ARE YOU STUCK?
Aoife says, NO.
[Students laughing, metal creaking]
Two boys behind Gary point and laugh at Aoife.
One of the pointing boys films Aoife on his smartphone.
The boy says, NO WAY!
Aoife tells us, YES, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED!
[Camera shutter snapping, beeping]
A school newspaper headline over a photograph of Aoife stuck between the bars reads, “Sssstuck Viper!” At home, Aoife sits at the dining room table beside Brid, who smiles at her smartphone.
Aoife tells us, WRONG AGAIN.
Brid says, AT LEAST IT'S NOT FRONT PAGE.
Aoife says, IT'S A DOUBLE-PAGER.
At a different table, Conor works on the robot.
Conor says, THERE'S ALREADY SEVERAL GIFS.
Brid says, YES, I'VE SENT ONE TO YOUR AUNTIE JAN. SHE WAS CRYING LAUGHING.
[Upbeat music plays]
In a GIF, Aoife, stuck between the bars, squeezes one eye shut. A graphic features hands holding prison bars and two eyes crying. Text reads, “A little help?”
Aoife says, WE NEED TO WIN THE TROPHY NOW. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE OUR IMAGE.
Conor asks, WHAT IMAGE? EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS YOU'RE A WALKING DISASTER ZONE.
[Whirring]
The wheeled base of the robot rolls off the table, and Conor catches it.
Conor says, OOPS!
Brid asks, DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT IN HERE?
Conor says, CLANGER WON'T STOP FIRING POTATOES AT ME. I NEED TO PROVE THAT MY IDEA IS BETTER THAN HIS.
[Light music plays]
Brid looks at her smartphone.
Brid asks, WHAT TIME DID HE SAY PITCH WAS AGAIN?
Conor says, END OF THE DAY. WHY?
Brid says, THERE'S A SCHEDULE HERE FOR THE VISIT. NO MENTION OF BUSINESS CLUB.
[Aoife laughing]
Aoife says, IT'S NOT EVEN REAL.
Conor says, OF COURSE, IT IS! WHY ELSE WOULD HOLT PUT US IN A ROOM WHERE WE DON'T SEE ANYONE OR DO ANYTHING EXCEPT-- OH!
Brid makes a face, and Aoife rolls her eyes.
[Upbeat music plays]
Later, in the empty classroom, Clanger asks, SO, HOLT'S BEEN TRICKING US?
Conor says, YEAH! HE WANTED US AWAY FROM HIS PRECIOUS VISIT.
Clanger says, I'M ACTUALLY IMPRESSED.
Conor says, WHAT? SO, YOU'RE NOT ANGRY?
Clanger says, I CAN BE BOTH.
Conor says, YEAH! WELL-- ME TOO! NO ONE OUTSMARTS ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
Clanger holds up half a sandwich.
Clanger asks, WHAT ABOUT WHEN I STOLE YOUR SANDWICHES?
Conor replies, YOU JUST TOOK THEM.
Clanger asks, PRETTY CLEVER, EH?
Conor replies, NOT AS CLEVER AS HOLT THINKS HE IS. BUT HE'S GONNA GET A NASTY SURPRISE.
Clanger bites into the sandwich and makes a face.
Clanger says, GERMAN TUNA!
[Clanger mumbling]
Clanger asks, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Conor says, NOW, HE'LL NEVER TAKE MY SANDWICHES AGAIN.
[Crunching, groaning]
Conor bites into a sandwich and makes a face.
[Squeaking, horn blaring, energetic music plays]
The Midvale crest spins. On the banner, Mr. Holt changes the number of days until the visit from two to one. He runs away.
[Students giggling]
In the gymnasium, students on the bleachers look at Nyla, Zara, and Charlotte.
Aoife whispers, VIPERS! IGNORE THEM AND LISTEN UP. ROUSING SPEECH INCOMING.
[Cheering, camera shutters snapping]
A golden microphone appears in front of Aoife.
Aoife asks, WHAT DO WE WANT?
Charlotte wears her Captain Meowville hat and a matching t-shirt. She holds her pink smartphone case.
Charlotte asks, A CUTE CATS IN LITTLE HATS ONESIE? AND MATCHING PYJAMAS? LIKE THIS?
[Background student chattering]
Charlotte turns her phone and points at the pyjamas on a website.
[Meowing, upbeat music plays]
In Charlotte’s daydream, Captain Meowville and other cats wear hats and pyjamas.
The person sings, I'M GONNA WIN, THE DOLLARS ARE MINE. I'M GONNA WIN, CUZ I…
[The music ends]
The daydream ends. In the gymnasium, Charlotte points at the pyjama website.
Aoife suggests, MAYBE SIT THIS ONE OUT, CHAR.
Zara says, I WANT PEOPLE TO STOP LAUGHING AT US.
Nyla says, BECAUSE OF YOU!
[Background chattering]
Aoife says, THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS WE WANT A TROPHY, BUT RESPECT WORKS AS WELL. NOW, HOW ARE WE GONNA GET THOSE THINGS?
Zara and Nyla smile and say, JESSICA!
Aoife says, NO! PRACTICE! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU LOT? AND WHERE IS JESSICA ANYWAY?
Nyla and Zara shrug.
[Dramatic music plays]
In his office, Mr. Holt sits on the floor with his arms around his knees.
Mr. Holt says, SHE'S PULLED OUT OF THE GAME!
Zara says, BUT WE CAN'T WIN WITHOUT JESS!
Aoife tells us, THAT'S ANNOYINGLY TRUE.
Mr. Holt says, I'M WELL AWARE. BUT APPARENTLY, THE VIPERS' BRAND HAS BECOME "TOO CRINGE" FOR HER TO ASSOCIATE WITH.
[Whooshing]
Text reads, “Too cringe.”
Aoife tells us, THIS IS A DISASTER. BUT A GOOD TIME FOR A ROUND-UP!
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
In a flashback, Aoife poses with the basketball.
Aoife tells us, SO, I WANTED TO PUT THE VIPERS BACK ON THE MAP, BUT CHARLOTTE WAS ALL—
In a flashback, Charlotte smiles with cats wearing hats and pyjamas dancing beside her.
Charlotte says, CUTE LITTLE CATS IN ITTY-BITTY HATS!
Aoife tells us, AND SO, MR. HOLT WAS LIKE, "WE NEED--"
Text reads, “Jessica.”
Mr. Holt says, JESSICA!
Nyla and Zara smile at each other.
Aoife tells us, AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "YAY! JESSICA! SHE'S AMAZING!"
In a flashback, Jessica smiles and crosses her arms. Aoife wears the green face paint, and green flames rise behind her.
Aoife tells us, BUT I WAS LIKE, "NO, SHE'S EVIL."
[Whooshing, upbeat music continues]
In a flashback, Aoife nods with her head between the bars. The firefighter uses the buzzsaw. A smartphone displays the “A little help” GIF.
Aoife tells us, AND I GOT KIDNAPPED BY A FENCE, WHICH DID PUT SOME OF US BACK ON THE MAP. SADLY. BUT NOT CHARLOTTE.
[Aoife gasping, cat meowing, chiming]
In the present, Aoife looks at Charlotte, who stares down at a spinning animation of Captain Meowville on her plastic clogs.
Aoife says, THAT'S IT! WE CAN BEAT YOUR BROTHER'S TEAM!
[Banging, the music stops]
Mr. Holt stands.
Mr. Holt asks, YOU CAN GET JESSICA BACK?
Aoife says, EVEN BETTER!
[Zapping, upbeat music plays]
In Charlotte’s bedroom, Nyla, Aoife, and Zara sit facing Charlotte, who sits on the bed. Glittering text on the back of Charlotte’s pink hooded bathrobe reads, “I love cat naps.”
Aoife says, THIS OPERATION MUTE THE CUTE.
Zara asks, IS THERE A HANDOUT OR SOMETHING? I REALLY LIKE TO FEEL A PAGE.
Aoife says, WE'RE ECO-FRIENDLY. BUT WE NEED CHARLOTTE BACK IN THE VIPERS. BUT THERE'S A PROBLEM.
Nyla says, YEAH, WE'RE SURROUNDED BY IT.
Charlotte looks at a poster of a cat wearing a hat.
Aoife says, BUT NOT FOR LONG! IF WE'RE TO HIDE EVERY TRACE OF THIS CUTE NEW CRAZE, THEN CHARLOTTE CAN FOCUS ON BASKETBALL.
Charlotte says, THIS SEEMS A BIT O-T-T.
Aoife says, NYLA, JUST NOW.
[Rattling]
Nyla takes a cat keychain out of Charlotte’s pocket.
Charlotte says, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
Aoife says, THE MISSION IS THIS. WE NEED TO MUTE THAT CUTE.
Zara says, WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING MORE SNAPPY? CAT CLEANSE.
Nyla says, KITTY KILL.
Aoife says, FOCUS! IF WE'RE TO WIN, THERE CAN BE NO TRACE OF THIS CRAZE ANYWHERE NEAR CHARLOTTE. ARE WE CLEAR?
[Whooshing, rattling]
Nyla takes a second cat keychain out of Charlotte’s pocket.
Charlotte says, MR. PURRFECT!
Aoife says, MUTED! LET'S GET TO WORK.
[Upbeat music plays, sticker peeling]
At school, Nyla removes cat stickers from Charlotte’s locker as Charlotte watches with her bottom lip sticking out. In Charlotte’s bedroom, Nyla puts a basketball poster over the poster of the cat wearing the hat.
A person sings, I'M A FACE IN A CROWD, THEY'VE NOT SEEN BEFORE.
[Toy squeaking, upbeat music continues]
Nyla puts cats wearing hats pillows, toys, and clothes into a bag featuring a cat wearing a hat. Charlotte shakes her head.
The person sings, I SEE YOU PASSING ME BY.
[Rustling]
In a parking lot, a woman with bobbed black hair puts a cat wearing hats sun blocker in her car windshield.
Mr. Holt says, OH, REALLY?
[Supplies clattering]
At school, Charlotte and Zara sit on a couch. On a table in front of them, a basketball-themed pencil case, pencils, an eraser, and a bag accessory are spread out beside a cat-themed pencil case, pencils, a ruler, and erasers. Zara pushes the cat-themed supplies off the table and gives Charlotte the basketball-themed supplies. Zara shakes her head and looks at the floor.
The person sings, BUT I'M NOT GONNA FADE AWAY, AT LEAST NOT TODAY.
[Ball thumping]
In the gymnasium, Nyla, Aoife, and Zara face Charlotte. Zara bounces a basketball to Charlotte.
A Viper says, GO, CHAR.
The person sings, TWO DRINKS TOO MANY BUT I'M LIVING AT THE…
[Banging, cheering, shrieking, whooshing, upbeat music plays, Mr. Holt exhaling heavily]
Charlotte sinks a basket. The team hugs and jumps excitedly. Text reads, “Cuteness muted.” The Midvale school crest spins over aerial video footage of the students in the schoolyard. On the banner, Mr. Holt changes the board to Zero “days until visit.” He runs into the school hallway and hurries past students.
Mr. Holt says, STRAIGHTEN THAT TIE. COVER THOSE TEETH. STOP SMILING WEIRDLY. YOU NEED TO GET 50 PERCENT CLEVERER BY THE END OF THE DAY.
[Footsteps running]
Jim says, GOOD NEWS!
Jim disco dances in the hallway.
Mr. Holt says, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Jim says, I LEARNED TO DISCO DANCE ONLINE, SO NOW I CAN BE HERE FOR THE VISIT.
[Siren blaring]
Mr. Holt shouts, IF THAT IS A RINGTONE, IT IS BANNED!
[Siren blaring, whirring, upbeat music plays]
A small robot drives to Mr. Holt and stops.
A robot says, EXTERMINATE. (UNCLEAR).
[The music ends]
Mr. Holt brings the robot to Clanger and Conor in the empty classroom.
Clanger says, ROBO! YOU FOUND HIM.
Conor says, DON'T WORRY. THE NEXT ONE WILL BE MUCH BETTER BEHAVED.
Mr. Holt says, THE NEXT ONE?
Conor says, OH, BIGGER, BETTER.
[Whirring]
Beneath a sheet, red eyes flash.
Beneath the sheet, Robo-butler says, ROBO-BUTLER.
Clanger says, FULLY OPERATIONAL FLAMETHROWER.
[Background chattering, thumping]
Mr. Holt puts the robot on the table.
Mr. Holt says, NO, NO. THIS ENDS NOW.
Conor says, BUT WE'VE ALREADY TAKEN ORDERS. BUSINESS CLUB IS A SUCCESS!
Mr. Holt says, THERE IS NO BUSINESS CLUB!
Clanger says, OH, WE KNOW.
Conor says, WE KNOW EVERYTHING.
Mr. Holt says, YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT.
Clanger bounces excitedly.
Clanger says, LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS.
Conor says, BUT I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS.
Mr. Holt says, DEAL!
[Rustling]
Clanger jumps past Mr. Holt, into the hallway.
Clanger cheers, FREE CRISPS.
Mr. Holt says, BUT ONLY IF THIS VISIT GOES SMOOTHLY.
Conor says, UNDERSTOOD!
In the hallway, Clanger shouts, FREE CRISPS! FREE CRISPS.
[Light music plays]
Conor says, ONE OF US DOES.
In a hallway, Aoife puts a “censored” sticker over a poster with Captain Meowville. Jessica arrives, narrowing her eyes and playing with the end of her braid.
Aoife says, NOT SO CRINGE NOW, ARE WE?
Jessica says, AWE! IT'S SO SWEET THAT YOU THINK THAT. GOOD LUCK IN THE GAME THOUGH. YOU'LL NEED IT.
Aoife tells us, NYLA SAID NOT TO ANNOY HER BUT—
Aoife says, WE'LL ALSO NEED A MASCOT IF YOU FANCY IT. YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE TO DRESS UP AS A SSSNAKE.
[Footsteps pattering]
Jessica crosses her arms and watches as Aoife walks away. Jessica smiles.
[Upbeat music plays]
The Midvale school crest spins over the school.
[Classical music plays, sighing]
In his office, Mr. Holt and his brother sit across from each other at a table with a globe between them. Mr. Holt’s brother wipes dust off the table and sighs.
Mr. Holt asks, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF OUR MATHS CLUB?
[Mr. Holt’s brother inhales deeply]
Mr. Holt’s brother says, HMM. NOT GOOD AT-- MATHS.
Mr. Holt says, I WAS EQUALLY UNIMPRESSED BY YOURS.
Behind Mr. Holt, four students look at the floor.
Mr. Holt says, NO OFFENCE.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops,’ and a basketball falls into it.
[Background chattering]
In the school cafeteria, Aoife, Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara enter wearing their Vipers uniforms.
Aoife says, IN A FEW MINUTES, THE WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE CHANTING OUR NAMES.
Charlotte says, BUT WHAT IF THEY CHANT ABOUT CUTE LITTLE CATS AND—
Zara puts noise-cancelling headphones over Charlotte’s ears.
Zara says, CUTENESS MUTENESS. WE'VE GOT THIS.
Jessica says, HEY, VIPOS! BIG NEWS. AOIFE ASKED ME TO FIND A MASCOT, SO I DID.
Aoife says, HEY, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
Nyla asks, WHAT DID YOU SAY?
[Tape rewinding]
In a flashback, Aoife says, WE'LL ALSO NEED A MASCOT IF YOU FANCY IT.
[Background chattering]
In the present, Aoife says, OH, WHAT DID I SAY?
Zara says, UH-OH.
Jessica says, YOU'RE PLAYING THE CHEETAHS, RIGHT?
Aoife nods.
Jessica calls, OH, MR. SHNUZZLY!
[Upbeat music plays, chiming, cats meowing, popping]
Someone wears a cheetah costume. In an animation, flowers cover Charlotte’s eyes, and a heart grows behind her. In a daydream, Charlotte chases Mr. Shnuzzly. Text reads, “Cheetahs.” The daydream ends.
Charlotte says, I COULD WEAR YOU TO PARTIES!
Nyla and Zara pull Charlotte backwards.
Aoife says, THIS COULD BE A PROBLEM.
Aoife holds her hand in front of Charlotte’s eyes.
[Energetic music plays, crowd cheering, ball thumping]
In a daydream, in an animation, flowers cover Charlotte’s eyes, and a heart grows behind her as she stares at Mr. Shnuzzly. In reality, the Vipers play the Cheetahs in the gymnasium.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, WAKE UP!
[Cheering, thumping]
A Cheetahs player sinks a basket. Charlotte stares at Mr. Shnuzzly with flowers over her eyes.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, SNAP OUT OF IT.
[Banging, cheering]
Another Cheetahs player sinks a basket. On the bleachers, Mr. Holt’s brother lifts his arms victoriously as Mr. Holt shuts his eyes.
Mr. Holt’s brother cheers, HOO HOO.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE, WAKE UP!
[Banging, groaning, cheering, applause, popping]
Another Cheetahs player sinks a basket. On the bleachers, Mr. Holt’s brother claps as Mr. Holt rests his head against his hand. The scoreboard reads, “Seven fifty-one. Vipers zero, Cheetahs, 5.” The clock counts down two seconds. In an animation, hearts appear around Mr. Shnuzzly.
Jim says, OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[Whooshing, cheering, applause]
The Cheetahs score another basket.
Mr. Holt’s brother says, NOT GOOD AT BASKETBALL.
Mr. Shnuzzly dances on the court, and Charlotte follows him.
Zara says, CHARLOTTE!
[Cheering, applause]
The Cheetahs score another point.
Nyla says, CHAR, SUB UP, NOW!
[Cracking]
Charlotte stares at Mr. Shnuzzly. Nyla’s ankle twists, and she falls.
Nyla says, AH!
Jim shouts, TIME OUT! SAVE US!
[Whistle blowing]
A referee says, TIME OUT, VIPERS.
[Nyla wincing]
Jim, Zara, and Aoife gather around Nyla, who holds her ankle on the floor.
Aoife says, CAN'T (UNCLEAR) NOW. WE'RE ALREADY DOWN A PLAYER.
Nyla asks, MAYBE JESSICA COULD HELP?
[Background chattering]
Aoife looks at Mr. Shnuzzly.
Aoife says, NO, I CAN FIX THIS.
Aoife walks to Mr. Shnuzzly.
Aoife asks, MR. SHNUZZLY, WOULD YOU LIKE A SNACK FROM OUR HOSPITALITY ROOM?
Mr. Shnuzzly gives two thumbs up.
Aoife says, KEEP HER HERE.
[Charlotte grunting]
Zara holds Charlotte’s shoulders as Mr. Shnuzzly follows Aoife.
Mr. Holt says, WHERE IS SHE GOING? DEAL WITH THAT CAT AND GET YOUR SISTER BACK, OR NO CRISPS!
Clanger says, HE CAN'T DO THAT!
Conor says, YES, HE CAN. I'LL EXPLAIN ON THE WAY. AGAIN.
[Footsteps thumping, background chattering, panting, footsteps thumping, door creaking, slamming, banging]
Conor and Clanger walk down the bleachers. In a hallway, Aoife walks Mr. Shnuzzly to a dark room. He walks inside, and she slams the door and locks it. A sign on the door reads, “Caretakers Storage Cupboard.”
Aoife says, HERE WE ARE! JUST INSIDE. SORRY! THERE'S NO (UNCLEAR).
[Banging]
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT!
[Whistle blowing]
Aoife enters the gymnasium and gives two thumbs up.
[Thumping, soft music plays, Charlotte sighing, whooshing, sneaker squeaking, thunking]
Charlotte catches the ball and looks around the room. Jim and Nyla watch from a bench. Charlotte throws the ball and sinks a basket.
Mr. Holt cheers, YES!
[Cheering, upbeat music plays, giggling, ball dribbling]
Charlotte scores more baskets. By the bench, Jim celebrates.
Jim says, YA! YA!
[Ball thumping]
Charlotte dribbles around Cheetah players and shoots a basket.
Charlotte shouts, YES!
[Crowd cheering]
Mr. Holt raises his arms and spins.
Mr. Holt says, YES! YES! IN YOUR FACE!
[Clearing his throat, patting]
Mr. Holt sits beside his brother and pats his knee.
Mr. Holt says, TERRIFIC GAME. SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
Aoife tells us, NOW, THAT IS HOW YOU SAVE THE DAY.
[Giggling, hands slapping]
Charlotte and Aoife high-five.
Aoife says, OH, YEAH!
[Footsteps thumping]
Clanger and Conor walk in a hallway.
Clanger says, WAIT! SO WE ONLY GET THE CRISPS IF WE HELP HOLT?
Conor says, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT NOW!
[Banging]
Conor and Clanger stop in front of the caretaker’s cupboard.
Conor says, LOOKS LIKE AOIFE DID THE JOB FOR US THOUGH.
Clanger says, HELP HOLT?
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT! I MEAN IT!
[Conor sighing]
Conor says, FREE CRISPS. YOUR CHOICE.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT!
[Banging]
Mr. Shnuzzly says, LET ME OUT!
Clanger says, NO WAY!
[Energetic music plays]
Clanger unlocks the door, and Mr. Shnuzzly runs down the hallway.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, GAH!
[Ball thumping]
In the gymnasium, Aoife shouts, CHARLOTTE!
[Cheering, clapping]
Charlotte scores another basket, and Mr. Holt stands and applauds. On the court, Aoife catches a pass and sinks a basket.
[Cheering, energetic music continues, Mr. Holt laughing, thumping, basket rattling]
The Vipers hug. The scoreboard reads, “Five-sixteen. Vipers, 7. Cheetahs, 11.” Mr. Holt dances. Zara passes the ball to Charlotte, and she scores. Aoife scores.
Mr. Holt cheers, BOO-YA!
[Hands slapping]
Aoife and Zara high-five.
Mr. Holt sings, BALL IN THE HOOP! BALL IN THE HOOP!
The crowd chants, VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS!
[Cheering]
Charlotte sinks a basket. With four minutes and fifteen seconds left, the score reads, “Vipers, 10. Cheetahs, 11.”
Mr. Holt cheers, YES! (UNCLEAR)! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
The crowd chants, VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS!
[Cheering, ball thumping]
A Viper scores another basket.
Mr. Holt cheers, YES! YES! SMASH THEM! SMASH THEM!
[Thumping]
Mr. Holt kicks the basketball.
Mr. Holt cheers, YES!
The crowd and Mr. Holt chant, VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS! VIPERS!
[Clicking]
The score is tied with three minutes and forty-two seconds left.
Mr. Holt says, SMASH THEM! OH, DON'T GET SALTY, HOLTY!
Aoife says, WE'VE DONE IT! THE REBRAND'S COMPLETE! CHARLOTTE, YOU READY?
[Cheering, the music stops]
Charlotte looks past Aoife, and her mouth falls open.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, YOU LOCKED ME IN THE CUPBOARD!
[Aoife sighing]
Aoife says, FEAR FACTOR. 20 GAZILLION.
Zara says, RUN, AOIFE!
[Dramatic music plays, Mr. Shnuzzly growling]
Mr. Shnuzzly chases Aoife in circles around the court, and Charlotte chases Mr. Shnuzzly with outstretched arms.
Nyla says, DON'T LOOK IT IN THE EYES!
[Mr. Shnuzzly grunting, panting]
Mr. Shnuzzly stops running.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, THIS IS TOO HOT!
[Charlotte screaming]
Mr. Shnuzzly removes the head of the costume, revealing his long, wavy hair and beard.
Charlotte says, YOU'RE NOT CUTE!
[Mr. Shnuzzly growling, smacking, crashing, slide whistle, gasping]
Mr. Shnuzzly points at Aoife and walks towards her. Charlotte trips him, and he stumbles, knocking Aoife down.
Mr. Shnuzzly says, AH!
[Crowd gasping]
Aoife lies pinned beneath the mascot.
Aoife says, AH!
[Footsteps thumping]
Jessica walks to Mr. Holt, wearing her Vipers uniform.
Jessica says, I THOUGHT SOMETHING LIKE THIS MIGHT HAPPEN, SO I CAME PREPARED. I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
[Dramatic music plays, Aoife groaning]
Aoife turns her head to the side.
[Upbeat music plays]
The Midvale school crest spins. The headline in the school newspaper reads, “Super Jess Saves Hapless Vipers.” A photograph shows Jess posing with the trophy, with one foot on Aoife as she lies on the gymnasium floor. At school, Zara, Nyla, Charlotte, and Aoife look at their smartphones.
Nyla says, AT LEAST WE MADE THE FRONT PAGE.
[Background chattering]
Aoife says, NO, WE MADE THE FRONT PAGE AND WE GOT OUR FIRST TROPHY!
Zara says, WHICH JESS SAYS WE CAN VISIT WHENEVER WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.
Charlotte says, I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT SO OBSESSED OVER SUCH A SILLY THING.
Aoife says, IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE BACK TO NORMAL NOW.
[Gasping]
Nyla asks, ARE THOSE DUCKLINGS WITH CUFFLINKS?
Charlotte looks around.
Charlotte asks, WHERE?
Nyla and Zara laugh.
Aoife says, NEARLY.
Mr. Holt says, MORNING, VIPERS. WONDERFUL DAY, ISN'T IT?
[Breathing deeply]
Mr. Holt says, JUST WONDERFUL.
He walks away.
Aoife says, EVERYTHING WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST!
Zara asks, WORTH GETTING YOUR HEAD STUCK IN A FENCE FOR?
[Upbeat music plays]
In the GIF, Aoife closes one eye. Text reads, “A little help?”
Aoife says, I THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT.
Aoife shakes her head and tells us, NO.
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net.
End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Jessica, Bea Ward. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Librarian, Charlotte Henderson. Conor, Arthur Kay. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Brid, Isy Suttie. Mr. Holt’s Brother, Noel White. Mr. Schnuzzly, Stevie Hurst. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
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