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Transcript: Snuff
Quentin Blake's Box of Treasures
Descriptive Transcript
[Exciting music plays]
DESCRIPTION: In a hand-drawn animation, butterflies flutter on a white background.
[Opening Credits] Based on the book by Quentin Blake.
[Mice squeak, brush rustles, crunching]
DESCRIPTION: Four mice scurry across the background and eat the opening credits. A person sweeps away the crumbs and dust with a brush, then empty boots walk across the background.
[Credits continue] Narrated by Adrian Lester. With the voice of Simon Pegg.
[Flames whoosh]
DESCRIPTION: A fire-breathing green dragon flies across the background. A knight with blond hair and a beard smiles as he puts a red hat with a blue feather plume on his head. He wears an orange tunic with a white Elizabethan collar, orange leggings, and brown boots. The knight waves. A brown-haired boy wearing an orange shirt and yellow pants appears beside him.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: I'm going to tell you a story: the exciting and also rather peculiar story of a knight, a young boy, and a daring crime-fighting adventure they had.
BROWN-HAIRED BOY: Wow. That sounds fun.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: It will be. So, here is the story of Snuff.
[Episode Title] Snuff.
[Boy gasps]
DESCRIPTION: The brown-haired boy, Snuff, smiles.
SNUFF: Snuff? That's my name. I must be the star of the story. Brilliant.
KNIGHT: Calm down, lad.
SNUFF: Sorry.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Thank you.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: The knight takes off his hat and bows. Snuff bows and falls forward. He and the knight disappear.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And now, please enjoy the story of Snuff.
[Upbeat music plays, tin clunks]
DESCRIPTION: On a hilltop overlooking a village, a grey squirrel runs around a tree trunk. In the village, a woman puts a pie on a windowsill and villagers gather in a circle by a tall tree.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Our story takes place a long time ago, way back before exciting things like radio or television or the internet. Back then, if you wanted to see a funny cat video, you had to find an actual funny cat.
[Crunching, cat purrs, mouse squeaks, water splashes, cat yowls, people laugh, people gasp]
DESCRIPTION: Some of the villagers eat apples and watch a brown cat chase a mouse. The mouse perches on the edge of a bucket of water, and the cat springs towards them, landing headfirst in the bucket. The cat peers towards the people with narrowed eyes.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And if you wanted to stream music...
[Bard clears his throat]
DESCRIPTION: A woman with long blonde hair rests her chin on her hand beneath an apple tree as she watches a bard on a log.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: You had to hire a bard.
[Lute music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The bard plays a lute.
BARD SINGS: Fa-la-la la-la dee-dee-dee-dee. Fa-la-la-la.
BLONDE-HAIRED WOMAN: Boring! Ugh. Skip track.
[Woman sighs, scroll rustles, sheep bleats]
DESCRIPTION: The bard unrolls a scroll and holds it out to the woman.
BARD: If you want to skip another track, you'll have to upgrade to my premium service.
BARD SINGS: Fa-la—
[Thump, crow caws, thuds]
DESCRIPTION: The blonde-haired woman throws an apple into the bard’s mouth, and he falls backward. In the village, a crow watches hay fly through an open barn window and land in a pile in a trough.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And if you said you were downloading something, it just meant you were unloading stuff and putting it down.
[Rustling, crow squawks]
DESCRIPTION: The trough collapses, and a short-haired farmer looks through the window.
SHORT-HAIRED FARMER: Oh, no. I've reached my download limit.
[Crow caws, wings flap, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: The crow flies toward a castle with striped flags on the turrets. A drawbridge spans a river, connecting the castle to a road leading to the village.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Still, there were lots of other fun things back then, like castles. Just look at that! Oh, with all its walls and turrets and exciting bits.
[Herald clears his throat, trumpet fanfare plays, flags flap]
DESCRIPTION: On the parapet, a herald plays a trumpet.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Castles were owned by rich earls.
[Curtain rustles, sceptre taps, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: An earl dressed in a red coat, a red hat with a purple plume, white leggings, a black-and-purple tunic, and purple gloves holds a sceptre with an orb on top. He leans on the sceptre in the doorway.
EARL: Hello. I'm an earl. I'm rich, and I own this castle.
[Armour clanks]
DESCRIPTION: In the castle courtyard, four knights gather on a platform.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Told you. And in those castles, there lived lots of knights...
KNIGHTS: Oh, hello.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Who did things like nobly rescuing princesses...
[Brown-haired knight coughs, gown rustles, armour clinks, upbeat music continues]
DESCRIPTION: A brown-haired knight rappels down a castle wall, carrying a princess.
BROWN-HAIRED KNIGHT: I've rescued you, fair princ—
[Brown-haired knight pants, armour clanks]
DESCRIPTION: The brown-haired knight bends over, leaning against the wall.
BROWN-HAIRED KNIGHT: Sorry. I need a rest.
[Princess sighs, grunts, armour clinks, knight shouts, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: The princess slings the brown-haired knight over her shoulder and walks away from the wall.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Or bravely fighting dragons...
[Exciting music plays, knight shouts, armour clinks]
DESCRIPTION: A knight dressed in purple armour holds his sword over his head as he charges towards a cave. He trips over a rock and falls, with his helmet visor closing.
KNIGHT IN PURPLE ARMOUR: Oof.
[Footsteps tap, light music plays, armour creaks, knight moans, sword scrapes]
DESCRIPTION: The green dragon cautiously leaves the cave, walks to the knight, and sets him upright. The dragon opens the knight’s visor and offers him his sword.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Or generally being chivalrous.
[Birds chirp, cloak rustles, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: A knight with a moustache walks with a noblewoman. He bows, lays his green cloak over a muddy puddle, and holds out his hand.
NOBLEWOMAN: Oh, that is kind of you, but I've actually got my wellies on.
[Mud splashes, birds sing, knight exclaims, footsteps patter, cloak rustles, armour clinks]
DESCRIPTION: The noblewoman pulls up her skirt and shows the knight with the moustache her yellow wellington boots. She skips over the cloak, splashing mud on the knight. The knight picks up his cloak, holds it away from his body, puts on his helmet, and follows the woman.
KNIGHT WITH THE MOUSTACHE: Ugh!
[Cat meows, light music plays, background chatter, bearded knight snores, wings flutter]
DESCRIPTION: By the village, the brown cat chases a blue butterfly down a dirt road to a three-story Tudor-style house. Inside, the bearded knight sleeps on a four-poster bed, and the butterfly lands on his nose.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: The knight in our story didn't live in a big castle. Oh, no. He lived here. And while other knights had names like Sir Boldy Bravestone or Sir Achilles Thunderheart, ours was called Sir Thomas Magpie, which is a much more modest name for a much more modest knight.
[Knight snores, sneezes, yawns]
DESCRIPTION: The bearded knight, Sir Thomas, sneezes and sits up. The butterfly flutters out the window, and Sir Thomas sits on the side of his bed.
SIR THOMAS: Oh. Nothing like a morning sneeze to wake one up.
[Rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on his right boot and his toes poke through an opening in the front.
SIR THOMAS: Ugh. Those darned mice have been eating my boots again.
[Chewing, Sir Thomas sighs]
DESCRIPTION: On the floor, mice nibble on Sir Thomas’s left boot.
SIR THOMAS: This wouldn't happen to a castle knight.
[Armour clanks]
DESCRIPTION: In the castle courtyard, the knight wearing the purple armour stands on the platform with the other knights. They show off their boots.
KNIGHT IN PURPLE ARMOUR: Nope. Our boots are lovely.
[Window bangs, cow moos, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas pokes his head out of the window.
SIR THOMAS: Snuff? Snuff? Mrs. Posset, have you seen Snuff?
[Rustling, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: On the ground beneath the window, Mrs. Posset dumps dirt into a wooden bin. She wears an orange kerchief over her blonde hair and a green dress with a pink apron. She points towards a chicken coop.
MRS. POSSET: He's feeding the chickens in his own special way.
[Chickens cluck]
DESCRIPTION: In the coop, Snuff lies on his back while the chickens peck the ground outside. A chicken jumps onto Snuff’s foot.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Snuff was Sir Thomas's page, which means a trainee knight.
[Snuff yawns]
DESCRIPTION: A chicken jumps over Snuff, and Snuff rolls onto his right side, sleeping.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: The trouble was, Snuff was keener on dreaming about being a knight rather than actually working hard to become one.
[Chiming, sword scrapes]
DESCRIPTION: In a dream, Snuff wears orange armour with a purple plume on the helmet and a red cape. He draws his sword and points it at the green dragon.
SNUFF: Release her, you scaly fiend!
[Dragon squeaks, thump, sword scrapes]
DESCRIPTION: The green dragon dangles the princess between two fingers. They put the princess down, push her towards Snuff, wave, and back away. Snuff slides his sword into a scabbard.
PRINCESS: You are so noble and brave, Sir Snuff.
[Armour clinks]
DESCRIPTION: The princess picks Snuff up, and they both smile. The dream ends.
SIR THOMAS, MUFFLED: Snuff, Snuff?
[Chicken clucks, Snuff gasps]
DESCRIPTION: In the coop, Snuff snuggles with a chicken on the straw.
SIR THOMAS: Snuff?
[Chicken clucks, thumps]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff releases the chicken, jumps out of the coop, and falls on his bottom.
SNUFF: Sir Thomas! Coming, Sir Thomas. Ah.
[Chickens cluck]
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: One of Snuff's jobs was helping Sir Thomas prepare himself to go out.
[Rustling, Snuff shouts, Sir Thomas grunts, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff stands behind Sir Thomas and pulls on his collar. Snuff puts his hand over his mouth as Sir Thomas loosens the collar.
SIR THOMAS: Too tight, Snuff. Too tight. Ugh.
[Sir Thomas coughs]
SNUFF: Sorry, sir.
SIR THOMAS: Now, cloak.
[Snuff gasps, thump]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff jumps off a stool and picks up a red cloak. He steps on the stool and puts the cloak over Sir Thomas’s shoulders. Sir Thomas steps forward and ties the cloak.
SIR THOMAS: It's all right. I'll do that. You just give it a brush.
[Snuff shouts, stool thuds, brush rustles, Snuff coughs]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff falls off the stool. He picks up a brush and brushes the cloak. Clouds of dirt rise from the fabric.
SNUFF: Do you think we should wash it, sir? It is quite dirty. Looks more like a patch of earth than a cloak.
SIR THOMAS: It's not dirty. It's weathered with the imprint of every knightly adventure I've ever had.
SNUFF: If you say so, Sir Thomas.
[Cloak rustles]
SIR THOMAS: I do. Right. It's time for hat of the day.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Sir Thomas might have been a modest man, but he did like a good hat.
[Snuff laughs, door bangs, Snuff grunts, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff runs to a wardrobe and pulls on the handle. He puts his foot on one door and pulls the other open.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And when I say "like," I mean "love." And when I say "love," I mean "love."
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas looks at shelves of hats on mannequin heads.
SIR THOMAS: Good morning, my handsome hats, my majestic millinery. Now, maybe today is a day for Calista.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on a tall grey hat and looks in a mirror. He poses, and Snuff imitates him.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Yep. He gave them names. And even back in those days, that was a bit weird.
SIR THOMAS: No. What about Ariadne?
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on a blue hat cinched in the middle with a grey belt. A tall orange plume covers the top of the hat. He and Snuff look in the mirror.
SNUFF: Hmm.
[Footsteps patter]
SIR THOMAS: No. Aha. Good old Evangeline.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on a red hat with a blue plume.
SNUFF: Hmm.
[Snuff giggles]
DESCRIPTION: Behind Sir Thomas, Snuff tries on a green hat with a grey bow.
SIR THOMAS: Put Penelope down, Snuff. You're not a proper knight yet.
DESCRIPTION: Snuff takes the hat off and puts it away.
SNUFF: Oh. Yes, of course.
[Knife tapping, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: In the dining room, Mrs. Posset chops a carrot.
MRS. POSSET: Oh, good. You're just in time for the news.
[Fanfare sounds, window creaks, scroll rustles, suspenseful music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Mrs. Posset opens a window. Outside, villagers gather around the tall tree, and, beneath it, the herald unrolls a scroll.
HERALD: Good morning. And here is the news. The gang known as the fashion thieves have struck again.
[Villagers gasp, people chatter]
HERALD: After last week's theft of fine trousers, last night, they stole some rather lovely jackets.
[Villagers gasp, people chatter]
HERALD: Who knows where their designer dastardliness will end? Also, the earl has announced a reward for their capture.
[Hammer bangs, villagers murmur, Sir Thomas grunts, scroll rustles, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: A man with brown hair and a beard hammers a sign with four pictures of four people to the tree. Text reads, “Reward. Have you seen these men?” In the window, Sir Thomas narrows his eyes.
HERALD: In entertainment news, the castle bard will be premiering a new song this Saturday night.
[Villagers groan, grumble, whoosh]
DESCRIPTION: A dark cloud appears.
HERALD: And finally, the weather. It will be sunny with the occasional cloud. And that's the news.
SIR THOMAS: Gah.
[Window slams, fist slaps, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Mrs. Posset closes the window. Sir Thomas walks towards a chair at the head of the table and hits his left fist against his right palm, then clenches his fists.
SIR THOMAS: I hate thieves. If I got my hands on them, why, I'd-- I'd hand them into the authorities!
[Footsteps tap]
DESCRIPTION: Mrs. Posset walks to the table
MRS. POSSET: And get some nice reward money.
SIR THOMAS: It's not about the money, Mrs. Posset. It's about justice. Though, if I did catch them, maybe the earl would let me be a castle knight.
[Hammer bangs]
DESCRIPTION: At the other end of the table, Snuff repairs a boot.
SNUFF: Maybe I could catch them.
[Chair creaks]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas sits in his chair and puts his feet up on the table.
SIR THOMAS: No, Snuff. Catching thieves is work for fully trained, grown-up knights.
[Hammer bangs]
SNUFF: So, have you ever caught any, sir?
SIR THOMAS: Actually, no. But I have done many other brave knightly things. Once, in a big battle...
[Snuff gasps]
SNUFF: A battle? Exciting.
[Exciting music plays, arrows tink]
DESCRIPTION: In a flashback, arrows fly over a battlefield. In a nearby forest, Sir Thomas swings his sword at a bramblebush.
SIR THOMAS: I used my sword to...
[Sword clangs, bush rustles]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas drops his sword and pulls a badger out of the bush.
SIR THOMAS: Free a bramble-bound badger.
[The music ends]
DESCRIPTION: The flashback ends. In the dining room, Snuff sews the boot.
SNUFF: Oh.
[Light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas stands on his chair with his left foot on the table.
SIR THOMAS: And there was another time when I saved a princess...
SNUFF: Really?
[Princess grunts]
DESCRIPTION: In a flashback, Sir Thomas stands beside a tall white horse. The princess approaches, and Sir Thomas bows.
SIR THOMAS: From being late for an appointment by lending her my horse.
PRINCESS: Oh!
[Rustling, upbeat music plays, horse neighs]
DESCRIPTION: The princess walks up Sir Thomas’s back to the horse and sits on the saddle.
PRINCESS: Bye-bye, now.
[Hoofbeats thump, pan taps]
DESCRIPTION: The horse gallops away and Sir Thomas waves. The flashback ends. Sir Thomas puts a frying pan on the table and walks to Snuff with his hands raised like claws.
SIR THOMAS: Come to think of it, I never did get that horse back. Pity. And did I ever tell you about the time I met Britain's fiercest dragon?
SNUFF No.
SIR THOMAS: That is because I've never met Britain's fiercest dragon.
[Sir Thomas pants, footsteps rustle]
DESCRIPTION: In a flashback, Sir Thomas runs towards the cave entrance and discovers it has been boarded up.
SIR THOMAS: Oh.
[Knife taps]
DESCRIPTION: The flashback ends. In the dining room, Mrs. Posset chops vegetables. Snuff and Sir Thomas look at the boot on the table.
SIR THOMAS: Now, time for some knight training, I think, Snuff. And then maybe a trip to the bootmaker.
[Upbeat music plays, horse neighs, birds chirp, horse nickers]
DESCRIPTION: On a village road, Sir Thomas rides a scrawny brown horse. Snuff sits behind him, facing backwards.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: So, they set off to go knight training. Sir Thomas rode Flapdragon, his faithful horse, while Snuff did the same, but facing backwards. Normally, a page would have had his own horse, but Sir Thomas was a very poor knight, though that was for a very good reason.
[Wheels rattle, girl giggles, wood creaks]
DESCRIPTION: Beside the road, a girl, Martha, pulls a toy horse on a small wooden platform. The rope snaps, and a wheel falls off the platform. Sir Thomas stops Flapdragon beside Martha.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, Martha! Your horse is even slower than mine. Snuff? Purse.
[Coins clink]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff holds out a brown pouch-shaped purse, and Sir Thomas takes out a coin.
SIR THOMAS: Here you go. Why don't you get it fixed?
[Martha gasps, Flapdragon neighs, coin clinks]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas gives Martha the coin.
MARTHA: Thank you, Sir Thomas.
[Flapdragon neighs, crank creeks, water splashes, red-haired woman sighs]
DESCRIPTION: Martha and Snuff wave to each other as Flapdragon walks away. At a well, a red-haired woman turns a crank and lifts up a bucket with a hole in the bottom, and water leaks out.
RED-HAIRED WOMAN: Oh.
[Light music plays, coin clinks]
SIR THOMAS: Problem with the bucket? Then mend it, dear Eliza.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas tosses the red-haired woman, Eliza, a coin.
ELIZA: Oh, thank you, Sir Thomas.
[Crops rustle, birds sing]
DESCRIPTION: In a crop field, a man with a scythe wipes his brow.
MAN: Ugh. Oh, dear.
SIR THOMAS: Having trouble, Barnabas?
DESCRIPTION: The man, Barnabas, runs his finger along the edge of his scythe.
BARNABAS: Scythe's gone blunt.
[Barnabas sighs, Sir Thomas chuckles]
SIR THOMAS: Then get it sharpened, my fine fellow.
[Coin clinks]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas throws a coin to Barnabas.
BARNABAS: Thank you, Sir Thomas.
[Upbeat music plays, hay rustles]
DESCRIPTION: Villagers wave to Sir Thomas and Snuff as they ride past. Later, Flapdragon grazes beneath a tree. Nearby, Sir Thomas sits on a rock beneath a small tree and watches Snuff put two pies on a picnic blanket. Sir Thomas’ hat, Evangeline, hangs on a branch above them.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Sir Thomas may not have been a castle knight, but in his own small way, he was the best of knights. Finally, Sir Thomas and Snuff reached their favourite spot for knight training.
[The music stops, birds sing]
SIR THOMAS: Picnic ready?
SNUFF: Yes, sir.
SIR THOMAS: Good, because we are going to work up quite an appetite. Time to practise sword-fighting.
[Whoosh]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas picks up two swords and tosses one to Snuff.
SNUFF: Huh?
[Whooshing, rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff stand in a field. Sir Thomas holds up his sword, and Snuff lifts his.
SIR THOMAS: En garde. Aha.
SNUFF: Ah.
[Snuff shouts, swords tap, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff lunges at Sir Thomas and swings his sword. Sir Thomas deftly blocks the attack and swordfights with Snuff, forcing Snuff backwards as he blocks the attacks.
SIR THOMAS: Uh-huh. Yes. Uh-huh.
[Both shout, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff raises his sword and discovers the tip caught in tree branches.
SIR THOMAS: Right. Um, let's try jousting.
DESCRIPTION: Later, Snuff sits on Flapdragon, holding a long spear. He looks at Sir Thomas, who stands in front of the tree.
SNUFF: Can Flapdragon go fast enough?
SIR THOMAS: Don't worry. He can be quite fast with the right motivation.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas holds an apple.
SNUFF: Ah!
[Upbeat music plays, Flapdragon neighs, hoofbeats clomp, thump, Snuff shouts, Snuff grunts, crunching]
DESCRIPTION: Flapdragon runs to Sir Thomas. The tip of the spear embeds in the ground, and the other end flings Snuff over Sir Thomas’s head. Flapdragon eats the apple, and Sir Thomas turns and scratches his head.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, dear.
[Leaves rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas looks up at Snuff’s dangling legs.
SIR THOMAS: First your sword gets stuck in a tree, then you.
[Soft music plays, birds chirp]
SNUFF: Sorry, sir.
[Snuff chuckles nervously, leaves rustle, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff dangles from a high branch, then climbs down the trunk.
SIR THOMAS: Maybe we should try some of the gentler knightly arts.
[Snuff grunts]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff jumps down to the grass.
[Birds chirp]
SIR THOMAS: Let's dance.
[Upbeat music plays, grass rustles]
DESCRIPTION: In the field, Sir Thomas and Snuff dance.
SIR THOMAS: One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. Step together.
DESCRIPTION: Snuff dances past Sir Thomas, eyes closed.
SIR THOMAS: Left, right. No.
[Squelching, Snuff gasps, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff stands with one foot in each pie on the picnic blanket.
SNUFF: Oops.
[Sir Thomas shouts, grass rustles]
SIR THOMAS: Our lovely lunch. Ah, at least they look better than my boots.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on his hat.
SIR THOMAS: Well, let's try our chivalrous bowing. Even you can't get that wrong.
[Upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas takes off his hat and holds it in front of him as he bows.
SIR THOMAS: So, first we doff our hat, and then we bow.
SNUFF: Do I get a hat to practise with?
[Rustling, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on his hat.
SIR THOMAS: No. Just pretend. That's right, and—
[Upbeat music plays]
SIR THOMAS: No, no, no!
[Snuff shouts, water splashes]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff bows and falls off a ledge into a pond.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, dear.
[Water sprays]
DESCRIPTION: In the pond, Snuff spits out water.
SIR THOMAS: Turns out you can get that wrong.
[Sir Thomas chuckles, light music plays, birds chirp]
SIR THOMAS: Come on, lad. We better get you home and dry you out.
[Hooves clomp, frog ribbits]
DESCRIPTION: The sun sets as Sir Thomas and Snuff ride Flapdragon over a bridge.
SIR THOMAS: Honestly, Snuff, you're a good lad, but sometimes I wonder if you'll ever make a proper knight.
[Ladle clanks, light music continues, Snuff sniffs]
DESCRIPTION: Later, in the dining room, Mrs. Posset ladles soup into a bowl. Snuff sits on Sir Thomas’s chair near the fire, with a blanket wrapped around him. Sir Thomas sits beside him on the stool.
MRS. POSSET: He's caught a nasty chill. Here. Give him this soup.
[Spoon clinks, Snuff shivers]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas offers Snuff a spoonful of soup.
SIR THOMAS: Come on, lad. Get this down you.
[Slurping]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff eats the soup, then looks down.
SNUFF: I'm so sorry.
SIR THOMAS: Nothing to be sorry about.
SNUFF: I'm a terrible page. I should be helping you, but you're helping me.
SIR THOMAS: Doesn't matter, lad. We've got to get you warm and well again.
[Bowl clunks, Snuff yawns, water splashes, pillow rustles, Snuff snores, blanket rustles, footsteps tap]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts the bowl down and holds a cloth against Snuff’s forehead. Sir Thomas drops the cloth into a basin and fluffs a pillow. He rests it against the chair arm and leans on it. Mrs. Posset smiles, covers him with a blanket, and walks away.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: That night, Sir Thomas sat with his poorly page until they were both finally asleep. But while those good people slept inside—
[Owl hoots, grass rustles, tense music plays, long-haired man cackles]
DESCRIPTION: Outside, a long-haired man approaches the front door, carrying a lantern.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Rich pickings here, boys. This is a knight's house.
DESCRIPTION: Three men step into the lantern light. The first has short brown hair, the second, a petite man, has collar-length brown hair, and a tall man has long brown hair.
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: How do you know?
DESCRIPTION: The long-haired man holds the lantern close to a sign beside the door. Text reads, “Here liveth the Knight Sir Thomas Magpie.”
TALL MAN: You do remember none of us can read, right?
[Lantern clanks]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Oh, yeah. Well, trust me.
[Long-haired man chuckles, owl hoots]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: There's good stuff in there. Right. Ladder formation, go.
[Men grunt, rustling, upbeat music plays, men exclaim]
DESCRIPTION: The short-haired man kneels, and the brown-haired man sits on his shoulders. The tall man picks them both up and puts the short-haired man on his shoulders. The men wobble, and the long-haired man pushes them forward.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Window, please, Lefty.
[Thump, Lefty grunts, glass shatters]
DESCRIPTION: The brown-haired man, Lefty, nods. He pulls the window out of the frame and throws it to the ground.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Too loud, you idiot.
LEFTY: Sorry, boss.
[Men grunt, thumps, owl hoots, Sir Thomas snores, tense music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The men move towards the house and lean. The long-haired man climbs up their backs to the window, carrying the lantern. By the fire, Snuff awakens and pats Sir Thomas’s shoulder.
SNUFF WHISPERS: Sir Thomas, Sir Thomas? I heard a noise.
SIR THOMAS: Huh? What?
SNUFF: I bet it's those thieves.
SIR THOMAS: Well, I didn't hear anything, and I can't hear anything now. Must have been a nightmare. Go back to sleep, lad.
[Sir Thomas snores, owl hoots, rooster crows]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff pulls the blanket over him and falls asleep in the chair.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: But the next morning—
[Footsteps tap, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff enter the bedroom and stand in front of the wardrobe.
SIR THOMAS: Glad you're all better, Snuff.
SNUFF: Much better. Thank you.
SIR THOMAS: I'll just grab my hat of the day, and we'll be off to the bootmaker's.
SNUFF: Yes, sir.
[Snuff grunts, door thumps, Snuff grunts]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff pulls on the wardrobe door handle. The doors open and Snuff stares wide-eyed at the mannequin heads missing their hats. Sir Thomas stands with his back to the shelves.
SIR THOMAS: Ah, good morning, my handsome ha-hat--
[Dramatic music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas’s eyes widen and he kneels on the carpet.
SIR THOMAS: My hats! They're gone.
[The music stops]
SNUFF: Maybe I did hear those thieves in the night after all.
SIR THOMAS: Not the time, Snuff.
[Fanfare sounds, rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas stands and looks toward his bedroom window.
HERALD: Breaking news. Thieves strike a knight, stealing all Sir Thomas Magpie’s hats.
[Window creaks, the music stops, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas opens the window and leans outside.
SIR THOMAS: I know! Why are you telling me that when I already know?
[Scroll rustles]
DESCRIPTION: The herald unrolls a scroll.
HERALD: Sorry. Do you want to know the weather?
SIR THOMAS: No, I do not! I want my hat.
[Sir Thomas screams, scroll rustles, rustling, dragon squeaks]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff covers his ears. Outside, the herald drops his scroll and covers his ears. At the well, Eliza covers her ears. On the platform in the castle courtyard, the two knights without helmets cover their ears. At the cave, the green dragon looks outside. In the forest, the four thieves walk on a path, wearing the stolen hats.
[Upbeat music plays, long-haired man cackles]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Sounds like Sir Thomas Magpie has found his hats are missing.
[Tall man chuckles, tense music plays, crow caws]
TALL MAN: They suit us much better.
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: Yeah. Mine looks good.
[Crunching]
DESCRIPTION: Lefty chews his hat.
LEFTY: Mmm. Mine tastes good.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: New trousers, new jackets, new hats. All we need now is, uh--
DESCRIPTION: Lefty, the short-haired man, and the tall man look down at their bare feet and wiggle their toes.
[Upbeat music plays, Flapdragon nickers]
DESCRIPTION: Two crows soar over the forest. On a nearby road, Sir Thomas and Snuff ride on Flapdragon.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, my head feels absolutely naked...
[Fabric rustles, Flapdragon neighs]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas’s boots fall apart. They arrive at the bootmaker’s shop. Two small chains with empty hooks dangle from a sign in the front.
SIR THOMAS: As do my toes. At least we're finally at the bootmaker's.
SNUFF: Isn't there normally a big boot hanging outside?
[Light music plays]
SIR THOMAS: Why, yes. Hmm. Odd. Maybe he sold it to a one-legged giant.
[Snuff thumps]
DESCRIPTION: Flapdragon walks to a hitching post and stops. Snuff slides off his back and looks at Sir Thomas.
SNUFF: Oh, yes. Probably.
SIR THOMAS: Right. I'll need a piggyback, Snuff.
SNUFF: Yes. Right away.
[Both grunt]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas jumps onto Snuff’s shoulders and Snuff stumbles.
SIR THOMAS: Whoa.
SNUFF: Whoa!
[Creaking]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas ties Flapdragon’s lead to the hitching post.
SIR THOMAS: Ha-ha.
[Footsteps rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff carries Sir Thomas towards the stairs, then stops and points.
SNUFF: Sir, look.
[Sir Thomas gasps]
DESCRIPTION: The thieves walk behind a tall stone wall, with only their hats showing. They then sneak into the forest, each wearing boots and new pants, and carrying clothes.
SIR THOMAS: Ernesty, Guinevere, Ariadne and Alexandra. Oh, he's wearing her at completely the wrong angle. Poor Alexandra. We must rescue her. Back on the horse now.
[Snuff grunts, shouting, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff and Sir Thomas fall on the ground.
SNUFF: Oof.
SIR THOMAS: Ah.
MAN SHOUTS: Help!
SNUFF: Do you hear that?
MAN: Help!
SNUFF: Coming from the bootmaker's shop.
[Door creaks, suspenseful music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas pushes the shop door open.
SIR THOMAS: Hello?
[Creak]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff opens a box and looks inside.
SIR THOMAS: Hello?
[Creaking]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff opens a door, and Sir Thomas peers over a counter.
MAN: Down here!
[The music stops, ropes creak, Snuff gasps]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff descend the basement stairs and find the man tied up in the basement.
SIR THOMAS: So, not sold to a one-legged giant, then.
[Snuff grunts, boot creaks, soft music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff runs to the man, the bootmaker, who is tied inside the big boot. He stands the boot up, facing Sir Thomas.
BOOTMAKER: Thieves have stolen my boots.
SIR THOMAS: They stole my hats, too.
SNUFF: Hmm. They didn't steal everything.
[Footsteps tap]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff unties the ropes around the boot, then walks in circles unwinding the rope.
BOOTMAKER: They took what they could carry, then stuffed me in here and went to find a cart so they could steal the rest. I feel like a sock.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas crosses his arms, then clenches his fist.
SIR THOMAS: Well, when they return, they shall have the three of us to deal with.
BOOTMAKER: I can't fight them. They're all fierce and scary and horrid.
SIR THOMAS: All right. They shall have the two of us to deal with.
SNUFF: Yay! Oop.
[Thump]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff trips.
[Upbeat music plays]
SIR THOMAS: Well, maybe one and a half. But as long as that one is me with my trusty sword—
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas reaches for his sword and scabbard.
SIR THOMAS: Oh. Where's my sword? Snuff, you're meant to clean it and put it back in the scabbard every night.
SNUFF: Oh. Uh, sorry, sir. I forgot.
SIR THOMAS: Ugh. It's not your fault, lad. You were ill last night. So, I shall need a different weapon.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas swings a green boot with a long leg.
[The music stops]
SIR THOMAS: Sir Thomas Aha! Yes, yes. En garde! Uh, how are we going to fight those villainous thieves?
[Light music plays, cloak rustles, shovel clangs]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff stands and pulls on Sir Thomas’s cloak. He drops the cloak, picks up a shovel, and runs to shelves of boots.
SNUFF: Hmm. Actually, I may have an idea. It'll need your cloak, sir, and a shovel. And most of all, lots and lots of these boots.
[Upbeat music plays, wheel squeaks, wagon creaks, suspenseful music plays, footsteps tap, long-haired man chuckles, gasps]
DESCRIPTION: Lefty pulls the wagon to the boot shop with the other thieves riding. They creep down the basement stairs and the long-haired man stops.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Hey. Where's the bootmaker gone? We left him trapped in that big boot.
TALL MAN: He must've…
[Tall man giggles]
TALL MAN: Hopped it.
[Tall man giggles]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Ah, very funny. I don't like this. Let's grab the boots and scarper.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: The short-haired man packs boots in a sack. Lefty holds another sack, and the tall man fills it. He stops and looks towards at a window.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: Where are those thieves?
[Rustling]
SNUFF, OUTSIDE: Where are those thieves?
DESCRIPTION: The thieves stop and stare at the window.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: How dare they steal stuff?
DESCRIPTION: Outside, boots march past the window.
SNUFF, OUTSIDE: Let's get them. How dare they steal stuff?
[Short-haired man gasps]
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: There's more of them.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Outside, Sir Thomas, Flapdragon, Snuff, and the bootmaker walk past the window, wearing different boots each time. The three humans wear boots on their feet and hands.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: Let's get them. Ha-ha. Where are those thieves?
SNUFF, OUTSIDE: When we catch them, we'll make them squeal.
[Tense music plays]
BOOTMAKER, OUTSIDE: We'll make them squirm.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: We'll make them into sausages!
[Snuff giggles quietly, teeth chatter]
DESCRIPTION: In the basement, the long-haired man holds the tall man’s hands and Lefty holds the short-haired man’s hands. Everyone’s knees knock together.
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: They're going to make us squeal...
LONG-HAIRED MAN: And squirm...
TALL MAN: And into sausages.
[Thump]
DESCRIPTION: Lefty jumps into the short-haired man’s arms.
LEFTY: I can't be a sausage. I'm vegetarian.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Let's get out of here!
[Long-haired man shouts, screaming, thieves groan, exciting music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The long-haired man runs outside and falls into a hole. The tall man stops, and the short-haired man bumps into him. Lefty runs down the stairs and knocks them into the hole.
[Birds chirp, thief groans, shivering, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The bootmaker, Sir Thomas, and Snuff look in the hole.
LEFTY: Please don't make us into sausages.
[Sir Thomas chuckles]
SIR THOMAS: I won't, but I will have those back.
[Whooshing]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas takes his hats
SIR THOMAS: Thank you.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts Evangeline back on his head, and the bootmaker puts Sir Thomas’s cloak back on his back.
SIR THOMAS: Ah. Welcome home, Evangeline. Now, give us a hand, lad.
[Grunting, rope creaks]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff pulls a rope tightly around the thieves.
SIR THOMAS: This will definitely make the news tomorrow, so we'll need to get a picture. Here we go.
[Upbeat music plays, rustling, pencil scratches, Snuff mutters]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas poses beside the thieves, with his left foot on the long-haired man’s leg, holding a boot. The bootmaker stands behind Sir Thomas, brushing dirt off the knight’s sleeve. Snuff stands at an easel, sketching on a canvas. In the boot shop, Sir Thomas and Snuff sit on a bench barefoot.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: That was going to be hard for Snuff, seeing as photography hadn't been invented yet. The bootmaker was so grateful that he gave Sir Thomas and Snuff a brand-new pair of boots each.
[Rustling, Snuff giggles, footsteps thump]
DESCRIPTION: The bootmaker slides blue and orange boots onto Snuff’s feet and green boots with red laces on Sir Thomas’s feet. Snuff and Sir Thomas stand and dance. The bootmaker dances with them.
SIR THOMAS: Ah. Ha-ha. Ha. Ha-ha!
[Fanfare sounds]
DESCRIPTION: In the village, the herald plays his trumpet beneath the tree. Villagers gather around him.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And Sir Thomas was right. Their thief-capturing did make the news.
HERALD: Sir Thomas and his page have bravely captured the fashion thieves.
[Villagers cheer, applaud]
HERALD: And we have...an exclusive picture?
[Villagers laugh, bridle clinks, Snuff giggles]
DESCRIPTION: The herald holds a scroll depicting Sir Thomas holding a green boot. Sir Thomas and Snuff ride Flapdragon behind the villagers. Sir Thomas furrows his eyebrows.
SIR THOMAS: Hmm.
[Birds chirp, happy music plays]
DESCRIPTION: At the castle door, Sir Thomas and Snuff stand at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the earl. The earl throws a large coin purse to Sir Thomas.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Best of all, the earl gave Sir Thomas the reward money.
[Coins jingle, applause]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas doffs his hat and bows to the earl. Beside him, Snuff bows. The knights on the platform clap unenthusiastically.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: He also let them see the premiere of the castle bard's new song.
[Lute music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The bard plays his lute. Sir Thomas and Snuff glance at each other with downturned mouths. The earl and three of the castle knights cover their ears. The knight in the green armour moves his fingers to the beat.
BARD: Fa-la-la la-la dee-dee-dee-dee. Fa-la-la-la dee-dee dee-dee-la. Fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la la-la-la.
[Glass shatters, dog barks, whoosh, discordant notes play, door slams]
DESCRIPTION: A window in a castle turret breaks, and birds flee from the parapets. A person grabs the bard, and the lute lands leaning against a stool. A string breaks. The person throws the bard into a dungeon cell, and he lands on a hay pile.
[Upbeat music plays]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Ooh. Nice hat.
[Long-haired man laughs, hat rustles, bard grunts]
DESCRIPTION: The long-haired man and short-haired man sit on the floor, each chained to a boulder. The tall man sits in a small cage hanging from the ceiling, and Lefty dangles from the ceiling, his left hand manacled. The bard takes off his hat and hides it behind his back.
EARL: In light of your brave actions, Sir Thomas, might you like to become a castle knight?
[Castle knights gulp, birds sing]
DESCRIPTION: The eyes of the castle knights on the platform widen.
SIR THOMAS: I thank you kindly, sir, but I'm actually very happy being a village knight.
[Castle knights sigh happily, gentle music plays, coins jingle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff ride Flapdragon away from the castle. In the village, Sir Thomas stands beneath the tree and gives the money to the villagers.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Snuff felt pleased for Sir Thomas, but also a bit disgruntled. After all, hadn't they captured the thieves thanks to his idea? When they got home, Sir Thomas gave away most of the reward money to the needy villagers.
MARTHA: Thank you, Sir Thomas.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: But not all of it.
SIR THOMAS: Need to keep some of this money back.
[Footsteps rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas walks, holding the coin purse, and Snuff walks beside him, leading Flapdragon.
SNUFF: Do we, sir?
SIR THOMAS: Oh, yes. To pay for that.
[Horse neighs, Snuff gasps, Sir Thomas chuckles, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas stops and points toward his house. In the yard, Mrs. Posset holds the lead for a brown horse, who rears up. Snuff drops Flapdragon’s lead and puts his hands on the sides of his face.
SIR THOMAS: Least I could do was buy you your own horse.
[Snuff gasps, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff hugs Sir Thomas.
SIR THOMAS: You know, Snuff, I think one day you'll make a first-rate knight. And that's why I think you should also have Evangeline.
[Rustling, Snuff stammers]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts his hat, Evangeline, on Snuff’s head.
SNUFF: Thank you, Sir Thomas! Thank you so much.
SIR THOMAS: My pleasure. Now, why don't you go and meet your new horse?
[Sir Thomas chuckles, Snuff laughs]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas bows, and Snuff runs to the yard and hugs his new horse.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And so, Snuff had everything he'd ever wanted, as did Sir Thomas. They each had a horse, a hat, and a pair of perfect new boots.
[Crunching, mice squeak]
DESCRIPTION: Mice nibble on Sir Thomas’s new boots.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Well, for now, at least.
[Upbeat music plays]
[End Credits] Narrator, Adrian Lester. Sir Thomas Magpie, Simon Pegg. Snuff, Max Ivemey. Bard and Bashington, Ramesh Mahtani. Figgins, Bootmaker, and other voices, David Baird. Herald and Knight, Marlon Day. Lefty and other voices, Brett Lampitt. Martha, Bailey Radzan. Mrs. Posset, Joanna Eliot. Princess, Liyah Summers. Ratstead and other voices, Richard Cotton. Additional voices, Windson Liong and Amy Noble. Series Director and Co-writer, Massimo Fenati. Directed by Gerrit Bekers. Writer, Mark Evans. Producers, Luc Van Driessche, Axelle Vandeputte. Copyright Eagle Eye Drama Limited, 2024.
[Logos] Eagle Eye, B.B.C.
Descriptive Transcript
[Exciting music plays]
DESCRIPTION: In a hand-drawn animation, butterflies flutter on a white background.
[Opening Credits] Based on the book by Quentin Blake.
[Mice squeak, brush rustles, crunching]
DESCRIPTION: Four mice scurry across the background and eat the opening credits. A person sweeps away the crumbs and dust with a brush, then empty boots walk across the background.
[Credits continue] Narrated by Adrian Lester. With the voice of Simon Pegg.
[Flames whoosh]
DESCRIPTION: A fire-breathing green dragon flies across the background. A knight with blond hair and a beard smiles as he puts a red hat with a blue feather plume on his head. He wears an orange tunic with a white Elizabethan collar, orange leggings, and brown boots. The knight waves. A brown-haired boy wearing an orange shirt and yellow pants appears beside him.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: I'm going to tell you a story: the exciting and also rather peculiar story of a knight, a young boy, and a daring crime-fighting adventure they had.
BROWN-HAIRED BOY: Wow. That sounds fun.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: It will be. So, here is the story of Snuff.
[Episode Title] Snuff.
[Boy gasps]
DESCRIPTION: The brown-haired boy, Snuff, smiles.
SNUFF: Snuff? That's my name. I must be the star of the story. Brilliant.
KNIGHT: Calm down, lad.
SNUFF: Sorry.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Thank you.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: The knight takes off his hat and bows. Snuff bows and falls forward. He and the knight disappear.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And now, please enjoy the story of Snuff.
[Upbeat music plays, tin clunks]
DESCRIPTION: On a hilltop overlooking a village, a grey squirrel runs around a tree trunk. In the village, a woman puts a pie on a windowsill and villagers gather in a circle by a tall tree.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Our story takes place a long time ago, way back before exciting things like radio or television or the internet. Back then, if you wanted to see a funny cat video, you had to find an actual funny cat.
[Crunching, cat purrs, mouse squeaks, water splashes, cat yowls, people laugh, people gasp]
DESCRIPTION: Some of the villagers eat apples and watch a brown cat chase a mouse. The mouse perches on the edge of a bucket of water, and the cat springs towards them, landing headfirst in the bucket. The cat peers towards the people with narrowed eyes.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And if you wanted to stream music...
[Bard clears his throat]
DESCRIPTION: A woman with long blonde hair rests her chin on her hand beneath an apple tree as she watches a bard on a log.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: You had to hire a bard.
[Lute music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The bard plays a lute.
BARD SINGS: Fa-la-la la-la dee-dee-dee-dee. Fa-la-la-la.
BLONDE-HAIRED WOMAN: Boring! Ugh. Skip track.
[Woman sighs, scroll rustles, sheep bleats]
DESCRIPTION: The bard unrolls a scroll and holds it out to the woman.
BARD: If you want to skip another track, you'll have to upgrade to my premium service.
BARD SINGS: Fa-la—
[Thump, crow caws, thuds]
DESCRIPTION: The blonde-haired woman throws an apple into the bard’s mouth, and he falls backward. In the village, a crow watches hay fly through an open barn window and land in a pile in a trough.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And if you said you were downloading something, it just meant you were unloading stuff and putting it down.
[Rustling, crow squawks]
DESCRIPTION: The trough collapses, and a short-haired farmer looks through the window.
SHORT-HAIRED FARMER: Oh, no. I've reached my download limit.
[Crow caws, wings flap, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: The crow flies toward a castle with striped flags on the turrets. A drawbridge spans a river, connecting the castle to a road leading to the village.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Still, there were lots of other fun things back then, like castles. Just look at that! Oh, with all its walls and turrets and exciting bits.
[Herald clears his throat, trumpet fanfare plays, flags flap]
DESCRIPTION: On the parapet, a herald plays a trumpet.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Castles were owned by rich earls.
[Curtain rustles, sceptre taps, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: An earl dressed in a red coat, a red hat with a purple plume, white leggings, a black-and-purple tunic, and purple gloves holds a sceptre with an orb on top. He leans on the sceptre in the doorway.
EARL: Hello. I'm an earl. I'm rich, and I own this castle.
[Armour clanks]
DESCRIPTION: In the castle courtyard, four knights gather on a platform.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Told you. And in those castles, there lived lots of knights...
KNIGHTS: Oh, hello.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Who did things like nobly rescuing princesses...
[Brown-haired knight coughs, gown rustles, armour clinks, upbeat music continues]
DESCRIPTION: A brown-haired knight rappels down a castle wall, carrying a princess.
BROWN-HAIRED KNIGHT: I've rescued you, fair princ—
[Brown-haired knight pants, armour clanks]
DESCRIPTION: The brown-haired knight bends over, leaning against the wall.
BROWN-HAIRED KNIGHT: Sorry. I need a rest.
[Princess sighs, grunts, armour clinks, knight shouts, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: The princess slings the brown-haired knight over her shoulder and walks away from the wall.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Or bravely fighting dragons...
[Exciting music plays, knight shouts, armour clinks]
DESCRIPTION: A knight dressed in purple armour holds his sword over his head as he charges towards a cave. He trips over a rock and falls, with his helmet visor closing.
KNIGHT IN PURPLE ARMOUR: Oof.
[Footsteps tap, light music plays, armour creaks, knight moans, sword scrapes]
DESCRIPTION: The green dragon cautiously leaves the cave, walks to the knight, and sets him upright. The dragon opens the knight’s visor and offers him his sword.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Or generally being chivalrous.
[Birds chirp, cloak rustles, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: A knight with a moustache walks with a noblewoman. He bows, lays his green cloak over a muddy puddle, and holds out his hand.
NOBLEWOMAN: Oh, that is kind of you, but I've actually got my wellies on.
[Mud splashes, birds sing, knight exclaims, footsteps patter, cloak rustles, armour clinks]
DESCRIPTION: The noblewoman pulls up her skirt and shows the knight with the moustache her yellow wellington boots. She skips over the cloak, splashing mud on the knight. The knight picks up his cloak, holds it away from his body, puts on his helmet, and follows the woman.
KNIGHT WITH THE MOUSTACHE: Ugh!
[Cat meows, light music plays, background chatter, bearded knight snores, wings flutter]
DESCRIPTION: By the village, the brown cat chases a blue butterfly down a dirt road to a three-story Tudor-style house. Inside, the bearded knight sleeps on a four-poster bed, and the butterfly lands on his nose.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: The knight in our story didn't live in a big castle. Oh, no. He lived here. And while other knights had names like Sir Boldy Bravestone or Sir Achilles Thunderheart, ours was called Sir Thomas Magpie, which is a much more modest name for a much more modest knight.
[Knight snores, sneezes, yawns]
DESCRIPTION: The bearded knight, Sir Thomas, sneezes and sits up. The butterfly flutters out the window, and Sir Thomas sits on the side of his bed.
SIR THOMAS: Oh. Nothing like a morning sneeze to wake one up.
[Rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on his right boot and his toes poke through an opening in the front.
SIR THOMAS: Ugh. Those darned mice have been eating my boots again.
[Chewing, Sir Thomas sighs]
DESCRIPTION: On the floor, mice nibble on Sir Thomas’s left boot.
SIR THOMAS: This wouldn't happen to a castle knight.
[Armour clanks]
DESCRIPTION: In the castle courtyard, the knight wearing the purple armour stands on the platform with the other knights. They show off their boots.
KNIGHT IN PURPLE ARMOUR: Nope. Our boots are lovely.
[Window bangs, cow moos, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas pokes his head out of the window.
SIR THOMAS: Snuff? Snuff? Mrs. Posset, have you seen Snuff?
[Rustling, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: On the ground beneath the window, Mrs. Posset dumps dirt into a wooden bin. She wears an orange kerchief over her blonde hair and a green dress with a pink apron. She points towards a chicken coop.
MRS. POSSET: He's feeding the chickens in his own special way.
[Chickens cluck]
DESCRIPTION: In the coop, Snuff lies on his back while the chickens peck the ground outside. A chicken jumps onto Snuff’s foot.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Snuff was Sir Thomas's page, which means a trainee knight.
[Snuff yawns]
DESCRIPTION: A chicken jumps over Snuff, and Snuff rolls onto his right side, sleeping.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: The trouble was, Snuff was keener on dreaming about being a knight rather than actually working hard to become one.
[Chiming, sword scrapes]
DESCRIPTION: In a dream, Snuff wears orange armour with a purple plume on the helmet and a red cape. He draws his sword and points it at the green dragon.
SNUFF: Release her, you scaly fiend!
[Dragon squeaks, thump, sword scrapes]
DESCRIPTION: The green dragon dangles the princess between two fingers. They put the princess down, push her towards Snuff, wave, and back away. Snuff slides his sword into a scabbard.
PRINCESS: You are so noble and brave, Sir Snuff.
[Armour clinks]
DESCRIPTION: The princess picks Snuff up, and they both smile. The dream ends.
SIR THOMAS, MUFFLED: Snuff, Snuff?
[Chicken clucks, Snuff gasps]
DESCRIPTION: In the coop, Snuff snuggles with a chicken on the straw.
SIR THOMAS: Snuff?
[Chicken clucks, thumps]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff releases the chicken, jumps out of the coop, and falls on his bottom.
SNUFF: Sir Thomas! Coming, Sir Thomas. Ah.
[Chickens cluck]
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: One of Snuff's jobs was helping Sir Thomas prepare himself to go out.
[Rustling, Snuff shouts, Sir Thomas grunts, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff stands behind Sir Thomas and pulls on his collar. Snuff puts his hand over his mouth as Sir Thomas loosens the collar.
SIR THOMAS: Too tight, Snuff. Too tight. Ugh.
[Sir Thomas coughs]
SNUFF: Sorry, sir.
SIR THOMAS: Now, cloak.
[Snuff gasps, thump]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff jumps off a stool and picks up a red cloak. He steps on the stool and puts the cloak over Sir Thomas’s shoulders. Sir Thomas steps forward and ties the cloak.
SIR THOMAS: It's all right. I'll do that. You just give it a brush.
[Snuff shouts, stool thuds, brush rustles, Snuff coughs]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff falls off the stool. He picks up a brush and brushes the cloak. Clouds of dirt rise from the fabric.
SNUFF: Do you think we should wash it, sir? It is quite dirty. Looks more like a patch of earth than a cloak.
SIR THOMAS: It's not dirty. It's weathered with the imprint of every knightly adventure I've ever had.
SNUFF: If you say so, Sir Thomas.
[Cloak rustles]
SIR THOMAS: I do. Right. It's time for hat of the day.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Sir Thomas might have been a modest man, but he did like a good hat.
[Snuff laughs, door bangs, Snuff grunts, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff runs to a wardrobe and pulls on the handle. He puts his foot on one door and pulls the other open.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And when I say "like," I mean "love." And when I say "love," I mean "love."
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas looks at shelves of hats on mannequin heads.
SIR THOMAS: Good morning, my handsome hats, my majestic millinery. Now, maybe today is a day for Calista.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on a tall grey hat and looks in a mirror. He poses, and Snuff imitates him.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Yep. He gave them names. And even back in those days, that was a bit weird.
SIR THOMAS: No. What about Ariadne?
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on a blue hat cinched in the middle with a grey belt. A tall orange plume covers the top of the hat. He and Snuff look in the mirror.
SNUFF: Hmm.
[Footsteps patter]
SIR THOMAS: No. Aha. Good old Evangeline.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on a red hat with a blue plume.
SNUFF: Hmm.
[Snuff giggles]
DESCRIPTION: Behind Sir Thomas, Snuff tries on a green hat with a grey bow.
SIR THOMAS: Put Penelope down, Snuff. You're not a proper knight yet.
DESCRIPTION: Snuff takes the hat off and puts it away.
SNUFF: Oh. Yes, of course.
[Knife tapping, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: In the dining room, Mrs. Posset chops a carrot.
MRS. POSSET: Oh, good. You're just in time for the news.
[Fanfare sounds, window creaks, scroll rustles, suspenseful music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Mrs. Posset opens a window. Outside, villagers gather around the tall tree, and, beneath it, the herald unrolls a scroll.
HERALD: Good morning. And here is the news. The gang known as the fashion thieves have struck again.
[Villagers gasp, people chatter]
HERALD: After last week's theft of fine trousers, last night, they stole some rather lovely jackets.
[Villagers gasp, people chatter]
HERALD: Who knows where their designer dastardliness will end? Also, the earl has announced a reward for their capture.
[Hammer bangs, villagers murmur, Sir Thomas grunts, scroll rustles, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: A man with brown hair and a beard hammers a sign with four pictures of four people to the tree. Text reads, “Reward. Have you seen these men?” In the window, Sir Thomas narrows his eyes.
HERALD: In entertainment news, the castle bard will be premiering a new song this Saturday night.
[Villagers groan, grumble, whoosh]
DESCRIPTION: A dark cloud appears.
HERALD: And finally, the weather. It will be sunny with the occasional cloud. And that's the news.
SIR THOMAS: Gah.
[Window slams, fist slaps, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Mrs. Posset closes the window. Sir Thomas walks towards a chair at the head of the table and hits his left fist against his right palm, then clenches his fists.
SIR THOMAS: I hate thieves. If I got my hands on them, why, I'd-- I'd hand them into the authorities!
[Footsteps tap]
DESCRIPTION: Mrs. Posset walks to the table
MRS. POSSET: And get some nice reward money.
SIR THOMAS: It's not about the money, Mrs. Posset. It's about justice. Though, if I did catch them, maybe the earl would let me be a castle knight.
[Hammer bangs]
DESCRIPTION: At the other end of the table, Snuff repairs a boot.
SNUFF: Maybe I could catch them.
[Chair creaks]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas sits in his chair and puts his feet up on the table.
SIR THOMAS: No, Snuff. Catching thieves is work for fully trained, grown-up knights.
[Hammer bangs]
SNUFF: So, have you ever caught any, sir?
SIR THOMAS: Actually, no. But I have done many other brave knightly things. Once, in a big battle...
[Snuff gasps]
SNUFF: A battle? Exciting.
[Exciting music plays, arrows tink]
DESCRIPTION: In a flashback, arrows fly over a battlefield. In a nearby forest, Sir Thomas swings his sword at a bramblebush.
SIR THOMAS: I used my sword to...
[Sword clangs, bush rustles]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas drops his sword and pulls a badger out of the bush.
SIR THOMAS: Free a bramble-bound badger.
[The music ends]
DESCRIPTION: The flashback ends. In the dining room, Snuff sews the boot.
SNUFF: Oh.
[Light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas stands on his chair with his left foot on the table.
SIR THOMAS: And there was another time when I saved a princess...
SNUFF: Really?
[Princess grunts]
DESCRIPTION: In a flashback, Sir Thomas stands beside a tall white horse. The princess approaches, and Sir Thomas bows.
SIR THOMAS: From being late for an appointment by lending her my horse.
PRINCESS: Oh!
[Rustling, upbeat music plays, horse neighs]
DESCRIPTION: The princess walks up Sir Thomas’s back to the horse and sits on the saddle.
PRINCESS: Bye-bye, now.
[Hoofbeats thump, pan taps]
DESCRIPTION: The horse gallops away and Sir Thomas waves. The flashback ends. Sir Thomas puts a frying pan on the table and walks to Snuff with his hands raised like claws.
SIR THOMAS: Come to think of it, I never did get that horse back. Pity. And did I ever tell you about the time I met Britain's fiercest dragon?
SNUFF No.
SIR THOMAS: That is because I've never met Britain's fiercest dragon.
[Sir Thomas pants, footsteps rustle]
DESCRIPTION: In a flashback, Sir Thomas runs towards the cave entrance and discovers it has been boarded up.
SIR THOMAS: Oh.
[Knife taps]
DESCRIPTION: The flashback ends. In the dining room, Mrs. Posset chops vegetables. Snuff and Sir Thomas look at the boot on the table.
SIR THOMAS: Now, time for some knight training, I think, Snuff. And then maybe a trip to the bootmaker.
[Upbeat music plays, horse neighs, birds chirp, horse nickers]
DESCRIPTION: On a village road, Sir Thomas rides a scrawny brown horse. Snuff sits behind him, facing backwards.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: So, they set off to go knight training. Sir Thomas rode Flapdragon, his faithful horse, while Snuff did the same, but facing backwards. Normally, a page would have had his own horse, but Sir Thomas was a very poor knight, though that was for a very good reason.
[Wheels rattle, girl giggles, wood creaks]
DESCRIPTION: Beside the road, a girl, Martha, pulls a toy horse on a small wooden platform. The rope snaps, and a wheel falls off the platform. Sir Thomas stops Flapdragon beside Martha.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, Martha! Your horse is even slower than mine. Snuff? Purse.
[Coins clink]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff holds out a brown pouch-shaped purse, and Sir Thomas takes out a coin.
SIR THOMAS: Here you go. Why don't you get it fixed?
[Martha gasps, Flapdragon neighs, coin clinks]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas gives Martha the coin.
MARTHA: Thank you, Sir Thomas.
[Flapdragon neighs, crank creeks, water splashes, red-haired woman sighs]
DESCRIPTION: Martha and Snuff wave to each other as Flapdragon walks away. At a well, a red-haired woman turns a crank and lifts up a bucket with a hole in the bottom, and water leaks out.
RED-HAIRED WOMAN: Oh.
[Light music plays, coin clinks]
SIR THOMAS: Problem with the bucket? Then mend it, dear Eliza.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas tosses the red-haired woman, Eliza, a coin.
ELIZA: Oh, thank you, Sir Thomas.
[Crops rustle, birds sing]
DESCRIPTION: In a crop field, a man with a scythe wipes his brow.
MAN: Ugh. Oh, dear.
SIR THOMAS: Having trouble, Barnabas?
DESCRIPTION: The man, Barnabas, runs his finger along the edge of his scythe.
BARNABAS: Scythe's gone blunt.
[Barnabas sighs, Sir Thomas chuckles]
SIR THOMAS: Then get it sharpened, my fine fellow.
[Coin clinks]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas throws a coin to Barnabas.
BARNABAS: Thank you, Sir Thomas.
[Upbeat music plays, hay rustles]
DESCRIPTION: Villagers wave to Sir Thomas and Snuff as they ride past. Later, Flapdragon grazes beneath a tree. Nearby, Sir Thomas sits on a rock beneath a small tree and watches Snuff put two pies on a picnic blanket. Sir Thomas’ hat, Evangeline, hangs on a branch above them.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Sir Thomas may not have been a castle knight, but in his own small way, he was the best of knights. Finally, Sir Thomas and Snuff reached their favourite spot for knight training.
[The music stops, birds sing]
SIR THOMAS: Picnic ready?
SNUFF: Yes, sir.
SIR THOMAS: Good, because we are going to work up quite an appetite. Time to practise sword-fighting.
[Whoosh]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas picks up two swords and tosses one to Snuff.
SNUFF: Huh?
[Whooshing, rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff stand in a field. Sir Thomas holds up his sword, and Snuff lifts his.
SIR THOMAS: En garde. Aha.
SNUFF: Ah.
[Snuff shouts, swords tap, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff lunges at Sir Thomas and swings his sword. Sir Thomas deftly blocks the attack and swordfights with Snuff, forcing Snuff backwards as he blocks the attacks.
SIR THOMAS: Uh-huh. Yes. Uh-huh.
[Both shout, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff raises his sword and discovers the tip caught in tree branches.
SIR THOMAS: Right. Um, let's try jousting.
DESCRIPTION: Later, Snuff sits on Flapdragon, holding a long spear. He looks at Sir Thomas, who stands in front of the tree.
SNUFF: Can Flapdragon go fast enough?
SIR THOMAS: Don't worry. He can be quite fast with the right motivation.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas holds an apple.
SNUFF: Ah!
[Upbeat music plays, Flapdragon neighs, hoofbeats clomp, thump, Snuff shouts, Snuff grunts, crunching]
DESCRIPTION: Flapdragon runs to Sir Thomas. The tip of the spear embeds in the ground, and the other end flings Snuff over Sir Thomas’s head. Flapdragon eats the apple, and Sir Thomas turns and scratches his head.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, dear.
[Leaves rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas looks up at Snuff’s dangling legs.
SIR THOMAS: First your sword gets stuck in a tree, then you.
[Soft music plays, birds chirp]
SNUFF: Sorry, sir.
[Snuff chuckles nervously, leaves rustle, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff dangles from a high branch, then climbs down the trunk.
SIR THOMAS: Maybe we should try some of the gentler knightly arts.
[Snuff grunts]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff jumps down to the grass.
[Birds chirp]
SIR THOMAS: Let's dance.
[Upbeat music plays, grass rustles]
DESCRIPTION: In the field, Sir Thomas and Snuff dance.
SIR THOMAS: One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. Step together.
DESCRIPTION: Snuff dances past Sir Thomas, eyes closed.
SIR THOMAS: Left, right. No.
[Squelching, Snuff gasps, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff stands with one foot in each pie on the picnic blanket.
SNUFF: Oops.
[Sir Thomas shouts, grass rustles]
SIR THOMAS: Our lovely lunch. Ah, at least they look better than my boots.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on his hat.
SIR THOMAS: Well, let's try our chivalrous bowing. Even you can't get that wrong.
[Upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas takes off his hat and holds it in front of him as he bows.
SIR THOMAS: So, first we doff our hat, and then we bow.
SNUFF: Do I get a hat to practise with?
[Rustling, birds chirp, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts on his hat.
SIR THOMAS: No. Just pretend. That's right, and—
[Upbeat music plays]
SIR THOMAS: No, no, no!
[Snuff shouts, water splashes]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff bows and falls off a ledge into a pond.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, dear.
[Water sprays]
DESCRIPTION: In the pond, Snuff spits out water.
SIR THOMAS: Turns out you can get that wrong.
[Sir Thomas chuckles, light music plays, birds chirp]
SIR THOMAS: Come on, lad. We better get you home and dry you out.
[Hooves clomp, frog ribbits]
DESCRIPTION: The sun sets as Sir Thomas and Snuff ride Flapdragon over a bridge.
SIR THOMAS: Honestly, Snuff, you're a good lad, but sometimes I wonder if you'll ever make a proper knight.
[Ladle clanks, light music continues, Snuff sniffs]
DESCRIPTION: Later, in the dining room, Mrs. Posset ladles soup into a bowl. Snuff sits on Sir Thomas’s chair near the fire, with a blanket wrapped around him. Sir Thomas sits beside him on the stool.
MRS. POSSET: He's caught a nasty chill. Here. Give him this soup.
[Spoon clinks, Snuff shivers]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas offers Snuff a spoonful of soup.
SIR THOMAS: Come on, lad. Get this down you.
[Slurping]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff eats the soup, then looks down.
SNUFF: I'm so sorry.
SIR THOMAS: Nothing to be sorry about.
SNUFF: I'm a terrible page. I should be helping you, but you're helping me.
SIR THOMAS: Doesn't matter, lad. We've got to get you warm and well again.
[Bowl clunks, Snuff yawns, water splashes, pillow rustles, Snuff snores, blanket rustles, footsteps tap]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts the bowl down and holds a cloth against Snuff’s forehead. Sir Thomas drops the cloth into a basin and fluffs a pillow. He rests it against the chair arm and leans on it. Mrs. Posset smiles, covers him with a blanket, and walks away.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: That night, Sir Thomas sat with his poorly page until they were both finally asleep. But while those good people slept inside—
[Owl hoots, grass rustles, tense music plays, long-haired man cackles]
DESCRIPTION: Outside, a long-haired man approaches the front door, carrying a lantern.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Rich pickings here, boys. This is a knight's house.
DESCRIPTION: Three men step into the lantern light. The first has short brown hair, the second, a petite man, has collar-length brown hair, and a tall man has long brown hair.
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: How do you know?
DESCRIPTION: The long-haired man holds the lantern close to a sign beside the door. Text reads, “Here liveth the Knight Sir Thomas Magpie.”
TALL MAN: You do remember none of us can read, right?
[Lantern clanks]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Oh, yeah. Well, trust me.
[Long-haired man chuckles, owl hoots]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: There's good stuff in there. Right. Ladder formation, go.
[Men grunt, rustling, upbeat music plays, men exclaim]
DESCRIPTION: The short-haired man kneels, and the brown-haired man sits on his shoulders. The tall man picks them both up and puts the short-haired man on his shoulders. The men wobble, and the long-haired man pushes them forward.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Window, please, Lefty.
[Thump, Lefty grunts, glass shatters]
DESCRIPTION: The brown-haired man, Lefty, nods. He pulls the window out of the frame and throws it to the ground.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Too loud, you idiot.
LEFTY: Sorry, boss.
[Men grunt, thumps, owl hoots, Sir Thomas snores, tense music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The men move towards the house and lean. The long-haired man climbs up their backs to the window, carrying the lantern. By the fire, Snuff awakens and pats Sir Thomas’s shoulder.
SNUFF WHISPERS: Sir Thomas, Sir Thomas? I heard a noise.
SIR THOMAS: Huh? What?
SNUFF: I bet it's those thieves.
SIR THOMAS: Well, I didn't hear anything, and I can't hear anything now. Must have been a nightmare. Go back to sleep, lad.
[Sir Thomas snores, owl hoots, rooster crows]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff pulls the blanket over him and falls asleep in the chair.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: But the next morning—
[Footsteps tap, light music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff enter the bedroom and stand in front of the wardrobe.
SIR THOMAS: Glad you're all better, Snuff.
SNUFF: Much better. Thank you.
SIR THOMAS: I'll just grab my hat of the day, and we'll be off to the bootmaker's.
SNUFF: Yes, sir.
[Snuff grunts, door thumps, Snuff grunts]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff pulls on the wardrobe door handle. The doors open and Snuff stares wide-eyed at the mannequin heads missing their hats. Sir Thomas stands with his back to the shelves.
SIR THOMAS: Ah, good morning, my handsome ha-hat--
[Dramatic music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas’s eyes widen and he kneels on the carpet.
SIR THOMAS: My hats! They're gone.
[The music stops]
SNUFF: Maybe I did hear those thieves in the night after all.
SIR THOMAS: Not the time, Snuff.
[Fanfare sounds, rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas stands and looks toward his bedroom window.
HERALD: Breaking news. Thieves strike a knight, stealing all Sir Thomas Magpie’s hats.
[Window creaks, the music stops, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas opens the window and leans outside.
SIR THOMAS: I know! Why are you telling me that when I already know?
[Scroll rustles]
DESCRIPTION: The herald unrolls a scroll.
HERALD: Sorry. Do you want to know the weather?
SIR THOMAS: No, I do not! I want my hat.
[Sir Thomas screams, scroll rustles, rustling, dragon squeaks]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff covers his ears. Outside, the herald drops his scroll and covers his ears. At the well, Eliza covers her ears. On the platform in the castle courtyard, the two knights without helmets cover their ears. At the cave, the green dragon looks outside. In the forest, the four thieves walk on a path, wearing the stolen hats.
[Upbeat music plays, long-haired man cackles]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Sounds like Sir Thomas Magpie has found his hats are missing.
[Tall man chuckles, tense music plays, crow caws]
TALL MAN: They suit us much better.
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: Yeah. Mine looks good.
[Crunching]
DESCRIPTION: Lefty chews his hat.
LEFTY: Mmm. Mine tastes good.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: New trousers, new jackets, new hats. All we need now is, uh--
DESCRIPTION: Lefty, the short-haired man, and the tall man look down at their bare feet and wiggle their toes.
[Upbeat music plays, Flapdragon nickers]
DESCRIPTION: Two crows soar over the forest. On a nearby road, Sir Thomas and Snuff ride on Flapdragon.
SIR THOMAS: Oh, my head feels absolutely naked...
[Fabric rustles, Flapdragon neighs]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas’s boots fall apart. They arrive at the bootmaker’s shop. Two small chains with empty hooks dangle from a sign in the front.
SIR THOMAS: As do my toes. At least we're finally at the bootmaker's.
SNUFF: Isn't there normally a big boot hanging outside?
[Light music plays]
SIR THOMAS: Why, yes. Hmm. Odd. Maybe he sold it to a one-legged giant.
[Snuff thumps]
DESCRIPTION: Flapdragon walks to a hitching post and stops. Snuff slides off his back and looks at Sir Thomas.
SNUFF: Oh, yes. Probably.
SIR THOMAS: Right. I'll need a piggyback, Snuff.
SNUFF: Yes. Right away.
[Both grunt]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas jumps onto Snuff’s shoulders and Snuff stumbles.
SIR THOMAS: Whoa.
SNUFF: Whoa!
[Creaking]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas ties Flapdragon’s lead to the hitching post.
SIR THOMAS: Ha-ha.
[Footsteps rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff carries Sir Thomas towards the stairs, then stops and points.
SNUFF: Sir, look.
[Sir Thomas gasps]
DESCRIPTION: The thieves walk behind a tall stone wall, with only their hats showing. They then sneak into the forest, each wearing boots and new pants, and carrying clothes.
SIR THOMAS: Ernesty, Guinevere, Ariadne and Alexandra. Oh, he's wearing her at completely the wrong angle. Poor Alexandra. We must rescue her. Back on the horse now.
[Snuff grunts, shouting, the music stops]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff and Sir Thomas fall on the ground.
SNUFF: Oof.
SIR THOMAS: Ah.
MAN SHOUTS: Help!
SNUFF: Do you hear that?
MAN: Help!
SNUFF: Coming from the bootmaker's shop.
[Door creaks, suspenseful music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas pushes the shop door open.
SIR THOMAS: Hello?
[Creak]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff opens a box and looks inside.
SIR THOMAS: Hello?
[Creaking]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff opens a door, and Sir Thomas peers over a counter.
MAN: Down here!
[The music stops, ropes creak, Snuff gasps]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff descend the basement stairs and find the man tied up in the basement.
SIR THOMAS: So, not sold to a one-legged giant, then.
[Snuff grunts, boot creaks, soft music plays]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff runs to the man, the bootmaker, who is tied inside the big boot. He stands the boot up, facing Sir Thomas.
BOOTMAKER: Thieves have stolen my boots.
SIR THOMAS: They stole my hats, too.
SNUFF: Hmm. They didn't steal everything.
[Footsteps tap]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff unties the ropes around the boot, then walks in circles unwinding the rope.
BOOTMAKER: They took what they could carry, then stuffed me in here and went to find a cart so they could steal the rest. I feel like a sock.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas crosses his arms, then clenches his fist.
SIR THOMAS: Well, when they return, they shall have the three of us to deal with.
BOOTMAKER: I can't fight them. They're all fierce and scary and horrid.
SIR THOMAS: All right. They shall have the two of us to deal with.
SNUFF: Yay! Oop.
[Thump]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff trips.
[Upbeat music plays]
SIR THOMAS: Well, maybe one and a half. But as long as that one is me with my trusty sword—
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas reaches for his sword and scabbard.
SIR THOMAS: Oh. Where's my sword? Snuff, you're meant to clean it and put it back in the scabbard every night.
SNUFF: Oh. Uh, sorry, sir. I forgot.
SIR THOMAS: Ugh. It's not your fault, lad. You were ill last night. So, I shall need a different weapon.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas swings a green boot with a long leg.
[The music stops]
SIR THOMAS: Sir Thomas Aha! Yes, yes. En garde! Uh, how are we going to fight those villainous thieves?
[Light music plays, cloak rustles, shovel clangs]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff stands and pulls on Sir Thomas’s cloak. He drops the cloak, picks up a shovel, and runs to shelves of boots.
SNUFF: Hmm. Actually, I may have an idea. It'll need your cloak, sir, and a shovel. And most of all, lots and lots of these boots.
[Upbeat music plays, wheel squeaks, wagon creaks, suspenseful music plays, footsteps tap, long-haired man chuckles, gasps]
DESCRIPTION: Lefty pulls the wagon to the boot shop with the other thieves riding. They creep down the basement stairs and the long-haired man stops.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Hey. Where's the bootmaker gone? We left him trapped in that big boot.
TALL MAN: He must've…
[Tall man giggles]
TALL MAN: Hopped it.
[Tall man giggles]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Ah, very funny. I don't like this. Let's grab the boots and scarper.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: The short-haired man packs boots in a sack. Lefty holds another sack, and the tall man fills it. He stops and looks towards at a window.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: Where are those thieves?
[Rustling]
SNUFF, OUTSIDE: Where are those thieves?
DESCRIPTION: The thieves stop and stare at the window.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: How dare they steal stuff?
DESCRIPTION: Outside, boots march past the window.
SNUFF, OUTSIDE: Let's get them. How dare they steal stuff?
[Short-haired man gasps]
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: There's more of them.
[Rustling]
DESCRIPTION: Outside, Sir Thomas, Flapdragon, Snuff, and the bootmaker walk past the window, wearing different boots each time. The three humans wear boots on their feet and hands.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: Let's get them. Ha-ha. Where are those thieves?
SNUFF, OUTSIDE: When we catch them, we'll make them squeal.
[Tense music plays]
BOOTMAKER, OUTSIDE: We'll make them squirm.
SIR THOMAS, OUTSIDE: We'll make them into sausages!
[Snuff giggles quietly, teeth chatter]
DESCRIPTION: In the basement, the long-haired man holds the tall man’s hands and Lefty holds the short-haired man’s hands. Everyone’s knees knock together.
SHORT-HAIRED MAN: They're going to make us squeal...
LONG-HAIRED MAN: And squirm...
TALL MAN: And into sausages.
[Thump]
DESCRIPTION: Lefty jumps into the short-haired man’s arms.
LEFTY: I can't be a sausage. I'm vegetarian.
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Let's get out of here!
[Long-haired man shouts, screaming, thieves groan, exciting music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The long-haired man runs outside and falls into a hole. The tall man stops, and the short-haired man bumps into him. Lefty runs down the stairs and knocks them into the hole.
[Birds chirp, thief groans, shivering, upbeat music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The bootmaker, Sir Thomas, and Snuff look in the hole.
LEFTY: Please don't make us into sausages.
[Sir Thomas chuckles]
SIR THOMAS: I won't, but I will have those back.
[Whooshing]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas takes his hats
SIR THOMAS: Thank you.
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts Evangeline back on his head, and the bootmaker puts Sir Thomas’s cloak back on his back.
SIR THOMAS: Ah. Welcome home, Evangeline. Now, give us a hand, lad.
[Grunting, rope creaks]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff pulls a rope tightly around the thieves.
SIR THOMAS: This will definitely make the news tomorrow, so we'll need to get a picture. Here we go.
[Upbeat music plays, rustling, pencil scratches, Snuff mutters]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas poses beside the thieves, with his left foot on the long-haired man’s leg, holding a boot. The bootmaker stands behind Sir Thomas, brushing dirt off the knight’s sleeve. Snuff stands at an easel, sketching on a canvas. In the boot shop, Sir Thomas and Snuff sit on a bench barefoot.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: That was going to be hard for Snuff, seeing as photography hadn't been invented yet. The bootmaker was so grateful that he gave Sir Thomas and Snuff a brand-new pair of boots each.
[Rustling, Snuff giggles, footsteps thump]
DESCRIPTION: The bootmaker slides blue and orange boots onto Snuff’s feet and green boots with red laces on Sir Thomas’s feet. Snuff and Sir Thomas stand and dance. The bootmaker dances with them.
SIR THOMAS: Ah. Ha-ha. Ha. Ha-ha!
[Fanfare sounds]
DESCRIPTION: In the village, the herald plays his trumpet beneath the tree. Villagers gather around him.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And Sir Thomas was right. Their thief-capturing did make the news.
HERALD: Sir Thomas and his page have bravely captured the fashion thieves.
[Villagers cheer, applaud]
HERALD: And we have...an exclusive picture?
[Villagers laugh, bridle clinks, Snuff giggles]
DESCRIPTION: The herald holds a scroll depicting Sir Thomas holding a green boot. Sir Thomas and Snuff ride Flapdragon behind the villagers. Sir Thomas furrows his eyebrows.
SIR THOMAS: Hmm.
[Birds chirp, happy music plays]
DESCRIPTION: At the castle door, Sir Thomas and Snuff stand at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the earl. The earl throws a large coin purse to Sir Thomas.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Best of all, the earl gave Sir Thomas the reward money.
[Coins jingle, applause]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas doffs his hat and bows to the earl. Beside him, Snuff bows. The knights on the platform clap unenthusiastically.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: He also let them see the premiere of the castle bard's new song.
[Lute music plays]
DESCRIPTION: The bard plays his lute. Sir Thomas and Snuff glance at each other with downturned mouths. The earl and three of the castle knights cover their ears. The knight in the green armour moves his fingers to the beat.
BARD: Fa-la-la la-la dee-dee-dee-dee. Fa-la-la-la dee-dee dee-dee-la. Fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la la-la-la.
[Glass shatters, dog barks, whoosh, discordant notes play, door slams]
DESCRIPTION: A window in a castle turret breaks, and birds flee from the parapets. A person grabs the bard, and the lute lands leaning against a stool. A string breaks. The person throws the bard into a dungeon cell, and he lands on a hay pile.
[Upbeat music plays]
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Ooh. Nice hat.
[Long-haired man laughs, hat rustles, bard grunts]
DESCRIPTION: The long-haired man and short-haired man sit on the floor, each chained to a boulder. The tall man sits in a small cage hanging from the ceiling, and Lefty dangles from the ceiling, his left hand manacled. The bard takes off his hat and hides it behind his back.
EARL: In light of your brave actions, Sir Thomas, might you like to become a castle knight?
[Castle knights gulp, birds sing]
DESCRIPTION: The eyes of the castle knights on the platform widen.
SIR THOMAS: I thank you kindly, sir, but I'm actually very happy being a village knight.
[Castle knights sigh happily, gentle music plays, coins jingle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas and Snuff ride Flapdragon away from the castle. In the village, Sir Thomas stands beneath the tree and gives the money to the villagers.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Snuff felt pleased for Sir Thomas, but also a bit disgruntled. After all, hadn't they captured the thieves thanks to his idea? When they got home, Sir Thomas gave away most of the reward money to the needy villagers.
MARTHA: Thank you, Sir Thomas.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: But not all of it.
SIR THOMAS: Need to keep some of this money back.
[Footsteps rustle]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas walks, holding the coin purse, and Snuff walks beside him, leading Flapdragon.
SNUFF: Do we, sir?
SIR THOMAS: Oh, yes. To pay for that.
[Horse neighs, Snuff gasps, Sir Thomas chuckles, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas stops and points toward his house. In the yard, Mrs. Posset holds the lead for a brown horse, who rears up. Snuff drops Flapdragon’s lead and puts his hands on the sides of his face.
SIR THOMAS: Least I could do was buy you your own horse.
[Snuff gasps, birds chirp]
DESCRIPTION: Snuff hugs Sir Thomas.
SIR THOMAS: You know, Snuff, I think one day you'll make a first-rate knight. And that's why I think you should also have Evangeline.
[Rustling, Snuff stammers]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas puts his hat, Evangeline, on Snuff’s head.
SNUFF: Thank you, Sir Thomas! Thank you so much.
SIR THOMAS: My pleasure. Now, why don't you go and meet your new horse?
[Sir Thomas chuckles, Snuff laughs]
DESCRIPTION: Sir Thomas bows, and Snuff runs to the yard and hugs his new horse.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: And so, Snuff had everything he'd ever wanted, as did Sir Thomas. They each had a horse, a hat, and a pair of perfect new boots.
[Crunching, mice squeak]
DESCRIPTION: Mice nibble on Sir Thomas’s new boots.
ADRIAN LESTER NARRATES: Well, for now, at least.
[Upbeat music plays]
[End Credits] Narrator, Adrian Lester. Sir Thomas Magpie, Simon Pegg. Snuff, Max Ivemey. Bard and Bashington, Ramesh Mahtani. Figgins, Bootmaker, and other voices, David Baird. Herald and Knight, Marlon Day. Lefty and other voices, Brett Lampitt. Martha, Bailey Radzan. Mrs. Posset, Joanna Eliot. Princess, Liyah Summers. Ratstead and other voices, Richard Cotton. Additional voices, Windson Liong and Amy Noble. Series Director and Co-writer, Massimo Fenati. Directed by Gerrit Bekers. Writer, Mark Evans. Producers, Luc Van Driessche, Axelle Vandeputte. Copyright Eagle Eye Drama Limited, 2024.
[Logos] Eagle Eye, B.B.C.
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