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Transcript: The Expose Jessica Drill
[School bell ringing, upbeat music plays, banging, laughing, slide whistle, whistle blaring]
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created by Sinéad Fagan. Written by Chris Grady. Additional material by Jack Casey. Director: Tim Hopewell. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt.
[Tense music plays]
In slow motion, Aoife runs wearing blue patterned pyjamas and a matching bathrobe. She runs away from a house.
Aoife tells us, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
Aoife chases someone with grey hair wearing a blue bathrobe past trees and tackles them.
The grey-haired person says, UGH! UGH.
Nyla arrives wearing a pink bathrobe.
Nyla says, GRANNY? AOIFE?
Aoife says, THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
Aoife tells us, PLEASE WATCH THE REWIND.
[Tape rewinding, cheerful music plays]
Aoife says, CHEER UP, SAD SACK. IT'S SATURDAY.
Conor says, LOOK WHERE WE ARE.
Conor and Aoife walk towards Midvale School.
Aoife says, FOR THE AWESOME-EST REASON.
Conor says, IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR YOU. I AM BEING UNFAIRLY PUNISHED.
Aoife tells us, HE SO ISN’T.
[Upbeat music plays, people squeaking, screaming, clattering, crashing, Conor and Clanger laughing, hands slapping]
In a flashback, a white-haired school cafeteria worker carries a colander. She stops beside a closed door and puts her ear against it. The door opens, and two people emerge dressed as mice. A cafeteria worker throws the colander, and apples fall on the floor. She flees. Conor and Clanger take off their mouse masks and high-five each other.
Aoife says, HAVE FUN IN DETENTION.
Conor says, HOPE YOU LOSE YOUR GAME.
Aoife says, IT'S A TOURNAMENT.
Conor walks away.
Aoife tells us, THE MIDVALE INVITATIONAL. TWO WHOLE DAYS OF THREE-ON-THREE BASKETBALL. WHICH TEAM WILL TRIUMPH?
[Clapping]
Aoife claps her hands.
Aoife tells us, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THE ONES MEETING EARLY FOR A SECRET PRACTICE SESSION.
[Cackling, upbeat music plays, ball thumping, hoop banging]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. Aoife enters the gym and finds a team practicing. Jessica catches a pass and walks towards the hoop.
Jessica says, AW. DID YOU THINK YOU'D BE FIRST? NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
[Whooshing, hoop banging, Aoife sighing]
Jessica stares at Aoife and sinks a basket.
Aoife tells us, ANNOYINGLY IMPRESSIVE.
[Aoife grunting, chiming]
Polka dots move across the screen. Aoife walks in a hallway. The Comets team logo appears beside her. A list of the teams in 3 X 3 Division 2 reads, “Comets, Serpents, Dolphins, Lions, Dragons, Cheaters, Vipers.” The team logo beside the “Cheaters” reads “Cheetahs.”
Aoife tells us, OKAY. SO, COMETS ARE FAVOURITES. BLUH. UGH. THEY'RE AT THE TOP OF THE LEAGUE. AND EVERYONE STILL LOVES JESSICA...
[Cartoon ahooga]
Aoife walks past a blond-haired boy, who looks at a poster featuring Jessica lying on a towel at the beach. She holds a tube of “Fun Girls Foot Fungus Remover.” In animation, the boy’s eyes pop out of his head as he looks at the poster.
Aoife tells us, 'CAUSE SHE'S SOME SORT OF SUPERMODEL NOW, APPARENTLY.
Aoife leans against the wall beside the poster and looks at the boy. On the poster, Jessica’s feet gleam.
Aoife says, THEY'RE JUST FEET, WEIRDO.
[Energetic music plays, hoop rattling, Vipers chattering, ball whooshing, buzzer blaring, cheering]
The blond-haired boy leaves. In flashbacks, the Vipers sink baskets. On the list of teams, the Vipers move into second place.
Aoife tells us, BUT WE'RE ON A ROLL. WE HAVE SIX WINS IN A ROW. WE'RE SHOOTING UP THE TABLE. OUR CONFIDENCE IS AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH. WE'VE GOT UNDERDOG SPIRIT AND MATCHING WATER BOTTLES.
In the present, Aoife holds a transparent plastic water bottle with the Vipers logo and a lilac top. Nearby, Jim wears a half-face respirator and safety glasses as he tapes the Vipers logo to a door. Green vapour drifts past him, and Aoife holds her nose.
Aoife says, UGH! NOT A CHANGING ROOM THAT ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE POO. WHY, JIM? WHY?
[Jim sighing]
Jim pulls down the respirator and pulls up the safety glasses.
Jim says, WELL, JESSICA SAID YOU WANTED IT, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS A BIT UNUSUAL, BUT HEY, BADMINTON'S A FUNNY OLD GAME. OOH!
[Paper rustling]
Aoife takes the Vipers sign off the smelly changeroom door and switches it with the Comet sign on another changeroom door.
Aoife tells us, DIRTY TRICKS, IS IT? SHOWS SHE'S SCARED. LET'S SEE HOW SHE LIKES THE PUNGENT SMELL OF REVENGE.
Aoife smiles at us.
[Buzzing, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Clunking, gagging, glass shattering]
In the cafeteria kitchen, Conor wipes a counter. Clanger opens a glass jar and samples the contents. He gags and drops the jar.
Clanger says, UGH! WHY IS DETENTION SO BORING?
[Conor snickering]
Conor says, WELL, THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
Clanger says, YEAH. I'M GOING TO GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND PLAY SOME COMPUTER GAMES.
Conor says, OH. CAN I COME?
[Banging]
Mr. Holt arrives carrying a basket of bread and drops it on the counter.
Mr. Holt says, YOUR DETENTION IS NOT FINISHED YET.
Conor says, BUT WE CLEANED, LIKE YOU ASKED.
Mr. Holt says, AND NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE SANDWICHES, AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO SELL THEM. AND NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO SAY, "OOH, BUT MR. HOLT--"
Conor says, BUT MR. HOLT—
Mr. Holt says, AND I'M GOING TO IGNORE YOU, BECAUSE THIS TOURNAMENT IS COSTING MONEY THAT WE DON'T HAVE, AND THE CATERING STAFF WON'T WORK ON WEEKENDS BECAUSE OF ALL THE ANNOYING CHILDREN.
[Upbeat music plays]
Clanger puts his hand over his eyes.
Mr. Holt says, WELL, GET ON WITH IT!
[Rustling]
Conor throws his cleaning cloth on the counter. In a school hallway, Zara stares at the Foot Fungus Remover poster.
Zara says, WOW. JESS USED TO BE A VIPER. NOW, SHE'S A FUN GIRLS GIRL.
Charlotte says, THEY'RE, LIKE, THE FUTURE OF FOOT FUNGUS REMOVERS.
Nyla says, THE FUTURE?
Zara says, THERE SHE IS. HI, JESS!
[Upbeat music plays, Zara gasping, footsteps thumping, background chattering]
Jessica tosses her hair over her shoulders and ignores Zara. A hand reaches out of the changeroom and yanks Zara inside. Nyla, who holds Zara’s arm, and Charlotte, who holds Nyla’s arm, stumble in behind her. Polka dots move on the screen. In the changeroom, Nyla holds her bicep and Charlotte holds her forearm.
Aoife says, VIPERS, WE'RE AT WAR.
Nyla says, FINALLY. WHO'S THE ENEMY?
Charlotte says, GIRLS WHO WEAR CLUMPY CLOGS.
Zara says, PEOPLE WHO SAY, "PACIFICALLY."
Aoife says, WAY WORSE.
[Horror music plays]
Aoife points at the foot fungus advertisement.
Aoife says, JESSICA AND THE COMETS.
[Gasping]
Aoife tells us, NOT THE REACTION I WAS HOPING FOR.
Zara says, JESS IS OUR BEST FRIEND.
Nyla says, IF ANYONE COULD PULL OFF CLOGS, IT'S HER.
Charlotte says, HER FEET ARE SO VERSATILE.
Aoife says, UGH. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. SHOTS HAVE ALREADY BEEN FIRED.
Zara says, THEN YOU NEED TO UN-FIRE THEM, NOW.
[Distant retching, coughing]
In the distance, Jessica says, UGH! EW! WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
Aoife says, UM, THAT MIGHT BE A BIT TRICKY.
[Gobbling, chiming]
A round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In the kitchen, Conor and Clanger wear aprons. In front of them are two lopsided stacks of ham and cheese sandwiches.
Conor asks, SO, YOU THINK THEY'RE AS BAD AS THEY LOOK?
[Chomping, rustling, background chattering]
Clanger bites into a sandwich.
Clanger says, WORSE.
Conor says, I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR THE GIRLS. I SAID "ALMOST."
Clanger says, THEIR STUPID TOURNAMENT IS THE REASON WHY WE'RE NOT PLAYING BASH CRASH 'EM AT YOUR HOUSE.
[Light music plays]
Conor says, THAT, AND I DON'T HAVE THE GAME.
Clanger says, I TOLD YOU TO BUY IT.
Conor says, MUM SAID IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.
Clanger says, BUT SHE HAS SANDWICH MONEY FOR YOUR SISTER.
Conor says, AOIFE'S GOING TO PAY US THAT MONEY.
Clanger says, AND THE OTHER GIRLS, TOO.
Conor says, WE CAN BUY THE GAME WITH IT.
Clanger says, BUT THAT'S HOLT'S MONEY.
Conor says, NOT IF WE SELL A SECRET, TASTIER ALTERNATIVE.
Clanger says, TASTIER THAN GREY HAM? EASY.
Conor says, SEE, I'M QUITE A GOOD BAKER, SO I WAS THINKING—
Clanger says, OVERRULED. WE'RE MAKING THIN JAM SANDWICHES.
[Thumping]
Clanger puts a loaf of bread and a large jar of jam on the counter.
Clanger says, BOOM!
[Thumping]
Conor face palms.
[Coughing, gagging]
In the hallway in front of the smelly changeroom, Jessica and the Comets wave their hands in front of their faces and pace.
Jessica says, UGH!
[Coughing continues]
Jessica says, THIS SMELL TRIGGERS MY ALLERGIES. I HAVE YUCKY-NITIS.
[Background chattering]
Aoife asks us, AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT? GULLIBLE-ITIS?
Charlotte says, YOUR POOR, PERFECTLY SHAPED NOSE.
Jessica nods.
Zara says, YOU SHOULD TAKE OUR ROOM.
Aoife says, WHAT? NO WAY.
Nyla says, IT'S THE LEAST WE CAN DO.
Jessica says, THANKS, VIPIES. LOVE YOU.
[Upbeat music plays]
Jessica smiles. She and the Comets walk to the Vipers’ changeroom.
Aoife says, JESSICA DOESN'T LOVE YOU. SHE TRICKED JIM FIRST. SHE'S OUR ENEMY.
Charlotte says, VIPERS DON'T HAVE ENEMIES.
Zara says, EXCEPT MAYBE THE MONGOOSE.
Nyla says, ONCE A VIPER, ALWAYS A VIPER.
Aoife asks, THEN WHERE IS HER WATER BOTTLE?
Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla look down at their water bottles.
Aoife says, I'M JUST SAYING. YOU NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR HER TODAY.
Zara says, JESS WAS MY BEST FRIEND IN PRIMARY. THAT'S A BOND THAT CAN'T BE BROKEN.
Aoife says, BUT—
Zara says, SHE CARES ABOUT ME, AND THIS TEAM.
[Banging]
Backpacks fly out of the Vipers’ former changeroom and land in the hallway. Aoife arches an eyebrow and looks at the other Vipers.
Zara says, SEE?
[Slide whistle, munching, chiming]
A question mark appears beside Aoife. The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a hallway, Conor sits at a table with plates of ham and cheese sandwiches. He stares at a plate with mouldy jam sandwiches.
Conor asks, CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME TASTY, CHEAP SANDWICHES?
[Footsteps pattering, bag rustling, background chattering]
Two girls hurry away from the table. Clanger drops a bag with more sandwiches in front of Conor.
Clanger says, MORE JAM SANDWICHES.
Conor says, YEAH. ACTUALLY, PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE JAM, SPECIFICALLY THE MOULD SPORES.
Clanger says, THEY HAVE FLAVOUR.
Conor says, YEAH. MOULD FLAVOUR.
[Upbeat music plays]
Conor glances down the hallway.
Conor says, IT'S HOLT.
Clanger says, QUICK. EAT.
[Bag rustling, munching]
Clanger and Conor quickly eat jam sandwiches.
Mr. Holt says, YOU HAVEN'T SOLD ANYTHING.
Clanger shakes his head, and bits of sandwich fall out of his mouth. Mr. Holt looks at Conor, and Conor stops chewing.
Mr. Holt says WELL, MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO. IF I FIND THAT YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING, THE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE ASTRONOMICAL.
Conor says, WE NEED TO MAKE BETTER FOOD.
Clanger says, WIMP.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops’, and a basketball falls into it.
[Cheering, shouting, ball thumping, upbeat music plays]
In the gym, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 19. Dolphins, 18” with two minutes and 39 seconds left. Aoife dribbles a basketball, and a Dolphins player with long dark brown hair shoves her.
Aoife says, UGH!
[Whistle blaring]
Jim shouts, HEY! FOUL ON BLUE. TIMEOUT. TIMEOUT.
A referee says, TIMEOUT, VIPERS.
Jim says, IN. IN.
The Vipers pick up their water bottles.
Zara says, SCORE BOTH OF THESE AND WE'VE WON THE GAME.
Aoife says, YEAH. I KNOW HOW BASKETBALL WORKS. NOT SURE JIM DOES.
Aoife glances down at her water bottle.
Jim says, KEEP IT SHORT. AVOID THE SAND. TRUST THE CADDY, AND SPLASH.
Zara says, REMEMBER, WE'RE A TEAM AND WE'RE MATES.
Zara turns her water bottle to show the word “Team” on one side and “Mates” on the other.
Charlotte says, AND WE'RE TEAMMATES.
Charlotte whispers, YOU'RE A GENIUS!
[Door banging, background chattering]
The Comets enter the gym.
Aoife says, WE ARE A TEAM. A PROPER TEAM. NOT LIKE WHEN SHE PLAYED.
Aoife looks at Charlotte.
Nyla says, AOIFE, LET IT GO.
[Banging]
Aoife puts down her water bottle.
Aoife says, RIGHT.
[Upbeat music plays]
The other Vipers put their bottles on chairs. Nyla and Jim sit down on the chairs beside the bottles.
Zara says, GET THESE TWO BASKETS, AND WE'RE THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND.
[Aoife exhaling sharply]
The referee says, SHOT. BALL'S DEAD.
[Thumping, flatulence tooting, thumping, spectators laughing]
The referee bounces the basketball to Aoife. Aoife throws the ball at the hoop and misses. Jessica and the Comets laugh.
Nyla asks, DID WE LITERALLY LET IT GO?
Aoife asks, WHO WAS THAT?
Zara says, GOOD TACTIC. DEFLECT AND DENY.
Aoife says, BUT I NEVER—
[Thumping]
The referee bounces the ball to Aoife.
The referee says, SECOND SHOT. BALL'S LIVE.
[Flatulence tooting, thumping, spectators laughing]
Aoife glances at Jessica, who nods at her. Aoife throws the ball, and Jessica squeezes a machine in her hand. Aoife misses the shot.
Aoife says, IT WAS JESSICA!
Zara says, UGH.
[Charlotte sighing]
Nyla says, AOIFE, GET THE BALL!
[Aoife sighing, banging, cheering]
A Dolphin player scores a basket and ties the score with one minute and 35 seconds left.
Aoife tells us, MINE DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE THAT.
[Whooshing, chiming, Upbeat music plays]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. In the smelly changeroom filled with green vapour, the Vipers wear clothespins on their noses. Charlotte paces and then sits on a bench beside Zara.
Charlotte says, WE'VE GOT 20 MINUTES LEFT UNTIL OUR NEXT GAME, WHICH WE WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN IF IT WASN'T FOR ZARA'S GREAT TWO-POINTER.
Nyla says, SO, IF YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING—
Aoife says, LIKE WHAT?
Nyla says, THINK OF A NUMBER. MAYBE TWO?
Aoife says, I DON'T NEED A POO. JESSICA HAD THAT THING THAT MADE THAT NOISE.
Charlotte asks, DON'T WE ALL HAVE THOSE?
Zara replies, JESS IS OUR FRIEND.
Aoife says, SOME FRIEND. SHE LITERALLY DITCHED YOU GUYS TO WIN TROPHIES, REMEMBER? I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
Nyla says, JEALOUSY DOESN'T SUIT YOU, AOIFE.
Zara asks, DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT THIS TEAM?
Aoife replies, OF COURSE I DO.
Zara says, WHATEVER YOUR PROBLEM WITH JESS IS, YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT.
Aoife says, OKAY. I'LL DROP IT.
Jessica enters the changeroom.
Jessica says, HEY, GUYS. JUST WANTED TO SAY HARD—
[Retching, coughing]
Jessica says, SORRY. GET WELL SOON, AOIFE.
[Chiming]
Jessica winks at Aoife and leaves.
Aoife tells us, AND NOW, WE'RE PICKING IT RIGHT BACK UP.
Aoife rolls her eyes.
[Upbeat music plays, door creaking, slamming, footsteps pattering, flowers bubbling]
Jessica opens the changeroom door a crack and watches the Comets walk past in the hallway. She quickly sneaks into the Comet’s changeroom. In an animation, flowers float around Aoife, and she takes the clothespin off her nose. The room is decorated with an advertisement for Jessica’s Foot Fungus. A string of fairy lights winds around a post.
Aoife says, UGH. OH!
[Sniffing]
Aoife says, HMM.
Aoife tells us, JUST ENOUGH TIME TO PROVE THAT JESS IS LYING. WHICH ONE'S HER LOCKER?
[Flowers bubbling]
Aoife walks to a locker with a copy of Jessica’s advertisement taped to it. Text on the locker reads, “Jessica’s locker.”
Aoife tells us, OH. WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE? I JUST MIGHT BE.
[Locker door rattling, whooshing, spraying]
As Aoife peers into the locker, graphics of a towel, a spray bottle, and jam biscuits appear.
Aoife says, TOWELS. LOADS OF FOOT SPRAY. BISCUITS.
With her mouth full, Aoife says, HMM. WITH PIPING ON.
[Giggling, whooshing]
A graphic of a Comets water bottle appears.
Aoife says, A WATER BOTTLE. HEY. WHAT'S THIS? HMM.
[Flatulence tooting, Aoife giggling]
Aoife picks up the machine.
Jessica says, JUST GETTING MY WATER.
[Locker clattering]
Aoife closes the locker.
Aoife says, OH!
[Door rattling, door slamming, upbeat music plays]
Aoife runs around the corner and hides in a different room. Jessica watches as the door closes behind Aoife and smiles.
Jessica says, ACTUALLY, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT ON THE COURT. OOPS.
[Lock rattling, Aoife whimpering, door handle rattling]
Jessica smiles, locks the door, and leaves the changeroom.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS FINE. 10 MINUTES UNTIL THE QUARTER-FINAL. PLENTY OF TIME FOR THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE TO PICK A SIMPLE LOCK.
On the court, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla stand with their hands on their hips.
Zara says, WE WON'T START WITHOUT HER.
[Thumping, sneakers squeaking, banging, crowd cheering]
The referee bounces the ball to a Wildcats player, who scores a basket.
The Vipers shout, AOIFE!
[Gobbling, chiming]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a food tech room, Conor and Clanger wear chef uniforms and chef hats. Conor puts a plate with a cupcake on a metal table, and Clanger puts a green resealable bag beside it.
Clanger says, MY SAMPLE IS READY, CHEF.
Conor says, MINE, TOO, CHEF. SORRY. HEAD CHEF. SO, WE PICK THE TASTIEST, YEAH?
Clanger says, MAKE LOADS. SELL LOADS. GET GAME.
Conor says, OKAY. WELL, I BAKED MY CUPCAKES WITH EGGS, FLOUR, SUGAR, VANILLA.
[Plate clinking]
Conor picks up his plate, then puts it back on the table. Clanger picks up his bag and peers into it.
Clanger says, AND I MADE MINE WITH SCAMPI FRIES, LICORICE, OLD JAM AND GRATED HAM…
[Thumping]
Clanger drops the bag on the table in front of Conor.
Clanger continues, IN A BAG.
Conor picks up the bag and looks at it. Clanger eats the cupcake.
[Clanger chewing]
Clanger nods and says, HMM. MMM. MMM. I'VE MADE MY DECISION. A CLEAR AND OBVIOUS WINNER.
Clanger clasps his hands together and raises them.
Clanger says, CONGRATS. THANKS.
Conor says, WHAT? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!
Clanger says, I'M HEAD CHEF, CHEF, WHICH MEANS I'M A BETTER CHEF THAN YOU, CHEF, CHEF.
[Patting]
Clanger pats Conor’s shoulder.
Conor says, NO. YOU'RE NOT. AND YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME...
Clanger stares at Conor.
Conor says, ALL OF THE TIME.
Clanger says, THIS IS HOW WE GET THE GAME.
Conor says, NO ONE'S GOING TO WANT TO EVEN BUY YOUR...SICK 'N' MIX.
Clanger says, WELL, FINE, THEN. GET THE GAME YOURSELF. I BET MORE PEOPLE WANT TO BUY MY STUFF THAN YOUR DISGUSTING CAKES.
[Munching, whirring]
Clanger eats more of the cupcake. Polka dots move on the screen.
In the locked room in the change room, Aoife shouts, HELLO? HELLO. CAN YOU LET ME OUT? IS ANYONE THERE? HELLO? HELLO?
Jessica walks into the room carrying a Vipers water bottle. She opens her locker.
Nyla says, THANKS FOR LETTING US CHANGE IN HERE, JESS.
Charlotte says, MY NOSE THANKS YOU, TOO. THANK YOU, JESS.
[Charlotte imitating a pig snorting]
Jessica says, YOU'RE SO LOVELY, GIVING ME AOIFE’S WATER BOTTLE. I WISH I KNEW WHERE MINE WAS.
Zara says, I WISH WE KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO AOIFE.
[Flatulence tooting]
Nyla says, QUIET. SHE'S CLOSE BY.
[Flatulence tooting, lock rattling, flatulence tooting, door creaking, Aoife shrieking, thumping, Vipers gasping]
Jessica unlocks the door and opens it. Aoife falls on the floor.
Aoife says, IT WAS THE MACHINE. SHE FRAMED ME. I HAVE PROOF.
[Grunting]
Aoife squeezes the machine, but it does not work.
Jessica says, SHE OBVIOUSLY WENT TO A SHOP AND BOUGHT THIS WHILE YOU WERE PLAYING.
Zara asks, IS THIS WHY YOU MISSED OUR QUARTER-FINAL?
Aoife says, NO. WELL, YEAH, BUT NOT LIKE SHE SAID.
Zara asks, WHAT IF WE'D LOST?
Aoife says, YOU DIDN'T? HOW?
Charlotte glances at Zara.
Charlotte says, WELL—
[Whistle blowing, cheering, upbeat music plays]
In a flashback, the Wildcats team smiles broadly, one drops the basketball, and the team leaves the court.
Zara says, THEY WON TICKETS TO A TRAMPOLINE PARK IN ITALY. THEY FORFEIT AND WE WIN.
[Vipers squealing]
Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla jump excitedly. The flashback ends.
Zara says, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW. YOU ABANDONED US AFTER YOU PROMISED TO LEAVE JESS ALONE.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife tells us, UGH. I HATE WHEN SHE'S RIGHT.
Jessica says, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIT OUT THE NEXT GAME. GIVE THESE GUYS SOME SPACE.
Aoife says, UH, NO. IT'S FOR A PLACE IN THE FINAL, AND WE'RE TEAMMATES.
[Thumping]
Jessica drinks from Aoife’s water bottle. Aoife reaches for it, and Zara pushes her hand away. Zara glances at Charlotte and Nyla.
Zara says, WE'RE A TEAM…
Zara nods towards Jessica.
Zara continues, AND WE'RE MATES. MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.
[Fingers snapping]
Zara walks away. Jessica smiles at Aoife and follows Zara. Charlotte snaps her fingers, and she and Nyla leave.
Aoife asks us, DID I JUST GET FIRED?
[Exploding, beeping]
In an animation, an explosion appears on top of Aoife’s head. Unhappy emojis float around her.
[Whistle blaring, upbeat music plays, thumping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
[Background chattering, shouting]
A basketball bounces across the title and knocks down the letters. In a school hallway, someone in a pink cupcake costume with a cherry on the top runs to Aoife. They carry a basket with cupcakes. Aoife holds the gym door open a crack. She turns and looks at the cupcake.
The cupcake, Conor, says, AOIFE? AOIFE?
Aoife tells us, TELL ME YOU CAN SEE THAT.
Conor lifts part of the tulle cupcake icing off his face and looks at Aoife.
Conor asks, WHY AREN'T YOU PLAYING?
Aoife says, I GOT BANISHED FOR DECLARING WAR ON JESSICA.
[Rustling]
Aoife lifts her hand and drops it against her side.
Conor says, NO WAY. I'VE DECLARED WAR ON CLANGER.
Aoife says, ON CLANGER? EXPLAINS THE DISGUISE?
Conor says, I'M NOT HIDING. THIS IS A MARKETING GIMMICK.
[Rustling]
Aoife takes a flyer off the basket.
Aoife says, DOUBLE DRIBBLE CAFÉ? WHAT'S THAT?
Conor says, WE'RE SELLING EXTRA STUFF. DON'T TELL HOLT. NOW, EXCUSE ME.
Aoife says, LOOK. WILL YOU PLEASE COME BACK AND TELL ME THE SCORES? I'M DYING TO KNOW.
Conor says, I HAVEN'T TIME. GOT ANOTHER BATCH IN THE OVEN. JUST GO YOURSELF.
Aoife says, WELL, I TOLD THEM I'D GIVE THEM SPACE, AND IF THEY SEE ME—
Aoife says, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE AN ASSISTANT?
[Cheering, upbeat music plays, hoop rattling]
In the gym, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 18. Wildcats, 19” with three minutes and 30 seconds. A player wearing a black Dragons jersey scores a basket.
Jim shouts, GO!
[Ball thumping, banging, cheering, applause, Aoife sighing]
Another Dragons player scores a basket, and the score changes to “Vipers, 18. Wildcats, 20” with three minutes on the clock. Aoife arrives carrying the cupcake basket and wearing the cupcake costume.
Zara says, NEED TO BREATHE.
[Whistle blowing]
Jim says, TIMEOUT.
The referee says, TIMEOUT, VIPERS.
Jim gestures for the players to come to the bench.
Jim says, NEW LUNGS, PLEASE.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. THEY'RE EXHAUSTED, AND WE HAVE NO SUBS.
[Vipers coughing, people chattering]
The Dragons players leave their bench.
Aoife tells us, I NEED TO DO SOMETHING.
A Dragons player picks up a cupcake and takes a bite.
Aoife says, UH, THEY'RE NOT FREE. MY BROTHER NICKED-- ON SECOND THOUGHT, TAKE AS MANY AS YOU LIKE. EAT ONE. EAT MORE. DON'T THINK. JUST EAT. MMM.
The Dragons players take cupcakes.
[Whistle blaring]
The referee says, TIME IN.
[Ball thumping, cheering, applause]
Two Dragons players eat cupcakes.
Aoife says, TASTY.
[Ball thumping, sneakers squeaking]
Jim says, SHOOT!
On the court, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla stand beneath the hoop. Zara passes the basketball to Nyla, and she scores a basket.
[Basket rattling, cheering, applause, whistle blaring, Vipers squealing, upbeat music plays, clicking, ball thumping, whistle blaring, screaming]
With one minute and five seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 19. Wildcats, 20.” The Dragons players run back to the court with their cupcakes. One tries to take the basketball from Charlotte and drops her cupcake. Charlotte scores a basket and ties the game. The Vipers win 22 to 20. Zara, Charlotte, Nyla, and Jim jump excitedly.
Aoife says, YES! WE'RE IN THE FINAL.
[Vipers squealing, the music stops]
Aoife says, UH-OH. WHY IS THIS HEAD SO HEAVY?
[Vipers squealing, slide whistle, thumping]
Aoife falls.
Aoife says, OH!
On the bleachers, Jessica sits with her team.
Jessic says, THEY'RE OKAY, I GUESS, BUT I'VE GOT A PLAN. AFTER TONIGHT, THEY WON'T STAND A CHANCE.
Aoife stares up at Jessica from the floor.
[Light music notes play]
Aoife tells us, I HEARD THAT.
[Gobbling, chiming]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In the food tech room, Clanger leans against the metal table, counting money.
Conor asks, WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THAT FROM?
Clanger says, EVERYBODY LOVES SICK 'N' MIX. THEY ALL DARING EACH OTHER TO EAT IT.
Conor says, THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE LOVE, AND SICK 'N' MIX WAS MY NAME.
Clanger says, MINE NOW, AND SO IS ALL THIS CASH. NEARLY ENOUGH TO BUY THE GAME.
Conor says, AOIFE GAVE OUT TOO MANY FREE SAMPLES.
Clanger says, FIRST RULE OF BUSINESS: DON'T HAVE A SISTER.
Conor says, IT'S FINE. PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE MY CAKES. I'LL MAKE MY MONEY TOMORROW.
Clanger says, UNLESS HOLT CATCHES US FIRST.
[Both laughing]
[Whistle blaring, thudding, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The letters in the title fall.
[Light music plays, background students chattering, footsteps running, Aoife panting, paper rustling, steam whistling]
Later, Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara leave the school still dressed in their uniforms. Aoife runs behind them wearing the cupcake costume.
Aoife says, MUST, WARN, VIPERS!
Aoife drops the flyer for Double Dribble Café as she runs past Mr. Holt, and he picks it up. Text on the flyer reads, “Double Dribble Café. Prepare to blow your taste buds! This will certainly leave you dribbling, alright. Conor’s Cupcakes. Coming to a stall near you. Keep your mine pies peeled!” In animation, steam blows out of Mr. Holt’s ears.
Charlotte says, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE IN THE FINAL.
Nyla says, YEAH. AND WE'LL HAVE AOIFE BACK, SO WE CAN SMASH THEM. RESPECTFULLY.
Zara says, IF WE EVEN WANT HER.
Behind the Vipers, Aoife opens the icing tulle on the cupcake and looks at us sadly.
Charlotte says, SHE DID WHAT WE WANTED.
Nyla says, YEAH. I WAS EXPECTING SOME ELABORATE PLAN TO GET HER INVOLVED, BUT IT NEVER CAME.
Zara says, YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT IF THERE'S MORE ANTI-JESS STUFF, SHE'S OUT AGAIN.
Aoife lowers the icing on the front of the costume.
Charlotte says, GIANT CUPCAKE. YUM-YUM!
Charlotte runs towards Aoife, and Aoife runs back towards the school.
[Owl hooting, upbeat music plays, beeping]
Day turns to night, and a light shines over the front door to Aoife’s house. Aoife lies in bed and looks at texts on her smartphone. A text from Zara reads, “Can’t sleep, doorbell keeps ringing.” A text from Charlotte reads, “Me too! Totes, need my zzz’s.” A text from Nyla with an angry emoji reads, “WHO IS DOING THIS?” Texts from Zara read, “Mine just went again! Soooo tired?” and “B.R.B. Doorbell again!” A text from Nyla reads, “WHEN WILL IT END!!” with a fist emoji.
Aoife tells us, THIS MUST BE JESSICA, BUT THEY'LL NEVER BELIEVE ME.
[Sighing]
Aoife tells us, I NEED TO SORT THIS OUT MYSELF.
[Rustling]
Aoife pushes off her blanket, stands, and grabs her bathrobe.
Aoife shouts, MUM?
[Whooshing]
Polka dots move across the screen. Later, Aoife and Brid sit in Brid’s Volkswagen van parked behind a tree.
Brid says, SO, THE VIPERS CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE THEIR DOORBELLS KEEP RINGING?
Aoife says, CHARLOTTE'S BELL WENT OFF AT FIVE PAST FIVE, AND ZARA'S WENT OFF AT 5:20. WHICH MEANS—
Brid points and says, NYLA'S NEXT! YOU WERE RIGHT.
[Rustling, dramatic music plays]
Someone sneaks across a sidewalk.
Aoife says, WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE IS BACK.
[Car door opening, closing, footsteps running, tense music plays]
Aoife chases the robed figure past trees. She tackles the grey-haired person on a lawn.
The grey-haired person says, UGH! UGH.
Nyla arrives.
Nyla asks, GRANNY, ARE YOU HURT?
Aoife says, THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
Brid arrives holding the blond-haired boy by the arm.
Brid says, FOUND THIS ONE SNEAKING ABOUT.
Nyla says, YOU'RE FUNGUS BOY, THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS OGLING OVER THE POSTER.
Aoife says, THE ONE WHO'S OBSESSED WITH JESSICA'S FOOT FUNGUS.
Brid lets go of the blond-haired boy’s arm.
Brid says, EW.
The blond-haired boy says, SHE DOESN'T HAVE FOOT FUNGUS. JESSICA'S PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.
Aoife arches an eyebrow and looks at us.
Aoife says, SO IS ZARA.
Nyla looks at Aoife.
Aoife says, SORRY.
Nyla asks, DID JESS SEND HIM TO DO THIS TO US?
[Upbeat music plays]
The boy looks down. Question marks appear around Aoife. Polka dots move on the screen. In Midvale school, Aoife, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla walk down a hallway wearing their basketball uniforms.
Charlotte says, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
Zara says, ME, NEITHER. LITERALLY.
Nyla says, FUNGUS BOY ADMITTED IT, ZARA. HE WAS DOING IT FOR HER.
Zara says, THERE'S NO WAY JESS WAS BEHIND IT. HE MUST HAVE GONE ROGUE.
Aoife tells us, I'M FINDING IT SO HARD NOT TO SCREAM IN HER FACE RIGHT NOW.
Charlotte says, THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE'RE IN THE FINAL TODAY.
[Zara yawning]
Charlotte says, GOOD JOB AOIFE GOT CONOR TO LET US USE THE FOOD TECH ROOM FOR A NAP.
[Aoife yawning]
Nyla says, I'M MORE IMPRESSED YOU HAVEN'T GLOATED ABOUT JESSICA YET.
[Aoife chuckling, crowd cheering, shouting]
Aoife imagines wearing a trench coat and looking at a banner that reads, “I was right about everything. World’s greatest detective.” Smaller posters read, “I am always right!” She holds a black bowler fedora and peers through a magnifying glass. The other Vipers stand in front of her.
Nyla says, WE'RE SO SORRY.
Charlotte says, WE LOVE YOU.
Zara says, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT.
[Nyal, Charlotte, and Zara talking over each other]
The daydream ends.
In reality, Aoife tells us, NEVER EVEN CROSSED MY MIND.
Aoife rolls her eyes.
[Gobbling, chiming, background chattering, upbeat music plays]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a hallway, Conor and Clanger have small tables beside each other. Conor has baskets of cupcakes and two squeeze bottles on his table. Clanger has bags of his Sick ‘n Mix. A sign on Conor’s table reads, “The Double Dribble Café. Ask about franchising opportunities!” A sign on Clanger’s table reads, “Clanger’s Sick ‘n Mix.”
[The music stops]
Clanger asks, WHAT ARE THOSE?
Conor picks up the squeeze bottles.
Conor replies, CHOCOLATE AND STRAWBERRY SAUCES, TO WRITE NAMES ON THE CAKES.
[Clanger feigning a cough]
Clanger says, DESPERATE.
[Footsteps pattering, rhythmic music plays]
Mr. Holt walks down the hallway carrying the flyer.
Conor says, HOLT.
Mr. Holt stops and points at someone in a different hallway.
Mr. Holt says, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT.
Conor says, QUICK. HE CAN'T SEE OUR EXTRA GOODIES. PUT YOUR SANDWICHES BACK OUT.
[Plate clinking, paper slapping]
Conor and Clanger move their goodies under the tables and put the plates of ham and cheese sandwiches on the table. Mr. Holt arrives and slaps the flyer on Conor’s table.
Mr. Holt says, EXPLAIN THIS. ARE YOU SELLING EXTRA MERCHANDISE FOR YOURSELVES?
Clanger glares at Conor.
Mr. Holt says, OH. NO ANSWER? WELL, I'LL JUST STAY HERE UNTIL YOU THINK OF ONE, SHALL I?
Clanger and Conor look at each other.
Mr. Holt says, HERE I AM, STAYING HERE.
[Whooshing, snoring, alarm blaring]
Polka dots move on the screen. In the food tech room, the Vipers sleep on metal tables. They startle, and Zara sits up.
Zara says, VIPERS? WE NEED TO GET GOING.
Aoife sits up and says, UGH.
[Aoife coughing, blanket rustling]
[Upbeat music plays, lock rattling, door rattling]
Aoife walks to a door and pulls the handle. Through the window, Jessica and another Comet player watch. Jessica plays with the tip of her braid. Aoife pulls on the door, and Jessica smiles.
Aoife says, JESSICA'S LOCKED US IN!
Zara says, AOIFE, FOR THE LAST TIME—
[Charlotte yawning, door rattling]
Zara and Charlotte stand.
Aoife says, ASK HER!
Zara, Nyla, and Charlotte walk to the door.
Zara says, JESS, WE'VE BEEN LOCKED IN.
Jessica says, HOW EXCITING.
[Aoife sighing]
Zara asks, CAN YOU HELP US GET OUT?
Jessica says, I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I'VE GOT A BIG GAME COMING UP, SO—
Zara says, SO DO WE. THE FINAL.
[Jessica gasping]
Jessica says, OH NO! GOOD LUCK, GUYS. I REALLY MEAN IT.
[Jessica snickering]
Jessica and the Comets walk away from the door. Inside the room, Aoife walks away from the door. Zara turns towards Nyla and Charlotte, who both have their arms crossed.
Zara says, SHE HAS. SHE'S LOCKED US IN.
Aoife looks at us.
Aoife tells us, OKAY. SO, LET'S DO THE REPLAY.
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
Aoife tells us, WE ALL WANTED TO WIN THE TOURNAMENT.
[Flatulence tooting]
In a flashback, Aoife prepares for a shot, and Jessica uses the flatulence machine.
Aoife says, IT WAS JESSICA!
The flashback ends.
Aoife tells us, BUT NOBODY BELIEVED ME ABOUT JESSICA'S DIRTY TRICKS.
[Whooshing]
In a flashback, Zara and Charlotte wear clothespins on their noses. Text reads, “Dirty tricks.”
Zara says, WHATEVER YOUR PROBLEM WITH JESS IS, YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT.
Aoife tells us, RUDE.
[Whooshing]
The flashback ends. In a flashback, Aoife switches the changerooms and smiles. In another flashback, Zara stops Aoife from taking her water bottle from Jessica. Text reads, “Team mates.”
Aoife tells us, BUT HANDLED IT WITH GRACE AND DECORUM. AND THEN ZARA WENT TOO FAR.
Aoife tells us, YOU KICKED ME OUT!
In the flashback, Zara says, WE'RE A TEAM, AND WE'RE MATES.
[Gobbling, chiming, whooshing]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a flashback of Aoife’s daydream, she stands beneath the banner that reads, “I was right about everything! World's greatest detective.” The other Vipers plead and bow to her. In another flashback, Aoife searches Jessica’s locker.
Aoife tells us, BUT THAT'S WHEN THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE, ME, PROVED ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT JESSICA WAS THE BAD GUY.
[Aoife chuckling, flatulence tooting]
Aoife takes the flatulence machine out of the locker and presses on it. The flashback ends.
Aoife tells us, BUT IS IT TOO LATE?
In a flashback, Aoife tries to open the door as Jessica watches through the window.
Aoife says, JESSICA'S LOCKED US IN!
The flashback ends.
In the present, Aoife asks us, CAN ANYONE SAVE US?
Aoife takes out her smartphone.
Aoife tells us, THAT, SADLY, DEPENDS ON CONOR.
[Phone ringing, beeping]
In the hallway, Conor answers his phone as Mr. Holt stares at him.
Aoife says, CONOR, WE NEED YOU TO COME AND SAVE US.
Conor says, SORRY. THIS ISN'T THE BEST TIME.
Mr. Holt grabs the phone and listens to Aoife.
Aoife says, WE'RE LOCKED IN THE FOOD TECH CLASSROOM AND WE NEED YOU TO COME AND SAVE US!
[Thudding]
Mr. Holt puts the phone on the table.
Mr. Holt says, YOUR SISTER IS LOCKED IN A CLASSROOM.
[Clanger laughing, background students chattering]
Clanger says, GOOD.
Conor asks, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
Mr. Holt says, WELL, I CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER THERE, CAN I?
Mr. Holt looks up and smiles wistfully. He stops smiling.
Mr. Holt says, JUST SELL SANDWICHES. I'LL BE BACK.
Clanger says, I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD THAT GAME NOW. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
Conor says, AOIFE TOOK THE FLYER, NOT ME.
Clanger says, I WARNED YOU ABOUT THIS, AND SHE STILL LOSES STUFF.
[Conor sighing]
Conor says, THERE'S STILL TIME BEFORE HE COMES BACK.
Clanger says, YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I'M READY.
Conor says, NO, I DON'T.
[Upbeat music plays, sauce squelching]
Conor holds the strawberry sauce bottle. Clanger grabs his hand, and sauce squirts on Clanger’s chef uniform.
Conor says, UH, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. YOU CAN'T…
[Sauce squelching]
Clanger squirts chocolate sauce on Conor. They squirt the sauce at each other.
Conor says, STOP. UGH!
[Clanger grunting]
In the food tech room, Aoife sits on a table. Zara and Charlotte walk towards her while Nyla peers out the window.
Charlotte asks, HOW LONG NOW?
Zara says, 311 SECONDS.
Aoife says, THAT'S SO NOT HELPFUL.
Zara says, I'M SORRY. I'VE LET YOU DOWN AGAIN.
Nyla says, LET'S RAM THE DOOR.
Charlotte says, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL, BUT OKAY.
[Thumping, Aoife exhaling heavily, Vipers screaming, door clicking]
Aoife jumps down from the table, and the Vipers charge towards the door. Mr. Holt opens the door, and they all stop.
Mr. Holt says, RIGHT. NO ONE'S GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET A FULL AND FRANK EXPLANA—
[Vipers screaming, upbeat music plays, sneakers squeaking, shouting, thudding]
The Vipers charge towards the door, and Mr. Holt moves to the side with his mouth wide open. In the gym, Jessica smiles at the trophy. In the hallway by the food tables, students carefully walk over the slippery sauce. The Vipers run over the sauce and fall in slow motion.
Aoife shouts, UGH!
Nyla says, COME ON. WE SHOULD BE HURRYING.
Charlotte stands with sauce all over her forehead, arms, and uniform.
Charlotte says, I'M RED, WITH BROWN. I LOOK TERRIBLE.
Charlotte licks sauce off her finger.
Charlotte says, BUT I TASTE DELICIOUS.
[Footsteps thumping, sneakers squeaking]
Charlotte slips and stumbles. She and Nyla walk away from the sauce. Aoife stands, and Zara sits on the floor. Aofie stands in front of her and holds out both her hands.
Aoife says, ZARA, COME ON. LET'S GO.
Zara says, I DON'T DESERVE TO PLAY.
[Upbeat music plays, background chattering]
Aoife says, OF COURSE YOU DO. WE NEED YOU. COME ON.
Zara says, I WAS HORRIBLE TO YOU.
Aoife nods and tells us, SHE WAS.
Zara says, I'M A TERRIBLE VIPER.
Nearby, Clanger and Conor eavesdrop through partially open double doors.
Aoife says, YOU ARE THE VIPERS, ZARA. IF YOU DIDN'T SEE THE BEST IN US, I WOULD NEVER HAVE JOINED.
Zara says, BUT I KICKED YOU OUT AND GAVE YOUR BOTTLE TO JESS.
Aoife says, SO WHAT? THAT NEVER STOPPED US FROM BEING A TEAM...OR MATES.
Aoife tells us, WELL, MAYBE FOR A SECOND, BUT SHH.
[Rustling, giggling]
Aoife pulls Zara to her feet, and they hug.
Aoife says, NOW, COME ON.
[Sneakers squeaking, footsteps running, students chattering]
Aoife and Zara slip on the floor as they hurry down the hallway. Conor and Clanger walk into the hallway.
Conor says, YOU KNOW, I NEVER STOPPED BEING YOUR FRIEND, EITHER.
Clanger says, MAYBE WE COULD COMBINE OUR MONEY. SHARE THE GAME.
Conor says I'D LIKE THAT.
Conor asks, HUG?
Clanger replies, NO.
[Footsteps pattering]
Clanger walks away from Conor.
[Gobbling, chiming, cheering, upbeat music plays]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In the gym, the Vipers and the Comets stare at each other from across the court.
Aoife says, OKAY, VIPERS. THIS IS IT. WE MAY LOOK BAD, BUT WE'RE GOOD. THEY'RE THE OPPOSITE. IT'S THE GOOD GUYS VERSUS THE BAD GUYS. HEROES VERSUS THE VILLAINS. WE'VE ALL SEEN THE FILMS, AND WE ALL KNOW WHO WINS, SO LET'S GO OUT THERE AND DO THIS. VIPERS ON THREE.
The Vipers put their hands together.
Aoife counts, ONE, TWO, THREE.
The Vipers lift their hands.
The Vipers shout, VIPERS!
[Buzzer blaring, crowd cheering]
At the end of the game, the score reads, “Vipers, 6. Comets, 21.” Jessica holds up the trophy, and the Comet raise their fists.
Jessica says, YES!
Nearby, the Vipers stand with their arms crossed.
Aoife tells us, SO, IT TURNS OUT I'VE BEEN LIED TO BY EVERY FILM EVER MADE.
[Upbeat music plays, students chattering]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. Later, Clanger and Conor leave the school, still wearing their chef uniforms, which are covered with squirted sauce. Mr. Holt strides out behind them.
Clanger asks, SHOWER FIRST, OR STRAIGHT TO SHOP?
Conor says, I'VE ALREADY SHOWERED THIS WEEK.
Mr. Holt says, BOYS? THERE'S AN AWFUL MESS TO CLEAN UP INSIDE. BUT I KNOW YOU'D ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE, SO I'VE HIRED A CLEANER...
Mr. Holt smiles.
Clanger says, RESULT.
Mr. Holt shouts, THAT YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR!
[Upbeat music plays]
Mr. Holt puts out his hand. Clanger reaches into his pocket. Inside the school, students carefully step over the sauce. Sauce-soaked footprints lead out the school doors. The Vipers leave their changeroom.
[The music stops]
Nyla says, THEY WERE REALLY GOOD.
Charlotte says, BUT JUST THE NORMAL KIND OF GOOD.
Zara says, DON'T SAY THAT.
Aoife says, YEAH. WE DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM.
Jessica approaches, carrying Aoife’s Vipers water bottle.
Jessica says, AND YOU NEVER WILL BE, BUT THAT'S OKAY. THAT'S JUST WHO THE VIPERS ARE.
[Upbeat music plays]
Jessica drinks from the water bottle. Zara shakes her head and takes the bottle away. Aoife’s mouth falls open, and she looks at us.
Zara says, YOU'VE NO IDEA WHO WE ARE. YOU NEVER DID.
Zara passes the bottle back to Aoife. Charlotte, Aoife, and Nyla smile broadly behind Zara.
Zara says, BUT YOU WILL, WHEN WE BEAT YOU.
[Charlotte, Aoife, and Nyla giggling, applauding, flames whooshing]
In animation, flames flicker around Jessica.
Nyla says, THAT ZARA.
Aoife tells us, SO PROUD OF HER RIGHT NOW.
Text reads, “Proud.”
[Snapping]
Zara snaps her fingers in Jessica’s face.
Charlotte and Nyla cheer, WOO!
[Slide whistle]
Aoife tells us, AND IT'S GONE.
Jessica says, YOU ALL LOOK RIDICULOUS.
[Jessica chuckling, sauce squelching, slide whistle, Jessica shouting, thudding, Vipers laughing]
Jessica turns and slips on a sauce footprint. In slow motion, she falls on the floor.
Aoife says, LOOK AT YOU! GUESS WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL.
Aoife smiles at us.
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net.
End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Conor, Arthur Kay. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Jessica, Bea Ward. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Brid, Isy Suttie. Fungus Boy, Jaymes Frost. Nyla’s Granny, Ethne Brown. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created by Sinéad Fagan. Written by Chris Grady. Additional material by Jack Casey. Director: Tim Hopewell. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt.
[Tense music plays]
In slow motion, Aoife runs wearing blue patterned pyjamas and a matching bathrobe. She runs away from a house.
Aoife tells us, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
Aoife chases someone with grey hair wearing a blue bathrobe past trees and tackles them.
The grey-haired person says, UGH! UGH.
Nyla arrives wearing a pink bathrobe.
Nyla says, GRANNY? AOIFE?
Aoife says, THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
Aoife tells us, PLEASE WATCH THE REWIND.
[Tape rewinding, cheerful music plays]
Aoife says, CHEER UP, SAD SACK. IT'S SATURDAY.
Conor says, LOOK WHERE WE ARE.
Conor and Aoife walk towards Midvale School.
Aoife says, FOR THE AWESOME-EST REASON.
Conor says, IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR YOU. I AM BEING UNFAIRLY PUNISHED.
Aoife tells us, HE SO ISN’T.
[Upbeat music plays, people squeaking, screaming, clattering, crashing, Conor and Clanger laughing, hands slapping]
In a flashback, a white-haired school cafeteria worker carries a colander. She stops beside a closed door and puts her ear against it. The door opens, and two people emerge dressed as mice. A cafeteria worker throws the colander, and apples fall on the floor. She flees. Conor and Clanger take off their mouse masks and high-five each other.
Aoife says, HAVE FUN IN DETENTION.
Conor says, HOPE YOU LOSE YOUR GAME.
Aoife says, IT'S A TOURNAMENT.
Conor walks away.
Aoife tells us, THE MIDVALE INVITATIONAL. TWO WHOLE DAYS OF THREE-ON-THREE BASKETBALL. WHICH TEAM WILL TRIUMPH?
[Clapping]
Aoife claps her hands.
Aoife tells us, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THE ONES MEETING EARLY FOR A SECRET PRACTICE SESSION.
[Cackling, upbeat music plays, ball thumping, hoop banging]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. Aoife enters the gym and finds a team practicing. Jessica catches a pass and walks towards the hoop.
Jessica says, AW. DID YOU THINK YOU'D BE FIRST? NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
[Whooshing, hoop banging, Aoife sighing]
Jessica stares at Aoife and sinks a basket.
Aoife tells us, ANNOYINGLY IMPRESSIVE.
[Aoife grunting, chiming]
Polka dots move across the screen. Aoife walks in a hallway. The Comets team logo appears beside her. A list of the teams in 3 X 3 Division 2 reads, “Comets, Serpents, Dolphins, Lions, Dragons, Cheaters, Vipers.” The team logo beside the “Cheaters” reads “Cheetahs.”
Aoife tells us, OKAY. SO, COMETS ARE FAVOURITES. BLUH. UGH. THEY'RE AT THE TOP OF THE LEAGUE. AND EVERYONE STILL LOVES JESSICA...
[Cartoon ahooga]
Aoife walks past a blond-haired boy, who looks at a poster featuring Jessica lying on a towel at the beach. She holds a tube of “Fun Girls Foot Fungus Remover.” In animation, the boy’s eyes pop out of his head as he looks at the poster.
Aoife tells us, 'CAUSE SHE'S SOME SORT OF SUPERMODEL NOW, APPARENTLY.
Aoife leans against the wall beside the poster and looks at the boy. On the poster, Jessica’s feet gleam.
Aoife says, THEY'RE JUST FEET, WEIRDO.
[Energetic music plays, hoop rattling, Vipers chattering, ball whooshing, buzzer blaring, cheering]
The blond-haired boy leaves. In flashbacks, the Vipers sink baskets. On the list of teams, the Vipers move into second place.
Aoife tells us, BUT WE'RE ON A ROLL. WE HAVE SIX WINS IN A ROW. WE'RE SHOOTING UP THE TABLE. OUR CONFIDENCE IS AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH. WE'VE GOT UNDERDOG SPIRIT AND MATCHING WATER BOTTLES.
In the present, Aoife holds a transparent plastic water bottle with the Vipers logo and a lilac top. Nearby, Jim wears a half-face respirator and safety glasses as he tapes the Vipers logo to a door. Green vapour drifts past him, and Aoife holds her nose.
Aoife says, UGH! NOT A CHANGING ROOM THAT ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE POO. WHY, JIM? WHY?
[Jim sighing]
Jim pulls down the respirator and pulls up the safety glasses.
Jim says, WELL, JESSICA SAID YOU WANTED IT, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS A BIT UNUSUAL, BUT HEY, BADMINTON'S A FUNNY OLD GAME. OOH!
[Paper rustling]
Aoife takes the Vipers sign off the smelly changeroom door and switches it with the Comet sign on another changeroom door.
Aoife tells us, DIRTY TRICKS, IS IT? SHOWS SHE'S SCARED. LET'S SEE HOW SHE LIKES THE PUNGENT SMELL OF REVENGE.
Aoife smiles at us.
[Buzzing, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Clunking, gagging, glass shattering]
In the cafeteria kitchen, Conor wipes a counter. Clanger opens a glass jar and samples the contents. He gags and drops the jar.
Clanger says, UGH! WHY IS DETENTION SO BORING?
[Conor snickering]
Conor says, WELL, THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
Clanger says, YEAH. I'M GOING TO GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND PLAY SOME COMPUTER GAMES.
Conor says, OH. CAN I COME?
[Banging]
Mr. Holt arrives carrying a basket of bread and drops it on the counter.
Mr. Holt says, YOUR DETENTION IS NOT FINISHED YET.
Conor says, BUT WE CLEANED, LIKE YOU ASKED.
Mr. Holt says, AND NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE SANDWICHES, AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO SELL THEM. AND NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO SAY, "OOH, BUT MR. HOLT--"
Conor says, BUT MR. HOLT—
Mr. Holt says, AND I'M GOING TO IGNORE YOU, BECAUSE THIS TOURNAMENT IS COSTING MONEY THAT WE DON'T HAVE, AND THE CATERING STAFF WON'T WORK ON WEEKENDS BECAUSE OF ALL THE ANNOYING CHILDREN.
[Upbeat music plays]
Clanger puts his hand over his eyes.
Mr. Holt says, WELL, GET ON WITH IT!
[Rustling]
Conor throws his cleaning cloth on the counter. In a school hallway, Zara stares at the Foot Fungus Remover poster.
Zara says, WOW. JESS USED TO BE A VIPER. NOW, SHE'S A FUN GIRLS GIRL.
Charlotte says, THEY'RE, LIKE, THE FUTURE OF FOOT FUNGUS REMOVERS.
Nyla says, THE FUTURE?
Zara says, THERE SHE IS. HI, JESS!
[Upbeat music plays, Zara gasping, footsteps thumping, background chattering]
Jessica tosses her hair over her shoulders and ignores Zara. A hand reaches out of the changeroom and yanks Zara inside. Nyla, who holds Zara’s arm, and Charlotte, who holds Nyla’s arm, stumble in behind her. Polka dots move on the screen. In the changeroom, Nyla holds her bicep and Charlotte holds her forearm.
Aoife says, VIPERS, WE'RE AT WAR.
Nyla says, FINALLY. WHO'S THE ENEMY?
Charlotte says, GIRLS WHO WEAR CLUMPY CLOGS.
Zara says, PEOPLE WHO SAY, "PACIFICALLY."
Aoife says, WAY WORSE.
[Horror music plays]
Aoife points at the foot fungus advertisement.
Aoife says, JESSICA AND THE COMETS.
[Gasping]
Aoife tells us, NOT THE REACTION I WAS HOPING FOR.
Zara says, JESS IS OUR BEST FRIEND.
Nyla says, IF ANYONE COULD PULL OFF CLOGS, IT'S HER.
Charlotte says, HER FEET ARE SO VERSATILE.
Aoife says, UGH. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. SHOTS HAVE ALREADY BEEN FIRED.
Zara says, THEN YOU NEED TO UN-FIRE THEM, NOW.
[Distant retching, coughing]
In the distance, Jessica says, UGH! EW! WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
Aoife says, UM, THAT MIGHT BE A BIT TRICKY.
[Gobbling, chiming]
A round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In the kitchen, Conor and Clanger wear aprons. In front of them are two lopsided stacks of ham and cheese sandwiches.
Conor asks, SO, YOU THINK THEY'RE AS BAD AS THEY LOOK?
[Chomping, rustling, background chattering]
Clanger bites into a sandwich.
Clanger says, WORSE.
Conor says, I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR THE GIRLS. I SAID "ALMOST."
Clanger says, THEIR STUPID TOURNAMENT IS THE REASON WHY WE'RE NOT PLAYING BASH CRASH 'EM AT YOUR HOUSE.
[Light music plays]
Conor says, THAT, AND I DON'T HAVE THE GAME.
Clanger says, I TOLD YOU TO BUY IT.
Conor says, MUM SAID IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.
Clanger says, BUT SHE HAS SANDWICH MONEY FOR YOUR SISTER.
Conor says, AOIFE'S GOING TO PAY US THAT MONEY.
Clanger says, AND THE OTHER GIRLS, TOO.
Conor says, WE CAN BUY THE GAME WITH IT.
Clanger says, BUT THAT'S HOLT'S MONEY.
Conor says, NOT IF WE SELL A SECRET, TASTIER ALTERNATIVE.
Clanger says, TASTIER THAN GREY HAM? EASY.
Conor says, SEE, I'M QUITE A GOOD BAKER, SO I WAS THINKING—
Clanger says, OVERRULED. WE'RE MAKING THIN JAM SANDWICHES.
[Thumping]
Clanger puts a loaf of bread and a large jar of jam on the counter.
Clanger says, BOOM!
[Thumping]
Conor face palms.
[Coughing, gagging]
In the hallway in front of the smelly changeroom, Jessica and the Comets wave their hands in front of their faces and pace.
Jessica says, UGH!
[Coughing continues]
Jessica says, THIS SMELL TRIGGERS MY ALLERGIES. I HAVE YUCKY-NITIS.
[Background chattering]
Aoife asks us, AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT? GULLIBLE-ITIS?
Charlotte says, YOUR POOR, PERFECTLY SHAPED NOSE.
Jessica nods.
Zara says, YOU SHOULD TAKE OUR ROOM.
Aoife says, WHAT? NO WAY.
Nyla says, IT'S THE LEAST WE CAN DO.
Jessica says, THANKS, VIPIES. LOVE YOU.
[Upbeat music plays]
Jessica smiles. She and the Comets walk to the Vipers’ changeroom.
Aoife says, JESSICA DOESN'T LOVE YOU. SHE TRICKED JIM FIRST. SHE'S OUR ENEMY.
Charlotte says, VIPERS DON'T HAVE ENEMIES.
Zara says, EXCEPT MAYBE THE MONGOOSE.
Nyla says, ONCE A VIPER, ALWAYS A VIPER.
Aoife asks, THEN WHERE IS HER WATER BOTTLE?
Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla look down at their water bottles.
Aoife says, I'M JUST SAYING. YOU NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR HER TODAY.
Zara says, JESS WAS MY BEST FRIEND IN PRIMARY. THAT'S A BOND THAT CAN'T BE BROKEN.
Aoife says, BUT—
Zara says, SHE CARES ABOUT ME, AND THIS TEAM.
[Banging]
Backpacks fly out of the Vipers’ former changeroom and land in the hallway. Aoife arches an eyebrow and looks at the other Vipers.
Zara says, SEE?
[Slide whistle, munching, chiming]
A question mark appears beside Aoife. The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a hallway, Conor sits at a table with plates of ham and cheese sandwiches. He stares at a plate with mouldy jam sandwiches.
Conor asks, CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME TASTY, CHEAP SANDWICHES?
[Footsteps pattering, bag rustling, background chattering]
Two girls hurry away from the table. Clanger drops a bag with more sandwiches in front of Conor.
Clanger says, MORE JAM SANDWICHES.
Conor says, YEAH. ACTUALLY, PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE JAM, SPECIFICALLY THE MOULD SPORES.
Clanger says, THEY HAVE FLAVOUR.
Conor says, YEAH. MOULD FLAVOUR.
[Upbeat music plays]
Conor glances down the hallway.
Conor says, IT'S HOLT.
Clanger says, QUICK. EAT.
[Bag rustling, munching]
Clanger and Conor quickly eat jam sandwiches.
Mr. Holt says, YOU HAVEN'T SOLD ANYTHING.
Clanger shakes his head, and bits of sandwich fall out of his mouth. Mr. Holt looks at Conor, and Conor stops chewing.
Mr. Holt says WELL, MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO. IF I FIND THAT YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING, THE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE ASTRONOMICAL.
Conor says, WE NEED TO MAKE BETTER FOOD.
Clanger says, WIMP.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops’, and a basketball falls into it.
[Cheering, shouting, ball thumping, upbeat music plays]
In the gym, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 19. Dolphins, 18” with two minutes and 39 seconds left. Aoife dribbles a basketball, and a Dolphins player with long dark brown hair shoves her.
Aoife says, UGH!
[Whistle blaring]
Jim shouts, HEY! FOUL ON BLUE. TIMEOUT. TIMEOUT.
A referee says, TIMEOUT, VIPERS.
Jim says, IN. IN.
The Vipers pick up their water bottles.
Zara says, SCORE BOTH OF THESE AND WE'VE WON THE GAME.
Aoife says, YEAH. I KNOW HOW BASKETBALL WORKS. NOT SURE JIM DOES.
Aoife glances down at her water bottle.
Jim says, KEEP IT SHORT. AVOID THE SAND. TRUST THE CADDY, AND SPLASH.
Zara says, REMEMBER, WE'RE A TEAM AND WE'RE MATES.
Zara turns her water bottle to show the word “Team” on one side and “Mates” on the other.
Charlotte says, AND WE'RE TEAMMATES.
Charlotte whispers, YOU'RE A GENIUS!
[Door banging, background chattering]
The Comets enter the gym.
Aoife says, WE ARE A TEAM. A PROPER TEAM. NOT LIKE WHEN SHE PLAYED.
Aoife looks at Charlotte.
Nyla says, AOIFE, LET IT GO.
[Banging]
Aoife puts down her water bottle.
Aoife says, RIGHT.
[Upbeat music plays]
The other Vipers put their bottles on chairs. Nyla and Jim sit down on the chairs beside the bottles.
Zara says, GET THESE TWO BASKETS, AND WE'RE THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND.
[Aoife exhaling sharply]
The referee says, SHOT. BALL'S DEAD.
[Thumping, flatulence tooting, thumping, spectators laughing]
The referee bounces the basketball to Aoife. Aoife throws the ball at the hoop and misses. Jessica and the Comets laugh.
Nyla asks, DID WE LITERALLY LET IT GO?
Aoife asks, WHO WAS THAT?
Zara says, GOOD TACTIC. DEFLECT AND DENY.
Aoife says, BUT I NEVER—
[Thumping]
The referee bounces the ball to Aoife.
The referee says, SECOND SHOT. BALL'S LIVE.
[Flatulence tooting, thumping, spectators laughing]
Aoife glances at Jessica, who nods at her. Aoife throws the ball, and Jessica squeezes a machine in her hand. Aoife misses the shot.
Aoife says, IT WAS JESSICA!
Zara says, UGH.
[Charlotte sighing]
Nyla says, AOIFE, GET THE BALL!
[Aoife sighing, banging, cheering]
A Dolphin player scores a basket and ties the score with one minute and 35 seconds left.
Aoife tells us, MINE DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE THAT.
[Whooshing, chiming, Upbeat music plays]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. In the smelly changeroom filled with green vapour, the Vipers wear clothespins on their noses. Charlotte paces and then sits on a bench beside Zara.
Charlotte says, WE'VE GOT 20 MINUTES LEFT UNTIL OUR NEXT GAME, WHICH WE WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN IF IT WASN'T FOR ZARA'S GREAT TWO-POINTER.
Nyla says, SO, IF YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING—
Aoife says, LIKE WHAT?
Nyla says, THINK OF A NUMBER. MAYBE TWO?
Aoife says, I DON'T NEED A POO. JESSICA HAD THAT THING THAT MADE THAT NOISE.
Charlotte asks, DON'T WE ALL HAVE THOSE?
Zara replies, JESS IS OUR FRIEND.
Aoife says, SOME FRIEND. SHE LITERALLY DITCHED YOU GUYS TO WIN TROPHIES, REMEMBER? I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
Nyla says, JEALOUSY DOESN'T SUIT YOU, AOIFE.
Zara asks, DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT THIS TEAM?
Aoife replies, OF COURSE I DO.
Zara says, WHATEVER YOUR PROBLEM WITH JESS IS, YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT.
Aoife says, OKAY. I'LL DROP IT.
Jessica enters the changeroom.
Jessica says, HEY, GUYS. JUST WANTED TO SAY HARD—
[Retching, coughing]
Jessica says, SORRY. GET WELL SOON, AOIFE.
[Chiming]
Jessica winks at Aoife and leaves.
Aoife tells us, AND NOW, WE'RE PICKING IT RIGHT BACK UP.
Aoife rolls her eyes.
[Upbeat music plays, door creaking, slamming, footsteps pattering, flowers bubbling]
Jessica opens the changeroom door a crack and watches the Comets walk past in the hallway. She quickly sneaks into the Comet’s changeroom. In an animation, flowers float around Aoife, and she takes the clothespin off her nose. The room is decorated with an advertisement for Jessica’s Foot Fungus. A string of fairy lights winds around a post.
Aoife says, UGH. OH!
[Sniffing]
Aoife says, HMM.
Aoife tells us, JUST ENOUGH TIME TO PROVE THAT JESS IS LYING. WHICH ONE'S HER LOCKER?
[Flowers bubbling]
Aoife walks to a locker with a copy of Jessica’s advertisement taped to it. Text on the locker reads, “Jessica’s locker.”
Aoife tells us, OH. WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE? I JUST MIGHT BE.
[Locker door rattling, whooshing, spraying]
As Aoife peers into the locker, graphics of a towel, a spray bottle, and jam biscuits appear.
Aoife says, TOWELS. LOADS OF FOOT SPRAY. BISCUITS.
With her mouth full, Aoife says, HMM. WITH PIPING ON.
[Giggling, whooshing]
A graphic of a Comets water bottle appears.
Aoife says, A WATER BOTTLE. HEY. WHAT'S THIS? HMM.
[Flatulence tooting, Aoife giggling]
Aoife picks up the machine.
Jessica says, JUST GETTING MY WATER.
[Locker clattering]
Aoife closes the locker.
Aoife says, OH!
[Door rattling, door slamming, upbeat music plays]
Aoife runs around the corner and hides in a different room. Jessica watches as the door closes behind Aoife and smiles.
Jessica says, ACTUALLY, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT ON THE COURT. OOPS.
[Lock rattling, Aoife whimpering, door handle rattling]
Jessica smiles, locks the door, and leaves the changeroom.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS FINE. 10 MINUTES UNTIL THE QUARTER-FINAL. PLENTY OF TIME FOR THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE TO PICK A SIMPLE LOCK.
On the court, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla stand with their hands on their hips.
Zara says, WE WON'T START WITHOUT HER.
[Thumping, sneakers squeaking, banging, crowd cheering]
The referee bounces the ball to a Wildcats player, who scores a basket.
The Vipers shout, AOIFE!
[Gobbling, chiming]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a food tech room, Conor and Clanger wear chef uniforms and chef hats. Conor puts a plate with a cupcake on a metal table, and Clanger puts a green resealable bag beside it.
Clanger says, MY SAMPLE IS READY, CHEF.
Conor says, MINE, TOO, CHEF. SORRY. HEAD CHEF. SO, WE PICK THE TASTIEST, YEAH?
Clanger says, MAKE LOADS. SELL LOADS. GET GAME.
Conor says, OKAY. WELL, I BAKED MY CUPCAKES WITH EGGS, FLOUR, SUGAR, VANILLA.
[Plate clinking]
Conor picks up his plate, then puts it back on the table. Clanger picks up his bag and peers into it.
Clanger says, AND I MADE MINE WITH SCAMPI FRIES, LICORICE, OLD JAM AND GRATED HAM…
[Thumping]
Clanger drops the bag on the table in front of Conor.
Clanger continues, IN A BAG.
Conor picks up the bag and looks at it. Clanger eats the cupcake.
[Clanger chewing]
Clanger nods and says, HMM. MMM. MMM. I'VE MADE MY DECISION. A CLEAR AND OBVIOUS WINNER.
Clanger clasps his hands together and raises them.
Clanger says, CONGRATS. THANKS.
Conor says, WHAT? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!
Clanger says, I'M HEAD CHEF, CHEF, WHICH MEANS I'M A BETTER CHEF THAN YOU, CHEF, CHEF.
[Patting]
Clanger pats Conor’s shoulder.
Conor says, NO. YOU'RE NOT. AND YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME...
Clanger stares at Conor.
Conor says, ALL OF THE TIME.
Clanger says, THIS IS HOW WE GET THE GAME.
Conor says, NO ONE'S GOING TO WANT TO EVEN BUY YOUR...SICK 'N' MIX.
Clanger says, WELL, FINE, THEN. GET THE GAME YOURSELF. I BET MORE PEOPLE WANT TO BUY MY STUFF THAN YOUR DISGUSTING CAKES.
[Munching, whirring]
Clanger eats more of the cupcake. Polka dots move on the screen.
In the locked room in the change room, Aoife shouts, HELLO? HELLO. CAN YOU LET ME OUT? IS ANYONE THERE? HELLO? HELLO?
Jessica walks into the room carrying a Vipers water bottle. She opens her locker.
Nyla says, THANKS FOR LETTING US CHANGE IN HERE, JESS.
Charlotte says, MY NOSE THANKS YOU, TOO. THANK YOU, JESS.
[Charlotte imitating a pig snorting]
Jessica says, YOU'RE SO LOVELY, GIVING ME AOIFE’S WATER BOTTLE. I WISH I KNEW WHERE MINE WAS.
Zara says, I WISH WE KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO AOIFE.
[Flatulence tooting]
Nyla says, QUIET. SHE'S CLOSE BY.
[Flatulence tooting, lock rattling, flatulence tooting, door creaking, Aoife shrieking, thumping, Vipers gasping]
Jessica unlocks the door and opens it. Aoife falls on the floor.
Aoife says, IT WAS THE MACHINE. SHE FRAMED ME. I HAVE PROOF.
[Grunting]
Aoife squeezes the machine, but it does not work.
Jessica says, SHE OBVIOUSLY WENT TO A SHOP AND BOUGHT THIS WHILE YOU WERE PLAYING.
Zara asks, IS THIS WHY YOU MISSED OUR QUARTER-FINAL?
Aoife says, NO. WELL, YEAH, BUT NOT LIKE SHE SAID.
Zara asks, WHAT IF WE'D LOST?
Aoife says, YOU DIDN'T? HOW?
Charlotte glances at Zara.
Charlotte says, WELL—
[Whistle blowing, cheering, upbeat music plays]
In a flashback, the Wildcats team smiles broadly, one drops the basketball, and the team leaves the court.
Zara says, THEY WON TICKETS TO A TRAMPOLINE PARK IN ITALY. THEY FORFEIT AND WE WIN.
[Vipers squealing]
Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla jump excitedly. The flashback ends.
Zara says, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW. YOU ABANDONED US AFTER YOU PROMISED TO LEAVE JESS ALONE.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife tells us, UGH. I HATE WHEN SHE'S RIGHT.
Jessica says, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIT OUT THE NEXT GAME. GIVE THESE GUYS SOME SPACE.
Aoife says, UH, NO. IT'S FOR A PLACE IN THE FINAL, AND WE'RE TEAMMATES.
[Thumping]
Jessica drinks from Aoife’s water bottle. Aoife reaches for it, and Zara pushes her hand away. Zara glances at Charlotte and Nyla.
Zara says, WE'RE A TEAM…
Zara nods towards Jessica.
Zara continues, AND WE'RE MATES. MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.
[Fingers snapping]
Zara walks away. Jessica smiles at Aoife and follows Zara. Charlotte snaps her fingers, and she and Nyla leave.
Aoife asks us, DID I JUST GET FIRED?
[Exploding, beeping]
In an animation, an explosion appears on top of Aoife’s head. Unhappy emojis float around her.
[Whistle blaring, upbeat music plays, thumping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
[Background chattering, shouting]
A basketball bounces across the title and knocks down the letters. In a school hallway, someone in a pink cupcake costume with a cherry on the top runs to Aoife. They carry a basket with cupcakes. Aoife holds the gym door open a crack. She turns and looks at the cupcake.
The cupcake, Conor, says, AOIFE? AOIFE?
Aoife tells us, TELL ME YOU CAN SEE THAT.
Conor lifts part of the tulle cupcake icing off his face and looks at Aoife.
Conor asks, WHY AREN'T YOU PLAYING?
Aoife says, I GOT BANISHED FOR DECLARING WAR ON JESSICA.
[Rustling]
Aoife lifts her hand and drops it against her side.
Conor says, NO WAY. I'VE DECLARED WAR ON CLANGER.
Aoife says, ON CLANGER? EXPLAINS THE DISGUISE?
Conor says, I'M NOT HIDING. THIS IS A MARKETING GIMMICK.
[Rustling]
Aoife takes a flyer off the basket.
Aoife says, DOUBLE DRIBBLE CAFÉ? WHAT'S THAT?
Conor says, WE'RE SELLING EXTRA STUFF. DON'T TELL HOLT. NOW, EXCUSE ME.
Aoife says, LOOK. WILL YOU PLEASE COME BACK AND TELL ME THE SCORES? I'M DYING TO KNOW.
Conor says, I HAVEN'T TIME. GOT ANOTHER BATCH IN THE OVEN. JUST GO YOURSELF.
Aoife says, WELL, I TOLD THEM I'D GIVE THEM SPACE, AND IF THEY SEE ME—
Aoife says, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE AN ASSISTANT?
[Cheering, upbeat music plays, hoop rattling]
In the gym, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 18. Wildcats, 19” with three minutes and 30 seconds. A player wearing a black Dragons jersey scores a basket.
Jim shouts, GO!
[Ball thumping, banging, cheering, applause, Aoife sighing]
Another Dragons player scores a basket, and the score changes to “Vipers, 18. Wildcats, 20” with three minutes on the clock. Aoife arrives carrying the cupcake basket and wearing the cupcake costume.
Zara says, NEED TO BREATHE.
[Whistle blowing]
Jim says, TIMEOUT.
The referee says, TIMEOUT, VIPERS.
Jim gestures for the players to come to the bench.
Jim says, NEW LUNGS, PLEASE.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. THEY'RE EXHAUSTED, AND WE HAVE NO SUBS.
[Vipers coughing, people chattering]
The Dragons players leave their bench.
Aoife tells us, I NEED TO DO SOMETHING.
A Dragons player picks up a cupcake and takes a bite.
Aoife says, UH, THEY'RE NOT FREE. MY BROTHER NICKED-- ON SECOND THOUGHT, TAKE AS MANY AS YOU LIKE. EAT ONE. EAT MORE. DON'T THINK. JUST EAT. MMM.
The Dragons players take cupcakes.
[Whistle blaring]
The referee says, TIME IN.
[Ball thumping, cheering, applause]
Two Dragons players eat cupcakes.
Aoife says, TASTY.
[Ball thumping, sneakers squeaking]
Jim says, SHOOT!
On the court, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla stand beneath the hoop. Zara passes the basketball to Nyla, and she scores a basket.
[Basket rattling, cheering, applause, whistle blaring, Vipers squealing, upbeat music plays, clicking, ball thumping, whistle blaring, screaming]
With one minute and five seconds left, the scoreboard reads, “Vipers, 19. Wildcats, 20.” The Dragons players run back to the court with their cupcakes. One tries to take the basketball from Charlotte and drops her cupcake. Charlotte scores a basket and ties the game. The Vipers win 22 to 20. Zara, Charlotte, Nyla, and Jim jump excitedly.
Aoife says, YES! WE'RE IN THE FINAL.
[Vipers squealing, the music stops]
Aoife says, UH-OH. WHY IS THIS HEAD SO HEAVY?
[Vipers squealing, slide whistle, thumping]
Aoife falls.
Aoife says, OH!
On the bleachers, Jessica sits with her team.
Jessic says, THEY'RE OKAY, I GUESS, BUT I'VE GOT A PLAN. AFTER TONIGHT, THEY WON'T STAND A CHANCE.
Aoife stares up at Jessica from the floor.
[Light music notes play]
Aoife tells us, I HEARD THAT.
[Gobbling, chiming]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In the food tech room, Clanger leans against the metal table, counting money.
Conor asks, WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THAT FROM?
Clanger says, EVERYBODY LOVES SICK 'N' MIX. THEY ALL DARING EACH OTHER TO EAT IT.
Conor says, THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE LOVE, AND SICK 'N' MIX WAS MY NAME.
Clanger says, MINE NOW, AND SO IS ALL THIS CASH. NEARLY ENOUGH TO BUY THE GAME.
Conor says, AOIFE GAVE OUT TOO MANY FREE SAMPLES.
Clanger says, FIRST RULE OF BUSINESS: DON'T HAVE A SISTER.
Conor says, IT'S FINE. PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE MY CAKES. I'LL MAKE MY MONEY TOMORROW.
Clanger says, UNLESS HOLT CATCHES US FIRST.
[Both laughing]
[Whistle blaring, thudding, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The letters in the title fall.
[Light music plays, background students chattering, footsteps running, Aoife panting, paper rustling, steam whistling]
Later, Charlotte, Nyla, and Zara leave the school still dressed in their uniforms. Aoife runs behind them wearing the cupcake costume.
Aoife says, MUST, WARN, VIPERS!
Aoife drops the flyer for Double Dribble Café as she runs past Mr. Holt, and he picks it up. Text on the flyer reads, “Double Dribble Café. Prepare to blow your taste buds! This will certainly leave you dribbling, alright. Conor’s Cupcakes. Coming to a stall near you. Keep your mine pies peeled!” In animation, steam blows out of Mr. Holt’s ears.
Charlotte says, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE IN THE FINAL.
Nyla says, YEAH. AND WE'LL HAVE AOIFE BACK, SO WE CAN SMASH THEM. RESPECTFULLY.
Zara says, IF WE EVEN WANT HER.
Behind the Vipers, Aoife opens the icing tulle on the cupcake and looks at us sadly.
Charlotte says, SHE DID WHAT WE WANTED.
Nyla says, YEAH. I WAS EXPECTING SOME ELABORATE PLAN TO GET HER INVOLVED, BUT IT NEVER CAME.
Zara says, YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT IF THERE'S MORE ANTI-JESS STUFF, SHE'S OUT AGAIN.
Aoife lowers the icing on the front of the costume.
Charlotte says, GIANT CUPCAKE. YUM-YUM!
Charlotte runs towards Aoife, and Aoife runs back towards the school.
[Owl hooting, upbeat music plays, beeping]
Day turns to night, and a light shines over the front door to Aoife’s house. Aoife lies in bed and looks at texts on her smartphone. A text from Zara reads, “Can’t sleep, doorbell keeps ringing.” A text from Charlotte reads, “Me too! Totes, need my zzz’s.” A text from Nyla with an angry emoji reads, “WHO IS DOING THIS?” Texts from Zara read, “Mine just went again! Soooo tired?” and “B.R.B. Doorbell again!” A text from Nyla reads, “WHEN WILL IT END!!” with a fist emoji.
Aoife tells us, THIS MUST BE JESSICA, BUT THEY'LL NEVER BELIEVE ME.
[Sighing]
Aoife tells us, I NEED TO SORT THIS OUT MYSELF.
[Rustling]
Aoife pushes off her blanket, stands, and grabs her bathrobe.
Aoife shouts, MUM?
[Whooshing]
Polka dots move across the screen. Later, Aoife and Brid sit in Brid’s Volkswagen van parked behind a tree.
Brid says, SO, THE VIPERS CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE THEIR DOORBELLS KEEP RINGING?
Aoife says, CHARLOTTE'S BELL WENT OFF AT FIVE PAST FIVE, AND ZARA'S WENT OFF AT 5:20. WHICH MEANS—
Brid points and says, NYLA'S NEXT! YOU WERE RIGHT.
[Rustling, dramatic music plays]
Someone sneaks across a sidewalk.
Aoife says, WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE IS BACK.
[Car door opening, closing, footsteps running, tense music plays]
Aoife chases the robed figure past trees. She tackles the grey-haired person on a lawn.
The grey-haired person says, UGH! UGH.
Nyla arrives.
Nyla asks, GRANNY, ARE YOU HURT?
Aoife says, THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
Brid arrives holding the blond-haired boy by the arm.
Brid says, FOUND THIS ONE SNEAKING ABOUT.
Nyla says, YOU'RE FUNGUS BOY, THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS OGLING OVER THE POSTER.
Aoife says, THE ONE WHO'S OBSESSED WITH JESSICA'S FOOT FUNGUS.
Brid lets go of the blond-haired boy’s arm.
Brid says, EW.
The blond-haired boy says, SHE DOESN'T HAVE FOOT FUNGUS. JESSICA'S PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.
Aoife arches an eyebrow and looks at us.
Aoife says, SO IS ZARA.
Nyla looks at Aoife.
Aoife says, SORRY.
Nyla asks, DID JESS SEND HIM TO DO THIS TO US?
[Upbeat music plays]
The boy looks down. Question marks appear around Aoife. Polka dots move on the screen. In Midvale school, Aoife, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla walk down a hallway wearing their basketball uniforms.
Charlotte says, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
Zara says, ME, NEITHER. LITERALLY.
Nyla says, FUNGUS BOY ADMITTED IT, ZARA. HE WAS DOING IT FOR HER.
Zara says, THERE'S NO WAY JESS WAS BEHIND IT. HE MUST HAVE GONE ROGUE.
Aoife tells us, I'M FINDING IT SO HARD NOT TO SCREAM IN HER FACE RIGHT NOW.
Charlotte says, THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE'RE IN THE FINAL TODAY.
[Zara yawning]
Charlotte says, GOOD JOB AOIFE GOT CONOR TO LET US USE THE FOOD TECH ROOM FOR A NAP.
[Aoife yawning]
Nyla says, I'M MORE IMPRESSED YOU HAVEN'T GLOATED ABOUT JESSICA YET.
[Aoife chuckling, crowd cheering, shouting]
Aoife imagines wearing a trench coat and looking at a banner that reads, “I was right about everything. World’s greatest detective.” Smaller posters read, “I am always right!” She holds a black bowler fedora and peers through a magnifying glass. The other Vipers stand in front of her.
Nyla says, WE'RE SO SORRY.
Charlotte says, WE LOVE YOU.
Zara says, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT.
[Nyal, Charlotte, and Zara talking over each other]
The daydream ends.
In reality, Aoife tells us, NEVER EVEN CROSSED MY MIND.
Aoife rolls her eyes.
[Gobbling, chiming, background chattering, upbeat music plays]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a hallway, Conor and Clanger have small tables beside each other. Conor has baskets of cupcakes and two squeeze bottles on his table. Clanger has bags of his Sick ‘n Mix. A sign on Conor’s table reads, “The Double Dribble Café. Ask about franchising opportunities!” A sign on Clanger’s table reads, “Clanger’s Sick ‘n Mix.”
[The music stops]
Clanger asks, WHAT ARE THOSE?
Conor picks up the squeeze bottles.
Conor replies, CHOCOLATE AND STRAWBERRY SAUCES, TO WRITE NAMES ON THE CAKES.
[Clanger feigning a cough]
Clanger says, DESPERATE.
[Footsteps pattering, rhythmic music plays]
Mr. Holt walks down the hallway carrying the flyer.
Conor says, HOLT.
Mr. Holt stops and points at someone in a different hallway.
Mr. Holt says, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT.
Conor says, QUICK. HE CAN'T SEE OUR EXTRA GOODIES. PUT YOUR SANDWICHES BACK OUT.
[Plate clinking, paper slapping]
Conor and Clanger move their goodies under the tables and put the plates of ham and cheese sandwiches on the table. Mr. Holt arrives and slaps the flyer on Conor’s table.
Mr. Holt says, EXPLAIN THIS. ARE YOU SELLING EXTRA MERCHANDISE FOR YOURSELVES?
Clanger glares at Conor.
Mr. Holt says, OH. NO ANSWER? WELL, I'LL JUST STAY HERE UNTIL YOU THINK OF ONE, SHALL I?
Clanger and Conor look at each other.
Mr. Holt says, HERE I AM, STAYING HERE.
[Whooshing, snoring, alarm blaring]
Polka dots move on the screen. In the food tech room, the Vipers sleep on metal tables. They startle, and Zara sits up.
Zara says, VIPERS? WE NEED TO GET GOING.
Aoife sits up and says, UGH.
[Aoife coughing, blanket rustling]
[Upbeat music plays, lock rattling, door rattling]
Aoife walks to a door and pulls the handle. Through the window, Jessica and another Comet player watch. Jessica plays with the tip of her braid. Aoife pulls on the door, and Jessica smiles.
Aoife says, JESSICA'S LOCKED US IN!
Zara says, AOIFE, FOR THE LAST TIME—
[Charlotte yawning, door rattling]
Zara and Charlotte stand.
Aoife says, ASK HER!
Zara, Nyla, and Charlotte walk to the door.
Zara says, JESS, WE'VE BEEN LOCKED IN.
Jessica says, HOW EXCITING.
[Aoife sighing]
Zara asks, CAN YOU HELP US GET OUT?
Jessica says, I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I'VE GOT A BIG GAME COMING UP, SO—
Zara says, SO DO WE. THE FINAL.
[Jessica gasping]
Jessica says, OH NO! GOOD LUCK, GUYS. I REALLY MEAN IT.
[Jessica snickering]
Jessica and the Comets walk away from the door. Inside the room, Aoife walks away from the door. Zara turns towards Nyla and Charlotte, who both have their arms crossed.
Zara says, SHE HAS. SHE'S LOCKED US IN.
Aoife looks at us.
Aoife tells us, OKAY. SO, LET'S DO THE REPLAY.
[Tape rewinding, upbeat music plays]
Aoife tells us, WE ALL WANTED TO WIN THE TOURNAMENT.
[Flatulence tooting]
In a flashback, Aoife prepares for a shot, and Jessica uses the flatulence machine.
Aoife says, IT WAS JESSICA!
The flashback ends.
Aoife tells us, BUT NOBODY BELIEVED ME ABOUT JESSICA'S DIRTY TRICKS.
[Whooshing]
In a flashback, Zara and Charlotte wear clothespins on their noses. Text reads, “Dirty tricks.”
Zara says, WHATEVER YOUR PROBLEM WITH JESS IS, YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT.
Aoife tells us, RUDE.
[Whooshing]
The flashback ends. In a flashback, Aoife switches the changerooms and smiles. In another flashback, Zara stops Aoife from taking her water bottle from Jessica. Text reads, “Team mates.”
Aoife tells us, BUT HANDLED IT WITH GRACE AND DECORUM. AND THEN ZARA WENT TOO FAR.
Aoife tells us, YOU KICKED ME OUT!
In the flashback, Zara says, WE'RE A TEAM, AND WE'RE MATES.
[Gobbling, chiming, whooshing]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In a flashback of Aoife’s daydream, she stands beneath the banner that reads, “I was right about everything! World's greatest detective.” The other Vipers plead and bow to her. In another flashback, Aoife searches Jessica’s locker.
Aoife tells us, BUT THAT'S WHEN THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE, ME, PROVED ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT JESSICA WAS THE BAD GUY.
[Aoife chuckling, flatulence tooting]
Aoife takes the flatulence machine out of the locker and presses on it. The flashback ends.
Aoife tells us, BUT IS IT TOO LATE?
In a flashback, Aoife tries to open the door as Jessica watches through the window.
Aoife says, JESSICA'S LOCKED US IN!
The flashback ends.
In the present, Aoife asks us, CAN ANYONE SAVE US?
Aoife takes out her smartphone.
Aoife tells us, THAT, SADLY, DEPENDS ON CONOR.
[Phone ringing, beeping]
In the hallway, Conor answers his phone as Mr. Holt stares at him.
Aoife says, CONOR, WE NEED YOU TO COME AND SAVE US.
Conor says, SORRY. THIS ISN'T THE BEST TIME.
Mr. Holt grabs the phone and listens to Aoife.
Aoife says, WE'RE LOCKED IN THE FOOD TECH CLASSROOM AND WE NEED YOU TO COME AND SAVE US!
[Thudding]
Mr. Holt puts the phone on the table.
Mr. Holt says, YOUR SISTER IS LOCKED IN A CLASSROOM.
[Clanger laughing, background students chattering]
Clanger says, GOOD.
Conor asks, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
Mr. Holt says, WELL, I CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER THERE, CAN I?
Mr. Holt looks up and smiles wistfully. He stops smiling.
Mr. Holt says, JUST SELL SANDWICHES. I'LL BE BACK.
Clanger says, I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD THAT GAME NOW. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
Conor says, AOIFE TOOK THE FLYER, NOT ME.
Clanger says, I WARNED YOU ABOUT THIS, AND SHE STILL LOSES STUFF.
[Conor sighing]
Conor says, THERE'S STILL TIME BEFORE HE COMES BACK.
Clanger says, YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I'M READY.
Conor says, NO, I DON'T.
[Upbeat music plays, sauce squelching]
Conor holds the strawberry sauce bottle. Clanger grabs his hand, and sauce squirts on Clanger’s chef uniform.
Conor says, UH, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. YOU CAN'T…
[Sauce squelching]
Clanger squirts chocolate sauce on Conor. They squirt the sauce at each other.
Conor says, STOP. UGH!
[Clanger grunting]
In the food tech room, Aoife sits on a table. Zara and Charlotte walk towards her while Nyla peers out the window.
Charlotte asks, HOW LONG NOW?
Zara says, 311 SECONDS.
Aoife says, THAT'S SO NOT HELPFUL.
Zara says, I'M SORRY. I'VE LET YOU DOWN AGAIN.
Nyla says, LET'S RAM THE DOOR.
Charlotte says, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL, BUT OKAY.
[Thumping, Aoife exhaling heavily, Vipers screaming, door clicking]
Aoife jumps down from the table, and the Vipers charge towards the door. Mr. Holt opens the door, and they all stop.
Mr. Holt says, RIGHT. NO ONE'S GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET A FULL AND FRANK EXPLANA—
[Vipers screaming, upbeat music plays, sneakers squeaking, shouting, thudding]
The Vipers charge towards the door, and Mr. Holt moves to the side with his mouth wide open. In the gym, Jessica smiles at the trophy. In the hallway by the food tables, students carefully walk over the slippery sauce. The Vipers run over the sauce and fall in slow motion.
Aoife shouts, UGH!
Nyla says, COME ON. WE SHOULD BE HURRYING.
Charlotte stands with sauce all over her forehead, arms, and uniform.
Charlotte says, I'M RED, WITH BROWN. I LOOK TERRIBLE.
Charlotte licks sauce off her finger.
Charlotte says, BUT I TASTE DELICIOUS.
[Footsteps thumping, sneakers squeaking]
Charlotte slips and stumbles. She and Nyla walk away from the sauce. Aoife stands, and Zara sits on the floor. Aofie stands in front of her and holds out both her hands.
Aoife says, ZARA, COME ON. LET'S GO.
Zara says, I DON'T DESERVE TO PLAY.
[Upbeat music plays, background chattering]
Aoife says, OF COURSE YOU DO. WE NEED YOU. COME ON.
Zara says, I WAS HORRIBLE TO YOU.
Aoife nods and tells us, SHE WAS.
Zara says, I'M A TERRIBLE VIPER.
Nearby, Clanger and Conor eavesdrop through partially open double doors.
Aoife says, YOU ARE THE VIPERS, ZARA. IF YOU DIDN'T SEE THE BEST IN US, I WOULD NEVER HAVE JOINED.
Zara says, BUT I KICKED YOU OUT AND GAVE YOUR BOTTLE TO JESS.
Aoife says, SO WHAT? THAT NEVER STOPPED US FROM BEING A TEAM...OR MATES.
Aoife tells us, WELL, MAYBE FOR A SECOND, BUT SHH.
[Rustling, giggling]
Aoife pulls Zara to her feet, and they hug.
Aoife says, NOW, COME ON.
[Sneakers squeaking, footsteps running, students chattering]
Aoife and Zara slip on the floor as they hurry down the hallway. Conor and Clanger walk into the hallway.
Conor says, YOU KNOW, I NEVER STOPPED BEING YOUR FRIEND, EITHER.
Clanger says, MAYBE WE COULD COMBINE OUR MONEY. SHARE THE GAME.
Conor says I'D LIKE THAT.
Conor asks, HUG?
Clanger replies, NO.
[Footsteps pattering]
Clanger walks away from Conor.
[Gobbling, chiming, cheering, upbeat music plays]
The round yellow video game character eats lines of small basketballs. In the gym, the Vipers and the Comets stare at each other from across the court.
Aoife says, OKAY, VIPERS. THIS IS IT. WE MAY LOOK BAD, BUT WE'RE GOOD. THEY'RE THE OPPOSITE. IT'S THE GOOD GUYS VERSUS THE BAD GUYS. HEROES VERSUS THE VILLAINS. WE'VE ALL SEEN THE FILMS, AND WE ALL KNOW WHO WINS, SO LET'S GO OUT THERE AND DO THIS. VIPERS ON THREE.
The Vipers put their hands together.
Aoife counts, ONE, TWO, THREE.
The Vipers lift their hands.
The Vipers shout, VIPERS!
[Buzzer blaring, crowd cheering]
At the end of the game, the score reads, “Vipers, 6. Comets, 21.” Jessica holds up the trophy, and the Comet raise their fists.
Jessica says, YES!
Nearby, the Vipers stand with their arms crossed.
Aoife tells us, SO, IT TURNS OUT I'VE BEEN LIED TO BY EVERY FILM EVER MADE.
[Upbeat music plays, students chattering]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. Later, Clanger and Conor leave the school, still wearing their chef uniforms, which are covered with squirted sauce. Mr. Holt strides out behind them.
Clanger asks, SHOWER FIRST, OR STRAIGHT TO SHOP?
Conor says, I'VE ALREADY SHOWERED THIS WEEK.
Mr. Holt says, BOYS? THERE'S AN AWFUL MESS TO CLEAN UP INSIDE. BUT I KNOW YOU'D ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE, SO I'VE HIRED A CLEANER...
Mr. Holt smiles.
Clanger says, RESULT.
Mr. Holt shouts, THAT YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR!
[Upbeat music plays]
Mr. Holt puts out his hand. Clanger reaches into his pocket. Inside the school, students carefully step over the sauce. Sauce-soaked footprints lead out the school doors. The Vipers leave their changeroom.
[The music stops]
Nyla says, THEY WERE REALLY GOOD.
Charlotte says, BUT JUST THE NORMAL KIND OF GOOD.
Zara says, DON'T SAY THAT.
Aoife says, YEAH. WE DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM.
Jessica approaches, carrying Aoife’s Vipers water bottle.
Jessica says, AND YOU NEVER WILL BE, BUT THAT'S OKAY. THAT'S JUST WHO THE VIPERS ARE.
[Upbeat music plays]
Jessica drinks from the water bottle. Zara shakes her head and takes the bottle away. Aoife’s mouth falls open, and she looks at us.
Zara says, YOU'VE NO IDEA WHO WE ARE. YOU NEVER DID.
Zara passes the bottle back to Aoife. Charlotte, Aoife, and Nyla smile broadly behind Zara.
Zara says, BUT YOU WILL, WHEN WE BEAT YOU.
[Charlotte, Aoife, and Nyla giggling, applauding, flames whooshing]
In animation, flames flicker around Jessica.
Nyla says, THAT ZARA.
Aoife tells us, SO PROUD OF HER RIGHT NOW.
Text reads, “Proud.”
[Snapping]
Zara snaps her fingers in Jessica’s face.
Charlotte and Nyla cheer, WOO!
[Slide whistle]
Aoife tells us, AND IT'S GONE.
Jessica says, YOU ALL LOOK RIDICULOUS.
[Jessica chuckling, sauce squelching, slide whistle, Jessica shouting, thudding, Vipers laughing]
Jessica turns and slips on a sauce footprint. In slow motion, she falls on the floor.
Aoife says, LOOK AT YOU! GUESS WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL.
Aoife smiles at us.
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net.
End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Conor, Arthur Kay. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Jessica, Bea Ward. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Brid, Isy Suttie. Fungus Boy, Jaymes Frost. Nyla’s Granny, Ethne Brown. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
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