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Transcript: The House Partaaaay Play
[School bell ringing, upbeat music plays, banging, laughing, slide whistle, whistle blaring]
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created by Sinéad Fagan. Written by Sinéad Fagan and Chris Grady. Director: Tim Hopewell.
[Upbeat music plays, thunking]
In the school cafeteria, Aoife peers over a table. She wears a pirate hat and lifts an eye patch. Students imitate a sword fight using empty paper towel tubes. Aoife stands and runs to Jamie, who wears a pirate hat, and they battle using their empty paper towel tubes.
Aoife says, EN GARDE!
Aoife tells us, YA! YA! SO, YOU MIGHT ASK WHY I'M WEARING AN EYE PATCH AND HAVING AN EPIC SWORD FIGHT! YA! YA! THERE BE A REWIND. YA!
[Tape rewinding, thumping]
Producer Dominique Molloy. In Association with A.P.C. Kids. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt. At home, Aoife jumps into the doorway of the kitchen. Brid wears a dress and stands beside a stack of wrapped sandwiches and a picnic basket.
Aoife shouts, YES!
Brid says, I'M GUESSING YOUR EXCITEMENT IS NOT OVER THIS MINI-CHEESE.
Aoife says, WE'RE IN THE FINAL!
Brid says, OH! YES!
[Brid laughing]
Brid and Aoife hug.
Brid says, YOU SAID THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays, slide whistles, ball thumping, hoop rattling]
A tournament bracket shows the Comets and the Vipers winning their divisions. In flashbacks, Aoife scores a basket against the Serpents, Nyla scores a basket against the Cheetahs, and Aoife scores another basket. Aoife, Nyla, and Charlotte hug on the court. In animation, stars and a large trophy appear.
Aoife says, I KNOW, BUT SOMEHOW, THE CHEETAHS BEAT THE LIONS, WE SQUASHED THE SERPENTS, THEN WE CRUSHED THE CHEETAHS. SO, WE QUALIFIED FOR THE FINAL AGAINST THE COMETS!
The flashbacks end.
In the kitchen, Brid says, A.K.A., TEAM JESSICA. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN?
Aoife says, I SCORED 13 POINTS IN FRONT OF JAMIE, AND HE WINKED AT ME, OR MAYBE HE HAD SOMETHING IN HIS EYE, BUT BASICALLY I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Aoife picks up a banana, and Brid takes it away.
Brid says, YOU CAN'T EAT THAT. IT'S A CAR SNACK FOR JIM. YELLOW'S HIS FAVOURITE FLAVOUR.
[Rustling]
Brid smiles and puts the banana in the picnic basket.
Aoife tells us, I CAN EVEN PRETEND TO BE HAPPY THAT MY COACH IS TAKING MY MOM ON A ROMANTIC BREAK.
[Shuddering, whooshing]
In her bedroom, Aoife sits on the bed.
Aoife tells us, HOWEVER, I STILL CAN'T TALK TO JAMIE WITHOUT TOTALLY HUMILIATING MYSELF, BUT I'VE LEARNED WITH BASKETBALL PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.
[Thumping, light music plays]
Aoife picks up a homemade stuffed mannequin with a basketball for a head. Jamie’s face is taped to the ball.
Aoife tells us, EVERYONE DOES THIS, RIGHT?
[Videogame beeping, chiming, the music ends]
In his room, Conor leans against the wall and gazes out the window. Clanger plays a video game on a desktop computer.
Clanger says, HOW DID JIM TRICK YOUR MUM INTO GOING OUT WITH HIM? I NEED TIPS. IS THERE A MANUAL?
Conor says, EVEN IF THERE WAS, YOU STILL WON'T BE JESSICA'S TYPE.
Clanger says, I'M EVERYONE'S TYPE. FIT, CUNNING, PRANK MASTER GENERAL, WITH NO BODY ODOUR. USUALLY. DO I?
Conor says, EVERYONE'S OBSESSED. MUM AND JIM, YOU AND JESSICA, AOIFE AND JAMIE. IT'S ALL A BIT PATHETIC.
Outside, Zara walks towards the house.
Conor says, ZARA! IT'S OKAY, MUM. I'LL GET IT.
[Thumping, upbeat music plays]
Conor walks past Aoife’s partially open door, and she drops the Jamie mannequin. She picks up the mannequin, holds her smartphone up, and records herself.
Aoife says, HM. OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
Clanger walks past the partially open door behind Aoife. Aoife looks away from the mannequin and raises her eyebrows at us. She turns back to the mannequin.
Aoife asks, WHAT? YOU WANT TO KISS ME?
Clanger backs up and peers through the door opening. Aoife turns away from him and looks at the Jamie mannequin.
Zara shouts, AOIFE, I'M DOWNSTAIRS.
[Aoife gasping, rustling]
Aoife throws the mannequin back on the chair.
Aoife says, NOTHING!
[Aoife breathing heavily, upbeat music plays, door closing]
Aoife drops her smartphone on the bed, leaves the room, and closes the door. Downstairs, Conor and Zara walk to the kitchen.
Conor asks, WOULD YOU CARE TO PERUSE OUR EXTENSIVE RANGE OF BEVERAGES?
Zara replies, I'M NOT STAYING LONG.
Conor says, WE HAVE FLASKS.
Zara smiles at Conor.
Conor asks, MAY I SUGGEST A DIVINE ELDERFLOWER CORDIAL? WHICH IS PARTICULARLY REFRESHING ON THE GO.
Aoife arrives and crosses her arms.
Aoife says, CONNOR, STOP BEING WEIRD.
Conor says, I WASN'T! WAS I?
[Light music plays, door opening, door closing]
Zara shakes her head. Upstairs, Clanger sneaks into Aoife’s bedroom and closes the door behind him. He looks at the Jamie mannequin and then picks up Aoife’s smartphone.
In the video, Aoife says, HI, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[Clanger snickering, chiming]
Clanger takes out his smartphone and sends the video to himself. In an animation, video transfer bars appear. Two phones appear with a bar filling beneath them.
In the video, Aoife says, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
[Beeping]
Clanger says, JACKPOT.
[The music stops]
In the kitchen, Brid asks, WHERE ARE YOU GIRLS OFF TO?
Aoife says, TO CELEBRATE OUR WIN WITH A CEREMONIAL JOINING OF ICE CREAM AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE. LATERS.
[Footsteps rustling, door squeaking]
Aoife walks to the front door and opens it. Zara smiles at Conor, and he hands her jacket to her. She follows Aoife outside.
Brid says, YOU WERE BEING KIND AND MANNERLY. GIRLS LIKE THAT. AND GOOD DENTAL HYGIENE.
Clanger arrives carrying his smartphone.
Conor says, I THOUGHT GIRLS LIKE EPIC PRANK MASTERS.
[Brid laughing]
Brid asks, WHAT WALLY TOLD YOU THAT? OH, HI, CLANGER.
Clanger looks down at his phone screen, which displays the video of Aoife and the Jamie mannequin. Text below the video reads, “Send to all.” He looks down and bites his lip.
[Upbeat music plays, buzzing, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Background chattering]
In Mamil Café Bar, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla sit at a table.
Zara says, SO, NOW THAT WE'VE TOASTED OUR AMAZING SUCCESS—
Charlotte says, MM, YUMMY TICK.
[Smartphone thumping]
Zara looks at her smartphone and then puts it on the table.
Zara says NEXT ON THE AGENDA. HOW'S AOIFE GOING TO ASK OUT JAMIE?
[Charlotte sighing, background cutlery clinking]
Charlotte says, SHE SHOULD PIN A LOVE POEM ON A COLLAR OF AN ADORABLE PUPPY.
Zara says, CRINGE. SHE SHOULD APPEAL TO HIS BRAIN WITH A RIDDLE. WHAT CAN YOU BREAK EVEN IF YOU DON'T TOUCH IT?
Nyla says, WIND.
Zara says, THE ANSWER'S A HEART!
[Nyla groaning]
Nyla says, SHE SHOULD JUST ROCK UP AND BE LIKE, "OI, JAMIE. YOU IN OR OUT?"
Aoife walks to the table.
Zara says, WE'VE DECIDED ON YOUR TACTICS WITH JAMIE. BE BOLD, FEARLESS.
Charlotte says, AND A TEENY BIT RUDE.
Aoife says, YES, I LIKE IT.
Nyla says, GREAT, GO AHEAD.
[Popping, upbeat music plays]
Jamie enters the café and waves to Aoife as he walks to the counter. Red and white hearts appear around Aoife.
Aoife says, PERHAPS MORE RESEARCH IS NEEDED.
Aoife glances at Jamie, and they smile at each other.
Zara says, IT'S GOOD THAT JESSICA'S OKAY WITH IT, ANYWAY.
Aoife furrows her eyebrows.
Zara asks, YOU DID ASK HER PERMISSION, DIDN'T YOU?
Aoife asks, WHY DO I NEED HER PERMISSION?
Nyla says, SIX DAYS 'TIL THE FINAL. LAST THING WE NEED IS BEEF WITH THE COMETS' BEST PLAYER.
Aoife says, SO SHE'S JAMIE'S EX. WHO CARES?
Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla say, SHE DOES!
Nyla says, AND YOU SHOULD, TOO, IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT THIS TEAM.
Aoife says, WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT, I CAN'T REALLY SAY NO, CAN I? CAN I?
The others look at Aoife.
Aoife tells us, THOUGHT NOT.
[Upbeat music plays, list rustling]
A purple and pink star appears. At Aoife’s house, Brid carries the picnic basket outside and gives Conor a long list. Behind them, Clanger carries a yellow suitcase over his head.
Brid says, HERE IS A LIST OF ALL THE LISTS I'VE LEFT AROUND THE HOUSE.
[Engine rumbling, door slamming]
A red S.U.V. parks in the driveway.
Conor says, I DON'T SEE THE LISTS FOR THE GOODIES THAT YOU'VE LEFT US TO EASE YOUR MUMMY GUILT OF GOING AWAY.
Brid says, THAT'S BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. IT'S A SHORT TRIP, AND JIM AND I ARE VERY CASUAL.
[Door slamming, upbeat music plays, plastic rustling]
Jim rushes around the vehicle and gives Brid a large bouquet of roses. He wears a beige suit, along with his headband and wristbands, and carries a basket of red rose petals.
Brid says, IT'S JUST A FEW FLOWERS.
Jim says, UH, YOUR BAGS, YOUR HIGHNESS?
Brid says, CLANGER'S ON THE CASE.
Clanger lies on the suitcase.
Clanger says, LITERALLY. I CAN'T GET UP.
[Grunting]
Clanger kneels, and Jim picks up the suitcase.
Jim says, YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS. THE CHEWING GUM SCRAPED OUT AS PROMISED.
[Brid and Jim giggling, petals rustling]
Jim throws rose petals in the air as he and Brid walk to the car.
Brid says, THE GOOD BISCUITS ARE IN THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS. YOU CAN HAVE SOME, TOO, AS A TIP.
[Vehicle door opening]
Jim opens the door for Brid.
Clanger says, RESULT!
Brid says, BE GOOD FOR FUNCLE BEN. HE'LL BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM SCHOOL.
Jim says, BON FROMAGE!
[S.U.V. door closing, engine starting]
Jim puts the suitcase in the back of the S.U.V. Clanger and Conor wave.
Clanger says, WE'VE LEARNED AN IMPORTANT LESSON HERE TODAY.
Conor asks, THAT WE HAVE GOOD BISCUITS?
Clanger says, YEAH, AND THE WHOLE MANNERLY THING REALLY DOES PAY OFF.
Conor asks, SO, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TRY IT ON JESSICA?
Clanger says, TONIGHT, HERE, AT YOUR PARTY.
[Cheerful music plays, Conor chuckling]
Conor says, DESPITE THE NAME, "FUN UNCLE BEN" IS DEFINITELY NOT FUN. WE CAN'T HAVE A PARTY IF HE'S HERE.
Clanger says, IF HE'S HERE.
[Students chattering, phone ringing]
At school, Conor holds his smartphone. Text on the screen reads, “Calling Funcle Ben.”
Clanger says, NOW.
Clanger flicks the screen, and a “Voice change” application activates.
On the phone, Ben says, HI, IT'S BEN. LEAVE A MESSAGE.
[Feedback]
In Brid’s voice, Conor says, HI, UNCLE-- FUNCLE-- UH, BROTHER BEN. BEN. PLAIN OLD BEN. I'M—
Conor continues, I'M FEELING SICK. SO, I'M STAYING AT HOME. DON'T COME.
Clanger says, OR ELSE—
[Shushing]
In Brid’s voice, Conor says, OR ELSE YOU'LL GET SICK, TOO.
[Coughing]
Conor says, YUCK.
[Upbeat music plays, hands slapping]
Clanger puts the smartphone down. Clanger and Conor high-five.
Clanger says, IT'S PARTY TIME!
[Whooshing, Jessica laughing, background chattering]
Polka dots move across the screen. Outside, Jessica stands with a friend as Aoife approaches behind her.
Aoife tells us, UGH, LOOK AT HER. SHE'S SO FAKE.
Aoife says, HEY, JESS!
Jessica rolls her eyes and turns to Aoife.
Aoife continues, WELL DONE ON THE FINAL.
Jessica’s friend walks away. Jessica plays with the tip of her braid as she faces Aoife.
Jessica says, SAME TO YOU, MAOIFE. SILVER WILL BE SUCH A GOOD COLOUR ON YOUR GUYS.
Aoife tells us, JOKES ON HER. SILVER BRINGS ME OUT IN A RASH.
Aoife says, SO, I WAS GOING TO ASK JAMIE OUT. HE'S A BALLER, I'M A BALLER. WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. BUT THE GIRLS SAID I NEED, LIKE, YOUR WRITTEN PERMISSION OR SOMETHING?
Jessica says, OH, DON'T BE SILLY. MY VERBAL PERMISSION IS FINE.
Aoife asks, OH, OKAY. SO, CAN I?
Jessica says, NO.
[Jessica chuckling, background chattering]
Jessica says, WILL THAT BE ALL?
[Sputtering, hands thumping]
Aoife turns and walks away. She lifts her hands and then drops them against her sides.
Aoife asks, WHAT'S SHE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? JUMP BETWEEN US EVERY TIME I TRY AND ASK HIM?
[Upbeat music plays, hearts bubbling]
Later, Aoife sits beside Jamie on a bench. Pink hearts float around them.
Aoife says, JAMIE—
[Slide whistle, eyes chiming]
Jessica slides out from beneath the bench. In animation, eyes appear beside her and glance between Jamie and Aoife.
[Aoife sighing, chiming]
Aoife gets up and walks away. Jessica smiles at Jamie.
[Water splashing, hearts bubbling, tires screeching, slide whistle, smacking]
In school, Jamie fills a cup at a water cooler. Aoife approaches behind him, and Jessica pushes her behind a door. Jamie turns, and Jessica stands behind him, playing with the tip of her braid.
[Aoife sighing, thumping, handle clattering, upbeat music continues]
Aoife sits on the floor in a caretaker’s supply closet. A mop top falls on her head, and the mop handle bounces off the top and lands in front of her.
[Aoife sighing, hearts bubbling, barrier gate whirring, whooshing, Aoife growling]
In the school library, Aoife watches Jamie between books. She follows him, and pink hearts float around her. A clear barrier gate closes in front of her, and Jamie leaves the library. Jessica sits at the librarian’s desk, wearing eyeglasses. She smiles at Aoife. Text reads, “Whoops.” In animation, smoke flows out of Aoife’s ears. The Midvale school crest spins.
[Footsteps thumping, students chattering]
Later, Zara, Charlotte, Nyla, and Aoife enter the school art classroom.
Nyla asks, SO, DID JESSICA SUBMIT?
Aoife says, MM.
Aoife tells us, MAYBE I CAN PHRASE THIS IN A WAY THAT'S NOT TECHNICALLY LYING.
Aoife, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla sit at a table.
Aoife says, SHE WAS ACTUALLY SURPRISINGLY QUITE NICE.
Charlotte says, LIKE TUNA ON A PIZZA.
Aoife says, EXACTLY.
[Zara gasping]
Jamie walks by the table and smiles.
Zara says, YOU SHOULD ASK HIM RIGHT NOW.
Aoife smooths her pigtails and glances at where Jamie sits alone. He smiles at her.
Aoife tells us, NO JESSICA. IT'S THE PERFECT TIME.
Charlotte says, JUST LET ME DAB YOU WITH INSTA-TAN.
Aoife says, BY THE WAY, IF YOU SEE JESSICA, MAYBE DON'T MENTION THIS TO HER.
Zara nods.
[Phone ringing]
Aoife answers her smartphone.
Aoife says, HEY, MUM. HOW'S YOUR TRIP?
On the side of a road beside patchwork fields, Jim spreads a map on the hood of the S.U.V. Brid stands by a fence.
Brid says, AOIFE, THE SIGNAL'S BAD AND I THINK JIM MIGHT BE A LITTLE LOST.
Jim says, NOT LOST, JUST TAKING A TOUR OF SOME LOCAL HIGHLIGHTS.
Brid asks, DID YOU PHONE FUNCLE BEN AND PRETEND TO BE ME?
[Background chattering]
In the classroom, Aoife says, NO, WAS I SUPPOSED TO?
Brid says, YOUR BROTHER'S UP TO SOMETHING. DO I NEED TO COME HOME?
[Footsteps rustling]
Jim carries the map to Brid.
Jim says, NEXT STOP, THE PENCIL MUSEUM.
Brid says, THE WHAT?
Aoife says, IT'S OKAY, MUM. I'LL FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.
The call ends.
Jim says, I WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU TO THE BROKEN PENCIL MUSEUM, BUT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN POINTLESS.
[Brid and Jim laughing, upbeat music plays]
Jim nudges Brid.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops’, and a basketball falls into it. In the school library, Clanger sits at a table and pokes a piece of paper with a pencil. Conor arrives holding colourful flyers and sits down.
Conor says, HERE WE ARE. PARTY INVITES. YOU THINK ZARA'S GOING TO LOOK THE THEME? ZARA?
Clanger says, JESSICA'S NAME IS NOT ZARA. KEEP UP.
[Background students chattering]
Aoife, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla arrive beside the table.
Clanger says, DON'T TELL 'EM ABOUT THE PARTY.
[Disco music plays, whooshing]
Charlotte dances, and in animation, pink and yellow light beams glow around her.
Charlotte says, OOH, DID SOMEONE SAY "PARTY?"
Clanger whispers, YOU HAD ONE JOB.
[Rustling]
Aoife takes an invitation.
Aoife reads, "STRATEGY BOARD GAME TOURNAMENT PARTY."
Aoife says, THIS IS WHY YOU PRETENDED TO BE MUM TO FUNCLE BEN?
[Clanger sighing, thumping]
Clanger hits the table with the side of his fist.
Clanger asks, THAT WAS YOUR THEME IDEA?
Conor replies, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY RELIVING THE MILITARY ENDEAVOURS OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE?
[Rustling]
Clanger, Aoife, Nyla, and Charlotte put up their hands. Zara grabs Charlotte’s arm and pushes it down.
Zara says, SOUNDS AWESOME.
Conor and Zara smile at each other.
Clanger says, MAYBE IT'S A GOOD THING THE PARTY'S OFF.
Aoife tells us, HANG ON, THIS IS THE PERFECT WAY TO SEE JAMIE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL WITHOUT JESSICA.
Aoife says, THE PARTY STAYS ON.
Clanger smiles.
Conor asks, WHAT ABOUT MUM?
Aoife says, I'LL HANDLE HER, AND I'LL BE ASSUMING CONTROL AND CHANGING THE THEME.
[Hands clapping, background chattering]
Charlotte claps her hands as she, Aoife, Nyla, and Zara walk away from the table.
Charlotte says, SO, WHAT'S THE NEW THEME? I'M SEEING UNICORN WATER FEATURES IN YOUR HALLWAY.
Aoife says, NO. NO UNICORNS, BUT YOU GUYS CAN HELP ME WITH THIS.
[Upbeat music plays, school bell ringing, student chattering]
Aoife smiles at us. The Midvale school crest appears over students as they walk in a hallway. Charlotte walks beside Jamie, holding her smartphone up closer to his face. Zara and Nyla follow behind them.
Jamie asks, WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE BEST PARTY I EVER WENT TO?
Charlotte says, FOR OUR HISTORY PROJECT. VITAL RESEARCH.
[Locker clanking]
Jamie opens his locker.
Nyla says, AND IF YOU DON'T TELL US, WE'LL ALL FAIL SCHOOL.
Nyla steps closer to Jamie.
Nyla continues, AND BLAME YOU.
Jamie looks at Nyla with wide eyes.
Jamie says, OKAY. WELL, I'LL HAVE TO THINK.
Zara says, WE NEED THIS DATA INSTANTANEOUSLY.
[Charlotte nodding]
Nyla says, ANSWER QUICKLY, PRETTY BOY.
Jamie says, RIGHT, OKAY. UM, BEST PARTY EVER.
[Upbeat music plays]
Jamie smiles and nods.
Jamie says, MY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY PARTY.
Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla smile at each other. Charlotte waves the smartphone at Jamie.
[Upbeat music plays, engine whooshing]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. In the car, Jim drives past farms and fields.
Jim says, WE CAN'T BE LOST. THERE'S THAT SQUIRREL FROM THE BROCHURE.
[Brid chuckling, phone ringing]
Brid activates speakerphone on her smartphone.
Brid says, AOIFE?
On the phone, Ben says, HI, BRID. IT'S BROTHER BEN HERE, ACTUALLY.
Outside the school, Aoife and Clanger sit at a picnic table, and Clanger speaks into Aoife’s phone.
Clanger says, I POPPED BY THE SCHOOL ON THE WAY TO YOUR HOUSE. HERE'S AOIFE TO CONFIRM MY STORY.
[Beeping, background chattering]
Clanger swipes the screen and turns off the voice changer.
Aoife says, HI, MUM. FUNCLE BEN'S HERE. EVERYTHING OKAY?
[Engine rumbling]
Brid says, HE SOUNDS A BIT FORMAL.
Aoife says, YEAH, HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A JOB INTERVIEW LATER? ANYWAY, GOTTA GO.
[Beeping, busy tone beeping]
Aoife ends the call.
Brid says, AOIFE?
[Busy tone beeping, engine whooshing]
Jim and Brid look at each other.
At the picnic bench, Aoife says, AND THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE.
Clanger says, BREAK OUT THE GOOD BISCUITS.
Aoife says, WE HAVE GOOD BISCUITS?
Clanger says, I SEEN 'EM MYSELF.
Aoife says, EXCELLENT.
Aoife tells us, NOW, TO SEE WHAT JAMIE-INSPIRED PARTY THEME THE OTHERS HAVE DISCOVERED. CHECK IT.
[Epic music plays]
In the school cafeteria, Clanger, Zara, Aoife, and Nyla enter, each holding an armful of empty paper towel tubes. Zara and Clanger wear pirate hats, and all of them wear eyepatches. In animation, two pirate flags flap behind them and a parrot perches on Nyla’s shoulder. Charlotte and Conor smile at them from a table.
Nyla, Aoife, Zara, and Clanger say, ARGH!
[The music stops]
Everyone turns and stares at them.
Aoife tells us, IT SEEMED A LOT COOLER ON PAPER.
Zara says, JAMIE LOVES PIRATES, EVER SINCE HIS SEVENTH BIRTHDAY PARTY.
Zara gives Charlotte an eyepatch. She and the others pass out invitations and paper towel tubes.
Charlotte says, NOSTALGIA'S ON TREND. THE PAST IS THE FUTURE.
Nyla says, ANYTHING WITH A SKULL AND CROSSBONES WINS MY VOTE.
Conor looks at the invitation.
Zara says, PIRATES CAPTURED CAESAR, SO YOUR ORIGINAL THEME LIVES ON IN A WAY.
Clanger says, OI, PIRATES HAVE MRS. COLGAN'S DOG?
Conor says, SHE MEANS JULIUS CAESAR, THE ROMAN EMPEROR. NOT YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S PUG.
Jamie smiles broadly and grabs the invitation from Conor’s hand.
Aoife says, IS THIS A BIT WEIRD? I MEAN, SHOULD WE REALLY BE DOING THIS?
Jamie walks to Aoife.
Jamie says, PIRATES ARE SO COOL! ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS?
[Sea shanty music plays]
Aoife says, WE ARGH!
Aoife stands on a bench and waves her paper towel tube.
Aoife says, CITIZENS OF MIDVALE, MY NAME IS CAPTAIN, UH, NOBEARD, AND THIS COUNTY IS NOW UNDER MY CONTROL!
Nyla shouts, BE THEE WARNED!
[Thumping]
Nyla hits a table with her tube, and the tube unravels.
Aoife says, YOU'RE ALL INVITED TO MY SHINDIG, BUT YOU'LL NEED AN INVITATION 'CAUSE WE'RE LIMITED ON SPACES.
[Whooshing, horror movie music plays]
Clanger gives Jessica an invitation.
[Sea shanty music plays]
Aoife says, NO.
[Footsteps running, rustling]
Aoife runs to Jessica and takes the invitation.
Aoife says, SADLY, LIST IS FULL. WILL THAT BE ALL?
Clanger says, NO, IT ISN'T.
Aoife says, MY HOUSE.
Clanger says, MY PARTY.
Aoife says, MY PARTY. THIS IS MUTINY.
Jessica says, IT'S LAME ANYWAY.
[Jessica scoffing]
Jessica walks away.
Clanger says, THIS IS IT! NO MORE MR. NICE CLANGER! FIGHT!
[Energetic music plays, tubes thumping, sneakers squeaking]
Clanger and Aoife engage in a sword fight with their tubes. Everyone stands up and fights with their tubes around the tables.
Someone shouts, ARGH!
Clanger says, IT'S HOLT! RUN!
[Whooshing, chattering]
Students stop fighting. Polka dots move across the screen. Mr. Holt has a lime green napkin tucked into his collar.
Mr. Holt says, THANKS TO THIS INFANTILE DISPLAY, MY LUNCH IS NOW COLD. NOBODY LIKES COLD SOUP.
Zara says, THE SPANISH PEOPLE DO.
Mr. Holt looks at Zara, who stands beside Conor.
Zara says, GAZPACHO.
Conor says, I'M ALSO QUITE PARTIAL.
Zara says, PERFECT ON A HOT DAY.
Mr. Holt says, WHY, THANK YOU, SOUP PROFESSORS, FOR THAT FASCINATING INSIGHT INTO YOUR SPECIALIZED SUBJECT, BORING EVERYONE TO TEARS. I'M PUTTING MY MINESTRONE IN THE MICROWAVE NOW. WHEN I RETURN, I WANT WHOEVER'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PIRATE LUNACY TO CONFESS, OTHERWISE YOU'LL ALL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES IN DETENTION.
[Whistling, flames whooshing]
In animation, Mr. Holt’s face turns red, and flames rise around him.
Aoife says, IF I OWN UP TO IT NOW, HE'LL CALL MY MUM AND THE PARTY WILL BE CANCELLED.
In a deep voice, Clanger says, JUSTICE! YOU DESERVE A FLOGGING.
Aoife asks, WHAT HAPPENED TO MR. NICE CLANGER?
[Clanger sighing, upbeat music plays]
Clanger sits down.
Clanger says, MAYBE I'LL TAKE THE FALL FOR THIS, BUT ONLY IF YOU INVITE JESSICA.
Aoife asks, WHY HER? THERE'S LITERALLY SO MANY OTHER GIRLS! LINDSAY SMITH JUST GOT HER BRACES OFF.
Clanger says, YEAH, AND NOW SHE'S PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS DOING THIS.
Clanger smiles and bares his teeth.
Clanger says, IT'S WEIRD.
Aoife says, BUT JESSICA'S GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING BETWEEN ME AND JAMIE.
[Clanger scoffing, thumping, Zara giggling]
Clanger looks across the room at Conor and Zara fighting with their tubes.
Clanger says, LOOK, IF YOU INVITE JESSICA, I'LL KEEP HER AWAY FROM JAMIE.
Aoife asks, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
Clanger says, BECAUSE NOW THAT I'VE LOOKED DEEP WITHIN, I REALIZE THAT I—
Aoife says, YOU KNOW WHAT? I ACTUALLY DON'T CARE. DEAL.
[Whooshing, skull laughing, tubes thumping, hands slapping]
In animation, a skull over two crossed swords laughs. In a hallway, Aoife walks as two students fight with their tubes across a hallway intersection behind her. Students high-five Aoife as she walks.
Aoife tells us, SO, THE CANTEEN BATTLE, WHILST UNPLANNED, GOT EVERYONE SUPER PSYCHED FOR MY PARTY!
Jamie says, IT'S SO WEIRD. I WAS JUST TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY PIRATE PARTY, AND NOW YOU'RE HAVING ONE.
Aoife says, I KNOW! ALMOST LIKE IT WAS PLANNED. EXCEPT IT TOTALLY WASN'T.
Jamie says, UH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, THEN?
Aoife tells us, I MEAN, SLIGHTLY WEIRD HE LIKES PIRATES, BUT AT LEAST I'LL HAVE HIM ALL TO MYSELF, AND THERE'S NOTHING JESSICA CAN DO ABOUT IT. HA-HARGH!
Aoife curls her finger.
Aoife tells us, STILL NEED TO WORK ON THAT ONE.
[Upbeat music plays]
A purple and pink star appears and spins.
[Clanger clearing his throat]
In a school hallway, Jessica stands at her locker. Clanger approaches holding an invitation and a plastic cookie tray.
Clanger says, PLEASE ACCEPT A PERSONAL INVITATION TO MY PARTY, AND A SELECTION OF GOOD BISCUITS IF YOU SAY YES?
Jessica stares at Clanger and plays with the tip of her braid.
Zara says, HEY, BALLER BUDDY.
Clanger rolls his eyes and walks away, still holding the invitation and cookies.
Jessica says, PLEASE DON'T CALL ME THAT.
Charlotte says, IT'S SO NICE OF YOU TO LET AOIFE ASK JAMIE OUT. LOVE RULES.
[Hearts wobbling]
Hearts float around Charlotte, and Jessica lowers her eyebrows.
Nyla says, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAD A CHOICE. HE OBVIOUSLY FANCIES HER.
[Background students chattering]
Jessica rolls her eyes.
Zara says, IT WAS STILL A NICE THING TO DO. HOPEFULLY HE SAYS YEAH.
Jessica asks, YOU MEAN SHE HASN'T ASKED HIM YET?
Charlotte says, THAT'S WHAT THE PARTY'S FOR. JAMIE'S LOVED PIRATES EVER SINCE HE WAS LITTLE.
Jessica smiles and nods.
Jessica says, THAT'S TRUE. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS CLOWNS.
[Upbeat music plays]
Zara says, REALLY?
Jessica says, OH, YES. HE HAD ONE AT HIS FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY, AND I DON'T THINK HE'LL EVER, EVER FORGET IT.
Zara says, AOIFE NEEDS THIS FRESH DATA NOW!
[Footsteps running]
Zara, Nyla, and Charlotte run down the hallway.
Jessica says, OH, CLANGY.
Clanger walks back around the corner.
Clanger asks, DOES THIS MEAN YOU'LL COME?
Jessica says, I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.
[Slide whistle]
Jessica takes the invitation and a cookie. Text reads, “Yes.”
Clanger says, YES!
[Sea shanty music plays, door opening]
Polka dots move across the screen. At Aoife’s house, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla arrive dressed as pirates. Zara wears a parrot stuffy toy on her shoulder. Conor opens the door, wearing a wig with long braids, a moustache, and a parrot stuffy on his shoulder.
Zara says, HEY! WE'RE PARROT PALS!
Conor says, HEY, WE'RE PARROT PALS.
Nyla says, ONLY WE ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE FUN OF ZARA.
Conor says, BUT I WAS BEING A PARROT.
[Rustling, bomb clanging, chattering]
Conor moves to the side, and Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla enter the house. In an animation, a bomb explodes. Party guests dressed as pirates mingle in the house. Clanger walks to Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara.
Clanger says, YOU'RE NOT JESSICA.
Nyla says, THANKFULLY. HAIR'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SHINY.
Charlotte says, ONLY IN DREAMS.
Clanger says, COATS.
Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara stare at Clanger.
Clanger says, I'M STILL DOING MANNERS.
[Rustling]
Clanger takes their coats.
Charlotte asks, WHAT TIME DID AOIFE BOOK THE CLOWN FOR?
In her bedroom, Aoife wears curly, colourful clown wigs as ponytails, clown face paint, and a clown costume.
Aoife tells us, CHANGE OF PLAN.
[Squeaking]
Aoife puts on a round, red nose.
Aoife tells us, WHY HIRE SOMETHING JAMIE LOVES WHEN I CAN BE SOMETHING JAMIE LOVES?
[Grunting, rustling]
Aoife picks up her basketball-headed Jamie mannequin and moves the head.
Aoife, pretending to be Jamie, says, YOU COMPLETE ME, AOIFE.
Aoife hugs the mannequin.
Aoife says, STOP IT.
[Rock music plays]
Jessica carries a drink through the kitchen with Clanger following her. She walks to Jamie.
Jessica says, IT'S LIKE A KID'S PARTY.
Jamie says, YEAH, I THINK THAT'S WHY I KINDA LIKE IT.
Jessica says, I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR FIFTH BIRTHDAY.
[Jamie scoffing]
Jamie says, DON'T EVEN GO THERE.
Jessica asks, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN THAT TOTALLY FREAKED YOU OUT?
Aoife jumps into a doorway and spreads her arms wide.
Aoife says, HERE'S JUGGLES!
[Clanger laughing, circus music plays, Jamie screaming]
Aoife leaps towards Jamie.
Jamie says, I NEED TO GO INTO THE OTHER ROOM, RIGHT NOW.
[Clanger laughing, hearts popping]
Wide-eyed, Jamie backs away and runs out of the room. In animation, clown-faced hearts around Aoife pop.
Aoife tells us, NOT THE REACTION I'D HOPED FOR.
Jessica says, OH, YES. NOW I REMEMBER. JAMIE HAS AN EXTREME PHOBIA OF CLOWNS.
[Aoife gasping]
Jessica continues, SILLY ME. I'LL GO AND MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY.
[Background chattering, laughing]
Aoife tells us, HE HATES CLOWNS? HE HATES ME? OKAY, LET'S DO A RECAP.
[Tape rewinding, cheerful music plays]
Aoife tells us, SO I'VE BEEN CRUSHING ON JAMIE.
In a flashback, Aoife sits beside Jamie on the bench, and hearts float around them.
Aoife says, JAMIE.
Aoife tells us, I WAS ALL SET ON ASKING HIM OUT.
[Slide whistle, thumping]
In a flashback, Jessica pushes Aoife away from Jamie. Aoife sits with the mop top on her head. Text reads, “Fail.”
Aoife tells us, BUT THEN ZARA WAS LIKE, "MAKE SURE JESSICA'S COOL WITH IT."
In a flashback, Jessica slides out from under the bench. Text reads, “Cool with it.”
[Slide whistles]
In a flashback in the café, question marks appear around Aoife.
Zara asks, YOU DID ASK HER PERMISSION, DIDN'T YOU?
Aoife tells us, BUT JESSICA WAS LIKE, "NO."
[Shattering]
In a flashback, Jessica plays with her braid. In animation, a heart breaks, and text reads, “No.” In a flashback, people dance at the party. Aoife jumps through the doorway dressed as a clown. In animation, red and white circles move behind her.
Aoife tells us, SO I THREW AN AWESOME PARTY FOR JAMIE AND DRESSED UP AS A CLOWN, BUT HE WAS LIKE, "AH, MY EYES!"
In a flashback, Jamie says, I NEED TO GO INTO THE OTHER ROOM.
Aoife tells us, SO, NOW I'M GOING TO...
[Slide whistles, soft music plays]
In animation, crying clown faces appear around Aoife. In her bedroom, Aoife lies on her bed. In animation, tears flow from her eyes. Charlotte sits on the floor with her hand on Aoife’s shoulder.
Aoife tells us, HIDE IN MY ROOM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Charlotte says, COME ON, AOIFE. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. ONLY A SMEENY BIT.
Aoife says, WHAT IF EVERY TIME JAMIE SEES ME ALL HE CAN THINK ABOUT IS CLOWNS?
[Nose squeaking]
Aoife takes off the red nose.
Charlotte says, I'M FINDING IT HARD MYSELF. BUT IT'S PROBABLY JUST ME.
[Rustling]
Aoife looks down at the floor.
Charlotte continues, MAYBE A FEW OTHER PEOPLE. YOU NEED TO CHANGE.
Aoife says, I KNOW. I'M TOO IMPULSIVE. I ALWAYS BAGSY THE LAST DONUT AND MY FEET ARE MASSIVE.
Charlotte says, YOUR OUTFIT. THERE IS NO PROBLEM THAT CAN'T BE SOLVED WITH CLOTHES.
[Sighing, upbeat music plays]
Charlotte asks, WHAT'S IN THIS CUPBOARD?
Charlotte walks to a cupboard and Aoife leaps off the bed. She blocks Charlotte from opening the cupboard.
Aoife says, NOBODY. I MEAN, NOTHING.
She leans against the cupboard door, and Charlotte sits on the bed.
Aoife says, MAYBE MY MUM'S GOT SOMETHING USEFUL.
[Aoife chuckling, whooshing, upbeat music plays]
In animation, an anchor swings. In the kitchen, Jamie leans against a cupboard and Conor offers him a drink. Clanger follows Jessica into the room.
Clanger asks, SO, UH, WOULD YOU CARE TO PERUSE OUR EXTENSIVE RANGE OF BEVERAGES?
Jessica says, WHAT?
[Beeping]
Conor sends a message to Clanger’s smartphone, and Clanger reads it aloud.
Clanger asks, MAY I SUGGEST A DIVINE ELDERFLOWER CORDIAL, WHICH IS PARTICULARLY REFRESHING ON THE GO?
Jessica asks, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO WEIRD?
[Hands slapping, background chattering]
Jessica walks away. Clanger lifts his hands and lets them drop. Conor stands beside Jamie.
Conor says, HEY, COME ON. CHEER UP. WHY DID THE CLOWN GO TO THE DOCTOR'S?
Jamie asks, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME? CAN YOU STOP?
Conor says, YEAH, OKAY. SORRY. IT WAS BECAUSE HE SLEPT FUNNY. THAT WAS THE PUNCHLINE.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife enters the kitchen wearing a red and pink skirt, a white ruffled blouse, and a red bandana tied over her hair.
Aoife says, I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE, CONOR.
[Background chattering]
Aoife crosses her arms and walks past Jamie and Conor. She turns back to Jamie, and he walks towards her with wide eyes.
Jamie says, YOU LOOK AMAZING.
[Whooshing]
Aoife tosses her hair over her shoulders. Text reads, “Slay.”
Aoife tells us, SLAY.
[Energetic music plays]
In the living room, party guests dance beneath a disco ball. At a game station, Aoife throws a ring on a hook on the wall, and she and Jamie look at each other open-mouthed.
A person sings, HEY. HEY. HEY.
Two girls examine a treasure map, and one points at the wall. Guests try to grab rubber ducks with hooked sticks. Someone pours apples into a tub of water. Clanger looks around the party. Clanger finds Conor and Zara dancing together.
Clanger asks, HAVE YOU SEEN JESSICA?
Zara says, OOH, LET'S TAKE THE PARROTS APPLE BOBBING.
[Conor laughing, thumping, rings clinking]
Conor follows Zara. Clanger hits him on the back and walks away. At the game, Aoife throws another ring on the hook. Clanger arrives and pushes Aoife away from Jamie.
The person sings, HEY. HEY. HEY.
Clanger says, YOU NEED TO HELP ME WITH JESSICA.
Aoife says, WHAT? NO. I'M IN THE LEAD.
Clanger says, YOU OWE ME.
Aoife says, OH, COME ON, CLANGER. IT'S OKAY. JESSICA'S PROBABLY JUST NOT INTERESTED.
Clanger ask, WHY NOT? I WAS POLITE AND MANNERLY.
Aoife says, "MANNERLY'S" NOT EVEN A WORD.
Conor and Zara walk towards the stairs to the kitchen.
They both say, YES, IT IS.
[Both laughing]
Conor and Zara walk up the stairs.
At the game, Jamie shouts, YES! OFF TO THE GALLEY FOR A DRINK.
[Aoife sighing, footsteps thumping, door squeaking]
Aoife follows Jamie up the stairs to the kitchen. Jessica enters the kitchen, looks at Clanger, and walks away. He stops smiling.
[Zara laughing]
Zara says, says, DANCING.
Conor says, MY DANCING IS VERY GOOD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[Zara and Conor laughing, Jamie and Aoife laughing]
Clanger makes a face.
Clanger says, THAT'S IT. TIME TO GET PRANKERLY.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays]
In animation, a ship wheel rolls across the screen. In the living room, everyone dances. Conor dances with Zara. Charlotte and Nyla dance energetically.
The person sings, BACK TO YOU, BACK TO YOU, BACK TO YOU.
[Footsteps thumping]
In the kitchen, Aoife walks towards Jamie.
Aoife tells us, OKAY, SO UPDATE, HE'S LAUGHED AT ALL MY BAD JOKES AND LOOKED ME DEEPLY IN THE EYES TWICE.
Aoife looks at Jamie, and he gazes into her eyes.
Aoife tells us, THREE TIMES.
Jamie smiles at Aoife.
Jamie says, SO, THANKS FOR INVITING ME. IT'S BEEN FUN. I MEAN, DAFT, BUT FUN.
Aoife says, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
Jamie closes his eyes and leans towards Aoife.
Aoife tells us, HEART FLUTTERING.
[Feedback squeaking]
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[People laughing]
Jamie pulls away from Aoife and blinks rapidly.
Jamie says, UH, OKAY. THANKS.
Jamie closes his eyes and leans towards Aoife again.
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
[Guests laughing]
Jamie says, YEAH. YEAH, I HAVE, TOO. WAIT, HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, WAIT, YOU WANNA KISS ME?
Aoife says, OH, PLEASE. NO!
[Party guests laughing]
Aoife looks into the living room where Clanger holds the Jamie mannequin.
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[Everyone laughing]
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
[Guests laughing]
The party guests turn and point at Aoife. Jamie arrives behind Aoife. In the living room, Nyla looks at Aoife, and Charlotte stands beside her with her mouth open. Conor stands beside Zara and looks at Clanger.
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, WAIT, YOU WANNA KISS ME?
[Guests laughing]
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[Laughing]
Jessica grabs the Jamie mannequin.
Jessica says, "OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY."
Jamie’s mouth falls open, and he looks around.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS WORSE THAN 1000 CLOWNS. SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME!
The door opens, and Brid and Jim enter. Jim carries a long inflatable pencil.
Brid shouts, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE, AND WHY ARE YOU ALL DRESSED AS PIRATES?
Conor asks, WHY HAVE YOU GOT INFLATABLE PENCILS?
Jim says, MY OLD ONE BURST.
Brid says, EVERYONE OUT, INCLUDING THE SCARECROW!
[Upbeat music plays]
The party guests move towards the door. Aoife face palms.
[Aoife sighing, birds chirping, guests chattering, footsteps thumping]
Conor follows Zara, Nyla, and Charlotte outside.
Conor says, YOU KNOW I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT, RIGHT?
Zara says, HE'S YOUR FRIEND. AOIFE'S OURS.
Zara walks away without looking at Conor. Clanger walks down the front steps and stands beside Conor.
Clanger says, YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S MAD.
Conor says, SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, AND SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE, 'CAUSE YOU RUINED THAT, TOO.
Clanger says, OH, SO? WHO NEEDS THAT STUPID LOVE STUFF WHEN YOU'RE THE PRANK MASTER?
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, bag crinkling, footsteps stomping]
Conor shakes his head and walks inside. Clanger stops smiling. In animation, an anchor swings across the screen. In live action, Aoife carries a trash bag outside and drops it on the ground beside a bin.
Aoife says, GROSS, STUPID RUBBISH. BUT THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT THE PARTY.
Clanger arrives behind Aoife.
Aoife says, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
[Clanger sighing, curtain rustling]
Clanger asks, WHAT ABOUT HIM?
[Birds chirping]
Jamie walks into the yard, and Aoife smiles at him.
Jamie says, CLANGER SAID THE WHOLE VIDEO THING WAS A DEEPFAKE.
Aoife says, IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH TECHNOLOGY. FORGET IT. IT WAS REAL.
Clanger says, OH, YOU IDIOT.
Aoife says, GO HOME, CLANGER.
Clanger says, TELL CONOR I TRIED MY BEST.
Aoife says, UM, I HAVE TO GO. I HAVE BIN JUICE.
[Hands thumping, Aoife sighing]
Aoife shows Jamie her messy hands.
Aoife tells us, BIN JUICE.
Jamie says, UH, WAIT A SEC. BEFORE CLANGER CAME, I WAS HIDING HERE WAITING FOR YOU ANYWAY.
Aoife furrows an eyebrow.
Jamie says, UM, OKAY. SO, THAT SOUNDS WEIRD. UM, I MEANT I WAS JUST WATCHING YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW AND...
Aoife stares at Jamie.
Jamie says, OKAY, ALSO WEIRD.
Aoife tells us, IS THAT ACTUALLY VERBAL DIARRHEA? I THOUGHT THAT WAS MY THING.
Jamie says, LOOK, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, BADLY, IS THAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
Aoife says, IF THIS IS ABOUT THE VIDEO, I KNOW HOW TO KISS.
[Aoife laughing]
Aoife says, I MEAN, I'VE DONE IT LOADS. WELL, NOT LOADS.
Aoife tells us, SEE, IT IS MY THING!
Jamie says, YEAH, I'VE DONE A BIT, TOO, BUT NOT WITH ANYONE THAT I REALLY LIKED.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife asks, WHAT ABOUT JESSICA?
Jamie says, YEAH, I MEAN, SHE'S LOVELY.
Aoife tells us, UGH, REALLY?
Jamie steps closer to Aoife and holds both of her hands.
Jamie says, BUT SHE'S NOT YOU. I LIKE YOU.
Aoife tells us, OH, THIS IS HAPPENING AND IT COULDN'T BE MORE PERFECT.
Aoife and Jamie lean towards each other. In the house, Brid appears in a second-storey window holding one of the clown wigs.
Brid says, AOIFE, TOILET'S BLOCKED. SOME IDIOT LEFT A CLOWN WIG IN THERE! HERE, PUT IT IN THE BIN.
[Thumping, Jamie whimpering]
Brid throws the wig out the window, and it lands beside Jamie. He runs.
Jamie says, I GOTTA GO!
Aoife smiles broadly.
Aoife tells us, HE LIKES ME!
[Fireworks blasting]
In animation, fireworks explode around Aoife.
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net. End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Conor, Arthur Kay. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Jessica, Bea Ward. Jamie, Joseph Nicholas. Brid, Isy Suttie. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
A drawing features Midvale school posters taped to double doors. In live-action, Aoife throws the doors open. She stands in a school hallway lined with lockers on each side. Aoife has her long blonde hair in pigtails and wears a blue basketball jersey with the Midvale Vipers logo on the front. Text reads, “Phew.” In a drawing of a gymnasium filled with people on the bleachers, live-action Zara points at her watch while Nyla throws a basketball to Aoife. Zara has her long black hair in a ponytail, and Nyla’s brown hair is in two braids. Both wear their Vipers jerseys. Aoife catches the basketball and spins it on her finger. In an animation, a water balloon hits Aoife, and text reads, “Sploosh!” In the bleachers, Conor, who has short brown hair, holds a water balloon. Clanger sits beside him and points. He has short, dark brown hair. The head teacher, Mr. Holt, arrives and text reads, “Woah.” Mr. Holt has short blond hair and a moustache. Charlotte points a hair dryer at Aoife, and her pigtails fly up in the air. Charlotte wears her brown hair in a bun. Text reads, “Wooosh!” Aoife dribbles the ball and trips. Text reads, “Epic Fail.”
Singers sing, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOO, DOOT, DOOT, DOO, DOOT.
Title: “High Hoops.”
B.B.C. Created by Sinéad Fagan. Written by Sinéad Fagan and Chris Grady. Director: Tim Hopewell.
[Upbeat music plays, thunking]
In the school cafeteria, Aoife peers over a table. She wears a pirate hat and lifts an eye patch. Students imitate a sword fight using empty paper towel tubes. Aoife stands and runs to Jamie, who wears a pirate hat, and they battle using their empty paper towel tubes.
Aoife says, EN GARDE!
Aoife tells us, YA! YA! SO, YOU MIGHT ASK WHY I'M WEARING AN EYE PATCH AND HAVING AN EPIC SWORD FIGHT! YA! YA! THERE BE A REWIND. YA!
[Tape rewinding, thumping]
Producer Dominique Molloy. In Association with A.P.C. Kids. With Robert Webb as Mr. Holt. At home, Aoife jumps into the doorway of the kitchen. Brid wears a dress and stands beside a stack of wrapped sandwiches and a picnic basket.
Aoife shouts, YES!
Brid says, I'M GUESSING YOUR EXCITEMENT IS NOT OVER THIS MINI-CHEESE.
Aoife says, WE'RE IN THE FINAL!
Brid says, OH! YES!
[Brid laughing]
Brid and Aoife hug.
Brid says, YOU SAID THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays, slide whistles, ball thumping, hoop rattling]
A tournament bracket shows the Comets and the Vipers winning their divisions. In flashbacks, Aoife scores a basket against the Serpents, Nyla scores a basket against the Cheetahs, and Aoife scores another basket. Aoife, Nyla, and Charlotte hug on the court. In animation, stars and a large trophy appear.
Aoife says, I KNOW, BUT SOMEHOW, THE CHEETAHS BEAT THE LIONS, WE SQUASHED THE SERPENTS, THEN WE CRUSHED THE CHEETAHS. SO, WE QUALIFIED FOR THE FINAL AGAINST THE COMETS!
The flashbacks end.
In the kitchen, Brid says, A.K.A., TEAM JESSICA. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN?
Aoife says, I SCORED 13 POINTS IN FRONT OF JAMIE, AND HE WINKED AT ME, OR MAYBE HE HAD SOMETHING IN HIS EYE, BUT BASICALLY I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Aoife picks up a banana, and Brid takes it away.
Brid says, YOU CAN'T EAT THAT. IT'S A CAR SNACK FOR JIM. YELLOW'S HIS FAVOURITE FLAVOUR.
[Rustling]
Brid smiles and puts the banana in the picnic basket.
Aoife tells us, I CAN EVEN PRETEND TO BE HAPPY THAT MY COACH IS TAKING MY MOM ON A ROMANTIC BREAK.
[Shuddering, whooshing]
In her bedroom, Aoife sits on the bed.
Aoife tells us, HOWEVER, I STILL CAN'T TALK TO JAMIE WITHOUT TOTALLY HUMILIATING MYSELF, BUT I'VE LEARNED WITH BASKETBALL PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.
[Thumping, light music plays]
Aoife picks up a homemade stuffed mannequin with a basketball for a head. Jamie’s face is taped to the ball.
Aoife tells us, EVERYONE DOES THIS, RIGHT?
[Videogame beeping, chiming, the music ends]
In his room, Conor leans against the wall and gazes out the window. Clanger plays a video game on a desktop computer.
Clanger says, HOW DID JIM TRICK YOUR MUM INTO GOING OUT WITH HIM? I NEED TIPS. IS THERE A MANUAL?
Conor says, EVEN IF THERE WAS, YOU STILL WON'T BE JESSICA'S TYPE.
Clanger says, I'M EVERYONE'S TYPE. FIT, CUNNING, PRANK MASTER GENERAL, WITH NO BODY ODOUR. USUALLY. DO I?
Conor says, EVERYONE'S OBSESSED. MUM AND JIM, YOU AND JESSICA, AOIFE AND JAMIE. IT'S ALL A BIT PATHETIC.
Outside, Zara walks towards the house.
Conor says, ZARA! IT'S OKAY, MUM. I'LL GET IT.
[Thumping, upbeat music plays]
Conor walks past Aoife’s partially open door, and she drops the Jamie mannequin. She picks up the mannequin, holds her smartphone up, and records herself.
Aoife says, HM. OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
Clanger walks past the partially open door behind Aoife. Aoife looks away from the mannequin and raises her eyebrows at us. She turns back to the mannequin.
Aoife asks, WHAT? YOU WANT TO KISS ME?
Clanger backs up and peers through the door opening. Aoife turns away from him and looks at the Jamie mannequin.
Zara shouts, AOIFE, I'M DOWNSTAIRS.
[Aoife gasping, rustling]
Aoife throws the mannequin back on the chair.
Aoife says, NOTHING!
[Aoife breathing heavily, upbeat music plays, door closing]
Aoife drops her smartphone on the bed, leaves the room, and closes the door. Downstairs, Conor and Zara walk to the kitchen.
Conor asks, WOULD YOU CARE TO PERUSE OUR EXTENSIVE RANGE OF BEVERAGES?
Zara replies, I'M NOT STAYING LONG.
Conor says, WE HAVE FLASKS.
Zara smiles at Conor.
Conor asks, MAY I SUGGEST A DIVINE ELDERFLOWER CORDIAL? WHICH IS PARTICULARLY REFRESHING ON THE GO.
Aoife arrives and crosses her arms.
Aoife says, CONNOR, STOP BEING WEIRD.
Conor says, I WASN'T! WAS I?
[Light music plays, door opening, door closing]
Zara shakes her head. Upstairs, Clanger sneaks into Aoife’s bedroom and closes the door behind him. He looks at the Jamie mannequin and then picks up Aoife’s smartphone.
In the video, Aoife says, HI, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[Clanger snickering, chiming]
Clanger takes out his smartphone and sends the video to himself. In an animation, video transfer bars appear. Two phones appear with a bar filling beneath them.
In the video, Aoife says, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
[Beeping]
Clanger says, JACKPOT.
[The music stops]
In the kitchen, Brid asks, WHERE ARE YOU GIRLS OFF TO?
Aoife says, TO CELEBRATE OUR WIN WITH A CEREMONIAL JOINING OF ICE CREAM AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE. LATERS.
[Footsteps rustling, door squeaking]
Aoife walks to the front door and opens it. Zara smiles at Conor, and he hands her jacket to her. She follows Aoife outside.
Brid says, YOU WERE BEING KIND AND MANNERLY. GIRLS LIKE THAT. AND GOOD DENTAL HYGIENE.
Clanger arrives carrying his smartphone.
Conor says, I THOUGHT GIRLS LIKE EPIC PRANK MASTERS.
[Brid laughing]
Brid asks, WHAT WALLY TOLD YOU THAT? OH, HI, CLANGER.
Clanger looks down at his phone screen, which displays the video of Aoife and the Jamie mannequin. Text below the video reads, “Send to all.” He looks down and bites his lip.
[Upbeat music plays, buzzing, popping]
Title: “High Hoops.”
The first letter 'O' in 'hoops' inflates and pops.
[Background chattering]
In Mamil Café Bar, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla sit at a table.
Zara says, SO, NOW THAT WE'VE TOASTED OUR AMAZING SUCCESS—
Charlotte says, MM, YUMMY TICK.
[Smartphone thumping]
Zara looks at her smartphone and then puts it on the table.
Zara says NEXT ON THE AGENDA. HOW'S AOIFE GOING TO ASK OUT JAMIE?
[Charlotte sighing, background cutlery clinking]
Charlotte says, SHE SHOULD PIN A LOVE POEM ON A COLLAR OF AN ADORABLE PUPPY.
Zara says, CRINGE. SHE SHOULD APPEAL TO HIS BRAIN WITH A RIDDLE. WHAT CAN YOU BREAK EVEN IF YOU DON'T TOUCH IT?
Nyla says, WIND.
Zara says, THE ANSWER'S A HEART!
[Nyla groaning]
Nyla says, SHE SHOULD JUST ROCK UP AND BE LIKE, "OI, JAMIE. YOU IN OR OUT?"
Aoife walks to the table.
Zara says, WE'VE DECIDED ON YOUR TACTICS WITH JAMIE. BE BOLD, FEARLESS.
Charlotte says, AND A TEENY BIT RUDE.
Aoife says, YES, I LIKE IT.
Nyla says, GREAT, GO AHEAD.
[Popping, upbeat music plays]
Jamie enters the café and waves to Aoife as he walks to the counter. Red and white hearts appear around Aoife.
Aoife says, PERHAPS MORE RESEARCH IS NEEDED.
Aoife glances at Jamie, and they smile at each other.
Zara says, IT'S GOOD THAT JESSICA'S OKAY WITH IT, ANYWAY.
Aoife furrows her eyebrows.
Zara asks, YOU DID ASK HER PERMISSION, DIDN'T YOU?
Aoife asks, WHY DO I NEED HER PERMISSION?
Nyla says, SIX DAYS 'TIL THE FINAL. LAST THING WE NEED IS BEEF WITH THE COMETS' BEST PLAYER.
Aoife says, SO SHE'S JAMIE'S EX. WHO CARES?
Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla say, SHE DOES!
Nyla says, AND YOU SHOULD, TOO, IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT THIS TEAM.
Aoife says, WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT, I CAN'T REALLY SAY NO, CAN I? CAN I?
The others look at Aoife.
Aoife tells us, THOUGHT NOT.
[Upbeat music plays, list rustling]
A purple and pink star appears. At Aoife’s house, Brid carries the picnic basket outside and gives Conor a long list. Behind them, Clanger carries a yellow suitcase over his head.
Brid says, HERE IS A LIST OF ALL THE LISTS I'VE LEFT AROUND THE HOUSE.
[Engine rumbling, door slamming]
A red S.U.V. parks in the driveway.
Conor says, I DON'T SEE THE LISTS FOR THE GOODIES THAT YOU'VE LEFT US TO EASE YOUR MUMMY GUILT OF GOING AWAY.
Brid says, THAT'S BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. IT'S A SHORT TRIP, AND JIM AND I ARE VERY CASUAL.
[Door slamming, upbeat music plays, plastic rustling]
Jim rushes around the vehicle and gives Brid a large bouquet of roses. He wears a beige suit, along with his headband and wristbands, and carries a basket of red rose petals.
Brid says, IT'S JUST A FEW FLOWERS.
Jim says, UH, YOUR BAGS, YOUR HIGHNESS?
Brid says, CLANGER'S ON THE CASE.
Clanger lies on the suitcase.
Clanger says, LITERALLY. I CAN'T GET UP.
[Grunting]
Clanger kneels, and Jim picks up the suitcase.
Jim says, YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS. THE CHEWING GUM SCRAPED OUT AS PROMISED.
[Brid and Jim giggling, petals rustling]
Jim throws rose petals in the air as he and Brid walk to the car.
Brid says, THE GOOD BISCUITS ARE IN THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS. YOU CAN HAVE SOME, TOO, AS A TIP.
[Vehicle door opening]
Jim opens the door for Brid.
Clanger says, RESULT!
Brid says, BE GOOD FOR FUNCLE BEN. HE'LL BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM SCHOOL.
Jim says, BON FROMAGE!
[S.U.V. door closing, engine starting]
Jim puts the suitcase in the back of the S.U.V. Clanger and Conor wave.
Clanger says, WE'VE LEARNED AN IMPORTANT LESSON HERE TODAY.
Conor asks, THAT WE HAVE GOOD BISCUITS?
Clanger says, YEAH, AND THE WHOLE MANNERLY THING REALLY DOES PAY OFF.
Conor asks, SO, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TRY IT ON JESSICA?
Clanger says, TONIGHT, HERE, AT YOUR PARTY.
[Cheerful music plays, Conor chuckling]
Conor says, DESPITE THE NAME, "FUN UNCLE BEN" IS DEFINITELY NOT FUN. WE CAN'T HAVE A PARTY IF HE'S HERE.
Clanger says, IF HE'S HERE.
[Students chattering, phone ringing]
At school, Conor holds his smartphone. Text on the screen reads, “Calling Funcle Ben.”
Clanger says, NOW.
Clanger flicks the screen, and a “Voice change” application activates.
On the phone, Ben says, HI, IT'S BEN. LEAVE A MESSAGE.
[Feedback]
In Brid’s voice, Conor says, HI, UNCLE-- FUNCLE-- UH, BROTHER BEN. BEN. PLAIN OLD BEN. I'M—
Conor continues, I'M FEELING SICK. SO, I'M STAYING AT HOME. DON'T COME.
Clanger says, OR ELSE—
[Shushing]
In Brid’s voice, Conor says, OR ELSE YOU'LL GET SICK, TOO.
[Coughing]
Conor says, YUCK.
[Upbeat music plays, hands slapping]
Clanger puts the smartphone down. Clanger and Conor high-five.
Clanger says, IT'S PARTY TIME!
[Whooshing, Jessica laughing, background chattering]
Polka dots move across the screen. Outside, Jessica stands with a friend as Aoife approaches behind her.
Aoife tells us, UGH, LOOK AT HER. SHE'S SO FAKE.
Aoife says, HEY, JESS!
Jessica rolls her eyes and turns to Aoife.
Aoife continues, WELL DONE ON THE FINAL.
Jessica’s friend walks away. Jessica plays with the tip of her braid as she faces Aoife.
Jessica says, SAME TO YOU, MAOIFE. SILVER WILL BE SUCH A GOOD COLOUR ON YOUR GUYS.
Aoife tells us, JOKES ON HER. SILVER BRINGS ME OUT IN A RASH.
Aoife says, SO, I WAS GOING TO ASK JAMIE OUT. HE'S A BALLER, I'M A BALLER. WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. BUT THE GIRLS SAID I NEED, LIKE, YOUR WRITTEN PERMISSION OR SOMETHING?
Jessica says, OH, DON'T BE SILLY. MY VERBAL PERMISSION IS FINE.
Aoife asks, OH, OKAY. SO, CAN I?
Jessica says, NO.
[Jessica chuckling, background chattering]
Jessica says, WILL THAT BE ALL?
[Sputtering, hands thumping]
Aoife turns and walks away. She lifts her hands and then drops them against her sides.
Aoife asks, WHAT'S SHE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? JUMP BETWEEN US EVERY TIME I TRY AND ASK HIM?
[Upbeat music plays, hearts bubbling]
Later, Aoife sits beside Jamie on a bench. Pink hearts float around them.
Aoife says, JAMIE—
[Slide whistle, eyes chiming]
Jessica slides out from beneath the bench. In animation, eyes appear beside her and glance between Jamie and Aoife.
[Aoife sighing, chiming]
Aoife gets up and walks away. Jessica smiles at Jamie.
[Water splashing, hearts bubbling, tires screeching, slide whistle, smacking]
In school, Jamie fills a cup at a water cooler. Aoife approaches behind him, and Jessica pushes her behind a door. Jamie turns, and Jessica stands behind him, playing with the tip of her braid.
[Aoife sighing, thumping, handle clattering, upbeat music continues]
Aoife sits on the floor in a caretaker’s supply closet. A mop top falls on her head, and the mop handle bounces off the top and lands in front of her.
[Aoife sighing, hearts bubbling, barrier gate whirring, whooshing, Aoife growling]
In the school library, Aoife watches Jamie between books. She follows him, and pink hearts float around her. A clear barrier gate closes in front of her, and Jamie leaves the library. Jessica sits at the librarian’s desk, wearing eyeglasses. She smiles at Aoife. Text reads, “Whoops.” In animation, smoke flows out of Aoife’s ears. The Midvale school crest spins.
[Footsteps thumping, students chattering]
Later, Zara, Charlotte, Nyla, and Aoife enter the school art classroom.
Nyla asks, SO, DID JESSICA SUBMIT?
Aoife says, MM.
Aoife tells us, MAYBE I CAN PHRASE THIS IN A WAY THAT'S NOT TECHNICALLY LYING.
Aoife, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla sit at a table.
Aoife says, SHE WAS ACTUALLY SURPRISINGLY QUITE NICE.
Charlotte says, LIKE TUNA ON A PIZZA.
Aoife says, EXACTLY.
[Zara gasping]
Jamie walks by the table and smiles.
Zara says, YOU SHOULD ASK HIM RIGHT NOW.
Aoife smooths her pigtails and glances at where Jamie sits alone. He smiles at her.
Aoife tells us, NO JESSICA. IT'S THE PERFECT TIME.
Charlotte says, JUST LET ME DAB YOU WITH INSTA-TAN.
Aoife says, BY THE WAY, IF YOU SEE JESSICA, MAYBE DON'T MENTION THIS TO HER.
Zara nods.
[Phone ringing]
Aoife answers her smartphone.
Aoife says, HEY, MUM. HOW'S YOUR TRIP?
On the side of a road beside patchwork fields, Jim spreads a map on the hood of the S.U.V. Brid stands by a fence.
Brid says, AOIFE, THE SIGNAL'S BAD AND I THINK JIM MIGHT BE A LITTLE LOST.
Jim says, NOT LOST, JUST TAKING A TOUR OF SOME LOCAL HIGHLIGHTS.
Brid asks, DID YOU PHONE FUNCLE BEN AND PRETEND TO BE ME?
[Background chattering]
In the classroom, Aoife says, NO, WAS I SUPPOSED TO?
Brid says, YOUR BROTHER'S UP TO SOMETHING. DO I NEED TO COME HOME?
[Footsteps rustling]
Jim carries the map to Brid.
Jim says, NEXT STOP, THE PENCIL MUSEUM.
Brid says, THE WHAT?
Aoife says, IT'S OKAY, MUM. I'LL FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.
The call ends.
Jim says, I WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU TO THE BROKEN PENCIL MUSEUM, BUT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN POINTLESS.
[Brid and Jim laughing, upbeat music plays]
Jim nudges Brid.
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, cheering]
Title: “High Hoops.”
A basketball hoop hangs beneath the first letter 'O' in 'hoops’, and a basketball falls into it. In the school library, Clanger sits at a table and pokes a piece of paper with a pencil. Conor arrives holding colourful flyers and sits down.
Conor says, HERE WE ARE. PARTY INVITES. YOU THINK ZARA'S GOING TO LOOK THE THEME? ZARA?
Clanger says, JESSICA'S NAME IS NOT ZARA. KEEP UP.
[Background students chattering]
Aoife, Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla arrive beside the table.
Clanger says, DON'T TELL 'EM ABOUT THE PARTY.
[Disco music plays, whooshing]
Charlotte dances, and in animation, pink and yellow light beams glow around her.
Charlotte says, OOH, DID SOMEONE SAY "PARTY?"
Clanger whispers, YOU HAD ONE JOB.
[Rustling]
Aoife takes an invitation.
Aoife reads, "STRATEGY BOARD GAME TOURNAMENT PARTY."
Aoife says, THIS IS WHY YOU PRETENDED TO BE MUM TO FUNCLE BEN?
[Clanger sighing, thumping]
Clanger hits the table with the side of his fist.
Clanger asks, THAT WAS YOUR THEME IDEA?
Conor replies, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY RELIVING THE MILITARY ENDEAVOURS OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE?
[Rustling]
Clanger, Aoife, Nyla, and Charlotte put up their hands. Zara grabs Charlotte’s arm and pushes it down.
Zara says, SOUNDS AWESOME.
Conor and Zara smile at each other.
Clanger says, MAYBE IT'S A GOOD THING THE PARTY'S OFF.
Aoife tells us, HANG ON, THIS IS THE PERFECT WAY TO SEE JAMIE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL WITHOUT JESSICA.
Aoife says, THE PARTY STAYS ON.
Clanger smiles.
Conor asks, WHAT ABOUT MUM?
Aoife says, I'LL HANDLE HER, AND I'LL BE ASSUMING CONTROL AND CHANGING THE THEME.
[Hands clapping, background chattering]
Charlotte claps her hands as she, Aoife, Nyla, and Zara walk away from the table.
Charlotte says, SO, WHAT'S THE NEW THEME? I'M SEEING UNICORN WATER FEATURES IN YOUR HALLWAY.
Aoife says, NO. NO UNICORNS, BUT YOU GUYS CAN HELP ME WITH THIS.
[Upbeat music plays, school bell ringing, student chattering]
Aoife smiles at us. The Midvale school crest appears over students as they walk in a hallway. Charlotte walks beside Jamie, holding her smartphone up closer to his face. Zara and Nyla follow behind them.
Jamie asks, WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE BEST PARTY I EVER WENT TO?
Charlotte says, FOR OUR HISTORY PROJECT. VITAL RESEARCH.
[Locker clanking]
Jamie opens his locker.
Nyla says, AND IF YOU DON'T TELL US, WE'LL ALL FAIL SCHOOL.
Nyla steps closer to Jamie.
Nyla continues, AND BLAME YOU.
Jamie looks at Nyla with wide eyes.
Jamie says, OKAY. WELL, I'LL HAVE TO THINK.
Zara says, WE NEED THIS DATA INSTANTANEOUSLY.
[Charlotte nodding]
Nyla says, ANSWER QUICKLY, PRETTY BOY.
Jamie says, RIGHT, OKAY. UM, BEST PARTY EVER.
[Upbeat music plays]
Jamie smiles and nods.
Jamie says, MY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY PARTY.
Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla smile at each other. Charlotte waves the smartphone at Jamie.
[Upbeat music plays, engine whooshing]
A purple and pink star appears and spins. In the car, Jim drives past farms and fields.
Jim says, WE CAN'T BE LOST. THERE'S THAT SQUIRREL FROM THE BROCHURE.
[Brid chuckling, phone ringing]
Brid activates speakerphone on her smartphone.
Brid says, AOIFE?
On the phone, Ben says, HI, BRID. IT'S BROTHER BEN HERE, ACTUALLY.
Outside the school, Aoife and Clanger sit at a picnic table, and Clanger speaks into Aoife’s phone.
Clanger says, I POPPED BY THE SCHOOL ON THE WAY TO YOUR HOUSE. HERE'S AOIFE TO CONFIRM MY STORY.
[Beeping, background chattering]
Clanger swipes the screen and turns off the voice changer.
Aoife says, HI, MUM. FUNCLE BEN'S HERE. EVERYTHING OKAY?
[Engine rumbling]
Brid says, HE SOUNDS A BIT FORMAL.
Aoife says, YEAH, HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A JOB INTERVIEW LATER? ANYWAY, GOTTA GO.
[Beeping, busy tone beeping]
Aoife ends the call.
Brid says, AOIFE?
[Busy tone beeping, engine whooshing]
Jim and Brid look at each other.
At the picnic bench, Aoife says, AND THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE.
Clanger says, BREAK OUT THE GOOD BISCUITS.
Aoife says, WE HAVE GOOD BISCUITS?
Clanger says, I SEEN 'EM MYSELF.
Aoife says, EXCELLENT.
Aoife tells us, NOW, TO SEE WHAT JAMIE-INSPIRED PARTY THEME THE OTHERS HAVE DISCOVERED. CHECK IT.
[Epic music plays]
In the school cafeteria, Clanger, Zara, Aoife, and Nyla enter, each holding an armful of empty paper towel tubes. Zara and Clanger wear pirate hats, and all of them wear eyepatches. In animation, two pirate flags flap behind them and a parrot perches on Nyla’s shoulder. Charlotte and Conor smile at them from a table.
Nyla, Aoife, Zara, and Clanger say, ARGH!
[The music stops]
Everyone turns and stares at them.
Aoife tells us, IT SEEMED A LOT COOLER ON PAPER.
Zara says, JAMIE LOVES PIRATES, EVER SINCE HIS SEVENTH BIRTHDAY PARTY.
Zara gives Charlotte an eyepatch. She and the others pass out invitations and paper towel tubes.
Charlotte says, NOSTALGIA'S ON TREND. THE PAST IS THE FUTURE.
Nyla says, ANYTHING WITH A SKULL AND CROSSBONES WINS MY VOTE.
Conor looks at the invitation.
Zara says, PIRATES CAPTURED CAESAR, SO YOUR ORIGINAL THEME LIVES ON IN A WAY.
Clanger says, OI, PIRATES HAVE MRS. COLGAN'S DOG?
Conor says, SHE MEANS JULIUS CAESAR, THE ROMAN EMPEROR. NOT YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S PUG.
Jamie smiles broadly and grabs the invitation from Conor’s hand.
Aoife says, IS THIS A BIT WEIRD? I MEAN, SHOULD WE REALLY BE DOING THIS?
Jamie walks to Aoife.
Jamie says, PIRATES ARE SO COOL! ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS?
[Sea shanty music plays]
Aoife says, WE ARGH!
Aoife stands on a bench and waves her paper towel tube.
Aoife says, CITIZENS OF MIDVALE, MY NAME IS CAPTAIN, UH, NOBEARD, AND THIS COUNTY IS NOW UNDER MY CONTROL!
Nyla shouts, BE THEE WARNED!
[Thumping]
Nyla hits a table with her tube, and the tube unravels.
Aoife says, YOU'RE ALL INVITED TO MY SHINDIG, BUT YOU'LL NEED AN INVITATION 'CAUSE WE'RE LIMITED ON SPACES.
[Whooshing, horror movie music plays]
Clanger gives Jessica an invitation.
[Sea shanty music plays]
Aoife says, NO.
[Footsteps running, rustling]
Aoife runs to Jessica and takes the invitation.
Aoife says, SADLY, LIST IS FULL. WILL THAT BE ALL?
Clanger says, NO, IT ISN'T.
Aoife says, MY HOUSE.
Clanger says, MY PARTY.
Aoife says, MY PARTY. THIS IS MUTINY.
Jessica says, IT'S LAME ANYWAY.
[Jessica scoffing]
Jessica walks away.
Clanger says, THIS IS IT! NO MORE MR. NICE CLANGER! FIGHT!
[Energetic music plays, tubes thumping, sneakers squeaking]
Clanger and Aoife engage in a sword fight with their tubes. Everyone stands up and fights with their tubes around the tables.
Someone shouts, ARGH!
Clanger says, IT'S HOLT! RUN!
[Whooshing, chattering]
Students stop fighting. Polka dots move across the screen. Mr. Holt has a lime green napkin tucked into his collar.
Mr. Holt says, THANKS TO THIS INFANTILE DISPLAY, MY LUNCH IS NOW COLD. NOBODY LIKES COLD SOUP.
Zara says, THE SPANISH PEOPLE DO.
Mr. Holt looks at Zara, who stands beside Conor.
Zara says, GAZPACHO.
Conor says, I'M ALSO QUITE PARTIAL.
Zara says, PERFECT ON A HOT DAY.
Mr. Holt says, WHY, THANK YOU, SOUP PROFESSORS, FOR THAT FASCINATING INSIGHT INTO YOUR SPECIALIZED SUBJECT, BORING EVERYONE TO TEARS. I'M PUTTING MY MINESTRONE IN THE MICROWAVE NOW. WHEN I RETURN, I WANT WHOEVER'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PIRATE LUNACY TO CONFESS, OTHERWISE YOU'LL ALL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES IN DETENTION.
[Whistling, flames whooshing]
In animation, Mr. Holt’s face turns red, and flames rise around him.
Aoife says, IF I OWN UP TO IT NOW, HE'LL CALL MY MUM AND THE PARTY WILL BE CANCELLED.
In a deep voice, Clanger says, JUSTICE! YOU DESERVE A FLOGGING.
Aoife asks, WHAT HAPPENED TO MR. NICE CLANGER?
[Clanger sighing, upbeat music plays]
Clanger sits down.
Clanger says, MAYBE I'LL TAKE THE FALL FOR THIS, BUT ONLY IF YOU INVITE JESSICA.
Aoife asks, WHY HER? THERE'S LITERALLY SO MANY OTHER GIRLS! LINDSAY SMITH JUST GOT HER BRACES OFF.
Clanger says, YEAH, AND NOW SHE'S PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS DOING THIS.
Clanger smiles and bares his teeth.
Clanger says, IT'S WEIRD.
Aoife says, BUT JESSICA'S GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING BETWEEN ME AND JAMIE.
[Clanger scoffing, thumping, Zara giggling]
Clanger looks across the room at Conor and Zara fighting with their tubes.
Clanger says, LOOK, IF YOU INVITE JESSICA, I'LL KEEP HER AWAY FROM JAMIE.
Aoife asks, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
Clanger says, BECAUSE NOW THAT I'VE LOOKED DEEP WITHIN, I REALIZE THAT I—
Aoife says, YOU KNOW WHAT? I ACTUALLY DON'T CARE. DEAL.
[Whooshing, skull laughing, tubes thumping, hands slapping]
In animation, a skull over two crossed swords laughs. In a hallway, Aoife walks as two students fight with their tubes across a hallway intersection behind her. Students high-five Aoife as she walks.
Aoife tells us, SO, THE CANTEEN BATTLE, WHILST UNPLANNED, GOT EVERYONE SUPER PSYCHED FOR MY PARTY!
Jamie says, IT'S SO WEIRD. I WAS JUST TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY PIRATE PARTY, AND NOW YOU'RE HAVING ONE.
Aoife says, I KNOW! ALMOST LIKE IT WAS PLANNED. EXCEPT IT TOTALLY WASN'T.
Jamie says, UH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, THEN?
Aoife tells us, I MEAN, SLIGHTLY WEIRD HE LIKES PIRATES, BUT AT LEAST I'LL HAVE HIM ALL TO MYSELF, AND THERE'S NOTHING JESSICA CAN DO ABOUT IT. HA-HARGH!
Aoife curls her finger.
Aoife tells us, STILL NEED TO WORK ON THAT ONE.
[Upbeat music plays]
A purple and pink star appears and spins.
[Clanger clearing his throat]
In a school hallway, Jessica stands at her locker. Clanger approaches holding an invitation and a plastic cookie tray.
Clanger says, PLEASE ACCEPT A PERSONAL INVITATION TO MY PARTY, AND A SELECTION OF GOOD BISCUITS IF YOU SAY YES?
Jessica stares at Clanger and plays with the tip of her braid.
Zara says, HEY, BALLER BUDDY.
Clanger rolls his eyes and walks away, still holding the invitation and cookies.
Jessica says, PLEASE DON'T CALL ME THAT.
Charlotte says, IT'S SO NICE OF YOU TO LET AOIFE ASK JAMIE OUT. LOVE RULES.
[Hearts wobbling]
Hearts float around Charlotte, and Jessica lowers her eyebrows.
Nyla says, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAD A CHOICE. HE OBVIOUSLY FANCIES HER.
[Background students chattering]
Jessica rolls her eyes.
Zara says, IT WAS STILL A NICE THING TO DO. HOPEFULLY HE SAYS YEAH.
Jessica asks, YOU MEAN SHE HASN'T ASKED HIM YET?
Charlotte says, THAT'S WHAT THE PARTY'S FOR. JAMIE'S LOVED PIRATES EVER SINCE HE WAS LITTLE.
Jessica smiles and nods.
Jessica says, THAT'S TRUE. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS CLOWNS.
[Upbeat music plays]
Zara says, REALLY?
Jessica says, OH, YES. HE HAD ONE AT HIS FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY, AND I DON'T THINK HE'LL EVER, EVER FORGET IT.
Zara says, AOIFE NEEDS THIS FRESH DATA NOW!
[Footsteps running]
Zara, Nyla, and Charlotte run down the hallway.
Jessica says, OH, CLANGY.
Clanger walks back around the corner.
Clanger asks, DOES THIS MEAN YOU'LL COME?
Jessica says, I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.
[Slide whistle]
Jessica takes the invitation and a cookie. Text reads, “Yes.”
Clanger says, YES!
[Sea shanty music plays, door opening]
Polka dots move across the screen. At Aoife’s house, Zara, Charlotte, and Nyla arrive dressed as pirates. Zara wears a parrot stuffy toy on her shoulder. Conor opens the door, wearing a wig with long braids, a moustache, and a parrot stuffy on his shoulder.
Zara says, HEY! WE'RE PARROT PALS!
Conor says, HEY, WE'RE PARROT PALS.
Nyla says, ONLY WE ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE FUN OF ZARA.
Conor says, BUT I WAS BEING A PARROT.
[Rustling, bomb clanging, chattering]
Conor moves to the side, and Charlotte, Zara, and Nyla enter the house. In an animation, a bomb explodes. Party guests dressed as pirates mingle in the house. Clanger walks to Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara.
Clanger says, YOU'RE NOT JESSICA.
Nyla says, THANKFULLY. HAIR'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SHINY.
Charlotte says, ONLY IN DREAMS.
Clanger says, COATS.
Nyla, Charlotte, and Zara stare at Clanger.
Clanger says, I'M STILL DOING MANNERS.
[Rustling]
Clanger takes their coats.
Charlotte asks, WHAT TIME DID AOIFE BOOK THE CLOWN FOR?
In her bedroom, Aoife wears curly, colourful clown wigs as ponytails, clown face paint, and a clown costume.
Aoife tells us, CHANGE OF PLAN.
[Squeaking]
Aoife puts on a round, red nose.
Aoife tells us, WHY HIRE SOMETHING JAMIE LOVES WHEN I CAN BE SOMETHING JAMIE LOVES?
[Grunting, rustling]
Aoife picks up her basketball-headed Jamie mannequin and moves the head.
Aoife, pretending to be Jamie, says, YOU COMPLETE ME, AOIFE.
Aoife hugs the mannequin.
Aoife says, STOP IT.
[Rock music plays]
Jessica carries a drink through the kitchen with Clanger following her. She walks to Jamie.
Jessica says, IT'S LIKE A KID'S PARTY.
Jamie says, YEAH, I THINK THAT'S WHY I KINDA LIKE IT.
Jessica says, I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR FIFTH BIRTHDAY.
[Jamie scoffing]
Jamie says, DON'T EVEN GO THERE.
Jessica asks, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN THAT TOTALLY FREAKED YOU OUT?
Aoife jumps into a doorway and spreads her arms wide.
Aoife says, HERE'S JUGGLES!
[Clanger laughing, circus music plays, Jamie screaming]
Aoife leaps towards Jamie.
Jamie says, I NEED TO GO INTO THE OTHER ROOM, RIGHT NOW.
[Clanger laughing, hearts popping]
Wide-eyed, Jamie backs away and runs out of the room. In animation, clown-faced hearts around Aoife pop.
Aoife tells us, NOT THE REACTION I'D HOPED FOR.
Jessica says, OH, YES. NOW I REMEMBER. JAMIE HAS AN EXTREME PHOBIA OF CLOWNS.
[Aoife gasping]
Jessica continues, SILLY ME. I'LL GO AND MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY.
[Background chattering, laughing]
Aoife tells us, HE HATES CLOWNS? HE HATES ME? OKAY, LET'S DO A RECAP.
[Tape rewinding, cheerful music plays]
Aoife tells us, SO I'VE BEEN CRUSHING ON JAMIE.
In a flashback, Aoife sits beside Jamie on the bench, and hearts float around them.
Aoife says, JAMIE.
Aoife tells us, I WAS ALL SET ON ASKING HIM OUT.
[Slide whistle, thumping]
In a flashback, Jessica pushes Aoife away from Jamie. Aoife sits with the mop top on her head. Text reads, “Fail.”
Aoife tells us, BUT THEN ZARA WAS LIKE, "MAKE SURE JESSICA'S COOL WITH IT."
In a flashback, Jessica slides out from under the bench. Text reads, “Cool with it.”
[Slide whistles]
In a flashback in the café, question marks appear around Aoife.
Zara asks, YOU DID ASK HER PERMISSION, DIDN'T YOU?
Aoife tells us, BUT JESSICA WAS LIKE, "NO."
[Shattering]
In a flashback, Jessica plays with her braid. In animation, a heart breaks, and text reads, “No.” In a flashback, people dance at the party. Aoife jumps through the doorway dressed as a clown. In animation, red and white circles move behind her.
Aoife tells us, SO I THREW AN AWESOME PARTY FOR JAMIE AND DRESSED UP AS A CLOWN, BUT HE WAS LIKE, "AH, MY EYES!"
In a flashback, Jamie says, I NEED TO GO INTO THE OTHER ROOM.
Aoife tells us, SO, NOW I'M GOING TO...
[Slide whistles, soft music plays]
In animation, crying clown faces appear around Aoife. In her bedroom, Aoife lies on her bed. In animation, tears flow from her eyes. Charlotte sits on the floor with her hand on Aoife’s shoulder.
Aoife tells us, HIDE IN MY ROOM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Charlotte says, COME ON, AOIFE. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. ONLY A SMEENY BIT.
Aoife says, WHAT IF EVERY TIME JAMIE SEES ME ALL HE CAN THINK ABOUT IS CLOWNS?
[Nose squeaking]
Aoife takes off the red nose.
Charlotte says, I'M FINDING IT HARD MYSELF. BUT IT'S PROBABLY JUST ME.
[Rustling]
Aoife looks down at the floor.
Charlotte continues, MAYBE A FEW OTHER PEOPLE. YOU NEED TO CHANGE.
Aoife says, I KNOW. I'M TOO IMPULSIVE. I ALWAYS BAGSY THE LAST DONUT AND MY FEET ARE MASSIVE.
Charlotte says, YOUR OUTFIT. THERE IS NO PROBLEM THAT CAN'T BE SOLVED WITH CLOTHES.
[Sighing, upbeat music plays]
Charlotte asks, WHAT'S IN THIS CUPBOARD?
Charlotte walks to a cupboard and Aoife leaps off the bed. She blocks Charlotte from opening the cupboard.
Aoife says, NOBODY. I MEAN, NOTHING.
She leans against the cupboard door, and Charlotte sits on the bed.
Aoife says, MAYBE MY MUM'S GOT SOMETHING USEFUL.
[Aoife chuckling, whooshing, upbeat music plays]
In animation, an anchor swings. In the kitchen, Jamie leans against a cupboard and Conor offers him a drink. Clanger follows Jessica into the room.
Clanger asks, SO, UH, WOULD YOU CARE TO PERUSE OUR EXTENSIVE RANGE OF BEVERAGES?
Jessica says, WHAT?
[Beeping]
Conor sends a message to Clanger’s smartphone, and Clanger reads it aloud.
Clanger asks, MAY I SUGGEST A DIVINE ELDERFLOWER CORDIAL, WHICH IS PARTICULARLY REFRESHING ON THE GO?
Jessica asks, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO WEIRD?
[Hands slapping, background chattering]
Jessica walks away. Clanger lifts his hands and lets them drop. Conor stands beside Jamie.
Conor says, HEY, COME ON. CHEER UP. WHY DID THE CLOWN GO TO THE DOCTOR'S?
Jamie asks, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME? CAN YOU STOP?
Conor says, YEAH, OKAY. SORRY. IT WAS BECAUSE HE SLEPT FUNNY. THAT WAS THE PUNCHLINE.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife enters the kitchen wearing a red and pink skirt, a white ruffled blouse, and a red bandana tied over her hair.
Aoife says, I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE, CONOR.
[Background chattering]
Aoife crosses her arms and walks past Jamie and Conor. She turns back to Jamie, and he walks towards her with wide eyes.
Jamie says, YOU LOOK AMAZING.
[Whooshing]
Aoife tosses her hair over her shoulders. Text reads, “Slay.”
Aoife tells us, SLAY.
[Energetic music plays]
In the living room, party guests dance beneath a disco ball. At a game station, Aoife throws a ring on a hook on the wall, and she and Jamie look at each other open-mouthed.
A person sings, HEY. HEY. HEY.
Two girls examine a treasure map, and one points at the wall. Guests try to grab rubber ducks with hooked sticks. Someone pours apples into a tub of water. Clanger looks around the party. Clanger finds Conor and Zara dancing together.
Clanger asks, HAVE YOU SEEN JESSICA?
Zara says, OOH, LET'S TAKE THE PARROTS APPLE BOBBING.
[Conor laughing, thumping, rings clinking]
Conor follows Zara. Clanger hits him on the back and walks away. At the game, Aoife throws another ring on the hook. Clanger arrives and pushes Aoife away from Jamie.
The person sings, HEY. HEY. HEY.
Clanger says, YOU NEED TO HELP ME WITH JESSICA.
Aoife says, WHAT? NO. I'M IN THE LEAD.
Clanger says, YOU OWE ME.
Aoife says, OH, COME ON, CLANGER. IT'S OKAY. JESSICA'S PROBABLY JUST NOT INTERESTED.
Clanger ask, WHY NOT? I WAS POLITE AND MANNERLY.
Aoife says, "MANNERLY'S" NOT EVEN A WORD.
Conor and Zara walk towards the stairs to the kitchen.
They both say, YES, IT IS.
[Both laughing]
Conor and Zara walk up the stairs.
At the game, Jamie shouts, YES! OFF TO THE GALLEY FOR A DRINK.
[Aoife sighing, footsteps thumping, door squeaking]
Aoife follows Jamie up the stairs to the kitchen. Jessica enters the kitchen, looks at Clanger, and walks away. He stops smiling.
[Zara laughing]
Zara says, says, DANCING.
Conor says, MY DANCING IS VERY GOOD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[Zara and Conor laughing, Jamie and Aoife laughing]
Clanger makes a face.
Clanger says, THAT'S IT. TIME TO GET PRANKERLY.
[Whooshing, upbeat music plays]
In animation, a ship wheel rolls across the screen. In the living room, everyone dances. Conor dances with Zara. Charlotte and Nyla dance energetically.
The person sings, BACK TO YOU, BACK TO YOU, BACK TO YOU.
[Footsteps thumping]
In the kitchen, Aoife walks towards Jamie.
Aoife tells us, OKAY, SO UPDATE, HE'S LAUGHED AT ALL MY BAD JOKES AND LOOKED ME DEEPLY IN THE EYES TWICE.
Aoife looks at Jamie, and he gazes into her eyes.
Aoife tells us, THREE TIMES.
Jamie smiles at Aoife.
Jamie says, SO, THANKS FOR INVITING ME. IT'S BEEN FUN. I MEAN, DAFT, BUT FUN.
Aoife says, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
Jamie closes his eyes and leans towards Aoife.
Aoife tells us, HEART FLUTTERING.
[Feedback squeaking]
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[People laughing]
Jamie pulls away from Aoife and blinks rapidly.
Jamie says, UH, OKAY. THANKS.
Jamie closes his eyes and leans towards Aoife again.
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
[Guests laughing]
Jamie says, YEAH. YEAH, I HAVE, TOO. WAIT, HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, WAIT, YOU WANNA KISS ME?
Aoife says, OH, PLEASE. NO!
[Party guests laughing]
Aoife looks into the living room where Clanger holds the Jamie mannequin.
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[Everyone laughing]
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
[Guests laughing]
The party guests turn and point at Aoife. Jamie arrives behind Aoife. In the living room, Nyla looks at Aoife, and Charlotte stands beside her with her mouth open. Conor stands beside Zara and looks at Clanger.
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, WAIT, YOU WANNA KISS ME?
[Guests laughing]
In audio from the mannequin video, Aoife says, OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
[Laughing]
Jessica grabs the Jamie mannequin.
Jessica says, "OH, JAMIE. YOU'RE SO FUNNY."
Jamie’s mouth falls open, and he looks around.
Aoife tells us, THIS IS WORSE THAN 1000 CLOWNS. SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME!
The door opens, and Brid and Jim enter. Jim carries a long inflatable pencil.
Brid shouts, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE, AND WHY ARE YOU ALL DRESSED AS PIRATES?
Conor asks, WHY HAVE YOU GOT INFLATABLE PENCILS?
Jim says, MY OLD ONE BURST.
Brid says, EVERYONE OUT, INCLUDING THE SCARECROW!
[Upbeat music plays]
The party guests move towards the door. Aoife face palms.
[Aoife sighing, birds chirping, guests chattering, footsteps thumping]
Conor follows Zara, Nyla, and Charlotte outside.
Conor says, YOU KNOW I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT, RIGHT?
Zara says, HE'S YOUR FRIEND. AOIFE'S OURS.
Zara walks away without looking at Conor. Clanger walks down the front steps and stands beside Conor.
Clanger says, YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S MAD.
Conor says, SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, AND SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE, 'CAUSE YOU RUINED THAT, TOO.
Clanger says, OH, SO? WHO NEEDS THAT STUPID LOVE STUFF WHEN YOU'RE THE PRANK MASTER?
[Upbeat music plays, whooshing, bag crinkling, footsteps stomping]
Conor shakes his head and walks inside. Clanger stops smiling. In animation, an anchor swings across the screen. In live action, Aoife carries a trash bag outside and drops it on the ground beside a bin.
Aoife says, GROSS, STUPID RUBBISH. BUT THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT THE PARTY.
Clanger arrives behind Aoife.
Aoife says, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
[Clanger sighing, curtain rustling]
Clanger asks, WHAT ABOUT HIM?
[Birds chirping]
Jamie walks into the yard, and Aoife smiles at him.
Jamie says, CLANGER SAID THE WHOLE VIDEO THING WAS A DEEPFAKE.
Aoife says, IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH TECHNOLOGY. FORGET IT. IT WAS REAL.
Clanger says, OH, YOU IDIOT.
Aoife says, GO HOME, CLANGER.
Clanger says, TELL CONOR I TRIED MY BEST.
Aoife says, UM, I HAVE TO GO. I HAVE BIN JUICE.
[Hands thumping, Aoife sighing]
Aoife shows Jamie her messy hands.
Aoife tells us, BIN JUICE.
Jamie says, UH, WAIT A SEC. BEFORE CLANGER CAME, I WAS HIDING HERE WAITING FOR YOU ANYWAY.
Aoife furrows an eyebrow.
Jamie says, UM, OKAY. SO, THAT SOUNDS WEIRD. UM, I MEANT I WAS JUST WATCHING YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW AND...
Aoife stares at Jamie.
Jamie says, OKAY, ALSO WEIRD.
Aoife tells us, IS THAT ACTUALLY VERBAL DIARRHEA? I THOUGHT THAT WAS MY THING.
Jamie says, LOOK, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, BADLY, IS THAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
Aoife says, IF THIS IS ABOUT THE VIDEO, I KNOW HOW TO KISS.
[Aoife laughing]
Aoife says, I MEAN, I'VE DONE IT LOADS. WELL, NOT LOADS.
Aoife tells us, SEE, IT IS MY THING!
Jamie says, YEAH, I'VE DONE A BIT, TOO, BUT NOT WITH ANYONE THAT I REALLY LIKED.
[Upbeat music plays]
Aoife asks, WHAT ABOUT JESSICA?
Jamie says, YEAH, I MEAN, SHE'S LOVELY.
Aoife tells us, UGH, REALLY?
Jamie steps closer to Aoife and holds both of her hands.
Jamie says, BUT SHE'S NOT YOU. I LIKE YOU.
Aoife tells us, OH, THIS IS HAPPENING AND IT COULDN'T BE MORE PERFECT.
Aoife and Jamie lean towards each other. In the house, Brid appears in a second-storey window holding one of the clown wigs.
Brid says, AOIFE, TOILET'S BLOCKED. SOME IDIOT LEFT A CLOWN WIG IN THERE! HERE, PUT IT IN THE BIN.
[Thumping, Jamie whimpering]
Brid throws the wig out the window, and it lands beside Jamie. He runs.
Jamie says, I GOTTA GO!
Aoife smiles broadly.
Aoife tells us, HE LIKES ME!
[Fireworks blasting]
In animation, fireworks explode around Aoife.
[Upbeat music plays, thumping]
Singers sing, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO.
In an animation, a basketball bounces off a net. The ball lands in the basket. A second ball bounces off the rim of the net. A basketball falls into the net. End credits. Cast in order of appearance: Aoife, Darci Hull. Zara, Isha Kaur Athwal. Charlotte, Ella Bernstein. Nyla, Frankie-Jae Simmonds. Conor, Arthur Kay. Clanger, Dylan Lakhanpaul. Jessica, Bea Ward. Jamie, Joseph Nicholas. Brid, Isy Suttie. Jim, Nigel Boyle. Special thanks Calderdale College. Executive Producer for B.B.C., Anita Burgess, Melissa Hardinge. Executive Producer, Rebecca Papworth. Logos: Can Can Productions Limited for B.B.C. Copyright Can Can Productions 2024. Filmed in West Yorkshire. Logo: A.P.C. Kids.
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